By: Mary Elizabeth Dean
Updated August 03, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC
There may come a time in your marriage where you feel like your husband ignores you. If you find yourself in this predicament, there is no need to worry. There are many things you can do to get the spark back in your relationship.
If your husband paid attention to you and cherished you before, you can get that again. He is capable of showing you the attention and love you deserve. There may be a few things you will need to do to remind him why you are his wife in the first place. The good news is, most of the changes you need to make are minor and can be implemented relatively easily. All it takes is a little dedication, and you could be on your way to an exciting relationship once again.
Bring Back Date Night
One of the main reasons why we lose the spark in our relationship is simple: neglect. As we go through the motions of life, it is easy to forget how important it is to pay attention to our partners.
This doesn't always mean that we don't care for our spouses. The reality is life is demanding. We regularly go through full-time jobs, paying bills, getting groceries, and many other functions of adult life. With so many things on our to-do list, paying attention to our spouse doesn't always rank as high as it should.
This is because the support and love of a spouse are considered unconditional. When you love your partner, you meet each other halfway, doing your best to understand why one of you may not feel in your best capacity. Most of the time, this is enough to avoid a major problem. Sometimes, though, the lack of attention causes a major problem in your relationship. If you are thinking, "My husband ignores me," bringing date night back could be the perfect solution.
I Feel Invisible To My Husband, What Do I Do?
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Date night is a time each of you will put aside once a week to dedicate only to each other. These dates don't have to be extravagant or expensive. The only important thing about date night is that you are doing it. No matter whether you decide to go to a four-course meal or set up a table in the backyard, the conversation and time spent together are what counts. You want to be sure to make this a top priority in your schedule to avoid backsliding. Date night should become just as important as making it work on time or keeping doctor's appointments.
Date night can be a great tool for you to use to bring excitement back into your relationship. As long as you make sure each of you puts the right amount of emphasis on this activity, you will reap wonderful rewards!
Talk To Each Other
Communication struggles are another reason why your relationship may be losing its intensity. When we aren't talking to one another, we aren't solving problems. On the other hand, if you aren't communicating with your spouse, he may feel uncared for or unheard.
It is important for both people in any relationship to feel valued and loved. Without trust, love, and security, a relationship surely won't last. If you are struggling with communication in your relationship, these values are often overlooked. This is a dangerous road to go down because it could mean the end for you and your husband. If you can intercept the issue and deal with it before it gets too severe, you have hope for the future.
Early detection and intervention are of the utmost importance in your marriage. The moment you realize you are struggling with communication in your relationship, you must act. If you don't, you are risking permanently compromising the way you talk to one another.
Good communication is key to any healthy relationship. If you can talk to one another, you can portray to your husband that you feel ignored or unappreciated. When you come to him and tell him, "I feel like my husband ignores me," you will have all the mechanisms in place to solve your problems and move on to an even better relationship than you started with. Both of you deserve to feel comfortable being open and talking to one another.
You might be thinking, how can I talk to my husband if he is ignoring me? The key is finding a time when he is receptive to having a conversation. In the middle of the workday, when he is super stressed, is not the time. Talking when you are arguing or having a disagreement probably won't get you far either.
Do Something Spontaneous
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It is normal to feel bored and unenergetic after several years with the same partner. This doesn't mean that the relationship won't work; it may just need a bit of a jump start.
If the feelings of boredom are taking over your relationship, try doing something spontaneous together. This could be taking a random vacation, going out to eat a restaurant that serves food you've never tried, or taking a drive around a new area. The activity you do isn't as important as the excitement you feel from doing it.
The goal of this method is to remind each other why you are together in the first place. You once had fun and laughed together, and that can still be a reality. It may take a little extra work from each of you, but it can be done. If the two of you stick together, you will have a lasting and fulfilling relationship for years to come. All your doubts and thoughts like "My husband ignores me" will be a thing of the past. This way, you can move on to bigger and better things in your relationship together and focus on the positive.
