If She Doesn't Text Back, Is She Not Interested? Rejection And Recovery
Updated February 12, 2020
Reviewer Lauren Guilbeault
Texting with someone you have feelings for can be painful; even one text going unanswered for what seems like too long can derail your entire day, and make you question everything you know about your burgeoning relationship. Although there are numerous factors involved with communication, and whether or not someone can text, call, or DM someone, there are instances in which a lack of a response is indicative of a lack of interest.
What Does It Mean When A Woman Doesn't Text Back?
The exact meaning of someone not texting back is difficult to discern, as there are many reasons someone might not send a response to a text, some of them based on disinterest, and some of them based on an inability to reach out, distraction, or something similar. If a woman does not text back for weeks at a time, or days at a time several days in a row, it might be safe to assume that she is not interested in carrying your relationship further. If she were interested, after all, she would likely make an effort to stay in touch and get to know you more.
A woman not texting back could also mean that she is busy or distracted. She might have a large work or school project, family in town visiting, or an old friend with whom she is catching up. Assuming that you know all of the details of her life will only hurt you both, so understand that not everyone believes that daily interaction with a love interest is a necessary-or even desirable-goal.
Could An Interested Woman Not Text Back?
Of course! Plenty of things take people away from their phones for hours or even days at a time, and the woman you are texting is no exception. If you've texted your love interest and she has not responded to you in hours or days, you can certainly give her the benefit of the doubt, and give her plenty of time and space to send you a response.
Women have also been conditioned to believe that texting back and forth quickly and often suggests that they are desperate, or too eager, so some women may feel as though they have to be aloof or "play it cool" to keep a prospective partner's interest. If this is the case, you could let her know that you are checking in to make sure she is all right, or you could wait for her to respond; the choice is yours.
The woman you are texting might also have learned to keep her distance until the relationship has progressed further, and might be a cautious, careful person where new relationships are concerned. If this is the case, she will probably continue to engage you in conversation, but will not go out of her way to text you, and may take her time getting back to you.
Other Signs She Is Not Interested
How can you determine whether or not she is interested, then? There will be other signs, apart from texting or not texting, to alert you to whether or not she is interested. When trying to discern how someone feels about you, observe their behavior, speech patterns, and habits, and figure out how they most likely feel based on those things. Signs she is not interested include:
1) No Acknowledgement Of Interest
If she seems half-hearted about setting a day or time to meet up and doesn't seem to want to commit to anything definite, she is probably not interested. Although a woman does not have to break out a set of pom poms and confess her intent to marry you, if she consistently shows no particular preference for you, and does not seem excited at the prospect of getting to know you or having you get to know her, she is likely uninterested.
2) Not Making You A Priority
Although a fledgling relationship should not be expected to take up tons of time, if you have not been made a priority in any way, she is likely not interested. Making you a priority does not have to be anything grandiose; instead, making you a priority can look as simple and easy as making sure to give you a quick smile when she sees you, or keep eye contact when your eyes meet. It can also mean taking the time to send you a quick text or make a quick phone call to let you know she is thinking of you.
3) She Does Not Explain Prolonged Silence
Women do not owe you an in-depth window into their day-to-day life, but if she goes days without responding to a text, then gives you a quick, short response, without acknowledging the time passing, she might be trying to scale back on communication, hoping that you'll follow suit.
4) She Pushes You Away
Some people do not feel safe or comfortable actively rejecting someone, and resort to pushing people away to fuel a breakup. If she seems to constantly push you away, by shooting down everything you say, contradicting you on a never-ending basis and generally keeping everything close to her and far from you, she is very likely trying to let you know she is not interested.
The most important part of accepting rejection is making sure you do not become aggressive, rude, or too attached, leading to stalking the woman in whom you are interested. Although you can try a few times after the woman in question stopped texting you, you do not become aggressive and cruel in your attempts to communicate-and avoid going to the other extreme, and begging for her attention. Instead, you can text a few times over a few weeks to make sure she is intentionally ignoring you. If during this time, you do not get a response, you can safely assume that you are being ignored. You can send one last text, thank her for your time, let her know that you are not going to contact her again, and remove her from your phone.
Once she is removed from your phone, try to avoid pursuing her any further. Do not hop on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Snapchat, to try to see what she has been up to- whether she is dating someone, or anything similar. Instead, when you feel the urge to look her up, redirect your energy and attention toward a more worthwhile pursuit, whether that means speaking to a woman who has consistently shown you interest and attention or redirecting your attention toward other parts of your life.
Recovering After A Rejection
Rejection hurts. Even if you and the woman you are texting only connected for a few days or weeks-and especially if it was longer-rejection is painful, and can make you feel as though there is something wrong, unlovable, or inadequate about you. Fortunately, this is likely not the case. You and another person can have disparate personalities, or be wholly incompatible, without you possessing some fatal flaw or unlovable personality trait. Some people don't work out, even when they both try their hardest; how much more so two people who are not both fighting with everything they have to keep their relationship afloat?
Although some people will encourage you to leap into a new relationship immediately-and some evidence suggests that rushing into a relationship can actually boost your self-esteem-you can also take the time after a rejection to check in with yourself, and identify what it is that you want or expect from a relationship, or your life in general. Knowing exactly what you want is helpful in every aspect of your life, as you will have a greater sense of direction, and a clearer idea of what it is you are looking for, and what you are willing to let go of, including old relationships and relationship habits.
She Stopped Texting Me: Rejection, Recovery, And Moving On
Moving on from a relationship can feel like an impossibly tall order, and many people find themselves orbiting their relationship for months or years, unable to finally let go of the relationship they once cherished or relied upon so heavily. In some cases, this "orbiting" behavior will fade with time, and will not need to be addressed directly, while in others, intervention from a mental health professional might be necessary. If you feel that you cannot function daily, you have lost interest in things you previously loved, or you find yourself engaging in unhealthy habits to cope for your pain, reach out to a therapist, such as those found on Regain.Us. Therapists can help you gain a greater sense of equilibrium to recover from rejection and avoid creating problematic habits in the process.
Rejection hurts, no matter how it is delivered. Even if your texting was a fledgling relationship, being rejected and being ignored are both difficult things to move on from, and they can pack quite a wallop to your self-esteem. With some care, diligence, and a little bit of help, you can not only work through the pain of rejection but also emerge from rejection with a healthy attitude and hopeful outlook.