Have you ever felt like your relationship needed a bit of guidance, but you were not exactly sure where to turn for help? What would be the best way to get your partnership back on track? Are you having trouble getting along or cannot seem to communicate effectively with your partner? Looking for help sharing more affection in the partnership? Healing from difficulties with trust? Working through concerns related to family life and stress? Premarital support? Something else?
Finding a therapist might seem like an overwhelming process, but it doesn’t have to be. Instead of scouring the internet and wasting time on information overload, read this quick summary of a couple of counseling techniques you may want to try.
Couple Counseling Techniques
The techniques listed here focus on the broad categories of relationship counseling options available to you. However, they are not mutually exclusive, and it’s common for professionals to use a blended approach. Although you don’t necessarily need to know what techniques, approaches, or supplemental therapeutic activities you want to try, getting an idea of what couples counseling can look like or entail may put you at ease.
While this is by no means an extensive list, here are some common techniques and activities.
Imago Relationship Therapy
Imago relationship therapy (IRT) is a couple’s therapy approach that focuses on counseling that helps you and your partner heal and grows together. Imago is Latin for image and refers to the unconscious image of relationships. The main goal in this type of method is to understand each other on a more personal and romantic level. IRT encourages partners to open up and share their pasts, including traumatic experiences, childhood problems, past abuse* or neglect, and any other childhood issues that have the potential to impact your adult relationships.
This type of method suggests that your early relationships shape you and teach you how to manage future relationships. Our early lives reflect how we treat our future partners. For instance, if you were praised and given a lot of love and attention from your parents as a child, you will likely believe that you should be attentive and loving to your partner and anyone else you love. However, suppose you grew up in a tumultuous household with abuse and neglect. In that case, you might have carried some of your family’s behaviors over into your relationship, or it could impact how you feel in relationships.
IRT suggests that those feelings and relationships you experienced as a child are how you see your future relationships. If you have had a troubled childhood, you might benefit from counseling to improve your relationship or personal mental health. With this form of therapy, you and your partner can increase empathy and understanding, move away from maladaptive behavior or blame, work together in a more personally informed way, and deepen your bond.
*Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) if you or someone you know is experiencing abuse. You can also visit their website to chat online, find resources, and more: https://www.thehotline.org/.
Focusing On the Positive: A Building Block For One Approach
Suppose you feel like negative interactions are overriding the positive ones in your relationship. In that case, a simple thing you can do that makes a huge difference is focus on the positive instead of the negative. That does not mean ignoring that problems are present. Any problems can and should be addressed, but by focusing on the positive, you can increase affection and work together with the positives in mind.
Focusing on the positives is a great practice to include with any of the other techniques listed here. Remember that the only person’s behavior you can control is your own. So, take those steps to make your relationship better and allow your partner to reciprocate. Connect with your partner by strengthening your relationship strengths. This is recommended by Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on relationships, marriage, and divorce.
Gottman Method
A well-known relationship therapy technique, the Gottman Method, was developed by Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist who has his relationship counseling practice. Over 40 years of research, Dr. Gottman and his wife, Julie, determined what it takes for a relationship to last a long time. They found that there are nine main components to build and retain a healthy and successful relationship.
The Gottman’s named it the “Sound Relationship House.” It helps individuals learn how to get rid of their defensiveness and work together to understand each other better. The nine components of the Gottman Method include:
Emotionally Focused Therapy
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) was developed in the 1980s by a Canadian psychologist named Dr. Susan Johnson. In 1998, she and her partners founded the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, where they use EFT daily. It is now used in training centers, clinics, and private practices all over the world. And it has three main goals. They include:
There are different steps of EFT, which include:
Step One: De-escalating the Cycle
Step Two: Changing Patterns
Step Three: Consolidating and Integrating
Narrative Therapy
The narrative therapy method is a way to separate you from your problems to rely on your skills to help control and minimize them. Developed by Dr. David Epston and Dr. Michael White, narrative therapy believes that telling your story is a way to change things for the better. Some of the processes include:
What narrative therapy does not do is try to change the person. Instead, it focuses on changing the effects of the problems. The goal is to make more space between you and your problems to see them in a different light. By externalizing your problems, you can see them more objectively.
Couple Therapy Worksheets
What is a couple’s therapy worksheet? They are questionnaires that make you and your partner look deep inside yourselves. This helps you understand each other better, which helps you learn to work through your problems more successfully.
The GIVE worksheet focuses on four relationship-building strengths, which include:
Relationship Growth Worksheet
This questionnaire asks you each question about others to find out more about each other. For example, some of the questions include what your partner’s favorite show was as a child, what your partner’s favorite thing about you is, and what your partner’s goals for the future include.
