Marriage is an institution of real love and trust that two individuals enter as a commitment to one another. When a partner steps outside of the marriage to fulfill any wants, desires, or needs, an unconditional bond is broken in ways one may not even believe to be possible. You have a personal choice now: do you stay, or do you go? Not everyone can forgive a cheating partner, and that's okay. One of the most important things to remember is that there is no weakness in having to let go and move on. However, if you are not ready to let go, and are willing to work towards rebuilding a trusting and loving relationship, there are some things you can do to start the healing process and begin trusting your partner again.
Forgiveness, Moving Forward, and The First Step to The Healing Process
Learn To Cope With Your Emotions
Once you have discovered that your partner has cheated on you and broken your trust, it's hard to remain in control of your emotions. Your mind might be racing with questions like "Can you forgive a cheater?" Don't worry. It's completely natural, and you are not overreacting. This is a monumental moment in your relationship that determines whether you continue on a path together or apart. Emotions are going to play a big part in this. Acknowledge your emotions. Talk to a friend, write your thoughts down, seek counsel. The strength of your emotions can be used to your advantage. How much you are hurt is usually in direct relation to how much you care about your partner and how much you value your relationship.
Release Emotions In A Healthy Manner
Anger, pain, and confusion are very common emotions to experience after you have become privy to your partner's cheating. For many, the instant and most natural reaction is anger and a need for revenge. However, this hinders your ability to let go, forgive, heal, and move on, giving the other person power instead of taking it back for yourself. If you're experiencing any overwhelming emotion, let it out in a healthy, harmless way. Avoid projecting your anger towards your partner. Even though he has hurt you, projecting your anger will only hinder chances of your ability to forgive and both you and your partner being able to move on. It's very common to start making passive remarks or just being passive aggressive overall.
Try to be extra conscious of this, so both you and your partner don't end up feeling resentful later.
Remember To Calm Down
It's natural to be angry and hateful once someone hurts you or breaks your trust. However, if you hope to move past the lies, pain, and deceit of cheating, you are going to have to work on letting go of the past, the pain, and the anger you are feeling. When you are angry, you are more likely to do things that you will regret. You cannot take back your actions. It is so much more worthwhile to hold back and restrain yourself from anything that you may not feel so good about later. Remove yourself from situations where you feel your emotions building up or where you don’t feel comfortable.
Take A Break to Recover
Unfortunately, many people confuse the meaning of a break with a break up. If you are looking to forgive your partner, it's okay to need some space. Since saving a marriage means looking at the long-term instead of the immediate, it is often extremely healthy to take some time apart to think and let your pain out without directing it at your partner who you are looking to rebuild a relationship with. Be sure to have a real discussion with your partner where you let him know this is temporary and explain to him why you need time away. It might be difficult to discuss infidelity with your children, and you may choose never to tell them. If this is the case, try to separate yourself in a more natural way, such as spending a week with your friends or relatives along with your children- a sort of family trip.
Remind Yourself To Not Blame Yourself
When working on forgiving your partner for cheating, the worst thing you can do is blame yourself. He is a grown man who made his own choices. This had nothing to do with you, as hard as that may be to believe. When you blame yourself, you start to feel bad about yourself, thinking that you or the way you are led to his cheating. If you truly feel responsible, you may take some responsibility, but do not take the blame. Understand the difference between the two. Instead of beating yourself up, treat yourself with kindness. This will help you heal and move forward.
Communication Is Key
It might be very difficult to communicate with someone who has hurt you, but it's the biggest and most important factor when working to move past cheating in your marriage. Do not be afraid to ask questions that you need answers to. It's important to have an accurate idea of where he is so you can determine whether you should forgive or move on without him. If you are choosing to move on together, there should be some guidelines for how this topic comes up, if at all in the future. Make sure both of you are comfortable and happy with your boundaries and stick to them so you can rebuild a solid foundation.
How To Forgive? Understand That Forgiveness Is For You
It might seem like you are doing something good for your partner when you forgive him. While your forgiveness may help him and may be something he needs, he's not the goal. You are. You need to forgive, move on, and let go for you. Letting pain melt from your heart helps you.Let go of the affair. It won't be easy, but it is necessary when you are trying to forgive. You let it go both of you to move on.You have an entire future ahead; holding on to the past will only be harmful to your relationship. Be conscious of the fact that the past is your past.Try to avoid rehashing the adultery in future arguments, as it will only make both parties unhappy and bring up past hurt without purpose. This will help you both grow.
Finding out that your partner has cheated with another person can be extremely hurtful. It makes you question yourself in ways you may never have before. You may feel not good enough, you may feel angry, and you may even feel vengeful. Forgiving your partner will not be an easy process, nor will it be quick. It will take hard work, dedication to your relationship, and most importantly, patience.The process of forgiveness is exactly that, a process. It is constant work on both you and your partner's part. Both parties need to be dedicated to rebuilding a strong and trusting relationship. If you and your partner are working on forgiveness make sure he is supportive of your feelings and accepts them. This will help make the path a lot easier to walk through, and hopefully, with time, your wounds will heal, and your relationship will become strong and healthy once more. If you are looking for a starting point to forgiving your partner for cheating, or if you are having trouble communicating with your partner after finding out about his cheating, please feel free to click here. A licensed counselor at ReGain can help you communicate and get on track towards rebuilding a successful and happy relationship.