My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me Anymore: What Do I Do?

Updated January 23, 2023by ReGain Editorial Team

Being attracted to your partner is an important aspect to physical intimacy in a healthy relationship, but captivation, especially to someone else, is a finicky beast in a relationship, especially a marriage. You see someone who sparks something in you - your eyes widen, your nostrils flare, and heat floods your veins - the signs are all there, you're attracted to them. The initial pull that brings two people into a relationship, the signs and signals of sexual chemistry are varied and far-reaching. Still, being sexually attracted to your partner is considered by some to be the number one most important thing in the maintenance of a robust relationship with and healthy sex lives of you and your partner. For help determining what's most important in your relationship, talk with an online therapist.

Loss of Attraction Can Be Hard to Deal With

So what happens when the initial attraction is no longer a part of your marriage?

What Is Attraction?

Attraction is the mental, emotional, or physical sensation of interest in someone else. It can mean interest in a sexual encounter, a relationship, or a long-term commitment, such as marriage. How this emotion is felt and expressed is based on several factors, including age, gender, and intent. Men, for instance, typically rate physical appearance as a much higher indicator of whether they will be attracted to someone than women do, while women usually focus more on personality, the presence of a sense of humor, and other aspects of a partner.

Attraction is essentially the initial experience of interest in someone else. It can be instantaneous, as is usually the case with physical allure, or can develop over time, usually with mental or emotional appeal. It is your body and mind's indication to you that someone is worthy of your time and a good sign that they may be able to offer something that can make your life more complete or more fulfilled.

What Is the Function of Attraction?

It is the mechanism by which most people select and pursue a mate. Few, if any, people seek a romantic partner without the presence of some form of physical magnetism. It is, therefore, an important part of a couple's beginning -- and it continues to play a significant role in a couple's continued interest in and love for to one another.

Aside from the initial spark, mutual attraction can help couples stay together and stay attracted to; maintaining it can lessen your interest in straying from your partner, can help your sex life remain intact and a high priority, and can even help you get through fights more effectively, as continuing interest can help both of you feel as though you have more invested in one another and, consequently, more to lose if something were to go awry.

Far more than a quick spark, then, chemistry is one of the fundamental cogs in a romantic relationship's work, expression, and continuation. Chemistry is an important part of the human experience. It creates a burst of feel-good chemicals and creates bonds that have been consistently linked to increased life expectancies, better chances of contentment, and better health overall.

Some frequently asked questions about the topic include:

What to do when your husband isn't sexually attracted to you?

How do I know if my husband is not sexually attracted to me?

Can a marriage survive without physical attraction?

How do I make my husband attracted to me again?

Why does my husband never want to be intimate with me?

Can your husband love you and not be attracted to you?

How do I get my husband to notice me sexually?

How do you stay faithful in a sexless marriage?

How long can a marriage last without intimacy?

How long do sexless marriages last?

Signs Husband Isn't Attracted To Me Sexually Anymore

So you start to notice some signs and feel that "My husband is not attracted to me" or "Why isn't my partner being as affectionate?" - what to do? Attraction, especially physical attraction, isn’t everything, and it is normal for relationships to ebb and flow, even in cases of passion. A decrease in physical expressions of love with your husband or partner does not necessarily mean your marriage is over or even in trouble. However, you still may be wondering why it seems that your partner is no longer sexually attracted to you to you and why this can happen. Occasionally, when you’ve been married for a long time, simple familiarity can make it seem like you don’t find each other as appealing, even if it isn’t true. When you’ve been looking at someone for a long time, you may not suddenly feel physically attractive; you just have grown comfortable or complacent, or maybe don’t tell them because you assume they already know that you do not find them attractive anymore.

While it can be difficult to feel like your husband or partner isn't physically attracted to you anymore, try to remember that self-esteem comes from within. It is important to love yourself and your own body regardless of the sexual encounters you’re your partner. Finding your value in external sources will always be tricky, and feeling happy and comfortable with yourself, mind and body, is likely the best way to find peace and confidence in yourself. 

Husband Not Attracted Sexually, What to Do About the Lack of An Attracted Husband?

If you are experiencing a problem in your marriage or are starting to notice some signs your husband isn't as attracted to you as they once were, try talking things out with your partner. What you see as your husband or partner suddenly losing their attraction might be something different that is bothering your husband, a simple miscommunication, an emotional distance, or even a new need for validation that you are experiencing. It is important to not avoid talking if you feel unwanted.