Point Of View Worksheet
Learning about each other’s points of view is an enlightening practice to help you understand how each other sees things. For example, you may both read the same short story and see them in completely different ways. In a story about a boy and his dog who get separated because the dog runs away, one person may see the boy as irresponsible for not having a leash on the dog. At the same time, the other may consider the dog bad for not listening to the boy. Then others are just sad for the boy, while some are sad for the dog. People see things differently, and it is important to know how your partner sees things.
Relationship Counseling Books
Many books are available to help you with DIY relationship improvement. When you’re looking for a book to help you with your relationship, it’s a good idea to look at books written by professionals who have worked with couples in a counseling or coaching setting. If you go with an author who does not have counseling certifications, do some research to ensure credibility in offering relationship advice. Books written by couples who have been together for many years are also a good source of guidance, especially when both partners work together on the content.
Face-To-Face Couple Counseling
Traditional counseling in a therapist’s office is one of the most popular options for seeking relationship help. Unfortunately, it’s usually put off until the relationship is in dire circumstances. And that makes it much more difficult for the counseling sessions to get your relationship to a good place before one of you gives up. You will get more from face-to-face sessions with a couple of counselors if you and your partner notice negative patterns before they eat away at the entire relationship. If you’re not ready for therapy or counseling or on a waiting list, you can dip your toes into the water and start working on your relationship using a worksheet, book, or other methods. While it’s not a replacement for therapy, it’s great to start working on your partnership together in the ways you can right now.
Online Relationship Counseling
A terrific alternative to in-office couple counseling is an online relationship or couple’s counseling. This is pretty much the same as traditional counseling, except that you get the added convenience of having a wider range of counselors to choose from without the deterrent of a long commute to their office. You can engage in counseling sessions with your partner and the counselor from any location that is convenient for you. Also, you will not need to make an appointment, and you can communicate with your counselor anytime you want, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, with some online therapy plans.
Conclusion
No two couples are alike, and different approaches or ways to access therapy will work for different couples. The same is true in individual therapy. Remember that, although you can learn a lot about various modalities online, you don’t have to know exactly what approach you’re looking for. If you connect with a therapist or counselor and discuss why you’re pursuing counseling, they’ll be able to tell you if they can help. If not, they will generally be able to refer you out or recommend another provider who can.
If you decide to use an online therapy platform like ReGain, you’ll start by taking a quick questionnaire that’ll help you match with a counselor or therapist. If you don’t like the first therapist or counselor you see, you will be able to switch or change providers at any point in time. ReGain makes it fast and easy to start working with a licensed professional. The platform offers both individual counseling and couples counseling, so whether you’re looking for a provider for yourself or yourself and a partner, you can find it here.
Whether you start the counseling process in person or online, you deserve to have the support of a provider who meets your needs. Take the leap and sign up or start your search today.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is there free couples counseling?
It can be hard to find free couples counseling or couples therapy, but free couples counseling and free couples therapy are technically out there. One way you can get free couples therapy is through Community centers that offer counseling services. Free or low-cost counseling is available to people who have certain types of insurance or are within a specific income bracket and are eligible to get certain kinds of insurance. Some organizations offer vouchers for therapy, including couples therapy. Another route is to see if you can get therapy through your religious community if you attend a church or another religious institution. Many churches offer counseling services, including free couples counseling or marriage counseling. While it isn't free, online therapy is another affordable option for those who find it hard to pay for traditional in-person counseling or don't have insurance covering a significant portion of counseling costs.
Is online marriage counseling effective?
Online marriage counseling is effective. Often, if someone chooses online marriage counseling, they prefer it because of its flexible nature. Online counseling is often more affordable than therapy in a private practice setting in someone's geographical area. Another benefit of online counseling is that you can access it from anywhere with a reliable internet connection. You don't have to commute, making it excellent for people with busy schedules or children. Additionally, online therapy doesn't generally have the long waitlists that a traditional in-person therapist sometimes has.
In online therapy, you can get a variety of counseling services. You can see a couples therapist for couples therapy or couples counseling, or you can see an individual counselor. If you have questions about getting couples counseling online through ReGain, the FAQs on the ReGain website may be able to help you with some of your inquiries. It's normal to have questions about couples counseling initially and counseling services in general, whether you see a provider in person or online. The counselors at ReGain have addressed many different kinds of relationships or relationship issues in couples therapy. They are here to answer any questions about couples therapy you have when you are in a session.
Can couples therapy make things worse?