Spice It Up In The Bedroom
Sex and intimacy are key points of any healthy relationship. If you find yourself constantly thinking, "My husband ignores me," it may be time to spice things up in the bedroom.
Men are very physical creatures. Their need to have sexual relations is deep-rooted in the evolution of man. The original beings on the earth had a job to populate it. The instincts of men haven't changed much from then, if you ask most women. If you are not having a good time in the bedroom, your husband might be dealing with feelings of inadequacy or frustration, causing him to act the way he does toward you.
If you are having issues feeling connected and valued by your partner, you may need to take it to the bedroom. Your husband married you for your mind, your soul, and your body. The intentions and strong feelings we have for our partners often fade over time. This isn't due to the feelings just going away, but rather losing their novelty. Sometimes, when we have thoughts like 'my husband ignores me,' we need to make a change to make things more exciting again.
If this sounds like you, hope is not lost. You can try playing a sexy game or buying some new lingerie to surprise your husband. If you feel especially adventurous, you might try some new positions or watch a naughty movie together. The most important thing is whatever you are doing is adding some electricity into your sex life. You want to remind him of the intensity your love has the capability of producing. This will help you both to overcome any feelings of being undervalued or ignored.
Make A More Peaceful Home
Although this is a dysfunctional habit regardless of the cause, many men and women shut down and withdraw when things are too stressful. Your husband may be ignoring you not because of you but because of his own emotions. This, in turn, will make you upset and lead to a spiraling cycle.
One solution for this is creating a more peaceful home environment. This is just as much for you as it is for your spouse. So, even if you feel he doesn't deserve the extra effort, do it for yourself. Here are some suggestions:
- Conquer the clutter-as simple as it seems, doing a deep clean of your home can change the whole vibe. Even if you must pay someone to do it, consider the investment.
- Bring in some plants. This might seem like a weird one, but plants have been proven to help calm both classrooms and family homes.
- Consider crystals. Many people use crystals for anxiety and believe that calming stones can help bring peace and focus to our lives.
- Play calming music. Music can set the mood for any event. The same is true in your home. Play calming tunes, especially during times where you are both stressed or not communicating as well as you would like.
Don't Give Up
Fixing problems in a relationship where you don't feel heard or valued is not always easy. Although the tips you come across may sound easy, you may struggle when it comes time to implement them.
I Feel Invisible To My Husband, What Do I Do?
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The internal feelings you have could hold you back from doing many things we suggested here. If you feel ignored, it could take a toll on your self-esteem and cause you to believe there is nothing you can do to fix your problems. You must speak back to this voice and banish it from your mind. You are worthy of the love and attention your husband gives you, and you are powerful enough to try to salvage that when things feel broken. You don't have to struggle with thoughts like "My husband ignores me" forever.
The worst lie you could tell yourself would be that you can't do it. The changes you seek may not come about overnight, and it may be a journey to get there. At times you will feel exhausted or discouraged, and you will want to give up. Remember the reason you started this journey and use that as fuel. Take a break when you need to and pay attention to yourself along the way, but never give up. Your marriage may depend on it.
My Husband Ignores Me: When To Get Help
Sometimes, even our best efforts go without helping our relationships. If there is a deeper issue causing your husband to act this way, it may be time to enlist some professional help.
The counselors and therapists at ReGain have all the experience needed to help you. They are fully accredited and knowledgeable in all the issues you are experiencing. No matter how far gone you feel your relationship is, a therapist can help you get back to what you used to have. With a professional in your corner, you can be sure to have many years of success to come in your marriage.
“Cris Roman saved my marriage. His approach to therapy taught my husband and I the skills we needed to change the way we communicated and the way we understood each other. He is very non-judgemental and helps each person make sense of the others' feelings and actions without taking sides or placing blame. His ability to make you feel heard while helping you to see and understand why your significant other is acting a certain way is phenomenal.”
