How To Get A Girl To Text You Back When She Is Ignoring You
By: Sarah Fader
Updated March 10, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Audrey Kelly, LMFT
People of all ages engage in texting, from teenagers to seniors. Regardless of your age, we all want to be heard, and when you text someone, and they ignore you, it feels bad - being ignored hurts. It's particularly difficult to be ignored when you're interested in someone romantically. When you're dating someone and the conversation is going well, it feels great. The texts are coming in, and you have great banter with the love interest of your dreams, and then suddenly, it seems that she's ignoring you. You're wondering, is she ghosting you? You're thinking, is this the end of the connection that we had?
You may feel hopeless and wonder how to get a girl to text you back when she is ignoring you, but that might not be what's going on at all. We all have different texting styles. Some people text back quickly, whereas others take a couple of hours on average. Some people turn their phones off or on silent when they're at work, at school, when they're socializing, and so on. Some people even think that you should wait a couple of days to text someone back so that there's a "chase" for the other person. The truth is that there's no universal rule for how often you should text someone; it depends on who you are, who they are, and what the dynamic of the relationship is like overall.
Say that it's been a few days and she hasn't said anything. Here are some things that you can do to keep the conversation going and entice the girl that you're into to text you back.
Keep the Conversation Fresh and New
You don't have to trace back to what you were talking about before. That topic has probably passed in terms of relevancy, so it's time to move on and start a new conversation. Another thing that you can do is ask a question. Remember, just like in person, asking open-ended questions is a great way to get a more detailed response than asking a yes or no question. Something simple like "what's been going on with you?" or a question about what she's interested in and the kinds of things that she might like to do. For example, you could ask, "are there any new movies that you're interested in seeing?"
You're not going to get her to text you back if you say something like, "I can see that you're busy" because that'll push her away even further. Along the lines of open-ended questions, rather than commenting on how busy she must be or how she hasn't replied, you can ask what's been going on in her life. It's always good to show interest in the other person's life; people are attracted to that because it shows genuine interest and care. For example, you might send her a quick text to say, "What'd you do this weekend?" or "How have things been going at work?" Show authentic interest in what's going on in her life. There are ways that you can reignite the conversation, and this is a great way to do it.
Give Her Physical Space
If you've been asking her to get together and she hasn't been replying, it might be best not to bring up getting together next time you send her a text. There are many reasons that a girl might not want to meet up, and it likely has nothing to do with you. She could legitimately be busy or stressed out, she might be going through something difficult in her personal life, or she might be experiencing social anxiety. It's also worth noting that if you began speaking online and haven't seen each other in person yet, a lot of fear can come with that initial encounter. There are so many horror stories out there about online dating that she might be nervous and need more time to get to know you. Change the subject and talk about something light-hearted so that you can chat more and build up to asking her out on a date again in the future.
Keep It Positive
It's important to keep the conversation light and positive. There's nothing wrong with a sarcastic quip here and there, but make sure that you don't spend most of the time complaining or making snide remarks about things. Insert some humor. Remember that life can be stressful and that everyone likes to laugh. If you're kind and engaging when you speak to someone, it's more likely that they'll be at ease around you and want to keep the conversation going.
Texting Isn't the End
While texting can be a part of your dynamic, it's not the core of how you communicate with your love interest. Ultimately, the goal is to talk to her in person. Texting is a means to an end. You want to make texting an anticipatory experience. Make her want to see you by engaging in compelling conversations. Remember, your relationship won't always consist of texting. The ending goal here is to see each other in person and keep that in mind when you go back and forth with her. That's why it's great to ask her about movies, music, television, books, and activities that she likes; so that you can connect with her face-to-face one day. If you can get a sense of what she likes, you can gauge what you want to ask her to go out and do in person. You can ask what kind of sports she's into or what she does in her free time so that you can gain a better sense of who she is and what events she might want to attend.
Use Texting to Find Out More About Your Love Interest
To prepare for a date and know where you want to take this person, one thing that you can find out is what sort of local haunts she likes to visit. If you know that she likes coffee, for example, you can ask her what her favorite coffee place around town is. Ask her what she likes to do. Is she a night owl who likes to socialize and go bar hopping, or is she more of an introvert that would prefer to be in a quiet setting? The more that you get to know about her, the easier that planning things together will be. You'll know what's of interest to her. That way, you won't be taking a shot in the dark when you ask to hang out, nor will you invite her to an event or activity that she's entirely uninterested in attending.
