"My Husband Ignores Me": How To Get The Spark Back

In some relationships, there may be a time where you feel like your husband no longer pays much attention to you, or perhaps even ignores you. This can be very hurtful, and it can be difficult to figure out how to move forward. But, if this seems to be a temporary situation in an otherwise positive relationship, there are many things you can do to help get the spark back. In this article, we’ll explore a few ways you can try to help rekindle the romance, connection, and care in your marriage.

Five tips for getting the spark back

1. Have regular date nights

One of the common reasons for losing the spark in a relationship is no longer putting the time, effort, or intentionality into it. As we go through the motions of life, it can be easy to forget how important it is to pay attention to our partners.

This doesn't always mean that we don't care for our spouses. Life can be very demanding. With so many things on our to-do list, giving attention to our spouse may get overlooked or pushed aside. We may assume that our partner will always love us and be there for us, and so we can start to take them for granted. Sometimes, though, the lack of attention causes a major problem in your relationship. If you are feeling like your husband is no longer as present in the relationship, bringing date night back could be a helpful step. 

Date night can be a time each of you put aside once a week (or however often makes sense for you two) to dedicate only to each other. These dates don't have to be extravagant or expensive. What matters more is that you are doing it. Whether you decide to go to a four-course meal or set up a table in the backyard, the conversation and time spent together are what counts. Try to make this a top priority in your schedule. Date night can be a great tool for you to use to bring romance, connection, and excitement back into your relationship. 

2. Talk to each other

If you are feeling ignored by your husband, you may wonder, “Should I ignore him too?" While this thought can make sense, it will likely not be very productive. Communication struggles can be another possible reason why your relationship may be losing its intensity. When we aren't talking to one another, we aren't solving problems. On the other hand, if you aren't communicating with your spouse, he may feel uncared for or unheard.

Good communication is often key to any healthy relationship. If you can talk to one another, you can express to your husband that you are feeling ignored or unappreciated. When you go to him and express your feelings, you are opening up the door for him to do the same and for both of you to work on solving your issues together. Both of you deserve to feel comfortable being open and talking to one another.

You might be thinking, how can I talk to my husband if he is ignoring me? It may help to find a time when he is receptive to having a conversation, and you could even ask to schedule a time to have the conversation. Talking when you are arguing or having a disagreement probably won't get you far. If you two are finding it difficult to express your thoughts to each other, you may also consider writing down your thoughts on paper and then sharing from there. 

3. Do something spontaneous

It can be natural to have times in a long-term relationship where things feel stagnant and not very exciting, especially if you have been together for several years. This doesn't mean that the relationship won't work; it may just need a bit of a jump start.

If things are feeling somewhat boring and stale in your relationship, you can try doing something spontaneous together. This could be taking a random vacation, going out to eat at a restaurant that serves food you've never tried, trying a new adventurous hobby, or taking a drive around a new area. The activity you do isn't as important as the excitement you feel from doing it.

The goal of this method is to remind each other why you are together in the first place and to help you reconnect by introducing an element of fun and excitement. You once had fun and laughed together, and that can still be a reality. It may take a little extra work from each of you, but it can be done. 

4. Be patient and kind to yourself

Fixing problems in a relationship where you don't feel heard or valued is not always easy. Taking steps to repair a relationship is often easier said than done. In most cases, mending a relationship won’t happen overnight, and it may involve trying several different approaches before starting to see improvements. 

While it can be difficult to do so, try to have patience with the process. If both you and your husband are committed to making the relationship better, that is one of the most important pieces. It may take some trial and error and some time, but you two can work together to improve the connection if you are both willing to put in the effort. 

Also, try to remember to be kind to yourself as you put in this work. Feeling ignored and grappling with a struggling relationship can take a toll on you and your self-esteem. Remember that you are worthy of love and your feelings are valid. 

It is also important to note that if you are being consistently, deliberately ignored by your partner, that is a different matter than what we are describing here. So far, we have been focused on situations in which you may feel slightly overlooked by your partner. However, if your partner consistently and intentionally ignores you, it could be a sign of a more serious problem. 

If you are experiencing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available to help you with information and resources. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the NDVH online chat system.

5. Seek additional help

Mending a relationship can take hard work, and sometimes, it can be too much to manage on your own. If you would like help in navigating relationship concerns and strengthening your marriage, you can meet with a relationship counselor online for support. Research has shown online therapy to be effective at improving both relationship satisfaction and mental health. 

For many people, discussing relationship problems and sorting through such conflict can feel very personal and vulnerable, and it may feel easier to discuss these things in an environment where you already feel comfortable and at-ease. With online therapy through Regain, you can meet with a counselor wherever you have internet—including the comfort of home. 

Therapist reviews

Continue reading below for reviews of Regain counselors from people with similar concerns:

“Cris Roman saved my marriage. His approach to therapy taught my husband and I the skills we needed to change the way we communicated and the way we understood each other. He is very non-judgmental and helps each person make sense of the others' feelings and actions without taking sides or placing blame. His ability to make you feel heard while helping you to see and understand why your significant other is acting a certain way is phenomenal.”

“My wife and I decided to give online couples counseling a go after finding traditional methods weren’t all that suited to our busy working and parenting lifestyle. Our counselor Donna Kemp has been amazing! We both feel she’s listened to us and given us the confidence to step out of our comfort zone to deal with problems that are easy to avoid. She is encouraging without being pushy. We’ve both responded very well to her and her methods and look forward to continuing on with Donna. Highly recommend!”