In some cases, love can wane because one or both partners "let go" of their physical appearance. In some cases, attraction begins to dissipate because partners no longer make one another a priority. In still others, attraction wanes without a distinct, identifiable source, and couples find themselves growing apart. They stop trying to spend quality time together, initiate sex, make other sexual advances, or work on their love life. Still, when one or both of you has lost attraction, there are usually some signs your husband, or you might be giving off to indicate that you.

Husband No Longer Being Attracted Can Include These Signs:

1) Decreased Conversation

When the conversation begins to go downhill or becomes little more than noncommittal grunts, or your husband or partner starts to show a sign of disrespect towards you, physical attraction may have begun to trickle away. When the attraction is at its highest point, the conversation seems to be constant; calls, texts, and DMs seem to be on a high rotation, and even in a mature relationship, at least one or two texts throughout the day might be common. 

As the initial excitement begins to fall away, though, the conversation may be similarly spotty; when all of these things start to wane, it might be one of a few signs your husband isn't as attracted to you anymore or that he may be beginning to lose interest. You might find your husband isn't calling or texting as much as he used to throughout the day. When you see one another again after a day of work, he might seem intent on watching tv, distant, uninterested, or even sour, and it might feel like pulling teeth to get him to speak to you. 

Don’t make assumptions! All sorts of other things, like anxiety, stress about other parts of life, work-related problems, etc., may be causing this communication breakdown. It may be up to you to pick up the conversational baton and explain your feelings and fears that the decrease in the conversation hurts your relationship.

2) To Feel A General Distant Feeling

At some point, you might begin to feel as though the two of you are distant from one another. You might not talk nearly as much, or you might notice that the two of you sit further and further from one another on the couch. You might not be able to put your finger on any one thing that suggests there is a distance between you -- you might sense a chasm growing between you and your husband, and it can be one of the multiple worrying signs that something isn't quite right.

There can be a variety of reasons that your husband isn't mentally present at home or not dialed in and focused when the two of you are out together, including stress, depression, or other personal struggles that might be impacting his ability to be in the moment with you. However, it can also be a sign that your husband isn't as attracted to you as before, or at least that his attraction might be waning. 

3) A Decrease In Physical Contact

Not all physical contact needs to lead to a sexual encounter, but the loss of attraction also doesn't mean that only your sex life is negatively impacted; lost attraction can also be indicated by a loss of, or decrease in, physical contact as a whole. You might notice that your husband no longer holds your hand, puts his arm around you, or strokes your hair as you watch TV. You were once a hopeless romantic, and now you might take a business trip just to get a break. He might seem to feel uncomfortable around you physically, and you might feel almost starved for physical affection, as even small touches become less and less frequent. This can be one of many worrying signs your husband is losing interest romantically. 

Your sex life might also experience a significant dip in frequency. Your husband might stop initiating sex altogether or might only engage with you in a half-hearted, distracted way. While it’s normal for a couple’s sexual rhythm to fluctuate every so often, a significant decrease in frequency, changes in how you interact in the bedroom, or even a lack of sex altogether can be worrying signs that your sexual chemistry together might be dissipating or that your husband is not attracted to you anymore. Your marriage may stay loving, but sometimes a loss of physical appeal can lead to much more spiritual and companionate interactions between you and your husband and can leave you feeling more like a roommate than a spouse. If you feel as though your husband sees you as less of a lover and more of a friend after years of marriage, it may be a sign that his desire for you is dwindling.  

4) Fights Are More Common

Picking a fight is an unhealthy, if effective, way to get out of honestly, intimately engaging with someone else. If your husband has begun to feel his desire for you slip away, you might notice that he seems to be picking fights with you. They might be small fights, such as arguing over what to eat for dinner, or more substantial fights, questioning why the two of you are even together. 

While related problems and small fights come with the territory of being in a committed partnership, a drastic increase in their frequency or a newfound unwillingness to resolve these fights can be one of a few signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore. 

5) He Has A Wandering Eye

When initial attraction begins to wane in a marriage, sometimes your partner or husband might begin to direct his focus elsewhere, and sometimes he may even try to skirt the line of infidelity. This can be one of the more evident signs your husband is losing interest. 

Suppose you often notice that your husband stares at other women, flirts with other women, or suspects that he might have an affair. In that case, these are worrying signs that your husband isn't attracted to you anymore -- and worse, it can be a signal that you may need to take a serious look at your relationship with your husband, especially if he has engaged in affairs with other women. 

Additionally, suppose your husband has suddenly taken to vocally pointing out other women to you, like making inappropriate comments about women in media or on the street that he might find attractive. Or, maybe he’s lost weight recently, and this has made him feel more confident being flirty in front of other women. In these cases, it can sometimes be that your husband is trying to let you know that your husband is unsatisfied subtly.

