Warning Signs He Doesn't Want To Marry You
Medically Reviewed By Tonia Cassaday , LISWWhen you're in a loving relationship with a man, wanting to marry him is understandable. This is something that many couples do, particularly as the relationship progresses. Often, there are certain signs a man exhibits when he is interested in taking that next step towards marriage. Consequently, there are also indicators that a man doesn't want to marry. These indicators are often present after the relationship has lasted for some time.
A Quick Word On Marriage And Relationships
In Western society, there is a significant amount of attention and value placed on marriage. Roughly 90% of individuals in Western culture are wed before they reach the age of 50. Marriage is a milestone in which various individuals are eager to reach at some point in their lives. When someone suspects or learns that they're in a relationship with a man who shows signs he doesn't want to marry you, this can be upsetting for a plethora of reasons.
Before going into the warning signs he doesn't want to marry you, know this: your value as a human being is not dependent upon whether or not someone wants to marry you. There are all kinds of reasons why a man may not want to become your husband; these reasons could pertain to you or they could be issues which are solely on his end. Nevertheless, it's important to remember that you are worthy and valuable, even if you find yourself in a relationship with a man who isn't interested in marriage.
Sometimes people don't see or choose to ignore the warning signs he doesn't want to marry you to escape the pain or disappointment. In the long run, however, this does more harm than good. If you're in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to marry you, knowing his intentions is in your best interest. It may be painful, but you can determine what your next step should be and if this is a relationship you want to continue.
Signs He Doesn't Want To Marry You
When you're in a relationship with a man who is showing signs he doesn't want to marry you, sooner or later, the warning signs are going to materialize. These signs are not always obvious, but when you know what to look for, it certainly makes a difference. A man who doesn't want to marry you will most likely not come right out and tell you this; however, if the following signs are evident in your relationship, they should be a red flag for you.
He Steers Clear Of Labeling The Relationship
Refraining from labeling the relationship in the early stages is normal in certain cases; however, if you've been in a relationship for an extended period and he still doesn't want to put a label on the relationship or refer to you as his partner, that's problematic. There may be all sorts of reasons why he's steering clear of a label, but it's not a positive sign for your relationship. It's also an indicator that he isn't going to be asking you to marry him anytime soon. A man who is serious about commitment and marriage will have no problems with labeling the relationship.
He Gets Vague During Talks Of The Future
When you are in a relationship with someone, it is natural to discuss the future, if you're serious about one another. As time passes, talking about the future is something which becomes more and more important. If you're involved with a man who constantly changes the subject, becomes vague, or otherwise avoids talking about the future, this is a warning sign that he's not interested in marriage. This is one of the more subtle signs to be aware of; but avoiding the subject of marriage may be his way of letting you know that he doesn't want to become your husband.
You've Never Met His Friends Or Family
If you've been in a relationship with a man for quite some time, you're probably going to meet his friends, family, and others who are close to him. If this hasn't happened after a while, especially after many years, this is a warning sign. Of course, there's always the possibility of extenuating circumstances, but most of the time, if a man is serious about marrying you, he's going to want to introduce you to his friends and family.
He Proposed, But Won't Set A Date
When a man is truly excited about marrying his significant other, he's almost always going to want to set a date for marriage. Of course, some couples have long engagements, but if your significant other has proposed, but continuously procrastinates on setting a date, this could be a warning sign. In a situation of this nature, the proposal may have occurred because he thought he wanted to marry you but wasn't 100% sure. If months (or even years) go by without setting a date for the marriage ceremony, this is a very clear sign that he may not want to marry you.
He's Told You He Doesn't Want Marriage
There are certain cases where men are upfront about informing their significant others of their absent desire for marriage. Unfortunately, some individuals may try to change a man's mind. In most cases, this doesn't end well and only leads to resentment and bitter feelings. When someone tells you who they are and what they want, it's best to believe them. If a man changes his mind about not wanting marriage, this is something which he can and will convey to you on his own. If you're interested in getting married, but he isn't, it might be a good idea to re-evaluate the relationship.
How To Handle The Aftermath
Learning that you're in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to marry can take time to handle and process. Coming to this revelation can be very disappointing, but it is ultimately up to you to determine if you can forgo being married. At this point, it's very important to be truthful with yourself. Convincing yourself that you can remain in a relationship without marriage when you desire to be married will only lead to problems in the future.
