Am I Being Too Needy? How Often To Text A Girl

Updated August 15, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

Many people communicate through text messages in a relationship nowadays. Some might even feel a bit strange if their partner goes too long without sending a text. The etiquette for sending text messages is hard to determine, and it’s really up to the couple to decide what feels right. However, if you’re texting your girlfriend often, then you might be worried about whether you seem too needy. Learning how often to text a girl might help you out, but thinking about the reasons you feel compelled to text so often can also help. This post can help you sort it out.

Getty/Halfpoint Images
Are You Worried About Communication Habits In Your Relationship?

Texting Too Much Can Be Overwhelming

First, there isn’t an exact number of how many texts are too many. Studies on texting couples find there is a lot of variability in how couples used texting. Some couples love texting each other and easily send one hundred or more text messages per day. Others might only send a couple to say hi and see how their significant other is doing. How many text messages you send back and forth depends on your relationship dynamic, and you shouldn’t judge your relationship based on how other couples do things.

Nonetheless, it is possible that too many texts will become overwhelming for your partner. If your girlfriend has difficulty keeping up with your messages, you might be smothering her with too many texts. What if she doesn’t text back? It’s nice to enjoy talking to her so much that you want to reach out, but sometimes it can become too much. A girl might start to think you’re getting a bit obsessive if you are texting nonstop. In that case, it might be time to ask yourself, "Am I too needy?"

How Often Should I Text Her?

Knowing how often to text a girl can be tough for some people. If you don’t have a good filter, you might send many texts without really thinking about it. It’s good to hold back a little if you think you might be going overboard. Often, your intuition is right about things like this.

Sometimes you can tell whether or not your girlfriend is interested in continuing a conversation through text messages. If you can read the tone of her messages, you might be able to determine if she’s into it or looking to leave the conversation for a while. It’s a good idea to be willing to leave things alone and not keep messaging if she stops responding for a while.

Romantic Text Ideas

Sending a romantic text can be a good idea when you know it’s an appropriate time. Texting can be a way to connect with your girlfriend, and it can even help you to deepen your bond. Sending a romantic text letting her know how much she means to you might make her day. However, you don’t have to do this all the time, but a heartfelt message from time to time is likely to make her smile.

Even sending a romantic picture or just telling her that you love her before bed can be a good way to stay connected. Some couples send goodnight texts every single night when they have a strong bond. That might work out well for your relationship, too, but it depends on your connection.

Understand Your Girlfriend Has A Life Outside Of Your Relationship

Your girlfriend has a life outside of your relationship, and autonomy can strengthen the bond between intimate partners. If you’re so needy you get worked up when your girlfriend doesn’t text for an hour or so, then that’s likely to be a problem. You should be able to go for longer periods without hearing from her without getting nervous or worried. Healthy relationships allow for a little bit of distance. Taking a break helps ensures you can stay independent people while still enjoying the connection you have built together.

In addition, it’s good for your girlfriend to spend time with her friends and family. Everyone needs to spend time working on hobbies without having to worry about texting their mate all the time. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or care about the relationship. Instead, it means there are many facets to her life she needs to consider. Even if you are the most important person in her life, that doesn’t mean she should neglect everything else.

Understanding that your girlfriend needs space to do her own thing can make your relationship stronger. For this reason, it’s usually a good idea to avoid sending too many texts when you know she is busy. When she has space to breathe and take care of her life, you’ll be able to connect again once she comes back home or decides to send you a text message

Regular Communication Is Still Good

Getty/Xavier Lorenzo

Nonetheless, regular communication is always important in a relationship. For this reason, many couples prefer to text each other at least a few times a day if they aren’t going to meet up in person. Texting is a convenient way to catch up and stay connected to what your partner is doing. However, how many times you text each other is really up to you to decide together.

You might want to consider bringing up the subject of whether you’ve been too needy. If you have been a bit needy, your girlfriend will likely let you know in the gentlest way possible. Open communication can help you both avoid complications.

For example, you can ask your girlfriend, “Am I too needy?” if you feel it will help clarify things. Try not to be offended if your girlfriend needs some time to herself. You might even want some time alone sometimes, too. When you’re going out with your friends, it’s healthy to enjoy the moment without worrying about your phone for a while.

Allow Her To Set The Pace Of The Text Messages

If you’re still unsure about whether or not you’re too needy, then you could allow your girlfriend to set the pace of the text messages. Let her text you first sometimes, and try not to feel like you have to send her multiple texts when you don’t get a response. She is likely just busy doing other things, and she will get back to you when she has the time later on.

It can be tough to resist the temptation to text someone when you’re thinking about them a lot. Even so, it’s going to be healthy to let her decide how much communication is comfortable for her. Of course, as her special person, you want to be in touch quite a bit, but that doesn’t mean monopolize her time.

It’s Possible She Might Have Communication Problems Too

Keep in mind that girls sometimes have communication problems as well. If your girlfriend doesn’t seem open to texting much, there are many possible reasons. For example, your girlfriend could have been hurt in a past relationship, and she might be afraid of letting things get intimate too fast. Or, she might have something going on a school or work that she hasn’t yet told you.

Signs your partner might have communication issues include ignoring you for long periods, being unwilling to talk about certain subjects, or responding negatively to attempts to connect on an emotional level. When couples can’t communicate effectively, it is hard to move forward in the relationship. One possibility is she might not be the right person for you, or it might be you need to work on things together. Which way you decide to go is up to you.

Online Counselors Might Be Able To Help

Are You Worried About Communication Habits In Your Relationship?

You might be able to get help by reaching out to an online relationship counselor if you are concerned about being a little bit too needy in a relationship. Neediness can stem from a past trauma or it can involve untreated anxiety or depression. These feelings might be normal, but it can still be beneficial to try to work on things with a therapist. Online therapy is a great way to work on issues that you might have to strengthen your relationship.

If you feel like your relationship needs help, you can consider online couples counseling. This can help you learn how to communicate with each other more effectively while working through other issues that could negatively impact your bond. A licensed relationship counselor can help guide you toward a happier future together.

Online counseling services have a solid track record for being as effective as seeing a therapist in their office. In addition, online counseling is often easier to avail and less costly than in-person sessions. 

Counselor Reviews

“My girlfriend and I have been working with Alison for about four months now and with her help and guidance we have strengthened our relationship ten fold. Her communication style is amazing and she really strives to make the best of our time with one another. If you’re looking for a counselor you can put your faith in with the whole experience, she’s the one to go to.”

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”


Texting is now a normal part of many couples’ relationships, but if you text your girlfriend a lot, you might be concerned it makes you seem too needy. Research shows that texting can help strengthen a relationship, but sometimes one or both partners need help improving their communication. In this case, talking to a counselor alone or with your partner can help you establish a texting routine that works for both of you.

For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns

This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet Started
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.