“My wife and I decided to give online couples counseling a go after finding traditional methods weren’t all that suited to our busy working and parenting lifestyle. Our counselor Donna Kemp has been amazing! We both feel she’s listened to us and given us the confidence to step out of our comfort zone to deal with problems that are easy to avoid. She is encouraging without being pushy. We’ve both responded very well to her and her methods and look forward to continuing on with Donna. Highly recommend!”
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you deal with an ignoring husband?
If you find that your husband doesn’t seem to be acknowledging you, then there are a few things you can do to deal with an ignoring husband. If you find that your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you like he used to, or if your husband doesn’t seem interested in you anymore, then this advice could help you win the love back in your marriage.
First, you should consider any reasons your husband might be withdrawing from the marriage. It might not be about the marriage itself; he may be facing something extremely difficult at work or having a problem with his mental health. Whatever the case, though, it’s not easy when your husband ignores you.
Then, it would help if you mentioned to your husband how you feel. Use “I feel” statements, and be sure to avoid blaming him for anything. It’s possible that your husband isn’t aware of how you feel ignored, and if that’s the case, kindly and calmly pointing it out to him can be just the catalyst for positive change that the marriage needs. You might even take the time to write all of this down in a letter that explains how you feel that your husband ignores you. Then, you can either give the letter to your husband or use the letter as a template to guide the conversation about your feelings. Writing it all down will give you a better chance to assess and organize your thoughts and feelings about how your husband ignores you.
Also, remember that men and women perceive things differently. This means that it’s possible that your husband isn’t aware of just how much time to spend with you. He may perceive that he is spending plenty of time listening and responding to you while you feel that your husband ignores you. Once you point it out to him, though, if the pattern persists after a long time, then there might be other issues to work through to stop feeling like your husband ignoring you.
If you’ve communicated all of these things to your husband, but your husband isn’t responsive or doesn’t believe that he actually ignores you, then it’s time to consider marriage counseling or couples’ therapy. This kind of therapy can help identify the reasons and reactions if your husband ignores you. In couples’ therapy, the wife and husband can work through all of the feelings and nuances that spring up when a husband ignores, or seems to be ignoring, his wife. Marriage counseling can provide a means and a safe space where a wife and her husband work through all of the underlying problems, including all the different perceptions between men and women and even any undiagnosed mental health issues contributing to the difficulties in the marriage.
If your husband isn’t ready to jump right into marriage counseling or couples’ therapy, you might choose to meet individually with a therapist. Then, the therapist can speak directly to the husband or wife and spend time on the individual problems before addressing them regarding the marriage. Like couples’ counseling, this is a great way to bring up problems when your husband ignores you. Outside of that, talking to a therapist or counselor is great for your mental health in general. However, it’s important to remember that treatment through counseling and therapy takes time, so you shouldn’t expect immediate results if you choose to take this path.
Is it normal for a husband to ignore his wife?
In many marriages, it’s not uncommon for wives to report that their husbands have ignored them. A wife might find it difficult to get her husband to talk to her because he spends a lot of time playing video games, sending text messages, or browsing social media. He may seem distant, either physically or mentally. It may seem that he spends all of his free time doing everything except engaging with you.
You may feel that your husband ignores you if he takes time to answer or respond to a question or if he refuses to respond at all. Or, he may spend time and energy doing other activities when he could otherwise be spending time with you. If these are isolated incidents, it’s not so uncommon since your husband is an individual, and sometimes he might have other things on his mind.
However, if your husband ignores you frequently, then it is not so normal. If your husband ignores you more than he acknowledges you, then this could be the sign of much deeper-rooted issues in your marriage and relationship.
Why does my husband not talk to me?
If you find that your husband is more interested in video games than hearing about your day, some underlying issues in the marriage need to be addressed. These can range from miscommunication to undiagnosed mental health issues. The first step to answering why a husband ignores his wife is to examine both the husband and the wife. It might be that the husband doesn’t know or realize that his wife feels ignored.
