Is It Time To Leave Your Husband? 3 Ways To Know
By: Hailey Davis
Updated March 18, 2021
If you are incredibly frustrated, mad, or hurt by something your husband has done, you are not alone. Every marriage has challenges, some bigger than others. Many people have been at their breaking point and wonder if it is time to leave their husbands. This can feel shameful, heartbreaking, and even scary. Living in the unknown and feeling hopeless isn't a sustainable mindset. In this blog post, we are going to look at some ways to know if it is time to leave your husband or if you should stick it out. Nobody knows what you are going through better than you. If you read this blog post and still can't fathom being with your husband anymore, you need to make the best decision for both of you.
Ways To Know If You Should Leave Your Husband
Below are some ways to know if you should leave your husband and start over. The reason you are considering leaving your husband may not be on this list. This is likely because there are ways to help get your marriage back on track. Further on in this blog post, you will see some solutions to help fix your marriage and make you enjoy your husband again. For now, let's go over some reasons it is in your best interest to leave your husband.
One of the very clear signs you need to get out of your marriage is if your husband is abusive towards you. Whether this is mental or physical abuse, none of it is acceptable. Even if your husband blames you for his abusive tendencies, you need to understand that it is not your fault. If he says he does the things he does because he loves you so much, know that abuse is not loved. He may say he cannot control his anger and lashes out when he gets angry. No matter the excuse, verbal and physical abuse is never acceptable. If you are unsure if you and your husband are in an abusive relationship or not, take a look at the cycle of relationship violence:
- Tension builds up from verbal arguments, jealousy, and boundaries being crossed.
- The attack in which the abusive partner emotionally or physically hurts their partner.
- An apology from the attacker, begging for forgiveness.
- A period where the relationship seems great, and the partner has changed their ways.
- Tension builds up again, and the cycle starts over.
There are more than three million incidents of domestic abuse reported every year-by both men and women. These are just the incidents that are reported, not the frequency that actually occurs. Unfortunately, if the abuse victim stays with their abusive partner, the abuse doesn't get resolved, potentially becoming more serious. With emotional abuse, there is a possibility for the abuser to get better through individual counseling. This is because their anger issues are likely due to a mental illness, which can usually be treated.
On the other hand, with physical abuse, it is very difficult for someone to change their ways once they get to the point of physical violence. It is also very difficult for the victim to be capable of being healthy with their abuser. So, if your husband is physically abusive towards you, it is in your best interest to physically leave him and find somewhere safe to stay immediately. Do not notify your husband that you are leaving, and let your neighbors know to call the police if they hear any loud noises coming from your home. Later on, leaving the marriage is likely the best thing you can do for yourself and your husband.
He Is Having An Ongoing Affair
If you have found out your husband has been having an affair, your immediate thought is likely to leave him. While it is much easier said than done, it is possible to rekindle your relationship after your spouse cheats-as long as your husband is willing to stop the affair immediately. With the help of a marital counselor, you and your husband can learn to heal from the pain the affair has caused. However, when your husband is unwilling to cut ties with the person he had an affair with, you should seek a divorce. Not only would staying with a man who is having an ongoing affair damage your mental state, but it would also lower your self-esteem greatly. Additionally, sharing a sex partner with someone else can put you at risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
Believe it or not, a common reaction for people who have been caught having an affair would be that they will want to keep both of their partners in their life at the same time. So if this was the reaction your husband gave you, try to understand that many people may react this way. Your husband may say that he is in love with you still, but he just can't let the other woman go. There is no legitimate reason your husband should not let go of the woman he is having an affair with but continue staying married to you. As heartbreaking and defeating it can feel about leaving your husband, it is necessary to do so if he wants to continue his affair. Remember, you do not deserve to be forced into sharing your husband with someone else. A divorce is very difficult to go through, especially if you have kids, but you shouldn't stay with someone unwilling to stop having an affair.
Alcohol Or Drug Abuse
If your husband has been misusing alcohol or drugs, you may be wondering if you should seek out a divorce. When you first find out what your husband is struggling with, you should do your best to help him. Get him in touch with a counselor, rehabilitation center, or a doctor. Help him stay accountable through his recovery and give him grace if he ever messes up. It may take years to get better but be patient and commend him for his positive changes.
While being a committed spouse means standing by your husband's side through thick and thin, there may be a time where enough is enough. Addiction is very difficult to understand for the people closest to the one who is battling the addiction. There are times where the person has no will to get help. There are times where they make potentially life-threatening decisions. Years can go by, and no positive change has been made, and they could have even gotten worse. If this is the case for you and your husband, it may be time to seek out a divorce, especially if your husband has put you or your kids in danger because of their addiction. However, don't give up on your husband if you just found out about his addiction. Do what is mentioned in the paragraph above because there is a great chance he can beat his addiction, and your marriage can get back on track.
When Should You Not Leave Your Husband?
Now that we have gone through some situations where divorce is the best option, let's talk about when you should not leave your husband. Truth be told, relationship counseling can help fix most marital issues, as it is about 75% effective. Of course, you need to do what is best for you and your husband, no matter what anyone says. If you truly believe you must get a divorce and there is no hope, seek a divorce. But if you are still unsure about leaving your husband, don't give up just yet. There are many things that time, a little bit of effort, and relationship counseling can fix. Here are just a few:
When Times Get Tough
Despite what romantic comedies make it seem like, every relationship has issues or issues. Just because you and your husband have been arguing lately and haven't been getting along well, it does not mean you must divorce. For the most part, some time spent together and a few intentional talks can help couples get through difficult times. If this is why you are considering a divorce, try to stick it out or attend relationship counseling.
When You Don't Feel The Spark Anymore
If you and your husband are not arguing, but you don't feel the spark or get butterflies around them anymore, it does not mean you should leave him. It is normal to feel bored with your husband at some point in your relationship. It is normal to feel underwhelmed by your marriage. This is usually just a phase that most couples go through and resolves itself. If you feel this way about your marriage, your husband likely feels the same way. Talk to him openly about it and try to find a resolution.
He Annoys You
Has your spouse been getting on your last nerve lately? Has everything he says makes you shake your head in annoyance? This happens fairly frequently in marriages. Try to spend some time doing things alone or with your friends for a while. You may just be needing some space and are stepping on each other's toes. While you are waiting for these feelings to subside, try to be kind to your husband and be patient with him. You don't want to be hurtful towards him. Communicate how you are feeling to him in a kind tone without belittling him. You two are sure to move on from these feelings of constant annoyance.
Should You Leave Your Husband?
As mentioned, if you are just done with your marriage altogether and want nothing more than to move on, then that may be the best option for you. It is incredibly difficult to fix a marriage when you have that type of mindset. As long as you are not in danger and your spouse is willing to put in the effort, you can usually fix most marital problems. With the help of a licensed marital counselor, you two can learn to heal from a heartbreaking event, communicate effectively, and how to do better in the future. If you decide to stay with your husband, don't lose hope if it takes a while to get back on track. Once your marriage is happy again, it will be well worth your time and effort.
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