My Angry Husband Blames Me For Everything: How To Improve Your Marriage

Updated November 19, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC

Remember what you thought marriage was going to be like? You may have imagined an amazing life that you would be sharing with your husband. He would be sweet to you, and you would feel loved. He would be your best friend, and even though there would be some tough times (at least everyone warned you there would be), the two of you would get through them together. Fast forward to your current reality, and it's anything but what you imagined. The fairytale bubble has burst. Instead of dreaming of a wonderful life together, you're left thinking, "my angry husband blames me for everything."

At times, it may feel difficult to feel blamed by your husband. Without honest, effective communication, little comments can feel heavy and weighted. If you're hoping to work through the issues with your partner, being honest about how you feel is crucial. A marriage is a two-way street, and finding ways to work together can make your bond stronger.

There Is Still Time To Improve Your Marriage
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If you find yourself in this situation, you're likely experiencing a wide range of emotions. You may feel angry that you're constantly getting blamed. Or, you may feel guilty and ashamed that you and your husband are having trouble finding common ground. You may feel sad that your marriage isn't what you thought it would be. And you may feel responsible for making it that way.

It can be a confusing situation to navigate through, but there are tips below to help you understand why it happens and what you can do about it.

The Blame Game
You may feel, at times, that your husband is blaming you for every issue in your marriage. Like all relationships, compromise plays a big part in making things work. Taking responsibility for your part in the conflict and making necessary changes is a way to make healthy compromises that will benefit both of you—focusing on approaching issues as a team and working through them (rather than winning) will give you the chance to repair your relationship together.

During difficult times in love, or when a person is struggling, they may lash out at the closest people. Here are some possible reasons your husband's behavior may have changed to feel blameful or accusatory.

Low Self-Esteem
Your husband may suffer from low self-esteem even if he comes across as confident. If he's constantly unsure of himself, it can be difficult for him to want to admit when he's made a mistake. He could be afraid of appearing foolish in front of you or others. So, instead of taking responsibility, he finds a way to justify pinning it on someone else.

He Has A personality Disorder
Some personality disorders, such as Narcissist Personality Disorder, can make it difficult to maintain healthy relationships. Someone that's living with NPD can struggle with any form of criticism. If they feel that they're going to be blamed for something or did something wrong, they sometimes attempt to deflect any wrongdoing onto others.

NPD is diagnosable and treatable as a mental health challenge. With proper treatment, personality disorders can be managed. Understanding your husband's mental health needs gives you the chance to grow together.

He's Emotionally Abusive
Not all abuse is physical. If your husband struggles with high levels of anger and always blames you for things that aren't your fault, you could be dealing with an emotionally abusive husband. Though conflict is a part of all relationships, abuse is manipulative behavior that may leave you feeling afraid, ashamed, or trapped.

If you feel you may be abused in a marriage, it's time to seek help. The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is a free, confidential hotline that you can contact 24/7 (1-800-799-7233). With therapy and support, you can free yourself from an abusive relationship.

How It Feels To Be Blamed
When it feels as though your husband is blaming you, there are a few different emotional responses that you might have.

  • Anger - You may have been incredibly angry that he was trying to blame you for things that weren't your fault. This can cause arguments that end poorly, as both parties need to accept responsibility for how their actions affect the other.
  • Hurt - You can't seem to understand why he continues to blame you for things. It seems like he always thinks the worst of you, and you can't seem to do anything to change the situation.
  • Guilty - When your husband blames you for things, you might think it is your fault. You may also feel guilty or solely responsible for the relationship not being as happy as it once was.
  • Confused - Feeling as though you're often being blamed can leave you feeling very confused. You may question why you can't find common ground and feel unsure about how you and your husband will move forward as a couple.

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What To Do When You Feel Blamed For Everything

The truth is, conflict isn't black and white. Though one person involved may have done something hurtful, shifting blame to shame them can escalate situations into unhealthy dynamics. To work through difficult times, there are some important steps you both will have to be willing to take. 

Talk To Your Husband

Communication is the key to any successful marriage. By opening up to your partner about how you feel, you allow him to adjust his behavior. Tone and word choice can make a huge difference in how you both express your needs and feelings.

Take Responsibility If It's Yours For The Taking

Once again, if the things your husband is blaming you for are your fault, admit it. You'll probably need to start by admitting it to yourself. In this case, the damage done to your marriage could partly be your responsibility, and you'll need to take action to improve it. By taking ownership of your actions, you give your husband the chance to do the same. Though admitting fault can feel difficult for some people, the results can be very rewarding.

However, part of accepting responsibility is truthful in doing so. Make sure you can see the situation for what it is. Sometimes getting an outside perspective, like that of a therapist, can help see how both of you played a part in a conflict.

Stop Apologizing

If you know that you're not responsible for what your husband is blaming you for, then stop apologizing. You may be in the habit of doing this because you've found in the past that it can help to smooth things over. In actuality, both people in a marriage need to be honest in their discussions. Though apologies can sometimes temporarily help resolve issues, if they aren't genuine, they may resurface.

Set Boundaries

It's important to set boundaries and to stick to them. If the behavior is feeling repeatedly hurtful, then you may need to set clear ground rules. This could be certain ways that you want your husband to communicate with you or setting expectations on the language that's accepted in your home. The process of setting boundaries can be significantly improved when working with a couples counselor.

There Is Still Time To Improve Your Marriage

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Talk To A Therapist

Feeling blamed or accused regularly can be exhausting. It leaves you feeling many different ways and can leave you unsure about what you should do. If you're in this place, talking to a therapist can help you figure out what direction to move in.

A licensed therapist can help. Whether you decide to go individually or with your husband, speaking with a mental health professional can be extremely beneficial. They can help you learn strategies to use to improve your relationship or help you understand if it's time for you to walk away.

Being constantly blamed by your husband can leave you with low self-esteem and plenty of self-doubts. A therapist can also help you learn how to build your confidence and self-esteem. You may not control your husband's behavior, but you can learn how to approach conflict effectively.

Therapists at ReGaincan offer you online therapy from the comfort of your home. By working with a specialist that understands how healthy relationships work, you give your marriage the chance to thrive in the future.


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