How To Reconnect With Your Husband In 8 Steps

Updated March 8, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

The connection between spouses can wax and wane, even in the strongest marriages. Busy schedules, family, work obligations, and more can sometimes pull us apart before we even notice. While temporarily losing touch is normal, when we fail to reconnect with each other, it can be harmful unless the situation is addressed and the connection re-established. If you find that you and your husband are in a rut and have grown apart lately, there are many ways to reconnect. It may take some effort initially, but reconnecting with your husband will be well worth it.

1. Have deeper conversations

The shared responsibilities of marriage are many, and it is possible to get so busy with life that couples can only speak to each other in small talk. While the typical "How was your day?" is an open-ended question that could lead to more conversation, it is also a question that is easily dismissed with a single-worded answer. A question that requires a more in-depth response, such as "What was your favorite part of your day?" can open to more (and better) conversation. By asking questions like these, your connection with your husband is far more likely to improve because you learn more about what happens when you are not around.

Having engaged, daily conversations with your husband is also important because you can learn more about him and his feelings by simply checking in. When you married, you probably didn’t expect your spouse to remain the same person throughout the years. People change and develop over time because of their experiences and influences. 

2. Schedule date nights

When life is busy with work schedules, school schedules, extracurricular activities, and family obligations, date night is often the first thing that goes by the wayside. However, a regularly scheduled date night is essential for married couples to stay connected. If you're feeling disconnected from your husband, ask him to go on a date with you. It might start with just one date, but the idea is to try to schedule one monthly or bi-monthly date at the least.

Having one-on-one time with your partner is crucial to keeping your connection alive. Go out to dinner alone together, attend a music festival, or even relax in the backyard. Whatever you choose to do with your husband, be sure to take the time to be with one another in a one-on-one setting.


3. Communicate your feelings

One of the main issues that many people experience in marriage is the need for more communication. Sometimes this is because of busy schedules, but it may also result from not wanting to argue or avoiding hurt feelings. Sometimes, couples avoid talking about their feelings or ignore them, giving their significant other the cold shoulder. While this might be a short-term solution to avoiding arguments, it will cause distance between you and your husband over time. It is best to be open and honest with one another to stop that distance.

4. Go to bed at the same time

Getting ready for and getting into bed simultaneously with your husband is a slight change in your daily routine that can significantly improve your connection. For many couples, going to bed simultaneously means pillow talk. Pillow talk can be critical to relationships, as it is a time when the partners can be vulnerable with one another and open up. It also encourages cuddling and sexual intimacy, which can benefit your health.  

Going to bed simultaneously is also important because it gets husband and wife on the same sleep schedule. Going to bed at the same time means waking up close to the same time. Couples that go to bed at different times miss out on various possible interactions with one another, as the time spent sleeping differs from that of their spouse. This means that not only should couples go to bed at the same time, but they should also try to sleep at the same time. The use of phones or other distractions in bed can act as a deterrent to connecting with your spouse.

Getty / courtneyk

5. Initiate physical contact

There are times when the connection with your husband can be so strained that it feels impossible even to touch him. However, initiating physical contact can make that strained relationship a bit less so. A simple touch to the arm might be an excellent way to start if you do not touch much. From there, you might improve to holding hands or hugging more. Physical contact has a real impact on people, even more so for people in a relationship. Not only can it reduce stress, but it can even lessen pain. The effects lead to healthier people and happier relationships. 

6. Identify the cause of the distance and talk about it

Even as an insider in your marriage, it isn’t always easy to uncover the root cause of disconnection or talk about it openly. This is where many couples seek help from a licensed counselor or marriage therapist. A professional in this study area specializes in helping couples find the root of the problem, establish open and healthy communication, and develop strategies for coping together. 

7. Express gratitude

When people have been together for a long time, taking each other for granted can be easy. You may not remember to express your thanks as often because you likely have gotten so used to the tasks and things your husband regularly does that you expect it. However, even if you expect him to make your coffee every morning because he has been doing it for so long, it is still important to be grateful for and show him gratitude.

Expressing gratitude can be a simple "thank you" or even a kiss on the cheek in appreciation for his actions or behavior. Without communicating your gratitude, he might feel taken advantage of or underappreciated. That is one of many ways that connections between spouses deteriorate. Closing that gap with appreciation can help you to reconnect.

8. Remember to laugh together

Life can seem overwhelming at times- even more so without laughter. Laughing is essential for our health and relationships, especially with those with whom we share life’s stresses. Studies have proven that shared laughter in a relationship creates a stronger bond and more resilience towards stress. 

While your husband doesn't need to have an arsenal of jokes for you to laugh at so that you can reconnect, it’s best to have a similar sense of humor. It can make a big difference if you can laugh at the same things that he laughs at. Even if your sense of humor isn’t aligned, the enjoyment we get when we watch each other crack up at something can be enough to reconnect and find joy together.


Feeling disconnected from your husband doesn’t have to be permanent. If you both are willing to do the things that bring you closer together, reconnection is possible. By trying just one or two of the suggestions above, you might notice a positive change in your relationship. Once those items become part of your regular habits, add one or two more. You will likely find that reconnecting is something that you enjoy, and it will strengthen your marriage.

While it may be easy to identify what you can do to reconnect with your husband, it isn’t always so easy to put them into action. Some days you may not think he’ll be receptive, or you don’t feel like making an effort. This can be especially true when you argue or harbor resentment toward each other. 

In cases like this, it’s imperative to seek the help of a relationship counselor with experience working with couples with communication and connection issues. However, some couples who need it most don’t speak to a counselor despite its benefits. It could be because there’s discomfort about traveling to an office and talking to a therapist in person. Some couples find it more difficult than others to coordinate schedules during the busy work week to meet for therapy. Still, others have challenges finding professionals in the area that they can afford. 

All of these obstructions to treatment can be resolved with online therapy. Platforms like Regain pair couples with licensed accredited relationship professionals online anywhere with a reliable internet connection. You can talk to a Regain counselor via phone, text, online messaging, and video chat on a schedule that’s convenient for you. 

Online therapy is often more affordable than conventional therapy without insurance, and a growing body of research indicates that virtual therapy has other advantages over a traditional setting. For example, a 2020 qualitative study of 33 couples published online in Frontiers in Psychology found that not only was online therapy effective, but some reported it was also easier to communicate with the counselor and each other and stay more engaged in therapy. 

If you feel a rift between you and want to reconnect with your husband, marriage counseling with the professionals at Regain could be the most effective path toward a healthier, happier marriage. 

For Additional Help & Support With Your ConcernsThis website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet Started
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.