Description Is Powerful
Remember that long texts won't necessarily get someone to engage with you; writing someone, a novel could overwhelm someone and is unlikely to get them to text you back. That said, descriptive language can make a world of difference when you text someone. You want to "match" the love interest that you're talking to in terms of how much they're texting you and try to pick up on the vibe that they're sending you. If you write them a paragraph and they send a short sentence back, they might be busy or not have much to say about what you're telling them about. That said, descriptive language can be powerful when you're texting someone. If you're a writer, use it to your advantage and use your words.
What the Silent Treatment Means
Being ignored is unpleasant. It may feel like you're getting the silent treatment from the love interest in your life, and that's not fun. All that to say, you need to stop and think. It may not be what it seems. You don't have the full picture, and there are things that you can do if you feel like someone is ignoring you. One thing that you can do is step back and give someone space. There's nothing wrong with letting the person do what they must do. It's like that old expression, "if you love someone, set them free. If they come back, that person is yours. If they don't, they never were." Give them space and focus on yourself. That way, you'll know if they're interested or not, and you're not pushing them in a way that might make them uncomfortable. Remember that people have a lot going on, and sometimes, they like the chase. They like running after someone rather than having them always accessible. Make sure that you have your own thing going on independent of this person. Not only is that attractive, but it's also very healthy for current and future relationships, including the one that you have with yourself.
It May Not Be About You - Don't Overreact
If you're sensitive to it, especially due to past circumstances or trauma, you might believe that you're being ignored when you're not. As hard as it might be, and as important as it is to attend to your feelings personally, make sure that you don't lash out on this person. It's not going to do any good and will only alienate them further. Take a step back if you feel like they're not talking to you as much as you'd like, and don't take it personally. It might have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Therapy or counseling are great places to talk about your communication with a love interest. If you're in a relationship and your overall conversation has gone stale, you can talk to a couples' counselor with your partner, or if you're single, you can talk to an individual counselor about your struggles related to dating or pursuing people that you're into. The counselors at ReGain are experienced in helping people communicate more effectively in their interpersonal relationships, so search the network of mental health professionals at ReGain today and find someone that can give you an ear to talk to about your romantic life.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What to text a girl who ignores you?
If you text a girl and she doesn't reply, the best thing to do is wait a couple of days and then reach out to say something along the lines of, "Hey! How are you doing?" As stated in the article above, you do not want to be passive-aggressive toward a girl over text. One of the most common texting mistakes people make is taking it personally when someone doesn't text back. If a girl ignores your second attempt to reach out or the girl doesn't text back, it is best to let it be. Don't push her or pressure her to reply. If the girl in question is your friend or an established partner, there is more nuance to this situation. If you text a girl who is just a friend and she doesn't reply for an extended period of time, you might reach out to ask if she is okay. However, if it is a girl you just met, disengage and let the situation be. You do not need to confront a girl over text about ignoring your texts. If she wants to reach out, she will. If not, there are so many reasons that she may not answer, and the majority of them have nothing to do with who you are as a person.
Why would a girl ignore your text?
There are a variety of reasons why a girl could be ignoring your texts. If you flirt with a girl and she isn't interested, she may not text back. She may also be busy at work, with her social life, with her family, or with something else. Additionally, she may not be ignoring your text message; she might be ignoring everyone or nearly everyone. Often, people with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and some other conditions struggle to reply to text messages at certain points in time for a variety of reasons. This isn't always the case, but if someone has social anxiety, for example, they may be too anxious to open their text messages at all. Anxiety is something that you can't see, so don't make the assumption that it's about you or that she doesn't have anxiety just because she doesn't seem like it. Other potential reasons that a girl doesn't text you back that are more specific to situations where you like her romantically would be that she met someone else, has a significant other already, or simply isn't interested and isn't sure how to express it.
What to do with a girl who ignores you?