Or, in more serious cases, the husband ignores the wife as a sort of “silent treatment” to manipulate his wife. This is the case if a husband ignores his wife until she changes her behavior, opinion, or reaction to match what the husband wants. He withholds his attention and affection as a means of manipulating his wife. When a husband ignores his wife to manipulate her, he is exhibiting abusive behavior.
Another reason a husband ignores his wife because he feels overwhelmed by the relationship, or even by something outside of and completely unrelated to the marriage. For example, he might be having a tough time at work or facing something difficult in his friend circle. He would bring this up with his wife in an ideal marriage, but he may feel embarrassed or intimidated. So, instead of bringing it up and talking it out in the safe space of the marriage, he buries it and withdraws from his wife.
These are just a few common reasons why a husband might not talk to his wife. He might not know or realize that his behavior is hurting his wife. Or, he may be withholding attention and affection from his wife as a way of manipulating her. Finally, he could be withdrawing because he is intimidated or embarrassed by things he’s facing outside the marriage.
What is disrespect in a marriage?
There are several ways that you can identify disrespect in a marriage. Whether it’s in your own marriage or in the marriage of people who are close to you, here are some things to the lookout for. These are red signs that there is disrespect in a marriage:
- The couple doesn’t make time for each other. Instead of being involved in each other’s life and prioritizing one another, they spend all of their time and energy with other people or alone in pursuit of their own interests and hobbies.
- The couple keeps secrets. If a husband and wife keep secrets from one another, they’re violating the trust that is supposed to be the foundation of their marriage. When a couple keeps secrets from each other, they undermine that trust, and the entire marriage suffers from that disrespect and volatility.
- They only take care of themselves. This means that the husband looks after his own needs, while the wife looks after hers. This can be true for finances, emotional support, and even sex. If this is the case where the couple isn’t taking care of each other, then there’s a huge breakdown of respect in this relationship.
- They are always cutting each other down or competing. A marriage without respect will usually include a couple who always feels like they have to compete with their partner. They will usually put each other down, either behind their spouse’s back or directly to their face. They will speak negatively about their partner’s abilities and brag about their own. They feel a need to be better than their spouse instead of being a supporting partner.
- One spouse refuses to take the side of the other. Whenever there is a problem in their husband or wife’s social, family, or work life, a disrespectful spouse will never take their side. Instead, they may even blame their partner for the hardships that they’re facing. They might even openly agree or defend the person who is making their spouse’s life miserable. On the flip side, a disrespectful spouse will also be rude, defensive, or outright hostile to their husband or wife’s friends and family.
- They don’t respect your boundaries. This can be in terms of emotions, physical space, or communication habits. Respect for a spouse is reflected in respect for their boundaries.
If you recognize any of these factors or recurring behaviors from your husband, you should probably consider that he is disrespecting you. While this is not a great thing to hear, realizing that there is disrespect in a marriage is actually the first and most important step in working through that issue.
Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?
There are plenty of reasons why your husband might not be as sexually interested as he used to be. First of all, it’s important to note that his lack of sexual interest is not your fault in many cases! Some of the most common reasons a husband shows less sexual interest in his wife include an undiagnosed medical condition, stress, past trauma, lowered self-esteem, a hormonal imbalance, depression, or the side effects of a medication that he is taking.
It is also possible that it is the result of a perceived problem in the marriage. In many cases, if you don’t know why he has lost sexual interest, it could be a problem that he hasn’t brought up with you. The first step in figuring out and addressing this problem is to ask your husband directly. It would help if you were kind and understanding when you ask and be open and ready to hear his answer. Then, with this information, you can communicate more openly and honestly together and work together to rekindle your love while working through any problems.
How do I get my husband to pay attention to me?
If you feel like your husband isn’t paying attention to you, there are some things you can do to make him pay more attention to you. The first and easiest step is to tell him how you feel. It might be that your husband doesn’t know or doesn’t realize that you’re feeling a bit neglected. He’ll turn his behavior around in many cases once he knows that this is how you feel.
