If She Doesn't Text Back, Is She Not Interested? Rejection And Recovery

Texting with someone you have feelings for can be painful; even one text going unanswered for what seems like too long can derail your entire day and make you question everything you know about your burgeoning relationship. Although there are numerous factors involved with communication, and whether someone can text, call, or DM back, there are instances in which a lack of a response can be indicative of a lack of interest. Knowing how to recover and move forward from rejection can be vital to finding what you’re looking for.

What does it mean when she doesn’t text back?

The exact meaning of someone not texting back is difficult to discern, as there are many reasons someone might not send a response to a text. Some of them are based on disinterest and a person could be ignoring texts on purpose. Other reasons for not replying could be based on an inability to reach out, too many distractions, or something else entirely. If she isn’t texting you back for days or weeks at a time, it may be safe to assume that she isn’t interested in carrying your relationship further. After all, if she were interested, she would likely make an effort to stay in touch and get to know you more. 

Someone not texting back could also mean that they are busy or distracted. They might have a large work or school project, family in town visiting, or an old friend with whom they are catching up. Assuming that you know all of the details of their life may only hurt you both, and it can be important to understand that not everyone believes that daily interaction with a love interest is a necessary or even desirable goal. Some people aren’t big into texting and prefer phone calls or meeting up in person. Communicating your feelings can help avoid hurt feelings and rejection.

Could someone who is interested not text back?

It’s possible for an interested individual not to text you back right away. Plenty of things take people away from their phones for hours or even days at a time, and the person you are texting is no exception. If you’ve texted your love interest and she has not responded to you in hours or days, you can give her the benefit of the doubt and allow her plenty of time and space to send you a response. If a potential love-interest stops texting you, there's a potential that she's busy and is waiting for when she has more time. 

Many people have also been conditioned to believe that texting back and forth quickly and often suggests that they are desperate or too eager, so some people may feel as though they must be aloof or “play it cool” to keep a prospective partner’s interest. If this is the case, you could let her know that you are checking in to make sure she is all right, or you could wait for her to respond; the choice is yours.

The person you are texting might also have learned to keep their distance until the relationship has progressed further and might be a cautious, careful person where new relationships are concerned. If this is the case, she may continue to engage you in conversation without going out of their way to text you. It may take her time getting back to you until you form a deeper connection. 

Other signs she is not interested

How can you determine whether or not she is interested, then? Apart from texting or not texting, there may be other signs to alert you to whether she is interested or not. When trying to discern how someone feels about you, observe their behavior, speech patterns, and habits to figure out how they most likely feel. Signs she is not interested could include:

1) No acknowledgement of interest

If she seems half-hearted about setting a day or time to meet up and doesn’t seem to want to commit to anything definite, she may not be interested. Although she does not have to break out a set of pom-poms and confess their intent to marry you, if she consistently shows no particular preference for you and does not seem excited at the prospect of getting to know you or having you get to know her, she is likely uninterested. There could be many reasons why someone stopped responding to you. It might not be worth it to re-engage at that point, but every situation can be different.

2) Not making you a priority

Although a fledgling relationship may not be expected to take up tons of time, if you have not been made a priority in any way, she may not be interested. Making you a priority does not have to be anything grandiose; instead, making you a priority can look as simple and easy as making sure to give you a quick smile when she sees you or keeping eye contact when your eyes meet. It can also mean taking the time to send you a quick text or making a quick phone call to let you know she is thinking of you. 

3) She does not explain prolonged silence

No one owes you an in-depth window into their day-to-day life, but if she goes days without responding to a text, then gives you a quick, short response, without acknowledging the time passing, she might be trying to scale back on communication, hoping that you’ll follow suit. If someone doesn't text back in your text conversation or avoids meeting up in real life, she just might not be interested anymore. It may seem like a big deal initially that she isn't responding, but with time, you may start thinking about her less and someone else who puts in effort with you more. 

