My Husband Hates Me! What Should I Do?
By: Robert Porter
Updated November 22, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Audrey Kelly, LMFT
Being married to someone isn’t always going to be smooth sailing. You may have certain times that will feel very challenging. If your husband has been acting like he doesn’t love you any longer, then you might be worried about what this means. No wife should have to feel as if her husband hates her. Instead of saying “my husband hates me” and simply giving up, it’s vital to try to understand why he is behaving in a way that feels hateful if there’s a way you can help, and what you can do to achieve this goal.
What Makes You Think Your Husband Hates You?
If you think that your husband hates you, there must be a specific reason why you feel this way. What has your husband been doing that different from how he normally treats you? Does he not show you the same love that he used to? Is he getting angry at you for seemingly no reason? There is usually a reason behind behavioral changes, and most of the time, it might not even be something you’re doing consciously (or something that you’re doing at all).
Think about your relationship and how you have been interacting lately. Maybe the two of you have been arguing over something for a while now, and you’re both not willing to give any ground concerning your side of the argument. Such a situation could be causing some hostility, but it’s nothing that can’t be worked through.
This isn’t to say that you’re to blame for your husband’s behavior. It is simply prudent to consider all factors when you want to know what is going wrong with your marriage. You might not be communicating with each other as well as you used to. A communication breakdown can easily lead to marital struggles, and you’ll want to do your best to repair things when you can. A lack of communication is what many point to as the cause of divorces.
It’s also possible that your husband doesn’t hate you all. He might be angry at you or angry at himself for something. People behave in strange ways when they’re upset or hurt. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your husband has hate in his heart. He might still love you very much but is having difficulty expressing that love due to your current circumstances.
How Long Has Your Husband’s Behavior Been Like This?
If you’ve established that your husband’s behavior has changed, then you should try to think about how long this has been going on. When you can point to a specific time when your husband started to act differently, it becomes easier to figure out what’s happening. Did your husband start acting this way after receiving a complaint at work? Did he start treating you poorly after getting fired from his job?
Trying to figure out when this behavior started allows you to give things some context. You can start to see what is going on in your husband’s life. If this has been going on for a long time, then that is certainly going to be more worrying than one or two weeks of bad behavior.
Do You Feel Safe?
Your safety matters and you want to make sure that your husband isn’t abusing you. If you feel threatened in any way or if you have been harmed, then you need to reach out for help. It is never okay for someone to abuse their partner for any reason. If you’re physically or emotionally abused, then help is available to you.
Don’t feel as if you are stuck in your current situation. You might love your husband very much, but you can’t allow your love to keep you trapped in a bad marriage. Even if you have done something to upset your husband, there is no excuse for him abusing you. You deserve better than that, and many people and organizations are out there to help you. Don’t hesitate to contact a domestic abuse hotline or the authorities if you need assistance.
Could Your Husband Just Be Going Through A Tough Time?
If your husband isn’t abusive to you and is simply acting strangely, he might be going through a tough time. Sometimes people take out their stress on the ones that they love the most. This isn’t fair, and your husband shouldn’t be treating you this way. Regardless, it’s conceivable that your husband might be struggling with stress or anxiety.
People who are going through stressful times can develop anxiety issues. This can lead to feelings of paranoia and extreme nervousness. It can also manifest itself in angry outbursts. If your husband is having mental health struggles, you should do your best to get him the help he needs. You can work with your doctors to get him on a treatment plan that will stabilize his mood and soothe the feelings of anxiety he is experiencing. Even speaking with a therapist could help (such as those available here at ReGain). ReGain offers a wide variety of therapists to choose from so that any couple or individual can find exactly the kind of person who is right for them.
Have you and your husband been intimate lately? Perhaps your issues with your husband have to do with certain desires that aren’t being met. If you two have become disconnected from each other, then you might not be showing one another affection any longer. People long for affection, and this can be as simple as a hug or a kiss.
You have to work to keep the romance alive. It might be a good idea to set aside time to spend with each other in the evenings. It can be difficult if you have children and are tired when you get home from work. Even so, you want to be able to show your partner that you care. A little bit of time spent cuddling up on the couch can make a big difference when it comes to improving your husband’s mood.
Sex is another thing that you should think about. Sex is not a commodity you hand out to solve problems, but healthy sex life can be an important part of a good marriage. Reconnecting with each other sexually could help to improve your overall connection. Showing each other more love in the bedroom will often carry over into how you’re treating each other elsewhere.
Try To Reconnect
Putting forth an effort to try to reconnect with your husband is crucial. If you want your marriage to work, then you might need to start over and try to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Go out on dates together and try to do something fun. You should be able to enjoy each other’s company, and it might remind you of how good things used to be.
Are there activities that you used to love doing together? Maybe you could start going out on bike rides again, or you could start attending concerts once per month. Whatever it is that you two love doing together is what you should try to do. This could help you reestablish your connection, and it very well might change your husband’s mood.
Trying out something new could also help bring some flair back to your relationship. Novelty is proven to stimulate your mind, and this, in turn, leads to a stimulating relationship.
Talk To Your Husband
This might seem obvious, but you should try to talk to your husband about your thoughts. It’s possible that he might not even realize how much of a jerk he has been lately. When people struggle with anger problems or feel stressed out, they might not realize how they’re treating the people they love. This isn’t a good excuse, but it is true. You could talk about what has been happening and let him know that you’re worried.
Be honest with your husband and tell him that you feel like he is starting to hate you. Likely, he will assure you that this is not the case. If he still loves you, he will be more than willing to do better for you. It might take some time to work on your issues, but you can overcome these problems when you’re committed to being together.
Consider Online Couples Counseling
Online couples counseling is a fantastic resource for couples who are struggling. If your husband needs help with anger issues, stress management, anxiety, or any other problem, these counselors will help. These are licensed therapists who understand how to fix marriage problems. They can help you work on your communication skills as a couple, and they’ll ensure that you start walking the right path toward a happier marriage.
This is also an incredibly convenient way to seek out therapy. You’ll be able to attend therapy sessions without even having to leave your house. It’s even possible to reach out to these skilled counselors at any time. You can attend sessions as a couple or get individual counseling if you have personal needs.
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