If that doesn’t solve it, though, consider inserting more positive behavior into your own routine. For example, you should vocalize your gratitude or affirmations for him. He’ll see and hear how you appreciate him, and he’ll likely realize how much he appreciates you, too. If this realization doesn’t spark a change in his behavior, you can step out of the subtlety and say, “You know how I affirm all the great things you bring to my life? It would great if you did that for me, too.” Then, you’ll both be on the same track and looking for all the positive things in your relationship. And when you search for the positive in any situation, you’re likely to find it!
It might be tempting to act out and withdraw in an attempt to make him miss you and struggle to win you back. However, more often than not, this pushes him further away. He could easily interpret this as a sign that you don’t love him as you used to and that you don’t want him to draw closer to you. Withdrawing like that usually makes this worse rather than better. After all, you’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar! This means that you should use positive, kind, and well-meaning behavior to inspire your husband's same kind of love and attention.
How do I talk to my husband about marriage problems?
The first step in talking with your husband about marriage problems is to bring them up. When you bring them up, be sure that you are ready to communicate openly and honestly. This means that you should be willing to share honestly from your heart. But more importantly, it means that you should be ready to listen to your husband without judgment. Remember, just as you are the only one truly qualified to explain how you feel, so too is the only one able to explain his side of things best. Before you bring up marriage problems, be sure that you’re in the right space, physically and emotionally, to listen and share deeply and honestly.
Then, it would help if you mentioned to your husband how you feel. Use “I feel” statements. This way, you can accurately express your problems without blaming any one person. This is a great way to communicate well and open the door to conversations that can lead to real problem-solving. Remember, though, this only works if both of you are willing to be accepting and non-judgmental of the other’s feelings and suggestions.
Finally, if talking to your husband about marriage problems isn’t enough to solve the problems, you should consider seeing a marriage counselor. The counselor will listen well, assess the situation with fresh eyes, and provide actionable solutions to help restore and strengthen your marriage.
How can I fix my marriage problems?
One of the most effective ways to address marriage problems is to seek couples’ therapy or marriage counseling. These methods of addressing problems in a marriage are widely successful. In fact, the statistics are actually strongly in favor of those who seek couples therapy. Couples and families who participate in family therapy have been shown to have a success rate as high as 75%. This shows that, on the whole, family therapy, whether it’s in the form of sex therapy for couples, marital therapy, or even individual therapy, can be an effective way to make relationships work. This is true for all kinds of relationships in your family.
But, before you dive in with a couples’ therapist, you need to make sure that your partner is on board for marital therapy. You might want to look at the different individual and couples therapy options before deciding to start couples therapy. Once your spouse agrees to work with a marriage counselor, you can begin searching for the right couples’ therapist for you both. If your partner doesn’t want to start with a couples counseling therapist right away, you should consider individual counseling in the meantime.
Once you and your partner have decided to get couples counseling, you have to work together to define what aspects of the relationship you want to work on. For example, are you looking for sex therapy, or do you want to talk with an unbiased third party about communicating more effectively? Once you’ve defined your goals for couples counseling, you’ll have a better idea of what kind of therapist and what kind of approaches you want to pursue.
In short, many relationships in couples’ therapy have been saved. Marriage counseling and marital therapy are great ways to address issues in a marriage. This is because the couples’ therapist acts as an objective third party who can listen to both sides of the story and offer professional and unbiased advice.
If your partner isn’t quite ready to delve into couples counseling, you can always try individual counseling in the meantime so that you can work on your part of the issues in the marriage. Hopefully, as your spouse sees you making progress, they’ll want to join the therapy or relationship counseling.
How do you deal with a husband that ignores you?
If you are starting to think, “My husband ignores me,” you might be concerned with what to do next. Try to bring back date night. After a while, some relationships can lack specified quality time. If you’d prefer to stay at home, think about having a special cooking night together or a game night. Planning opportunities for you and your husband to spend time together is important. When you let a long time pass without thoughtfully sharing a lot of time, you might feel like you are receiving the silent treatment, when really you might need to spend more time together.