If you see someone who is not adept at working with your concerns, they may do more harm than good. When you seek counseling services, it's important to remember that not all couples therapists are the same. A couples counselor or therapist should have extensive training that has made them ready for couples. They must be licensed and experienced. Always check a provider's licensure, and if you ever feel that couples therapy isn't helpful or is making things worse, know that you have every right to switch providers. Sometimes, a therapist won't be a good fit, and that's okay. If you have a couples therapist that's a good fit, things should improve over time, not get worse.
In marriage counseling couples therapy or any other form of care, you and your therapist should have open communication about the therapeutic process. Often, in couples therapy, you, your partner, and your couples therapist will discuss goals you would like to meet in or outside counseling. This is a way to check on your progress and make sure that things are going smoothly.
How much does online marriage counseling cost?
Online marriage counseling ranges from roughly $60 a week to $90 a week. In-person counseling can cost up to around $200 per session, making online therapy a more affordable option for many, depending on what providers are available. At ReGain, counseling prices start at $60 a week. Something to note about the therapists at ReGain is that you can be assured that they're all licensed providers who are highly skilled and capable of working with various issues couples face. Another great thing about online therapy is that it's often easier to switch providers if you dislike the first person you see. It's incredibly important to make sure that any provider you see is licensed, and it's most critical to ensure that you're seeing someone who can truly help you. Something great about online therapy is that it cuts out a lot of the hassle affiliated with finding a therapist that you can see quickly, that you and your partner work well with, and that is more likely to be affordable to you.
When should you consider couples counseling?
There are so many different reasons to go to couples therapy. One reason to consider couples counseling is to improve your communication skills. Counseling is an excellent option if you find yourself having conflict and not knowing how to navigate it. Another reason that people consider couples therapy or couples counseling is because they are planning a family together. Additionally, a couple may seek couples therapy or marriage counseling if they feel as though they are disengaged from their significant other in some way. For example, you and your partner may have stopped being intimate, or you may feel emotionally distant from one another. You can learn how to spice a relationship up in therapy, or you can learn to cultivate a more loving relationship. You can also work on things like trust and ways to display affection. Therapy does not always mean that there is an active issue in your relationship. Many people go to premarital counseling to prepare for married life, and studies show that those who go to pre-marriage counseling are more likely to have a successful marriage.
You don't have to feel ready or be ready for couples counseling to go to couples counseling. Starting couples therapy is a big step, and especially if therapy or counseling is new to a couple, therapy can be intimidating at first. Remember, though, that licensed marriage and family counselors have generally worked with a wide variety of couples and families and have helped people navigate all kinds of relationships. There are many different kinds of relationships as there are people, so don't feel like your relationship needs to look any specific way to go to therapy or be accepted in a therapy office. In therapy, couples share personal feelings and other things they might be tempted to hold back on at first. Still, they know that counseling services work has something in common with romantic relationships because honesty is an inevitable and vital component. When you work through relationships in couples therapy, you need to be candid and truthful, so don't hold back who you are or what you want out of the experience.
What is the success rate of couples counseling?
Statistics regarding couples counseling and couples therapy are extremely positive. Emotionally focused therapy (EFT), in particular, is shown to be incredibly successful, with 70% to 75% of couples finding success in the method and 90% of couples finding substantial improvement in EFT. One study showed that 98% of people who underwent couples therapy stated that their care was "good" or excellent." Good therapeutic relationships in couples therapy are something that matters. It's essential to have a provider that makes you feel comfortable talking about romantic relationships and understanding you and your partner. Suppose you can't talk about relationship issues with your couples therapist. In that case, it's critical to seek counseling services elsewhere from someone that you and your partner feel good about seeing and that both of you can open up to.
Can a therapist tell you to leave your partner?
A couples therapist will not tell you to leave your partner. A couples therapist serves as an objective third party in couples therapy and will help you through any relationship issues. Your therapist should never make big decisions for you. Rather, they should support you as you make your own choices. A couples therapist providing counseling services should guide you, listen, and, if applicable, teach you new skills as you work through the choices you have to make as well as any feelings related to the choices you have at hand.
While a therapist won't tell you to leave your partner if you are actively looking to leave your partner or get a divorce, know that therapy is a safe place for you to work through that issue. If you plan to separate from your significant other, you and your partner can go to therapy to help yourself separate peacefully. This can be helpful in any scenario, but couples with children often go this route because of the potential difficulties navigating child custody and other issues.
Do marriage counselors take sides?
