Six Ways To Get Your Lazy Husband To Be More Active

Updated April 1, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Everyone experiences laziness every now and then. It can be important to have days to relax and unwind, such as before the busy work week picks back up again. However, having a spouse who is regularly lazy and doesn’t seem to pull their weight in the relationship can be draining and even hurtful. Whether your husband doesn’t help around the house or expects you to carry the relationship, it can be important to get to the root of their behavior. Sometimes, laziness can be an indication of a more serious issue. Addressing your concerns with your husband can be a first step toward a healthier, more satisfying relationship for each of you.

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Worried about your husband’s level of activity?

Why is my husband lazy?

There are many potential explanations for a lazy spouse. Your husband's laziness could be an attitude problem, or it could be a warning sign of something more serious. Before you look into ways to get them to be more active, it may be appropriate to consider whether there’s a deeper problem at play. Conditions like depression can cause perceived laziness, when in reality, your husband may just be lacking the energy to do even the simplest of tasks. In these cases, getting your husband the proper care and support can be vital. 

If there doesn’t seem to be a medical reason or other explanation for your husband’s laziness, you may start brainstorming ways to get them to be more active. You might find that it takes some time for your husband to get out of their usual ways, but you can assist them by being a supportive and encouraging spouse. Read on and see which of these six methods might be practical solutions for your situation.

Talk to them about your concerns

It can be crucial for your husband to be aware of your concerns. Rather than calling them lazy and engaging in other personal attacks, try a gentler approach. You risk making your husband more withdrawn and even less helpful by approaching them in an aggressive or demanding manner. 

Instead, address the issue from the standpoint of being concerned about them. Ask them to be open and honest with you about anything that may be going on in their life and try to get to the root of their laziness. While you may understandably be frustrated, it can still be important to be there for them and considerate of what they have to say. It’s likely that this issue will take some time to repair, and you may need to practice patience and empathy as your husband works to make changes.  

If your husband has been lazy for as long as you can remember, it could be a learned behavior. Perhaps their own father was lazy, and they don’t seem to know any better. In these instances, it can be vital to be open about your needs and expectations. Maybe they thought they were responsible for providing an income, but not necessarily helping out around the house. If you need support in a certain area, try to express this to them. Sometimes, open communication can solve the issue.

Ask for help with things around the house

If your issue is that you need more help with chores and other maintenance activities around the house, try to open up a conversation with your husband in which you ask for support. Many spouses would gladly offer to help their partner if they knew they were struggling with something. Sometimes, they just need to be made aware of the problem. Although it may seem obvious to you, your husband cannot read your mind. Being open and honest about what you need can help prevent resentment from developing within the relationship. 

Try to start dividing tasks up in a way that feels natural. At first, your husband may struggle with certain tasks or chores that they’re not familiar with. Give them time and offer your support when needed. 

Create a list of chores

Creating a list of chores can be a productive way to keep everything on schedule. It can also give your husband a visual reminder of the tasks they need to complete during the week. These might be simple chores like taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, and vacuuming the floors. It could also include more difficult things like fixing the washer and dryer, checking the gutters, keeping up with the yard, and other types of maintenance. Your husband may want to be responsible for the more difficult tasks to take that burden off of you, but it’s also possible that you prefer the challenge. 

Every couple is different, and you and your husband may not respond well to having a rigid schedule or set chores. You might decide to rotate on tasks or even do them together. Try to determine what would be most appropriate for your marriage and adjust accordingly. Whatever you come up with, it can be important that both you and your husband are comfortable with it and feel that it’s fair. 

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Worried about your husband’s level of activity?

Exercise together

If you think your husband is lazy, consider whether working out together could help the situation. Physical fitness is not everyone's focus, and even you might be guilty of not exercising as much as you could. Committing to getting back into shape as a couple could motivate each of you to succeed in your fitness goals. 

For many people, there may not be a good enough reason to get off the couch. Keeping the focus on exercise and health could help your husband find incentive to be more active. Letting your husband know that you want their support at the gym or on your walks and runs may motivate them to join in with you. Over time, you can each grow stronger and healthier as a pair, which may seep into other areas of your life in which you feel your husband is acting lazy. For example, your husband’s extra energy from working out may help them be more active with the kids or motivate them to pick up some extra chores around the house. Finding exercises that are enjoyable for each of you can help ensure you stay committed to a workout routine. 

Have more sex

Not only is sex a form of connection, but it’s also a type of exercise. If the sex and intimacy has been lacking in your marriage, it’s possible that your husband is feeling unfulfilled and therefore unmotivated. Sex isn’t a reward or an incentive, but it can increase the bond between you and your husband. This can help each of you be more open with one another and help to cultivate a stronger marriage. 

How can sex help your husband be more active? Having sex is a physical action, and rigorous sexual activity can provide an aerobic workout. This can increase you and your husband’s physical and mental health. If your husband starts to feel better about themselves, it may give them more motivation to get up off the couch. Sex can also bring you and your husband closer, and you may be able to express issues in the relationship with more openness and honesty. Sex may not be the solution to your problems, but it can be a piece of the puzzle.

Point out when they get it right

It’s likely that your husband isn’t lazy in all areas of your life together. Rather than criticizing your husband about what they get wrong, try to point out what they do well and get right. Are they adept at planning regular date nights for the two of you? Do they take care of paying the bills on time? Do they ensure your car always has gas in the tank? Showing your appreciation for the ways in which your husband isn’t lazy can help reassure them that you do notice their efforts. 

While it’s healthy to have expectations, compromise can also be important in any marriage. If your husband is pulling their weight in one area, is it possible you can cut them some lack in another area? Being open with your husband about the areas you’re struggling with can help each of you come up with solutions to find a happy medium.

Online counseling with Regain

If you’ve been trying to get your husband to be more active without any success, it may be time to address the issue with a professional. Regain is an online counseling platform that aids individuals and couples. Becoming more active as a couple is possible with the right tools and support. If your husband is already struggling to be active in daily life, it may be difficult to convince them to go to therapy with you. However, the online setting of Regain may make them more willing to give it a try since you can easily connect with a therapist from the comfort of your home. Whether you choose to talk to your therapist through video chats, phone calls, or in-app messaging, you can find a way to get care that feels comfortable for both of you. 

The efficacy of online counseling 

Perceived laziness can sometimes be the result of conditions like depression. Depression has several options for treatment, including online therapy. In a review of 17 different studies, researchers concluded that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was equally as effective as face-to-face therapy in managing symptoms of depression. CBT is a type of therapy that teaches people how to challenge their unhelpful thoughts by replacing them with more productive patterns of thinking. 


You can’t force your husband to change, but you can encourage them to make healthy choices by leading by example. Open communication can be key to establishing realistic expectations and avoiding resentment in the relationship. Being more active doesn’t have to be a chore; rather, it can be something that brings more fun, satisfaction, and excitement to your marriage. If laziness is a concern within your marriage, you and your spouse could benefit from online couples counseling. Although you may have difficultly inspiring your husband to be more active, it’s possible that a licensed therapist could provide the tools and support for lasting change. Take the next step whenever you both feel ready.

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