"My Husband Ignores Me": How to Get the Spark Back
Updated November 29, 2019
Reviewer Karen Devlin, LPC
There may come a time in your marriage where you feel like your husband ignores you. If you find yourself in this predicament, there is no need to worry. There are many things you can do to get the spark back in your relationship.
If your husband paid attention to you and cherished you before, you can get that again. He is capable of showing you the attention and love you deserve. There may be a few things you will need to do to remind him why you are his wife in the first place. The good news is, most of the changes you need to make are minor and can be implemented relatively easily. All it takes is a little dedication, and you could be on your way to an exciting relationship once again.
Bring Back Date Night
One of the main reasons why we lose the spark in our relationship is simple: neglect. As we go through the motions of life, it is easy to forget how important it is to pay attention to our partners.
This doesn't always mean that we don't care for our spouses. The reality is life is demanding. We go through full-time jobs, paying bills, getting groceries, and many other functions of adult life regularly. With so many things on our to-do list, paying attention to our spouse doesn't always rank as high as it should.
This is because the support and love of a spouse are considered unconditional. When you love your partner, you meet each other half-way, doing your best to understand why one of you may not feel at your best capacity. Most of the time, this is enough to avoid a major problem. Sometimes, though, the lack of attention causes a major problem in your relationship. If you are thinking, "My husband ignores me," bringing date night back could be the perfect solution.
Date night is a time each of you will put aside once a week to dedicate only to each other. These dates don't have to be extravagant or expensive. The only important thing about date night is that you are doing it. No matter whether you decide to go to a four-course meal or set up a table in the backyard, the conversation and time spent together are what counts. You want to be sure to make this a top priority in your schedule to avoid backsliding. Date night should become just as important as making it work on time or keeping doctor's appointments.
Date night can be a great tool for you to use to bring the excitement back into your relationship. As long as you make sure each of you is putting the right amount of emphasis on this activity, you will reap wonderful rewards!
Talk To Each Other
Communication struggles are another reason why your relationship may be losing its intensity. When we aren't talking to one another, we aren't solving problems. On the other hand, if you aren't communicating with your spouse, he may feel uncared for or unheard.
It is important for both people in any relationship to feel valued and loved. Without trust, love, and security, a relationship surely won't last. If you are struggling with communication in your relationship, these values are often overlooked. This is a dangerous road to go down because it could mean the end for you and your husband. If you can intercept the issue and deal with it before it gets too severe, you have hope for the future.
Early detection and intervention are of the utmost importance in your marriage. The moment you realize you are struggling with communication in your relationship, you must act. If you don't, you are risking permanently compromising the way you talk to one another.
Good communication is key to any healthy relationship. If you can talk to one another, you can portray to your husband that you are feeling ignored or unappreciated. When you come to him and tell him "I feel like my husband ignores me," you will have all the mechanisms in place to solve your problems and move on to an even better relationship than you started with. Both of you deserve to feel comfortable being open and talking to one another.
You might be thinking, how can I talk to my husband if he is ignoring me? The key is finding a time when he is receptive to having a conversation. In the middle of the workday when he is super stressed is not the time. Talking when you are arguing or having a disagreement probably won't get you far either.
Do Something Spontaneous
It is normal to feel bored and unenergetic after several years with the same partner. This doesn't mean that the relationship won't work; it may just need a bit of a jump start.
If the feelings of boredom are taking over your relationship, try doing something spontaneous together. This could be taking a random vacation, going out to eat a restaurant that serves food you've never tried, or taking a drive around a new area. The activity you do isn't as important as the excitement you feel from doing it.
The goal of this method is to remind each other why you are together in the first place. You once had fun and laughed together, and that can still be a reality. It may take a little extra work from each of you, but it can be done. If the two of you stick together, you will have a lasting and fulfilling relationship for years to come. All your doubts and thoughts like "My husband ignores me" will be a thing of the past. This way, you can move on to bigger and better things in your relationship together and focus on the positive.
Spice It Up In The Bedroom
Sex and intimacy are key points of any healthy relationship. If you find yourself constantly thinking, "My husband ignores me," it may be time to spice things up in the bedroom.
Men are very physical creatures. Their need to have sexual relations is deep-rooted in the evolution of man. The original beings on the earth had a job to populate it. The instincts of men haven't changed much from then if you ask most women. If you are not having a good time in the bedroom, your husband might be dealing with feelings of inadequacy or frustration that are causing him to act the way he does toward you.
If you are having issues in feeling connected and valued by your partner, you may need to take it to the bedroom. Your husband married you for your mind, your soul, and your body. The intentions and strong feelings we have for our partners often fade over time. This isn't due to the feelings just going away, but rather losing their novelty. Sometimes, when we are having thoughts like 'my husband ignores me,' we need to make a change to make things more exciting again.
If this sounds like you, hope is not lost. You can try playing a sexy game or buying some new lingerie to surprise your husband with. If you are feeling especially adventurous, you might try some new positions or watch a naughty movie together. The most important thing is whatever you are doing is adding some electricity into your sex life. You want to remind him of the intensity your love has the capability of producing. This will help you both to overcome any feelings of being undervalued or ignored.
Make A More Peaceful Home
Although this is a dysfunctional habit regardless of the cause, many men and women shut down and withdraw when things are too stressful. Your husband may be ignoring you not because of you but because of his own emotions. This, in turn, will make you upset and lead to a spiraling cycle.
One solution for this is creating a more peaceful home environment. This is just as much for you as it is your spouse. So, even if you feel he doesn't deserve the extra effort, do it for yourself. Here are some suggestions:
- Conquer the clutter-as simple as it seems, doing a deep clean of your home can change the whole vibe. Even if you must pay someone to do it, consider the investment.
- Bring in some plants. This might seem like a weird one, but plants have been proven to help calm both classrooms and family homes.
- Consider crystals. Many people use crystals for anxiety and believe that calming stones can help bring peace and focus to our lives.
- Play calming music. Music can set the mood for any event. The same is true in your home. Play calming tunes, especially during times where you are both stressed or not communicating as well as you would like.
Don't Give Up
Fixing problems in a relationship where you don't feel heard or valued is not always easy. Although the tips you come across may sound easy, when it comes time to implement them, you may struggle.
The internal feelings you have could hold you back from doing many things we suggested here. If you are feeling ignored, it could take a toll on your self-esteem and cause you to believe there is nothing you can do to fix your problems. You must speak back to this voice and banish it from your mind. You are worthy of the love and attention your husband gives you, and you are powerful enough to try to salvage that when things feel broken. You don't have to struggle with thoughts like "My husband ignores me" forever.
The worst lie you could tell yourself would be that you can't do it. The changes you are seeking may not come about overnight, and it may be a journey to get there. At times you will feel exhausted or discouraged, and you will want to give up. Remember the reason you started this journey and use that as fuel. Take a break when you need to and pay attention to yourself along the way, but never give up. Your marriage may depend on it.
My Husband Ignores Me: When To Get Help
Sometimes, even our best efforts go without helping our relationships. If there is a deeper issue that is causing your husband to act this way, it may be time to enlist some professional help.
The counselors and therapists at ReGain have all the experience needed to help you. They are fully accredited and knowledgeable in all the issues you are experiencing. No matter how far gone you feel your relationship is, a therapist can help you get back what you used to have. With a professional in your corner, you can be sure to have many years of success to come in your marriage.