How To Get A Girl To Text You Back When She Is Ignoring You
Feeling ignored by someone you're interested in romantically can hurt – especially when you thought things were going well. One minute you have great banter with the love interest of your dreams, and then suddenly, it seems that she's ignoring you. Is she interested in you? Is she ghosting you? Should you keep messaging her, or is it better to leave her alone? These are all valid questions worth that we’ll examine in this article.
Is She Really Ignoring You?
When the girl you’re interested in stops texting you back, it’s often natural to assume that they are ignoring you. However, that might not be what's going on.
We all have different texting styles. Some people text back quickly, whereas others take a couple of hours on average. Some people turn their phones off or on silent when they're at work, school, socializing, sleeping, etc. Some people even intentionally wait a couple of days to text someone back so they don’t seem too excited and scare the texter off – i.e., playing hard to get. The truth is that there's no universal rule for how often to text someone you are interested in. It depends on who you are, who they are, and what the dynamic of the relationship is like overall.
That said, if it has been a few days and they haven’t responded, there are things you should and shouldn’t do.
Keep The Conversation Fresh And New
If the one you like hasn’t responded to your recent text, you don't have to trace back to what you were talking about before. That topic has probably passed in terms of relevancy, so it's time to move on and start a new conversation.
Asking a question is a good way to get a response. Remember, just like in person, asking open-ended questions – i.e., ones that can’t be answered with just a yes or no – is a great way to get a more detailed response. Something simple like "what's been going on with you?" or a question about what they’re interested in or the kinds of things that they might like to do. For example, you could ask, "Are there any new movies that you're interested in seeing?" This also makes it easier to ask them out.
You're not going to get them to text you back if you say something like "I can see that you're busy." In fact, that may push them away further. Rather than commenting on how busy they must be or how they haven’t replied to you, ask what's been going on in their life. It's always good to show interest in the other person's life; people are attracted to that because it shows genuine interest and care. For example, you might send a quick text to ask, "What'd you do this weekend?" or "How have things been going at work?" Show authentic interest.
Give Physical Space
If you've been asking the person you like to get together and they haven’t been replying, it might be best not to bring up getting together next time you send a text. There are many reasons they might not want to meet up, and it may have nothing to do with you. They could legitimately be busy or stressed, they might be going through something difficult, or they might be experiencing social anxiety. It's also worth noting that if you began speaking online and haven't seen each other in person yet, that initial encounter can be scary. There are so many horror stories out there about online dating that they might be nervous and need more time to get to know you.
Instead, change the subject. Talk about something light hearted so that you can chat more, building up to asking them out on a date again in the future. If you are trying to win your girlfriend back over text and they’re still not responding, don't pressure them and give a little more time.
Keep It Positive
It's important to keep the conversation light and positive. There's nothing wrong with a sarcastic quip here and there, but make sure that you don't spend most of the time complaining or making snide remarks about things. Insert some humor. Remember that life can be stressful and that people like to laugh. If you're kind and engaging when you speak (or text), it's more likely that they'll be at ease around you and want to keep the conversation going.
Texting Isn't The End
While texting can be a part of your dynamic, it's not the core of how you communicate with your love interest. Ultimately, the goal is to talk to them in person. Texting is a means to an end. You want to make texting an anticipatory experience. Make them want to see you by engaging in compelling conversations.
Remember, your relationship won't always consist of texting. The end goal is to see each other in person, so keep that in mind when you go back and forth via text. Asking about movies, music, television, books, and activities that they like can help you connect face-to-face one day. If you can get a sense of what they like, you can gauge what you want to ask them to go out and do in person. You can ask what kind of sports they’re into or what they do in their free time so that you can gain a better sense of who they are and what events they might want to attend.
Use Texting To Find Out More About Your Love Interest
To prepare for a date and know where you want to take them, you can find what sort of local places they like to visit. If you know that they like coffee, for example, you can ask what their favorite coffee place around town is. Ask what they like to do. Are they a night owl who likes to socialize and go bar hopping, or more of an introvert that would prefer a quiet setting? The more that you get to know about them, the easier planning things together will be. That way, you won't be taking a shot in the dark when you ask to hang out, nor will you invite them to an event or activity that they’re entirely uninterested in attending.