If you still feel like your husband is ignoring you for a long time, talk to your husband. When you talk to your husband in a way that focuses on how you feel rather than telling him to stop ignoring you outright, you might have more success. No one wants to feel the silent treatment, especially from their spouse. Whether you’re a stay-at-home wife or a traveling, working woman, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Your status as a home wife, stay-at-home mom, or otherwise should not mean that you are responsible for holding the relationship together. Spend more time considering what you need to feel seen, and ask for help. If you think you’ll need the assistance of a couple’s counselor, reach out for help.
What does it mean when my husband ignores me?
If you frequently think, “My husband ignores me and doesn’t spend time with me” or “I’m receiving the silent treatment,” you might be confused about the reason. Changes in behavior from a significant other can often raise alarm bells. Before you begin to consider how to get your husband to stop ignoring you, you’ll likely want to figure out the root of the problem. Try answering these questions:
- How much time do you spend together?
- How many times a week do you find intimacy with one another?
- Does one of you spend more time with friends than the other?
- Do you no longer feel like you are “on the same page?”
No matter what, though, the silent treatment is not the way to resolve a problem or reach home; in fact - it’s manipulative. If your husband is ignoring you because of something that he thinks you did, you might need to enlist the assistance of a professional counselor. If your husband spends more time going out with friends than he does with you, you might need to talk to your husband about boundaries. If you both stay at home frequently and you still feel like you’re receiving the silent treatment or that you haven’t gotten him to stop ignoring you, you might also consider a couple’s counselor. Your relationship needs the respect and communication it deserves.
What is emotional abandonment in marriage?
Emotional abandonment from family members can appear in a few different ways. For example, if your spouse is giving you silent treatment, that can be a means of emotional abandonment. The silent treatment often insinuates that one person will not be happy or willing to forgive without the other person saying or doing something they do not want to say/do, typically happening more than two times a week.
Basically, emotional abandonment is when one partner feels discarded, undesired, or forlorn due to a lack of emotional support. If your husband spends more time insulting you, pressuring you than he does uplifting you, or if your husband is ignoring you, you might be experiencing emotional abandonment. Likewise, if your husband spends more time out and about than he does helping you build a home (home wife or not), you might feel traces of emotional abandonment. If you feel this way and are also being gaslit by your partner, it might feel even more difficult to work your way out of abandonment. This can further be amplified by anyone who is a stay-at-home mom or chooses to stay at home for work. When you stay at home, you might have a more difficult time noticing your own mistreatment.
How do you know if your marriage is over?
It is hard to say for sure when you know that your marriage is over - because it can be different for everyone. Perhaps your family members have been noticing a rift and are pressuring you into explaining yourself. Spend time considering what you want. Even if it takes a long time to resolve your problems, perhaps that is the route you and your partner will want to take. Sometimes the best results do take a long time. That said, if you are experiencing abuse or emotional abandonment, it might be time to stop ignoring your intuition and figure out the happiest and healthiest scenario for you to feel safe. If there’s a person, you trust who you can lean on, reach home and have that conversation before you do anything else. If you’re a home wife scared of the potential financial obligations, if your marriage does end, seek the assistance of a professional counselor. No home wife deserves to stay in an unhealthy relationship just for the sake of financial security. Spend a long time considering your options and what you actually want in addition to what you need.
Why do husbands ignore their wives?
In many cases, a spouse will mistreat their significant other because of their own personal problems, reaching home to their family members. Though this is unhealthy and not an acceptable means of handling oneself by any standard, it is more common for men to suppress their emotions. The presence of toxic masculinity can have a significant impact on how a husband will treat their wife. If you want your husband to stop ignoring you or stop ignoring your relationship's issues, he might need first to address some of his own mental struggles. For a home wife, this can be incredibly frustrating. Being ignored after spending all day taking care of everyone and everything is not a healthy relationship, home wife or not. Reach out to a couple’s counselor for assistance as soon as possible.
