Owning Your Power: How To Seduce Someone

By: Corrina Horne

Updated August 03, 2021

Seduction is often a difficult subject to discuss; some people see seduction as something almost tantamount to manipulation or trickery, while others see seduction as a fun, sexy way to either introduce yourself and your needs to a new partner or bring some spice and surprise back into an existing relationship. Whichever camp you're in, there is something for everyone where seduction is concerned, and seduction is very often a powerful tool for improving existing relationships, boosting your self-esteem, and putting your needs out there.

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What Does It Mean To Seduce Someone?

Seducing someone means swaying them to develop a romantic, physical interest in you, and ultimately consummate or pursue that interest. Seduction can be done quickly, to a stranger, as might be the case before taking someone home from a bar, or can be done within a relationship, wherein one person aims to rediscover or improve their love and sexual lives.

Is Seduction Manipulative?

Strictly speaking, seduction is a form of manipulation; you are essentially shaping the reality and intention of a situation to work to your benefit. In that respect, then yes, seduction is a form of relational manipulation. If, however, you are sincerely interested in someone, and your goal is to build a solid-if practiced-foundation for the two of you, the manipulative aspects of seduction might seem warranted, or might not seem quite so dire.

Manipulation is used regularly in day to day life, ranging from the way a toddler goes from parent to parent, asking for the same toy, hopeful that one parent will forget the other parent's answer, to the way that married couples speak to one another; manipulation is a part of everyone's life, regardless of their relationship status, mental health status, or moral conclusions. Before assigning an intense, theatrical judgment on manipulation as a whole, understand that some of the most compelling arguments in existence rely on some amount of manipulation, such as emotional manipulation used to extract compassion and empathy.

Owning Your Power

Owning your power means owning who you are, and loving who you are without shame or embarrassment. This is an important part of seduction because coming into seduction with insecurity, uncertainty, or pained confusion can backfire, and leave you feeling uncomfortable and silly. When you own your power, you recognize that you are a strong, beautiful person, who deserves to have what they want in a romantic relationship, and who has the strength, power, and confidence to go after what they want.

Owning your power is often seen as a bad thing, as though recognizing how strong and healthy you are is vapid or self-loving, but improving the way you feel about yourself, owning your attributes, and using those to your advantage are simple, straightforward ways to make sure that you are living your life to the fullest, pursuing your goals, and chasing the romantic relationship you truly desire.

How To Seduce Someone

So how exactly do you seduce someone? Below, a small series of steps offer a window into what it is like to seduce someone, how to do it, and how to handle negative responses. To seduce someone, you:

1) Initiate Touch

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The first step in seducing someone is initiating contact. Far from full-on pressing yourself into someone's body, or immediately flinging yourself into a deep kiss, this touch is designed to create interest, heat, and attraction, without intense physical contact. You can casually "bump" into someone, with a seemingly abashed, "I'm sorry," before moving along, or you can graze your leg against the object of your affection's leg as you are sitting down. Even something as simple as raking your fingers over someone's arm can have a powerful and lasting impact.

2) Hold Back After Initiating

Although your goal is to initiate some form of physical contact, you don't want to sustain that contact for too long. After you "bump" into someone, create some space between your bodies, while keeping eye contact or visual interest alive. The heat of initial attraction can be further fueled by intrigue and eager expectation.

3) Demonstrate Vulnerability

Displaying your vulnerability was considered a valuable trait in some studies. When men or women revealed themselves as being almost prey-like in their speech, behavior, or stance, the opposite sex was more likely to display sexual interest. Men and women both brought their hands to their necks and shoulders when trying to convey a sense of vulnerability, as the neck is one of the weakest places on the body, and placing your hand along your jaw, neck, or collarbone draws the object of your affection's eyes there.

4) Take Up Space

Acting shy or timid is not an effective way to seduce someone while acting coy might be. One study demonstrated that people who used more body language and moved in more expansive ways were more likely to capture the interest of the person they were interested in dating when compared with people who sat still or displayed more demure behaviors when communicating. Putting yourself out there is essential to seducing someone.

5) Make Them Feel As Though Only They Matter

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When you are trying to seduce someone, this isn't the time to play the field. Instead, make sure the person you are interested in knows that you are interested in. Pay attention only to them-and all the more attractive if you can actively brush someone else off in favor of them-and let them know how attracted, awed, and excited you are by them. Laugh at their jokes, express interest in their stories, and keep your eyes trained on theirs. There are few things more attractive than being made to feel that you are the only person in the world.

6) Seal The Deal

Round out your seduction by making your exact wants and needs known. If you want to go home with someone, say so. If you want to see them again, you can say that, too. If you are seducing your long-term partner, you might want to encourage them to engage in a new method of foreplay with you, to change things up. Regardless of your exact goal or aim, you complete your seductive technique by indicating precisely what you want and going after it.

When To Back Down

If someone is giving off an indication of discomfort or frustration, it may be time to tone it down and rethink your strategy. Some people are not comfortable with people who are extremely forward with what they want, while others might be frustrated by someone else trying to take the reins in a new or existing relationship. Whatever the dynamic might be, your goal in seducing someone should not be to disconcert, manipulate, or coerce. Instead, your goal in seducing is to let your prospective (or current) partner know exactly what you want, and exactly what you're going to do to get it.

If someone openly expresses their discomfort, too, that is a time to back down. A new person might tell you that you are coming on too strong, while your partner might say something to the effect of, "I'm not sure I feel comfortable with this." While you might feel embarrassed, you don't have to: you can explain what your aim was, and have a conversation from there. If you find yourself consistently stepping over boundaries, or having a difficult time identifying social cues, seeing a therapist-such as those from ReGain.Us-could help you regain some confidence and strength before setting out to seduce someone.

Owning Your Power: Seduction And How To Do It

Although issuing hints at attraction, making it seem as though you are attracted, or outright declaring your intent might seem frightening or overwhelming, the art of seduction is not an unusual or alarming task. Done carefully, and with some insight into the thought patterns and behaviors of others, seducing someone can create increased feelings of self-esteem and can help you widen your relationship horizons.

There are some situations in which seducing someone is not the answer. These include any situation where you or your target audience feels unsafe, any situation involving unhealthy or unsafe practices, or a situation involving someone who is otherwise engaged. While it may be frustrating to find that someone you truly like or have an interest in is married or in a relationship, this discovery by no means gives you the right or freedom to try to break people apart.

Seducing someone is more than just flirting, as it involves a greater amount of promise and allure. You can easily flirt with anyone you come into contact with, given the right time, information, and level of comfort. Seducing someone, conversely, is usually highly targeted flirting accompanied by a rapid road to a physical relationship. Seduction typically has sex as the primary end goal in mind, while dating could have numerous end games in mind.

Seducing someone involves making them feel as though they are the only person in the world. Building emotional and physical intimacy and intensity through gentle, casual touch, before moving away and creating an almost physical need for closeness is the best way to begin the art of seduction. Far from being entirely focused on thigh-high lingerie, or overtly physical cues and behaviors, the art of seduction largely involves the ability to make others feel as though they have all of your attention and all of your interest-which is when you make the final move in placing your demand, or stating what you want. In some cases, you may be rebuffed, but most people who have walked through the steps of seduction will happily engage in whatever you need help with.

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