Description Is Powerful
Remember that long texts won't necessarily get someone to engage with you. In fact, writing someone a novel could overwhelm them and is unlikely to get them to text you back. That said, descriptive language can make a world of difference when you text someone. You want to "match" your love interest in terms of how much they're texting you and try to pick up on the vibe that they're sending you. If you write them a paragraph and they send a short sentence back, they might be busy or not have much to say about what you're telling them. That said, descriptive language can be powerful when you're texting someone. If you're a writer, use it to your advantage and use your words.
What The Silent Treatment Means
Being ignored is unpleasant. It may feel like you're getting the silent treatment from the love interest in your life, and that's not fun. Remember, it may not be what it seems. You don't have the full picture, and there are things that you can do if you feel like someone is ignoring you. One thing that you can do is step back and give someone space.
There's nothing wrong with letting the person do what they must do. It's like that old expression, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, that person is yours. If they don't, they never were." Give them space and focus on yourself. That way, you'll know if they're interested or not, and you're not pushing them in a way that might make them uncomfortable.
Remember that people have a lot going on, and sometimes they like the chase. Make sure that you have your own thing going on independent of this person. Not only is that attractive, but it's also healthy for current and future relationships, including the one that you have with yourself.
However, the reality is that they may ignoring you intentionally, and it’s important to accept that and move on. It may be that they aren’t interested in you, or it could just be that the timing was off. Even though it may be hard, the best thing to do in this situation is graciously back off and move on. Do not ask what you did wrong or why they’ve stopped texting you. It likely won’t help. You don’t want to push them away further, and you also deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.
If you're sensitive to feeling ignored, especially due to past circumstances or trauma, you might believe that you're being ignored when you're not. As hard as it might be, and as important as it is to attend to your feelings personally, make sure that you don't lash out on this person. It's not going to do any good and will only alienate them further. Take a step back if you feel like they're not talking to you as much as you'd like, and don't take it personally. It might have absolutely nothing to do with you.
While it’s normal to have at least a little fear of rejection, some people take rejection harder than others. If the fear of rejection is negatively impacting your relationships or other aspects of life, a licensed Regain therapist can help you by searching for the underlying causes of your fear, and find better ways to manage or overcome it. People who are particularly sensitive to rejection may also experience other mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety. Online cognitive behavior therapy – which helps you identify false beliefs and reframe your thoughts – has been found to provide significant improvements in patients with depression and anxiety. Mindfulness, which teaches how to focus on the present without judgement, has also been found to help individuals who fear rejection, as well as those with depression and/or anxiety.
Therapy is a great place to talk about your communication with a love interest. If you're in a relationship and your overall conversation has gone stale, you can talk to a couples' counselor with your partner. Or if you're single, you can talk to an individual counselor about your concerns related to dating or pursuing people that you're into. The relationship counselors at Regain are experienced in helping people communicate more effectively in their interpersonal relationships.
When a person you’re interested in doesn’t return your texts, it can be upsetting – but there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to respond, and responding the wrong way may very well push them away further. It’s also important to recognize that someone not responding may not mean they are no longer interested in you. There are many reasons why someone may stop texting you, and losing interest is only one of them. If, however, you find yourself feeling confused or hurt by someone who stops texting, a Regain relationship counselor can help you move forward. Reach out today.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What Should I Text A Girl Who Ignores Me?
If you text a girl and they don’t reply, the best thing to do is wait a couple of days then reach out to say something along the lines of, "Hey! How are you doing?"
One of the most common texting mistakes people make is taking it personally when someone doesn't text back. If a girl ignores your second attempt to reach out, it is best to let it be. Don't push her or pressure them to reply. If they are your friend or an established partner, there is more nuance to this situation. If you text someone who is just a friend and they don’t reply for an extended period of time, you might reach out to ask if they are okay. However, if it is someone you just met, disengage and let the situation be. You do not need to confront them over text about ignoring your texts. If they want to reach out, they will. If not, there are many reasons that they may not answer, and the majority of them have nothing to do with who you are as a person.