This isn't to say that diminishing physical attraction is an excuse to cheat or treat you poorly. No excuses or justifications of him losing interest, you changing your appearance, or your sexual appetites means that you should need to change what you want. If your husband is bored and doesn’t find you physically attractive, the onus isn't all on you. He may need to come to terms with his own mental and emotional needs.   

Reasons You Might Not Feel Attractive

It is also possible that your husband is not attracted to you anymore or at all, but that it is you who no longer feels as sexy as you once felt. You could be projecting your insecurities, that you feel unattractive, onto a husband who still finds you hot! This is okay! Your emotions are valid but pinpointing where they stem from can help you manage unwelcome thoughts and symptoms.

Loss of Attraction Can Be Hard to Deal With

Making time for the things that help you with your self-esteem can help you feel more confident. If it makes you feel better about yourself, try to take the time for spa days, naps, regular fitness sessions, or whatever else. Remember your passions and pursue your interests. Scheduling time for fun and freedom can help you feel more appealing. Taking one day per month to go to a museum exhibit you've been eyeing, to go out dancing with friends, or even to stay in and binge-watch your favorite show can do wonders for making you feel more alive, awake, and more you, which can greatly improve your confidence.

What Can You Do When Your Husband Doesn't Find You Desirable?

You may be wondering, Is my husband attracted to me still? Although your insecurity can make you feel as though your husband is no longer attracted to you, there are some instances in which a partner has lost attraction for his wife. They may be drifting away from their wife and failing to make an effort to make her feel loved. Fortunately, many marriages can be rescued from this-and many marriages experience this type of distance without ever getting near divorce, but it takes hard work and willingness from both sides (fingers crossed).

As mentioned earlier, as you age, your wants, needs, and bodies change. The good news is: that's okay! When you commit your life to someone, you commit to them for the long haul, including the inevitable dips in connection, communication, and attraction.

1) To Practice Independence

After being married for a while, it can almost feel like the two of you have merged into a single, amorphous creature, without independent thoughts or feelings. Although this might initially seem like a good thing, it can kill all spontaneity, excitement, or spark in your marriage over a long period. Practice spending time away from your husband -- and encourage him to do the same. Go out to dinner with only a book for company, or send your husband off on a weekend trip with his siblings. Spend some time apart, learn how to be two different people again, and watch the sparks re-emerge.

2) Take Care of Yourself

Your physical body isn't the be-all, end-all. Feeling good about yourself, though, is an important part of being a healthy person. If you feel your husband's attraction for you start to wane, it might mean it is time to up your exercise, improve your eating habits, and make better sleep a priority. You might not notice a dramatic difference in your figure, but you might notice a significant difference in your confidence level. If you feel good about yourself, whether this is followed by increased attraction from your partner or not, taking care of your mental health is the most important thing you can try to do.

3) To Romance One Another

All too often, attraction falls away because a married couple has lost the sense of excitement, urgency, and joy that brought them together in the first place. Perhaps the two of you have stopped dating, stopped playing with one another, or have stopped taking any time to be alone and talk about anything apart from current events, your schedules that week, or who is going to pet-sit while you visit your parents.

If you observe the signs your husband doesn't find you attractive anymore, take the time to romance one another. Spend quality time together that is more than just being in one another’s proximity; with long-term relationships or cohabitation comes a routine that can sometimes stifle romance. Go on dates, ask insightful questions, and try something new together. This can help reignite the spark that brought the two of you together and help you feel loved, desired, and sought after. Who knows? He might think you are the one who is not sexually attracted to husband anymore.

Reclaiming Your Power Regardless If Your Husband Is Attracted or Not

Although it can be devastating to feel as though your husband is no longer attracted to or interested in you, it is by no means a death sentence for your marriage, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t love you anymore; it could just indicate that the two of you need to make yourselves and your marriage a higher priority. That being said, a loss of attraction might signal a deeper issue-one that warrants a visit with a therapist who can help the two of you improve communication and get to the root of your dissatisfaction.

If you think that your husband doesn't feel attracted to you anymore, or if you're a husband struggling with how to seduce your wife, and the tasks listed above do not seem to improve your relationship, it might be time to bring someone in to help the two of you reconnect. The therapists from ReGain are qualified mental health professionals dedicated to offering high-quality, dedicated therapy-including couple's counseling. 

The loss of attraction can be a crushing blow, but there is certainly hope for any relationship experiencing this particular disorder. Time, effort, and commitment can pave the way for a stronger, healthier relationship, including increased lust and joy in one another. Whether your relationship needs a boost of confidence, a greater effort in communication from both of you, and/or the perspective of a mental health professional, marriage is worth fighting for.

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