4) She pushes you away

Some people do not feel safe or comfortable actively rejecting someone and resort to pushing people away to fuel a breakup. If she seems to constantly push you away by avoiding you, not wanting to be affectionate with you, or getting uncomfortable when you try to get close, she may trying to let you know she is not interested. Although healthy individuals are usually more adept at directly letting someone know they’re not interested, you may be able to safely rely on these other signals to pick up on someone’s disinterest. 

Accepting rejection

If she’s showing obvious signs that she's not into you, it might be in your best interests to accept rejection. During this process, try to avoid becoming aggressive, rude, or too attached. This could lead to worsening outcomes, like conflict or uncomfortable feelings. In some cases, those who are rejected may resort to stalking the individual in which they are interested.

Although you can try a few times after the person in question stopped texting you, avoid begging for their attention. Instead, you can try texting them a few times over the span of several weeks to make sure they are intentionally ignoring you. If, during this time, you do not get a response, you can safely assume that you are being ignored. You can send one last text, thank her for your time, let her know that you will not contact her again, and remove her from your phone.

Once she is removed from your phone, try to avoid pursuing her any further. Rather than hopping on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Snapchat to see what she has been up to, find distractions for yourself. when you feel the urge to look her up, redirect your energy and attention toward a more worthwhile pursuit, whether that means speaking to someone who has consistently shown you interest and attention or redirecting your attention toward other parts of your life. These could be hobbies, friends, or other potential love-interests. 

Recovering after a rejection

Rejection can be hurtful. Even if you and the person you are texting only connected for a few days or weeks—and especially if it was longer—rejection can be painful and even make you feel as though there is something wrong, unlovable, or inadequate about you. It can be important to remind yourself that this is likely not the case. You and another person can have disparate personalities or be wholly incompatible without possessing some fatal flaw or an unlovable personality trait. Some people don’t work out, even when they both try their hardest. When a potential relationship has not yet come to fruition, it can be even more difficult to keep it afloat when rejection is involved. 

Although some people may encourage you to leap into a new relationship immediately, everyone needs something different after being rejected. Some evidence suggests that rushing into a relationship can actually boost your self-esteem, so if a relationship is something you desire, you may consider going after someone else who actually shows interest in you. This could lead to a fulfilling relationship. 

However, you could also choose to take some time for yourself to heal and identify what it is that you want or expect from a relationship, or your life in general. Knowing exactly what you want can be helpful in every aspect of your life. You can have a greater sense of direction and a clearer idea of what it is you are looking for and what you are willing to let go of, including old relationships and relationships patterns. After you’ve healed, you can begin to search for a partner that you can build a stable, healthy, and fully reciprocal partnership with. 

Online counseling with Regain

Moving on from a relationship can feel like an impossibly tall order, and many people find themselves orbiting their relationship for months or years, unable to finally let go of the relationship they once cherished or relied upon so heavily. In some cases, this “orbiting” behavior will fade with time and will not need to be addressed directly, while in others, intervention from a mental health professional might be necessary. If you feel that you cannot function daily, you have lost interest in things you previously loved, or you find yourself engaging in unhealthy habits to cope with your pain, consider reaching out to a therapist, such as those found on Regain. The online counselors at Regain can meet with you through video chats, phone calls, or in-app messaging. Looking forward to messages from your therapist may help you gain a greater sense of equilibrium to recover from rejection and avoid creating problematic habits in the process.

The efficacy of online counseling 

Rejection can cause one’s self-esteem to plummet and even contribute to mental health conditions such as depression. Online counseling can be effective for addressing these concerns. In one study, researchers assessed the effectiveness of an online cognitive behavioral therapy program for adolescents with low self-esteem. They found that the intervention has a “significant positive impact on secondary measures of self-esteem, self-compassion, quality of life, depression, and anxiety,” suggesting the efficacy of ICBT for these issues.

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Takeaway

Rejection can hurt, no matter how it is delivered. Even if your texting was a fledgling relationship, being rejected and ignored can be challenging situations to move on from, and they can pack a punch to your self-esteem. With some care, diligence, and a little bit of help, you can not only work through the pain of rejection but also emerge from it with a healthy attitude and a hopeful outlook. Confiding in an online relationship counselor may help you move past hurtful situations with more clarity and confidence to go after what you want.