It's understandable that you're hurt or confused if you're wondering, "why would she ignore my texts?" or if you're thinking, "why is she ignoring my texts?" when a girl doesn't text back. As stated above, the reason that a girl doesn't text back could be due to a variety of different things, and the truth is that you might not get to find out the reason why a girl ignores your texts or doesn't text back. If a girl doesn't text back, the only thing that you should do is stop texting her. You should not continue to reach out, nor should you pressure her to tell you why if she isn't replying. As difficult as this is, you must face this situation with maturity and refrain from reaching out continually if she never gets back to you. You have no right to demand a response, nor will it serve you. After all, you want someone who will return your energy and communication. Do not waste your time on someone that is not responding to you. Instead, focus on meeting new people. You wouldn't want to settle for someone who doesn't reply!
Should I text her again if she doesn't reply?
If you text a girl and she doesn't text back once, there is no harm in sending her a text message a few days later to ask how she's doing or what she's been up to. You can also send a funny GIF or meme to make her smile and re-start the conversation. She probably just spaced out or got caught up in stress related to work or other obligations. If you text the girl a second or third time to ask how she's doing and she ignores your text continually or reads them and doesn't text back, it's best to refrain from texting her again, especially if you just met this girl. Again, there is nuance if you're talking to a girl over text that you have known for a long time or are texting a girl who is a close friend. In that case, if she ignores your text, it's appropriate to say, "Are you okay?" or, "Just wanted to check in. How are you?"
What should I text a girl to make her reply?
Never text someone with the sole intent to make them reply. You do not have control over that, and the solution here is to talk to other people until you meet someone that does text you back. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you, nor does it mean it's personal; you just have to leave it alone. If you were in the middle of a conversation with a girl and she stopped replying, check for any texting mistakes you may have made or think about if you could have said something that offended her. If you feel that this may have been what happened, retain the information for the future, and speak differently next time you talk to a girl over text. It may be appropriate to apologize if you realize that you could have offended someone in some circumstances.
What do I do if a girl ignores me when she knows I like her?
If a girl ignores you and she knows that you like her, it could be that she isn't interested or that she does not want a romantic relationship at this time. You cannot make someone ready for a relationship if they aren't, so the best thing to do in this situation is to simply stop responding. Additionally, there is nothing you can text a girl to make her like you if she doesn't.
Can I ask a girl why she is ignoring me?
If you text a girl regularly and this is the first time that she's missed or ignored your text, you can say to a girl over text, "Hey! I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you're well." You can also ask a girl over text, "Hey! I've been thinking about you. How are you doing?" if you haven't heard from her in at least a few days. Definitely don't send this text (or text a girl addressing the fact that she didn't get back to you) if it hasn't been at least a few days since she last texted you.
It's better to text a girl asking if she's okay rather than asking why she's ignoring you when you don't hear back for a couple of reasons. First, you're showing care and concern for her. Second, you're not accusing her of ignoring you on purpose, which she very well may not have been. If you text a girl several times and she doesn't text back, respect it, and stop reaching out. It's understandable to feel a sense of pain, hurt, or even rejection, but at the end of the day, if you text a girl and she doesn't text back, it's not a reflection of you.
Should I delete her number if she ignores me?
If someone's ignoring your text messages, you can absolutely delete their number. However, you do not need to do this immediately. Wait a couple of weeks because there is a possibility that she will reach out. After that, delete her number. That said, if you cannot refrain from reaching out continuously or are tempted to keep reaching out when a girl doesn't respond, it is better to delete her number than it is to have a text thread where it is only you talking. Remove the temptation so that you can give her space.
How do you make a girl regret ignoring you?
If you text a girl and she doesn't text back, take it in stride. Put your phone down, delete her number, or ignore her. The truth is that you can't control how someone else feels. One thing that you should never do is text a girl to tell her that you're angry that she hasn't responded. If you text a girl to tell her how angry you are or that she should reply because of what a great guy you are, she definitely won't regret ignoring you if you; she'll be glad to have dodged a bullet. This is a massive red flag to a woman. It does hurt when you text a girl you like and she doesn't text back, but it is crucial to remember that you never know what someone's going through and that this action is unlikely to be personal. The best thing to do is to vent to a friend, loved one, or mental health provider. It's important to feel your feelings, and rejection does hurt, but attempting to make someone, whether it's a man or woman, regret the simple act of not sending you a text message is not okay. A person who doesn't text back is unlikely to be your match anyway, so talk through it with someone you trust and know that the right person will come along in time.
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