You never thought you would end up in a bad marriage, let alone considering divorce. You tried to be very careful, you waited and took your time to find a partner who had all the basic things needed for a successful marriage.
Now, it’s looking like you and your partner can’t seem to overcome the many recurring marriage problems that are threatening your home and marriage. You both seem to be at loggerheads concerning practically everything; you no longer feel loved or appreciated, and the littlest of things they do bother you. One of the promises you made to yourself was that when you get married, it would be till death do you part, but here you are, in the middle of a troubled marriage that seems to be leaning towards divorce with every passing moment. You do not want to give in to the pressure and give up or get divorced, but you are also feeling hopeless and aren’t sure how long you can hold on, or if holding on is the right thing to do.
On the other hand, a separation or divorce is a significant life change. Separation or divorce will rarely be comfortable, pain-free, or seen as the ultimate solution, and should not be chosen casually. What many younger married couples fail to realize in time is that healthy marriages usually do not suddenly become broken marriages because of some mysterious outside force, but through consistent failure or neglect.
The signs of this can be seen long before they reach the critical point of indicating a broken marriage, often becoming evident to people outside the relationship before the couple can see it themselves. So, you are wondering if the marriage problems you are going through at the moment is a normal ‘valley’ situation that will pass after some time, or if your marriage is practically just on life support and if it is time to move away.
Arguing Instead of Discussing
It is possible to repair a marriage or married life that has already suffered severe damage, but this requires work and commitment from both sides in order to effectively go about fixing a broken marriage. Once one or both partners feel that it just isn't worth the trouble to start fixing a broken marriage, they're not willing to take any of the steps to fixing their marriage, and find that their marriage isn't worth saving, the marriage may feel like it is over, even if it doesn't result in a formal divorce or separation.
Obstacles That Cannot Be Overcome And Will Lead To Divorce:
- Physical Abuse: There is no excuse for physical violence or abuse. If one partner acknowledges that they are physically or mentally abusive and refuses to change or get help, then there is no hope for saving your marriage. The abused partner has no choice but to seek separation and/or divorce in order to protect themselves and the children (if there are any) from the abuser. Moving out has to be planned meticulously. You need to take the bold step, with rescue plan put in place; tell a trusted friend or someone in your family what you are doing, and where they can reach you. For your own safety, try not to just disappear.
- Financial Control: If one of the partners refuses to allow their partner more financial control even after counseling, then the relationship or marriage should be discontinued. The financially controlling partner usually views himself/herself as the one who is correct, and they likely do not take their partner's needs and wants into consideration. If you plan to leave, you'll need to have your own finances, so consider making some financial changes, such as taking paper checks instead of having them directly deposited into your joint account, before you leave.
- Infidelity: If one or both of the partners in a marriage resorts to having an affair, the marriage can often be salvaged with counseling and forgiveness. However, multiple affairs even after counseling and empty promises regarding future behavior can cause trust to be genuinely broken. It is unhealthier to stay in a marriage with infidelity, jealousy, and anger, than it is to simply leave and start anew.
- Lying: Some people are so used to lying that it becomes second nature to them. If counseling and therapy do not change the liar's behavior, it may be time to consider separation or divorce. Within a marriage, lying may start out as a series of little, inconsequential lies that you can ignore and make excuses for. As time goes on, however, you may see an escalation in this truth avoidance which can indicate a broken marriage. Counseling for both partners is necessary to repair the eroded trust. But if one partner refuses to acknowledge the lies or refuses to change, divorce is likely the healthiest choice.
How To Fix A Broken Marriage
Are You Wondering How To Fix A Toxic, Broken Marriage?
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