How To Find A Good Husband

By: Stephanie Kirby

Updated August 03, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Stephanie Deaver, LCSW

Are You Wondering How To Find A Husband?

If you plan on getting married, you want a good husband. No one is out there carefully searching for a bad one. But, finding a good husband isn't as easy as it seems like it should be. Sometimes you think you've found the perfect person only to end up hurt in the end. However, some tips can help you find a good husband and build a strong marriage.

It All Starts with You

If you wonder how to find a husband and find a good husband, you need to start by looking at yourself. You've probably heard the saying that you can't truly love another if you don't know how to love yourself. Unfortunately, there's a lot of truth to that statement.

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Wondering How To Find A Good Husband?
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Your self-esteem and self-acceptance play a huge role in your relationships with others, including marriage. If you constantly feel bad about yourself, no man will be able to make you feel good about yourself. If this is what you're looking for in a good husband, you will end up disappointed.

Before you start your search for a husband, work on building your self-esteem. Learn how to feel good about the woman that you are. You must acknowledge and accept the imperfections you have because everyone's got them.

If you struggle with feeling like you're "not enough," this is something that you can address through counseling. If you think that a man will fill this void for you, it won't work. He will end up frustrated because he won't be able to give you what you're looking for. Instead, you'll create challenges within your marriage.

Learn How to Be a Good Wife

If you wonder how to find a husband and want a good husband, you will also want to learn how to be a good wife. Why would one of the good ones want to choose you if all you're in the relationship for is to get what you want out of it? While it's true that most people are more focused on what they are getting than what they're giving in a relationship, that doesn't mean it's the best way to find a good husband.

You increase your chance of getting a good husband to show a man that you would make a good wife. Part of this is being confident in who you are.

Be Yourself and Be Honest

You don't want to find a husband who likes you for the activity you put on when dating instead of the person you truly are. Make sure that you are yourself when dating. Remember, be confident in yourself and accept yourself. This helps you to be yourself around other people. If you find a husband that likes you, but you never let him see the "real you," then you're starting your marriage based on lies.

Know What You're Looking For

Once you have learned how to love yourself and truly accept yourself, imperfections and all, you'll be in a much better place to find a good husband. This is when you need to figure out what you're looking for in a husband. Of course, this answer is going to be different for everyone. But, if you don't understand what a "good husband" looks like in your own opinion, it's going to be almost impossible to know when you've found one.

Do you want someone with a great sense of humor? Do you want a husband that will be able to support you and the family so you can stay home and focus on raising a family? Do you want a husband that loves to travel? One that is looking for a wife that also works to contribute to the family income?

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It's important to think about all these things and anything important to you. While you may not find every single thing that you're looking for, if you take the time to prioritize your wants, you will be able to know when you've found a man that meets them. Also, it will be easier for you to spot when a man you're dating doesn't have a lot of the qualities you're looking for in a husband.

Finding a Good Husband

Consider Their Level of Commitment

Part of finding a good husband is finding one that's ready to commit. There was a recent study done to find out what makes a man more likely to get married. The results showed a specific age range of when men were more likely to marry based on their education level and where they were in life. One of the findings was that "Ninety percent of men who have graduated from college are ready for the next step between ages 26 and 33; this is when they are most likely to consider marriage. But this window of opportunity stays open for four to five years, and then the chances a man will marry start to decline."

You may be able to get a man to marry you when he isn't ready, but that could lead to commitment problems within your marriage. So as you're dating men, consider where they are in their life and if they are ready for the level of commitment that you're looking for.

Look For a Man Who Isn't Insecure.

When a man is insecure, it can lead to a lot of challenges within a marriage. Because he struggles with his feelings about himself, it can impact how he thinks about himself. The following are some signs of an insecure husband:

  • Always questions your motives

  • He keeps score

  • He thinks you have a hidden agenda

  • During arguments, he focused on defending himself instead of solving the problem.

  • He gets mad if you don't thank him or compliment him often

  • He thinks you should be a mind reader and know what his needs are

  • It's important to him to know all of your conversations

  • He's jealous of the time you spend with friends

  • He believes he is always right, which means that you're always wrong if you disagree with him.

If you don't want to experience these things within your marriage, you want to avoid marrying an insecure man. Or, at the very least, if you know that your man is insecure, look for ways to help him in building his self-esteem.

Pay Attention to How He Treats You and Others

Watch how he treats you as you're dating but also watch how he treats others. For example, how does he talk about other people? What type of interaction does he have with his own family? Does he act one way around some people and another way around others?

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Wondering How To Find A Good Husband?


If he's consistent regardless of who he is around, it's a good sign that you see the real him. Many people advise you to watch how he treats his mother because it's likely to indicate how he will treat you. It's believed that it gives you insight into how he thinks it's OK to treat women in general.

See What His Friends Are Like

The company that he keeps can give you a good picture of his character and the type of man he is. For example, if his friends are inappropriate with women, talk harshly, and believe that "boys will be boys," he might feel the same way.

This doesn't mean if you don't like his friends, he automatically won't be a good husband, but it will give you some things to think about.

Remember, Relationships Take Work and Growth

The word is out there that relationships can be hard, and marriage takes a lot of work. It's true. So, it's important to keep that in mind as you work on finding a good husband. If you expect to find the "perfect" husband, you're going to be looking for a long time. They don't exist, just like you're not going to be the "perfect" wife either.

There are some things that you can't know until you're married and living in the situation. If you find a husband who wants a good marriage and is willing to work at it, he will continue to grow and improve his role over time. This is the normal progression in a relationship. Even if you find someone who was married before, he will not be perfect at marriage.

The best way to make sure you find a good husband is to find someone you can choose to love for the rest of your life who is willing to choose you every day and is always willing to work on the marriage. Facing troubles and difficult times on occasion is normal in marriage, but there are ways that you can get through them while staying strong together.

Marriage Counseling

If you are married and find that it's a constant struggle, it doesn't have to mean that you married the wrong person or aren't in love anymore. It could just mean that your marriage needs a little work. A marriage counselor can help you and your husband to work together at improving your marriage.

If you find that you're constantly struggling in relationships and always choosing the wrong person, it could be helpful to talk to a counselor about it. They can help you spot the trouble areas that are continuing to trip you up. This can help you see areas of your life that you could improve in and help put you in a better place for meeting the right man.

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”

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