My Husband Left Me: How To Move Forward In A Healthy Way After He Leaves

Updated March 12, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Finding out that your marriage is over can turn your world upside down. You might be scared, anxious, angry, shocked, and worried about what this means for your future. Your husband leaving you may shatter all of the dreams, hopes, and plans you had for your life, and you may wonder if you’ll ever get past it. Although you won’t be spending your life with the person you thought you would be with forever, you can still process and move forward from this situation in productive, healthy ways. 

Struggling to heal after a marriage that has ended?

Tips for when your husband leaves

1. It's okay not to be okay

If your husband has left you, your life has likely just been drastically changed. So, rather than putting on a brave face and acting like everything is okay, know that it’s natural to be struggling. Allowing yourself time to grieve your marriage can be important, and this process can take you through many different stages. Some stages may take longer than others to work through, and this can be natural. 

You may have people that want to check in on you and make sure you're doing okay. If these people have been through a divorce or know someone who has, they may want to tell you how long things will take or give you advice from their own experience. However, try not to get caught up in comparing your recovery process to others; this is different for everyone. As time goes on, you will likely experience more and more healing, but for now, it's okay to not be okay.

2. Take it one day at a time

After your husband has left you, your mind might be racing with all the things you have to figure out. For example, you need to know how you will continue to pay the bills, raise your kids, and handle all of your other responsibilities. There's a lot that is likely to demand your attention in the coming days. Rather than getting caught up in it all at once, try to take it one day at a time.

Some days, there might be a lot that demands your attention. Some days, you might struggle to get out of bed. Then, other days, you might feel empowered and like you can conquer the world. It can be natural and normal to go back and forth, so focus on one day at a time. 

3. Accept that you might never have the answers that you want

You probably have a lot of questions about why your husband left. You may think that if you get the answers to those questions, you’ll be able to move on and feel at peace. While getting closure can help, it doesn’t guarantee there won’t still be pain. Additionally, your husband might not be willing to talk and give you the closure you need. It can be hard to accept that you probably won't get all the answers you want. Still, know that you don't need to know everyone in order to move forward healthily. Sometimes, it can be healthier to start your healing journey despite having unanswered questions. 

4. Practice self-care

Self-care is talked about a lot these days. We live in such a busy world where we feel like we need to be constantly running and may find it hard to take time to ourselves to relax and unwind. If your husband left and you have children to take care of, you might not have a lot of time to devote to yourself. You’re probably more concerned about your kids and how they are going to adjust to the change. It may even be easier for you to deal with the situation when you can use your kids as a distraction from having to process through your pain.

However, it can be vital to take care of yourself during this time. You might be struggling to eat or not eat or sleeping too much or not enough. It might be hard for you to want to do anything at all. Take time to figure out what you need to be healthy during this time. Consider paying attention to these essential areas:

  • Sleep – It can be crucial to get enough rest at night so that your body can refuel and recharge for the next day. Stress and anxiety can make it hard to sleep, but some things can help, like meditation, deep breathing, or even medication. Always consult your doctor about the use of medication.

  • Eating right - Two extremes are easy to jump to when you go through major stress-eating too much or not eating enough. You may find that you're turning to food for comfort when dealing with your divorce. This could include grabbing unhealthy foods, like hitting the drive-thru, because your schedule is extra busy as you adjust to life without your husband. This type of eating can hurt your physical body and mental health. Not eating enough can do the same. It can be important to focus on eating balanced meals and snacks.

  • Movement - This might not be the right time to take up a serious workout regimen, but exercise can help your mental health. As you exercise, you receive a boost in brain chemicals that improve your mood. Living a healthier lifestyle can also help boost your confidence which may have taken a hit when your husband left.

After those three areas, there are plenty of other things that you can choose to do for self-care. Think about what activities help you to recharge and feel better. It could be taking the time to read a book, meditate, or journal, as a few examples.

5. Surround yourself with a support system that isn't your husband

There's a chance that your major support system in the past was your husband. Now that he's gone, it's time to build a new one. Find family members and friends that you can turn to during the difficult days ahead. These can also be the people that get you out of the house and help you start having fun again when you're ready. Ensure that these are people that you can trust with your feelings. Not everyone you come across is someone you should let on these deepest feelings and hardest days. Still, you can find people that you can be completely open and honest with. A healthy support system can improve your mental health and help you to feel less alone. It can be crucial during such a stressful time as the one you’re going through.

Getty/AnnaStills
Struggling to heal after a marriage that has ended?

Online counseling with Regain

Being left by a spouse can leave you with a lot of emotional pain and doubts about yourself and your worth. While a strong support system can help, a therapist can provide added professional support. Not only can they be a listening ear, but they can also provide you with helpful tips and strategies to move forward healthily. Regain has therapists available 24/7 so that you aren’t waiting around to get the care you need. You can message them throughout the day as different painful emotions arise and find comfort in their responses. Although most other aspects of your life might be changing, your therapist can be a steady source of encouragement as you move forward with your life. 

The efficacy of online counseling 

Online counseling can be utilized by individuals who have experienced divorce and are coping with the aftermath. In a 1-year study of the efficacy of an online platform for adults going through divorce, researchers found that participants experienced significantly reduced anxious, depressive, and somatization symptoms. These results “suggest that online intervention platforms may be effective in reducing adverse mental health related effects of divorce and thereby offer long-term human and public health benefits.”

Therapist reviews

“Dr. Anstadt is amazing. I appreciate him always reaching out to make sure things are going smoothly in between our sessions. He follows up and genuinely cares about my situation. I would recommend Dr. Anstadt to anyone who is seeking insight on coparenting and new relationships after divorce. Thank you for everything!”

“Christina was very helpful when I told her I left my spouse. I wasn't sure what I wanted, a divorce or reconciliation. She helped me start processing where I was, to where do I see myself, to what do I want, to how do I see myself getting obtaining these goals. She did not influence any of my decisions, but guided me with thought provoking questions. Throughout our short sessions, she continued to reassure me that she or someone else, would always be there for me. Thank you Christina for your professionalism, your guidance and your compassion to help others. I look forward to continuing my therapy sessions with you, as my goals are not yet met.”

Takeaway

Being left by your husband can leave you feeling a deep sense of abandonment that may seem like it’ll never go away. Knowing what steps to take next can be difficult to determine, especially when you’re grappling with a whirlwind of emotions. Surrounding yourself with a positive support system, allowing yourself time to heal, and avoiding blaming yourself can all help you process the situation. Additionally, confiding in a trained professional through online counseling can help you recover with more ease. Being left by your husband may make you feel alone, but you are far from it.

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