Marriages fail for many reasons, and fixing a broken marriage and defeating divorce is not always possible. However, this isn’t to say that signs of trouble automatically mean divorce is the next step. There may be a rift, but you may not be a broken family just yet.
Many couples improve their relationships and work through tough issues and grow together. How to fix an unhealthy relationship? They figure out ways to heal from past mistakes, fix things, make space for quality time together, and get back to a healthy marriage. Keep reading to learn just what you can do if you’re wondering how to fix a broken marriage.
What Can You Do To Fix Your Broken Marriage?
You never thought you would end up in a bad marriage, now you’re wonder how to fix a broken marriage or if it’s time to consider divorce.
Perhaps you tried to be careful, waited, and took your time to find a partner who had all the basic qualities you thought were needed for a successful marriage. Or maybe you jumped into the relationship without thinking things through. Maybe you’re worried that you didn’t see signs that your spouse is the wrong person. Perhaps, it’s looking like you and your spouse can’t seem to overcome the many recurring problems that are threatening your family, home, and marriage.
Conflict may seem to arise in practically every situation, you no longer feel appreciated, and the littlest of things seem to get under your skin, and trying to deal with it feels like too much effort for too little gain.
Your wedding vows may have included promises that your marriage would be till death do you part, but here you are, in the middle of a troubled marriage that seems to be leaning towards divorce with every passing moment. Perhaps you and your spouse are in a constant tug of war about how to manage your family and home. You may not want to give in to the pressure and give up or get divorced, but you are also feeling hopeless and aren’t sure how long you can hold on or if holding on is the right thing to do.
Broken Marriage: Is Your Broken Marriage Worth Saving or Should You Separate Instead Of Remaining Married?
A separation or divorce is a significant life change. Separation or divorce will rarely be comfortable, pain-free, or seen as the perfect solution. Deciding to get a divorce is a major life decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Relationships that end in divorce or separation can still require a lot of effort, especially if there are children involved.
Many younger married couples don't realize that healthy relationships usually don’t deteriorate overnight but through consistent lack of communication and a pile up of misunderstandings. Most couples find there is a big difference between their ideas about married life and the reality of an actual marriage. A good marriage often does not come about without both partners doing some marriage work.
One way to improve a marriage is to spend quality time together reading and talking about how to fix your broken relationship and what makes a relationship work. There are plenty of informative and helpful articles and resources on the subject and related reading in books you can buy. These resources cover topics like conflict resolution, financial management, parenting styles, the importance of loving physical touch, and the different love languages people have that help them feel loved by their mate.
However, if your marriage feels broken in too many ways for self-help, it may be time to reach out to a mental health professional like a clinical social worker or a relationship coach who can help you in a safe and supportive way as you explore why your marriage failed and what you can do to fix it. These professionals know how to identify a broken relationship and will help you improve your marriage. You can find a therapist or licensed clinical social worker who specializes in couples counseling to walk you through this process.
Looking For Broken Marriage Signs
The signs of broken marriages can often be seen long before they reach the critical point where it’s impossible for the couple to stay connected. Sometimes a failing marriage becomes evident to people outside the relationship before the couple can see it themselves.
So, you may be wondering if the marriage problems you are going through are a normal rough patch that will pass after some time or if your marriage has reached a critical breaking point?
Even though there is no fool-proof way to figure out if the marriage problems you are currently facing are only temporary, or whether these marriage problems are indeed big indications that your marriage relationship is headed for divorce, there are certain signs that can help you to figure out if your marriage needs serious repair.
Talking to a Relationship Coach Can Help Fix A Broken Marriage
Making an appointment with a marriage expert or relationship coach is one way to dig deep into what exactly is wrong with a marriage and clarify whether or not the relationship can be saved. They can even give you the best marriage advice as well as some tips to handle marriage problems. You may also find that spending time with your spouse gently exploring questions about your feelings and perspectives can help restore a happy marriage life.
Warning Signs Of A Broken Marriage
Constant Negotiation Between Spouses
Knowing when to compromise is a necessary technique in all relationships. However, each person in a relationship should be looking out for their spouse as well as themselves to ensure both parties feel respected.
However, in a failing marriage, this will be much more difficult. You may make many small compromises each day, and when a person feels like they are giving in all the time, resentment builds.
Still, when it comes to making a meaningful sacrifice for your partner's happiness, such as parenting styles and big financial decisions, successful couples will both find themselves compromising to reach common ground. Learning new negotiating skills that are a win-win for both people is something a trained marriage counselor can often help with.
Arguing Instead Of Discussing
Discussions are a crucial component of making a relationship work, but they can be unproductive when these conversations turn into fights.
