Am I Being Too Needy? How Often To Text A Girl

By Robert Porter|Updated June 20, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Lauren Guilbeault, LMHC

So many people communicate through text messages in a relationship nowadays. Some might even feel a bit strange if their partner goes too long without sending a text. The etiquette for sending text messages is hard to determine, and it’s really up to the couple to decide what feels right. If you’re texting your girlfriend often, then you might be worried about whether you seem too needy. Learning how often to text a girl might help you out, but you should also think about the reasons why you feel compelled to text so often.

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Texting Too Much Can Be Overwhelming

Firstly, you need to understand that there isn’t an exact number of how many texts are too many. Some couples love texting each other to easily send one hundred or more text messages per day. Others might only send a couple to say hi and see how their significant other is doing. How many text messages you send back and forth like a couple depends on your dynamic, and you shouldn’t judge your relationship based on how other couples do things.

That being said, it is possible that sending too many texts will become overwhelming for your girlfriend. If your girlfriend has a hard time keeping up with your messages, then you might be smothering her with too many texts. It’s nice to enjoy talking to her so much that you want to reach out, but sometimes it can just become too much to take. A girl might start to think that you’re getting a bit obsessive if you seem to be texting nonstop.

How Often Should I Text Her?

Knowing how often to text a girl can be tough for some people. If you don’t have a good filter, you might send many texts without really thinking about it. It’s good to hold back a little bit if you think that you might be going overboard. Usually, your senses are going to be right on the money.

It’s important to be able to “read the room,” so to speak. You should tell whether or not your girlfriend is interested in continuing a conversation through text messages. If you can read the tone of her messages, you should be able to determine if she’s into it or looking to leave the conversation for a while. Just be willing to leave things alone and don’t keep messaging if she stops responding for a while.

Romantic Text Ideas

Sending a romantic text can still be a good idea when you know it’s an appropriate time. Texting can be a way to connect with your girlfriend, and it can even help you to deepen your bond. Sending a romantic text letting her know how much she means to you might make her day. You don’t have to do this all the time, but a heartfelt message is something that will surely make her smile.

As long as you don’t send these all the time, it should be a very good thing that she will look forward to. Even sending a romantic picture or just telling her that you love her before bed can be a good way to stay connected. Some couples send goodnight texts every single night when they share a strong bond. That might work out well for your relationship, too, but it just depends on your connection.

Understand That Your Girlfriend Has A Life Outside Of Your Relationship

Your girlfriend has a life outside of your relationship, and you need to respect that. If you’re so needy that you get worked up when your girlfriend doesn’t text for an hour or so, then that’s going to be a problem. You should be able to go for longer periods without hearing from her without freaking out. Healthy relationships should have a little bit of distance. This will ensure that you can stay independent people while still enjoying the connection that you have built together.

It’s good for your girlfriend to spend time with her friends and family. She should spend time working on her hobbies without having to worry about texting you back fast. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you or that she wants to ignore you. It just means that there are many facets to her life that deserve attention. Even if you happen to be the most important person in her life, that doesn’t mean that she should neglect everything else.

Understanding that your girlfriend needs her space to do her own thing sometimes is good. You should avoid sending too many texts when you know she is out and about. Let her breathe, and you’ll be able to connect again once she comes back home or decides to hit you up with a text message. Your relationship will be healthier if you’re able to take this advice to heart.

Regular Communication Is Still Good

Regular communication is still going to be quite important. In fact, many couples prefer to at least text each other a few times a day if they aren’t going to meet up in person. It’s good to catch up and stay connected to what your partner is doing. How many times you text each other is really up to you to decide. Whatever feels natural for you and your girlfriend should work out just fine.

Note that it is important to talk about how much communication is too much. You shouldn’t be afraid to broach the subject of whether you’ve been too needy. If you have been a bit needy, your girlfriend will likely let you know in the gentlest way possible. If you’re able to communicate with each other openly like this, you can avoid complications.

Don’t be afraid to communicate every day just because you’re worried about being too needy. Ask your girlfriend, “am I too needy” if you feel it will help clarify things. You should communicate as regularly as you can, but you shouldn’t be offended if your girlfriend needs some time to herself. You might even want some time alone sometimes, too. When you’re going out with your friends, it’s good to be able to enjoy the moment without having to worry about your phone for a while.

Allow Her To Set The Pace Of The Text Messages

If you’re still unsure about whether or not you’re too needy, then you could allow your girlfriend to set the pace of the text messages. Let her text you first sometimes, and don’t feel like you have to send her multiple texts when you don’t get a response. She is likely just busy doing other things, and she will get back to you when she has the time later on.

It can be tough to resist the temptation to text someone when you’re thinking about them a lot. Even so, it’s going to be healthy to let her decide how much communication is healthy. You will want to be in touch quite a bit as her boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean that you need to monopolize her time. As long as you can understand how often to text, things should be just fine.

It’s Possible That She Might Have Communication Problems Too

Keep in mind that girls will sometimes have communication problems as well. If your girlfriend doesn’t seem open to texting much, it might be because she has a bit of a wall up. Your girlfriend could have been hurt in a past relationship, and she might be afraid of letting things get too intimate. Do you sense some distance from her when you’re sending her text messages? If so, then this could be an issue that you will need to confront as a couple.

Signs that your partner might have communication issues include ignoring you for long periods, being unwilling to talk about certain subjects, or responding negatively to attempts to connect on an emotional level. If you can’t communicate effectively, it will be hard to move forward as a couple. She might not be right for you, or it might simply be that you need to work on things together. Which way you decide to go is up to you, but it’s good to know that you aren’t always going to be the problem when there seems to be a communication issue.

Online Counselors Might Be Able To Help

Worried About Your Communication Habits In A Relationship?

You might be able to get help by reaching out to online relationship counselors. Sometimes one person is a little bit too needy in a relationship. This could stem from some past trauma, or it could just involve anxiety or normal fear. These feelings might be normal, but it can still be beneficial to try to work on things with a therapist. Online therapy is a great way to work on issues that you might have to strengthen your relationship.

If you feel like your relationship needs help in general, you can go through online couples counseling. This can help you learn how to communicate with each other more effectively while working through other issues that could negatively impact your bond. You can count on licensed relationship counselors to guide you toward a happier future together. Don’t wait to reach out if you feel like this could help your relationship reach new success levels.

Counselor Reviews

“My girlfriend and I have been working with Alison for about four months now and with her help and guidance we have strengthened our relationship ten fold. Her communication style is amazing and she really strives to make the best of our time with one another. If you’re looking for a counselor you can put your faith in with the whole experience, she’s the one to go to.”

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”


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