Is It My Fault My Husband Is Always Angry?

Updated June 14, 2024by Regain Editorial Team
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When your husband is angry all the time, it can affect your emotional state and your marriage in many ways. If it feels like he’s always mad, you may start to think it could be your fault, but he is responsible for his own behavior. Read on to explore why your husband might be feeling so much anger, how it can affect both of you, and what coping methods therapy can provide. 

Are your husband’s anger issues causing marriage problems?

Why is he always angry?

Anger is one of the basic human emotions that everyone experiences from time to time. However, if your husband seems to react to everything with anger, whether appropriate to the situation or not, he may have anger issues. Exploring the underlying issues that cause his anger can help him address the problem at its source. However, it may require working with a licensed mental health professional to identify unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors, as many people have trouble navigating the process independently. 

“There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.” — American Psychological Association

His anger is not your fault

It can be essential to remember that you are not responsible for your husband’s behavior or his emotional reactions. Anger is how he chooses to react, whether by conscious choice or refusal to practice emotional management. Blaming you for his anger instead of examining his feelings is unhealthy and can cause conflict in your marriage. Unless you are directly to blame for his anger because you did something intending to make him angry, avoid taking the blame when you aren’t responsible. It can reinforce the belief that he isn’t accountable for his behavior. 

Identifying the cause of your husband’s anger

There can be many reasons your husband is angry. Studies show that anger is often a response to perceived threats. If he’s feeling insecure about the relationship, work, or financial matters, those emotions could be expressed as anger. Grief, depression, anxiety, and many other feelings may present as anger if he lacks the emotional regulation to process his feelings in healthy ways. 

Health conditions that can cause anger as a symptom

  • Bipolar Depression Disorder
  • Intermittent Explosive Disorder
  • Oppositional Defiant Disorder
  • Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder
  • Antisocial Personality Disorder
  • Various other mental health conditions
  • Alcohol or Substance Use Disorders
  • Brain Tumor
  • Excessive Stress
  • Grief
  • Unresolved Trauma
  • Low Testosterone

Is he emotionally intelligent, aware, and literate?

Functional emotional regulation requires a person to have the emotional intelligence, awareness, and literacy to recognize their feelings, understand their effects and what they mean, and express feelings and needs to their partner. 

Getty/Vadym Pastuk

How constant anger affects you and your husband

Over time, consistent patterns of anger can affect you and your husband in ways you may not necessarily realize. Explore some of the long-term effects of anger. 

What to do if your husband is always angry

If your husband is always angry, you may not know how to discuss the problem without causing more issues. Explore strategies that may help you address your husband’s anger and its effects on both of you. 

If his anger turns violent, it can be important to know the available resources because no one deserves to be abused. If you’ve experienced domestic or intimate partner violence, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Practice self-care and prioritize yourself

Taking care of yourself and safeguarding your mental, physical, and emotional well-being can be crucial. Find the things that make you feel happy, safe, and healthy, and don’t let them slide down your list of priorities. 

Change your perspective about his anger

No matter how much you may want to, you cannot control your husband’s behavior or how he reacts in a given situation. Changing your perspective about how you approach his anger may be helpful. You only have control over how you respond to a problem, so try to take a step back and address his anger with empathy to look for what's really upsetting him. 

Actively discuss emotions and needs in your marriage

Your home and the emotional intimacy of your marriage should be a safe place to express feelings and needs—for both of you. Make it a regular habit to talk about your daily experiences, how they make you feel, and practical coping strategies to manage anger.  

Support and encourage him as he works to change behaviors

Making meaningful changes to how he thinks and acts can be a complex and challenging process. Your husband may appreciate your encouragement and emotional support as he reshapes his habits. 

Remember that you get to express your emotions too

It can often feel like your husband’s anger takes priority because he expresses it louder or more insistently, but your feelings are valid, and you should be able to tell him if you’re upset. Studies show that for some couples, fighting can help you work through issues and contribute to healthy communication when you have practical conflict resolution methods in place. 

Getty/Vadym Pastukh
Are your husband’s anger issues causing marriage problems?

Incorporate your knowledge of him into conflict management

You presumably know your husband and what helps calm him when stressed. Use your knowledge of his emotions and coping strategies to influence the conflict management strategies you use to work through tense situations. 

Encourage him to seek help

If your husband has trouble controlling his anger, you might try suggesting anger management therapy to help him find healthy ways to identify and process his feelings and reshape negative thought patterns or behaviors with the support and guidance of a mental health professional. 

Many therapists use a technique called cognitive restructuring to help people change thought patterns and how they react to feeling anger. This strategy can help people reframe the situations that make them angry to separate their feelings from the reality of the circumstances. 

There are a variety of psychotherapies that can help your husband find healthy ways to manage his anger. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a popular treatment for recognizing and changing unhealthy habits. Family therapy can help repair damage caused by persistent anger. Dialectical behavior therapy may be used for people with frequent or intense angry outbursts, and psychodynamic therapy examines past experiences to determine how they affect current behaviors. 

Coping tips for anger management

Try some of these tips to help manage your anger in healthy ways that don’t damage your marriage or suggest practical conflict resolution if your partner struggles to control their anger. 

  • Establish the habit of recognizing when anger becomes the primary emotion you feel and take a moment to think before saying something you’ll regret.
  • Try using humor to break the situation's tension and distract from anger. 
  • Practice relaxation methods like deep breathing techniques, yoga, or meditation. 
  • Count to ten and redirect your energy and attention to something more productive. 

American Psychological Association

How therapy can help your husband manage anger and support you

Anger can cause substantial damage to a relationship, making it difficult to feel emotionally and intimately connected to your husband. If your husband’s anger issues negatively affect your family, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a relationship-focused virtual therapy platform like Regain. Therapy can help your husband find healthy ways to manage his anger and help you process the emotions you feel because of it. 

Studies show that anger management therapy is equally effective online and in person and could help your husband find healthier ways to deal with his emotions. Similarly, recent research on virtual psychotherapy from the American Psychological Association shows comparable results between face-to-face and teletherapy treatment


Everyone gets angry sometimes, but if your husband reacts to nearly everything with anger, it can affect you in numerous ways. The information in this article offers insight into why your husband may be constantly angry and how therapy—individual, couples, or family—can help you repair any damage to the relationship so you can move forward with practical coping skills and open communication.

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