Learning To Trust Your Cheating Husband Again

Updated September 29, 2021

After indiscretion, cheating, infidelity, the affair, or the preferred term of describing a cheating mate, what comes next? If you make the conscious decision to move forward as a couple and remain in the marriage after your mate has been unfaithful, you must be prepared to go through the process. Before making the ultimate decision, it’s important to re-establish faith in your mate and slowly work to trust them again.

Learning to trust your cheating husband again can and will likely be challenging. You may experience feelings of rage, sadness, worthlessness, and extreme jealousy. You will begin to question yourself about whether or not you should stay in the relationship. The challenges will present themselves for both parties, but there is hope.

As time passes, the partner that cheated must own his indiscretion and commit to make the relationship a priority. There must be a diligent effort to demonstrate actions and implement emotions to show that he is trustworthy. There is a certain degree of action required to intrigue trust in a situation. This explains why people learn to watch what you do instead of what you say to decide to what extent they should trust you.

If you are struggling with trusting your mate after infidelity, the following questions will help you decide to remain or exit the relationship.

Infidelity In A Relationship Can Be Difficult To Cope With
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1. Do you have the level of commitment to your partner that will allow you to trust them again?

After the affair has been exposed, do you admire and respect your mate enough to move forward in the relationship? Give yourself an honest answer to the question. Is there room for a second chance? Do you still feel the emotions that you felt in the beginning with your mate? Can the two of you still enjoy yourselves if you decided to try again?

2. Are you in a place that allows you to move to pass the resentment and ill feelings about the infidelity?

Can you envision a loving and caring future with your mate? If your desire to love and grow with the person who cheated on you still exists, you may have a chance to rebuild the intimacy and establish trust in the relationship.

3. Are you able to forgive your mate for betraying you?

Understand that forgiveness does not equate to acceptance or pardoning the infidelity. It means that you will not allow yourself to sit powerless in an unfortunate situation you didn’t create. Experts agree that forgiveness is necessary to gain peace of mind. It empowers you not to allow the pain you’ve endured to define your present or your future.

Answering no to either of the above questions is a strong indicator that you aren’t prepared to move forward in the relationship. You know that your heart doesn’t always do what your mind tells it to and if you truly desire to make things work, seek marital or individual counseling before making any final decisions. You are truly the only person who knows if you’re capable of forgiving your mate and surviving the cheating.

If you decide to remain in the relationship, be positive. Not every relationship or marriage can recover after cheating. Still, there is hope for couples who work together and allow themselves to make the necessary steps to rebuild their relationship and the trust that once existed.

The Process

The process of re-establishing the trust in the relationship begins as soon as the infidelity is revealed. Although your mate cheated, disrespected you and the relationship, and had complete disregard for their commitment to you, it doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end. While all those things sound awful and maybe a motivation for many to walk away, it’s not always the choice. The most important thing is to go through the process, which includes releasing the anger, reaching a place of forgiveness, and working on rebuilding.

What Your Unfaithful Mate Must Do

First, counseling sessions should be scheduled. It may work best for the mate that cheated to undergo individual and couples counseling. In some infidelity instances, there are underlying issues that need to be approached, identified, and discussed. They must be vulnerable, open, and honest about everything if they want to heal from the indiscretion and gain their mate’s trust again.

These are the initial steps that the cheating mate should take to aid them in recommitting a trusting and fulfilling relationship.

Step 1: Be Remorseful

A person who has cheated must feel and show remorse. The other mate must see that their unfaithful partner is remorseful for his acts of infidelity. A person who has been hurt by infidelity will only feel encouraged to rebuild when they see that their partner is remorseful. Remorse cannot occur if the unfaithful partner does not acknowledge their wrongdoings and take the blame for the infidelity.

Honesty And Acceptance

The unfaithful person must try to relate to the feeling that their mate expresses and accept that they were wrong for cheating. They must commit to be faithful moving forward and not be secretive or dishonest in any way. If it has not already been done, they need to confess and ask for forgiveness. Full disclosure will make the cheater uncomfortable, but it sets the tone for transparency, validation, and susceptibility.

Couples working to move past infidelity must identify the negative factors that caused discord without pointing fingers. Although feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal will manifest when the infidelity is discovered, being open and honest in acknowledging the issues is a primary step toward reacquiring trust and rekindling intimacy.

For this to take place, the unfaithful mate must engage their weaknesses and discover which factors, if any, motivate them to resume or rekindle a relationship with their mate.

No Second Chances

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The cheater must be willing to end the affair permanently and terminate all communication with the person they cheated with. It’s the ground rules for no second chances, which may be difficult for the cheater at first, but it’s a necessary part of the process. This is a major step but powerful enforcement that helps to remove one of the factors of temptation. Most partners that are willing to forgive their mate for cheating will only do so if they promise to end all communication with the person they were seeing. It may be necessary to change your route to work, request a reassignment or transfer at work, or find a new breakfast or coffee spot to stop by each day. These types of changes may be necessary to prevent chance encounters or to bump into the person you cheated with on occasion.

Step 2: Acclimate

The next step, acclimation, can only occur when a couple has reached and accomplished forgiveness and is now prepared to move towards reestablishing the relationship and not recall the infidelity during every conversation. This step requires the couple to take the proper steps or implement effective strategies for dealing with conflict to prevent it from consuming their lives. Conflict management is critical in any relationship, even one where infidelity hasn’t occurred.

Another element of Step 2 is that the unfaithful mate must implement the proper actions to show that they care about the relationship and prioritize it. This reestablishment and reaffirmation of the couple’s commitment to one another require that they make the status of their relationship known to family and close friends. This is done to gain the support and encouragement of those closest to them and desire to see them engage in a healthy and happy relationship.

Step 3: Intimacy

Infidelity In A Relationship Can Be Difficult To Cope With
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As you would expect, this step is taken to facilitate an intimate connection with the couple. This takes place after the acknowledgment and act of forgiveness. It’s challenging to be physically intimate when you’re harboring feelings of anger and abandonment or disrespect in your relationship.

Most acts of intimacy are based on emotional feelings, which counteract any distractions moving forward. Intimacy exists in conversation, just as it does physically. It’s important to connect and engage in emotional conversation to return to physical intimacy after the affair.

Learning to trust your cheating husband again after infidelity must be a personal and honest decision. You can’t allow exterior pressures or circumstances within the relationship to influence your decision to remain or leave. If you’re uncertain that you can return to a place that permits trust and love, you should not move forward until you are certain.

It’s common for people to try and make the relationship work after cheating but later discover that they can’t remain with their mate because of the indiscretion. The willingness to try is sometimes necessary to prove that loving or being with them again isn’t the best thing for either person. Regardless of if you remain or leave the relationship, healing is necessary. It’s the healthiest approach to living a fulfilled life with or without your mate.


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