A marriage counselor does not take sides. A couples therapist or marriage counselor is there to be an objective third party. Part of what's so helpful about couples therapy is that a couples therapist offers an outside perspective. Couples therapy should be a place where you both feel safe and heard. You should be able to express yourself, and you should both have the space to do so. A couples therapist should help you mediate conflict in couples therapy and help you avoid issues that may arise in common arguments like talking over one another or feeling as though you are not being listened to. Any relationship counseling, whether it's premarital counseling, divorce counseling, marriage counseling, or general couples therapy, should provide an objective and supportive environment with a goal of communication, understanding, and amicability.
Is online therapy cheaper?
Online therapy is often far more affordable than in-person therapy. Online therapy starts at about $40 per session and is billed monthly, far different from in-person therapy, which can cost up to around $800 a month if your insurance company doesn't cover any of it. You don't need to pay a fortune or strain yourself financially to get the help you need. Call your insurance provider to see what they cover, or search the online network of therapists at an online therapy website of your choice to find an affordable option for you.
What are the three types of counseling?
Contrary to popular belief, there are far more than three types of counseling. There are too many types of counseling to list all of them here.
However, within couples counseling, a few very popular counseling approaches have proven successful for many individuals.
Some of the most common and successful types of therapy for couples and individuals include:
None of these types of counseling are mutually exclusive, and many couples benefit from experiencing multiple types of therapy.
In addition to the counseling style, there are other variables of counseling couples should be aware of.
Online counseling, for instance, is growing in popularity. Online counseling, including the resources provided here at ReGain, offers most of the same benefits as in-person counseling but from the comfort of your own home. For some, home counseling helps is more relaxing and more likely to encourage honest, open discussions.
What are the different counseling styles?
There are countless different counseling approaches. The counseling style that works best for you often relates to your concerns and your type of person.
Different counseling styles include narrative therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), imago relationship therapy, exposure therapy, aversion therapy, and many others. Choosing which counseling style is best for you is often a mental health professional's choice based on your strengths, weaknesses, and therapy goals.
If, for example, you and your partner have a very poor image of what your relationship is like together, Imago relationship therapy would likely be an excellent counseling style to utilize. On the other hand, if you or your partner tend to have poor self-image due to relationship problems, narrative therapy would likely be a more appropriate counseling style to try.
One of the most important things about therapy and counseling is that it is often a trial and error process. Choosing a counselor can be difficult, but it is essential to have a counselor that works well with your personality.
Counselors work to help you solve your problems, so you'll likely experience the most benefits if you trust and feel comfortable expressing your feelings to them.
Choosing a counselor may be challenging, but once you have a counselor you trust, you can begin to try different counseling approaches to see what works best. Once you have a counselor find the best counseling style, you can be well on your way to strengthening your relationship or improving your wellbeing.
What are the five types of therapy?
There are five overarching types of therapy. Most other types of therapy fall into one of these categories or may span multiple.
The five types of therapy generally accepted by medical professionals are:
What are the five performance steps of counseling?
How counseling approaches solving problems is unique and vital. Whether it is online counseling or in-person counseling, the main principles remain the same.
Counseling approaches a problem or concern between multiple individuals (or just one). It seeks to solve the problem and give the patient the tools necessary to keep the concern or conflict at bay.
For example, consider substance use counseling. Substance use counseling typically focuses on stopping the consumption of drugs or alcohol first and foremost. Another primary goal is teaching an individual how to avoid consuming drugs or alcohol themselves, often through management techniques and healthy coping mechanisms.
Any type of therapy or counseling is likely to be a multi-step process, and your relationship with your therapist will likely evolve. The basic five-step process of counseling and measuring your progress throughout is as follows:
What are the basic principles of Counselling?
There are many fundamental principles of counseling seen across all types of counseling, including online counseling, school counseling, and in-person counseling.
First, counseling relies on a patient, to be honest, and open with their thoughts and feelings. A counselor is not a mind reader - the patient also needs to deliberately share and work on specific techniques suggested by their counselor.
Additionally, counseling typically requires building a relationship between the patient and counselor. This is why choosing a counselor that makes you feel comfortable and empowered is very important. Counseling also involves setting goals and creating a plan for achieving those goals.
Finally, treatment usually ends with a meta-evaluation and efforts to equip patients with tools to solve their future problems.
Nearly all lines of counseling tend to display these principles. No matter what type of counseling you seek out, these ideas are important to keep in mind.
Nowadays, there are more ways than ever to access mental health care. For some people, online counseling is a great option because it allows them to be in the comfort of their own homes. For others, in-person allows for a better relationship and connection between patient and counselor.
It's up to you to determine who and what you are most comfortable with when counseling. So long as you keep these principles in the back of your mind, you're likely to set yourself up for success and have a genuinely beneficial, therapeutic experience.