Why Would A Girl Ignore My Text?
There are a variety of reasons why a girl could be ignoring your texts. If you flirt with a girl and they aren’t interested, they may be ignoring texts on purpose and may not text back. They may also be busy at work, with their social life, with their family, or with something else. Additionally, they may not be ignoring your text message; they might be ignoring everyone or nearly everyone. Often, people with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and some other conditions avoid replying to text messages at certain points in time for a variety of reasons. If someone has social anxiety, for example, they may be too anxious to open their text messages at all. Other potential reasons why someone doesn’t text you back could be that they met someone else, already have a significant other, or simply aren’t interested and isn't sure how to express it.
What Should I Do If A Girl Ignores My Texts?
If they dont text back, you should stop reaching out. You should not pressure them to tell you why they aren’t replying. As difficult as this is, it’s best to face this situation with maturity and refrain from reaching out continually if they never gets back to you. You have no right to demand a response, nor will it benefit you. After all, you want someone who will return your energy and communication. Do not waste your time on someone that is not responding to you. Instead, focus on meeting new people. You wouldn't want to settle for someone who doesn't reply.
Should I Text Her Again If She Doesn't Reply?
If you text someone and they don’t text back once, there is no harm in sending a text message a few days later to ask how they’re doing or what they’ve been up to. You can also send a funny GIF or meme to make them smile and restart the conversation. They may have just spaced out or been stressed by work or other obligations. If you text a second or third time to ask how they’re doing and they ignor your text continually or read them but don’t text back, it's best to refrain from texting again, especially if you just met this person. Again, there is nuance if you're talking to someone over text that you have known for a long time or are texting a close friend. In that case, if they ignore your text, it's appropriate to ask "Are you okay?" or "Just wanted to check in. How are you?"
What Should I Text A Girl To Make Her Reply?
Never text someone with the sole intent to make them reply. You do not have control over that. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you, nor does it mean it's personal; you just have to leave it alone. If you were in the middle of a conversation with someone and they stopped replying, check for any texting mistakes you may have made or think about if you could have said something that offended them. If you feel that this may have been what happened, retain the information for the future and speak differently next time. It may be appropriate to apologize if you realize that you could have offended someone in some circumstances.
What Do I Do If A Girl Ignores Me When She Knows I Like Her?
If a girl ignores you and they know that you like her, it could be that they aren't interested or that they do not want a romantic relationship at this time. You cannot make someone ready for a relationship if they aren't, so the best thing to do in this situation is to simply stop responding. There is nothing you can text to force them to like you.
Can I Ask A Girl Why She Is Ignoring Me?
If you text a girl regularly and this is the first time that they’ve missed or ignored your text, you can text, "Hey! I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you're well." You can also ask over text, "Hey! I've been thinking about you. How are you doing?" Definitely don't send this text if it hasn't been at least a few days since they last texted you.
It's better to text asking if they’re okay than asking why they’re ignoring you when you don't hear back. First, you're showing care and concern. Second, you're not accusing them of ignoring you on purpose. If you text several times and they don’t text back, respect it and stop reaching out. It's understandable to feel a sense of pain, hurt, or even rejection, but at the end of the day, if you text and they don’t text back, it's not a reflection of you.
How Do You Make A Girl Regret Ignoring You?
If you text someone who doesn't text back, take it in stride. The truth is that you can't control how someone else feels. One thing that you should never do is text that you're angry that they haven't responded. If you text someone to tell them how angry you are or that they should reply because of what a great person you are, they likely won't regret ignoring you, but rather be glad to have dodged a bullet.
The better thing to do is to vent to a friend, loved one, or mental health provider. It's important to feel your feelings, and rejection does hurt, but attempting to make someone regret the simple act of not sending you a text message is not okay. A person who doesn't text back is unlikely to be your match anyway, so talk through it with someone you trust and know that the right person will come along in time.
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