In situations where you want to marry and he doesn't, there are no simple answers. This isn't a decision that you need to make in haste. Take as much time as you need, although you may find that, deep down, you already have your answer. If you truly feel as though you can remain in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to marry you, that's fine. However, if you're not able to comfortably be in a relationship where you won't ever be married, that's fine also. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in whatever relationship you're involved in even if it means letting go of something so that you can be a part of something better.
Confiding In Others
Determining if you should remain with a man who doesn't want to marry you isn't something that you have to do on your own. Confiding in friends, family, and others who care about you can be helpful after coming to this realization. It can be very satisfying to discuss the situation with others. Talking with other people has the added bonus of providing a different perspective which would be otherwise unavailable if you tried to figure it all out on your own.
During this difficult time, working with a therapist is another highly recommended course of action. Mental health care is a critical service with well-documented benefits. Regardless of your situation and decision, a therapist can be of value in a multitude of ways.
If you're interested in psychotherapy, signing up for online therapy with ReGain is a convenient and affordable way to with a therapist. Unlike traditional, in-person therapy, online therapy allows you to work with a specialist from anywhere. Here at ReGain, we understand and respect that people have busy lives and it is not always convenient to come to an office each week. We also believe that someone's lifestyle shouldn't impact their ability to get help.
Online therapy is very effective, but it's not a quick and easy fix. Life's challenges and struggles still take place; however, you will gain the knowledge, skills, and ability to handle these issues more successfully. Online therapy can be a valuable tool to assist you along your journey and you learn how to make the rest of your life the best of your life.
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A man knows he wants to marry you after he's been with you past the initial stages of a relationship and has an idea as to how compatible you are as partners long term. If he says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you or talks about plans with you, it's a good sign. Pay attention to the way he treats you, both when you're alone and around family and friends.
If there's hesitation when you bring up the topic of marriage, you may think that he is having second thoughts or doesn't want to marry you, but there are times when that isn't the case. Even if someone intends to marry you, they may still have fears surrounding marriage itself. This is another scenario where premarital counseling is likely to help. Again, instead of watching for hints without asking for clarity or searching the web for "marry you sign he'll ask," "marry you signs he's preparing to pop the question," “signs you’re going to get an engagement ring” or "signs you're going to get a marriage proposal," talking about it is your best bet. If he explicitly says that he doesn't want to get married, however, know that you can't change him. Some people intend to spend their entire life with someone without ever getting married legally. Only you can decide what your deal breakers are as they relate to marriage, so be straightforward and realistic with both yourself and your partner.
Not having an answer as to if a long-term partner wants to marry you or not is incredibly difficult. You don't deserve to be left in the dark. Bring up the topic and get both of your desires and intentions on the table so that you can get clarity on the situation as well as a potential time frame. If you are interested in spending the rest of your life with this person, you must be on the same page. You don't want to drive yourself up the wall wondering if he'll ever propose, especially if you have no idea as to if it's on his mind or not. If you notice a sign that he doesn't seem to want to propose at all, talk about it in a non-accusatory way and see his response. Misunderstandings happen, but honesty and communication aren’t optional. Rather, they’re crucial and foundational. You have to be candid with each other about your needs and wants when it comes to the future.
If he gets angry when you bring up the topic or refuse to put labels on your relationship, these are both huge signs he doesn't want to marry. These are some of the biggest signs he doesn't want to get married because, if you are together for a substantial amount of time, even if he is not ready to pop the question, he should be willing to talk about it. Of course, no matter what big signs you see that lead you to believe that he doesn't want to tie the knot, communication is the most important thing. Even if the biggest signs show up, it's often important to talk about things so that you can gain clarity. If you see multiple signs he doesn't want to marry and he won't talk about it, you will want to go to a professional who can help you work things out, or consider leaving the relationship if he is unwilling to do so. Even if he doesn't want to marry you or anyone else, he has to be willing to open up about that and let you make your own decision as to if you want to stay in the partnership or not. You don't want to be with someone wishy-washy about something important to you, so if this has been an extensive battle or you've been seeing big signs for a long time, it's time to address it.
How long should I wait for him to propose before I leave?
It's less about the time and more about your communication. If it seems pretty clear that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you or you've talked about plans together, it's a big sign that he's in it for the long haul, and you should feel pretty comfortable talking about your future with one another. Since every relationship is different, there's no general rule for how long you should wait for a person to propose, but at a certain point, you'll want to know if it's coming or if this is it. Whether you talk to a mental health professional online or in your local area, a counselor or therapist can help you and your partner work through concerns related to marriage, engagement, communication, or anything else that comes up in your partnership. Reach out to a counselor near you or talk to a provider at an online therapy website like ReGain.
