How To Reconnect With Your Husband In 8 Steps

By: Kristina Speciale

Updated March 16, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Audrey Kelly, LMFT

There are times in a long-term relationship in which you lose touch with your significant other. In a marriage, losing touch and failing to attempt to reconnect can be incredibly difficult for the marriage itself. Several steps can be taken to reconnect when you find yourself in a rut or losing that special connection with your husband. By truly putting effort into reconnecting with your husband, your marriage will be more likely to escape the rut.


An effort is necessary for marriage, whether you are trying to reconnect on your own or seek help via a marriage counselor. If you want to attempt some steps before seeking professional help, the eight steps in reconnecting with your husband can be a great start. If you feel that outside help is necessary, getting that help will only make reconnecting more difficult. Get the help you need so that you can reconnect and avoid further marital concerns.

1. Have Daily Conversation

It is entirely possible to get so busy with life that you fail to talk to your spouse. While the typical "How was your day?" is an open-ended question that could lead to more conversation, it is also a question that is easily dismissed with a single-worded answer. A question that requires a more in-depth answer, such as "What was your favorite part of your day?" can open up to more (and better) conversation. By asking questions like these, your connection with your husband is far more likely to improve because you learn more about what happens when you are not around.

It is also important to have a daily conversation with your husband because you can learn more about him and his feelings by simply checking in. If you got married expecting your spouse to remain the same person he was on your wedding day 15 years down the line, you should also expect time to stand still. People change and develop over time as a result of their experiences and influences. By sharing these experiences with your spouse via conversation, you can see them develop and grow as a person.

2. Schedule Date Night

When life starts to get busy - the kids have school, soccer practice, choir concerts, and work is crazy - date night is often the first thing that goes on the wayside. However, a regular, scheduled date night is so important for married couples to stay connected. If you're feeling disconnected from your husband, ask him to go on a date with you. It might start with just one date, but the idea is to try to schedule one monthly or bi-monthly date at the least.

Having one on one time with your partner is so crucial to keeping your connection alive. Go out to dinner alone together, attend a music festival, or even have a glass of wine in the backyard. Whatever it is that you choose to do with your husband, be sure to take the time to be with one another in a one-on-one setting.


3. Communicate Your Feelings

One of the main issues that pop up in a marriage is the lack of communication. Many people feel that it is difficult to share your feelings. Sometimes this is a result of not wanting to argue or avoiding any hurt feelings. However, sharing what you feel with your husband is a necessary action that will keep you connected.

Some ways that couples avoid talking about their feelings are simply ignoring those feelings, giving their significant other the cold shoulder, or even pretending to have other feelings. While this might be a short-term solution to avoiding arguments, it is something that will cause distance between you and your husband over time. To stop that distance, it is best to be open and honest with one another.

4. Go to Bed at The Same Time

Getting ready for and getting into bed simultaneously as your husband is such a small change in your daily life that can drastically improve the connection you feel with your husband. For many couples, going to bed at the same time means pillow talk. Pillow talk can be incredibly important to relationships, as it is a time when the partners can be vulnerable with one another and open up. It also encourages cuddling and intimacy.

Going to bed simultaneously is also important because it gets husband and wife on the same sleep schedule. Going to bed at the same time means waking up close to the same time. Couples that go to bed at different times miss out on various possible interactions with one another, as the time spent sleeping differs from that of their spouse. This means that not only should couples go to bed at the same time, but they should try to go to sleep at the same time. The use of phones or other distractions in bed can act as a deterrent to connecting with your spouse.


5. Initiate Physical Contact

There are times when the connection with your husband is so strained that it feels impossible even to touch him. However, by initiating physical contact, you can make that strained relationship a bit less so. A simple touch to the arm might be a good way to start if you do not touch much at all. From there, you might improve to holding hands or hugging more.

Physical contact has a real impact on people, even more so for people in a relationship. The touch of a loved one not only can reduce stress, but it can even lessen pain. The effects lead to healthier people and happier relationships. Without touch, couples miss the necessary oxytocin ingredient, which allows the brain to feel the connection you share.

6. Identify the Cause of The Distance

As an insider in your marriage, it might be difficult to identify the root cause of any problems, including the distance between husband and wife. This is where many couples seek help from a licensed counselor or marriage therapist. A professional in this area of study would help a willing couple find the root of the problem and how best to correct it.

Without professional help, the best way to identify the cause of a disconnect from your husband is to communicate about it. As mentioned prior, communication in a marriage is the key to success. Without good communication, it can be hard to make it through problems and life in general together. With great communication, life's problems might leave your relationship close to unscathed.

7. Express Gratitude

After you have been with a person for so long, it can be hard to remember to express your thanks. This is because you likely have gotten so used to the tasks and things that your husband regularly does, you come to expect it. However, even if you expect him to make your coffee every morning because he has been doing it for so long, it is still important to be grateful for it and show him gratitude.

Expressing gratitude can be a simple "thank you" or even a kiss on the cheek in appreciation for his actions or behavior. Without the expression of your gratitude, he might feel taken advantage of or underappreciated. That is one of many ways that connections between man and wife begin to deteriorate. Closing that gap with appreciation can help you to reconnect.

8. Remember to Laugh

A marriage without laughter is often one that is full of stress. Life can be so difficult sometimes, so getting through it without laughing only makes it harder than it needs to be. Studies have proven that laughing in a relationship informs the partners that they are still interested in one another and allows them to enjoy their everyday lives.


While it isn't necessary for your husband to have an arsenal of jokes for you to laugh at so that you can reconnect, you must have a similar sense of humor. If you can laugh at the same things that he laughs at, you are headed in the right direction. Suppose you have different ideas of what is funny and attempt to find something you both can laugh at. For many married couples, it is comments from their children that offer up some common ground.

Getting Reacquainted

Feeling disconnected from your husband is never a good feeling. However, it doesn't mean that you are unable to reconnect. By trying just one or two of the suggestions above, you might notice a positive change in your relationship. Once those items have become part of your regular relationship, try adding one or two more. You will likely find that reconnecting is something that you enjoy, and it will strengthen your marriage. If you are still struggling to get that connection back, do not hesitate to seek professional help.


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