Real conversations in a long term relationship involve talking about relevant issues instead of criticizing each other. Effective and empathetic dialog requires active listening and open communication.
Having the occasional argument is by no means a sign of a relationship in trouble. However, becoming aware of the way you and your spouse conduct yourselves during moments of stress can be crucial parts of how to fix a marriage.
Marriage Counseling & Communication
Luckily, couples therapy or relationship counseling can make a huge difference in fixing relationships that are not working. For most couples, working on how to handle conflicts is one of the crucial steps to fixing a broken marriage.
Learning healthy ways of resolving conflict can be of great help for mitigating intense emotions and strengthening the marriage foundation.
What If Fixing The Marriage Doesn't Seem Worth The Effort?
The emotional tone of some failed marriages isn't passionate outrage but exhausted indifference. Indifference in a marriage can be huge marriage warning signs. An unhappy marriage is more likely to dwindle over several months or years slowly over feelings of indifference between the spouses.
It is possible to repair a marriage or married life that has already suffered severe damage, but this requires both people work and make a commitment to effectively repair a broken relationship.
Once one or both partners feel that it just isn't worth the trouble to start fixing a broken relationship, they may not be willing to take any of the steps needed to repair their relationship, which is one of the signs a marriage cannot be saved.
The marriage may feel over, even if the marriage doesn't result in a formal divorce or separation.
Broken Marriage: Wondering What You Should Do Next?
At some point during married life, marriage trouble looms that makes you wonder if you have a relationship worth saving.
During this time, you and your partner will be challenged to understand, acknowledge, and forgive each other’s transgressions and faults.
You both may attempt to figure out how to repair it and start to take steps to repair your married life but may find that in the end that fixing your relationship isn’t possible.
No matter what you decide, speaking with a therapist specializing in couples counseling can be a great first step.
Obstacles That Often Cannot Be Overcome, Leading To Divorce:
1.Abuse: There is no excuse for physical violence or abuse, and it is always wrong and unhealthy. If one partner is physically or mentally abusive and refuses to change or get help, then there is little hope for saving a marriage.
Moving out has to be planned meticulously.
To leave an abusive relationship, a person needs to take bold steps, with a rescue plan put in placeIf you have been experiencing domestic violence, reach out for help immediately.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you can get immediate help at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
2.A Financially Controlling Partner : If one of the partners refuses to allow their spouse more financial control even after counseling, this can be a sign that fixing the marriage might not be possible.
The financially controlling partner usually views themselves as the correct one, and they likely do not consider their partner's needs and wants. A counselor might be able to help you and your spouse resolve this problem, but if you plan to leave, you'll need to consider your finances and how to manage them on your own. Even a few minutes of reading online about basic financial management can give you a start on how to do this. Consider taking a look at a free ebook or two on the subject.
- Infidelity: If one or both of the partners in a relationship resorts to having an affair, the marriage can often be salvaged with counselingand forgiveness.
However, even after counseling and empty promises regarding future behavior, multiple affairs can cause the trust to be genuinely broken.
It can be unhealthier to stay in a marriage with infidelity, jealousy, and anger than to leave and start anew.
- Lying: If counseling and therapy do not change a spouse who lies all the timer, it may be time to consider separation or divorce. Lying may start as a series of little, inconsequential lies that you can ignore and make excuses for within a marriage.
As time goes on, however, you may see an escalation in this truth avoidance which can indicate a broken marriage.
Counseling for both partners is necessary to repair the eroded trust. But if one partner refuses to acknowledge the lies or refuses to change, this can lead to divorce.
Are You Wondering About Ways To Fix A Broken Marriage?
In a 2007 study, researcher and psychologist Neil S. Jacobson found that even when one or both people in marriage felt that their relationship was hopeless, therapy with a licensed counselor made a positive difference.
If you and your spouse have busy schedules or the tasks of adding a commute and finding childcare sound like a big effort and more that you can handle, you might want to consider an online marriage counseling option.
ReGain can provide help to start you and your partner on the next steps to help fix your relationship.
Not all relationships can be fixed, and after starting therapy sessions, repairing a relationship takes a commitment of both partners in sessions and outside of sessions to work towards your common goal of fixing your broken marriage.
To get started with finding the right therapist for you and your relationship on the ReGain platform, you simply start by filling out a short questionnaire.
The information you provide helps ensure that the mental health professional you are matched with suits your unique needs. After the questionnaire is completed, you can be matched with a licensed therapist within a few hours or at most a few days.
From there you can communicate with your therapist in a variety of ways from messaging to phone to video - whichever is the most comfortable.
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