Some Questions For Married Couples To Improve Your Marriage

By Samantha Dewitt|Updated June 19, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Alexanderial Jones, LMFT

Are you and your partner trying to improve your relationship? If you’d like to connect more fully, communication can be a helpful tool in relationship building. By asking your spouse and yourself questions for married couples, you canbetter understand how you both feel.Respectful communication can help build intimacy, trust, and a stronger connection.

Why Ask Questions?

Several different questions may help you and your partner grow closer to each other or get to know one another better. Some questions may help you learn how tohelp each other. Others may help you and your partner express yourselves a bit better or clarify goals, wants, and needs.

A goal of questions such as these is to strengthen your relationship.With these questions, you can give your partner and yourself the opportunity to explain what each of you is experiencing and what your hopes are. You can hear your partner’s thoughts and perspectives and share your own so that you can better understand each other. With strong communication and dialogue, perhaps your relationship can be better than ever—and you and your partner may find ways to create the kind of relationship that you've always wanted.

12 Questions For Married Couples

1. What Can I Help You With Today?

This can be a good first question to ask. You and your partner are likely in a relationship because you love one another. Helping each other can be a way to express your love. Sometimes partners in a couple get caught up in their lives and forget the value of helping oneanother. By asking your partner what you can help them with, you can show them that they are important to you and that you want to make their life—and the life you share together—better. Helping your partner is a win-win. Not only can it make them feel supported, but research shows that people who actively help others and practice kindness feel a greater sense of meaning in life.

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2. What About Our Life Makes You Happy?

If you're experiencingconflict in your relationship, it can be difficult to think about what makes you happy;but remembering what brings you happiness can be important for the connection between you and your spouse. When you talk to your partner about what they love about your relationship, you may also begin thinking about the good things. When you and your partner reflect on the happy aspects of your relationship and the things you wouldn’t want to give up, you may find it helps you work through challenges you’re facing as a couple.

Talking about the positive can help you feel more hopeful and motivated to work for a happy future. You’ll both likely gain knowledge of how to keep what makes you both happy strong and in place. In addition, being aware of what makes you both happy can help you feel thankful—and those feelings of gratitude can improve emotional health.

3. What Made You Fall In Love With Me?

By sitting down with your partner and talking about the things that made you fall in love with one another, a rekindling may occur.You may find yourselves focusing on the good things: each other’s positive qualities, your attraction tooneanother, and why you fell in love. Even if you’re facing challenges, you can look at the things that made you fall in love in the first place—and those things may help you feel stronger in your relationship.

4. How Could I Be A Better Spouse?

By asking your partner what they want from you, you can show them that you care about self-improvement and being the best you can be in your relationship. This can be a bit of a sensitive question, so when they answer you, you might try to consciously take their response as constructive and an opportunity to improve your relationship, instead of as criticism.

5. What One Thing Would Make You Feel Successful?

Finding out what your partner wants out of life in order to feel fulfilled and successful can help strengthen your relationship. Knowing what they hope for and dream of regarding the future can help you get on the same page. Asking this question is also a good way of letting your partner know that you care about what they value and what their goals are. You may then be in a better position to help them reach their goals and to support them as they work in that direction. Mutual support of each other’s healthy, productive goals is a great way to express love and help each other find happiness and fulfillment in a shared future.

6. What Would You Like To Change About Our Relationship?

This may seem like a difficult question (or even a nerve-wracking one), but it can be important because it can give you and your partner an opportunity to discuss your priorities and hopes for the relationship. Discovering ideas about how you can improve your relationship can help guide you to healthy change.

7. What Would Make You Feel Closer As A Couple?

Asking this question can help you and your partner discover ways to become closer. Perhaps your partner wants to spend more time with you, work on your physical relationship, or receive more support or encouragement from you. Whatever their answer is, you can gain insight into what they feel would bring you closer, and that can help strengthen your relationship.

8. Why Do You Want To Save Our Relationship?

You may know the reasons why you want to save the relationship, but perhaps you want to know why your partner does. This can help you gain clarity into what to work towards if you’re rebuilding the partnership. Understanding their motivations may also help you as you put in the work to strengthen your connection.

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9. Is There Something In Our Past We Need To Deal With?

Sometimes the past can affect the present and the future. Unresolved feelings about the past can harm relationships. Offering your partnerthe opportunity to talk it over can help bring the issue to light. Then you may be able to find ways to address the issue and prepare to move forward.

10. What Do You Think Are Our Biggest Problems?

Discussing what you both think you need to work on can help you on the path to resolving the issues that might be hurting your relationship. You and your partner might not think the same things are your biggest relationship problems, but it can be important to hear each other’s perspectives and respect each other’s concerns.

11. Where Do You See Us In Ten Years?

Learning your partner’s vision of the future can be enlightening. What do they see for your future as a couple? Do you share the vision? Together you may be able to plan for a future that meets both of your individual needs, wants, and goals as well as those that you share. You may also find opportunities to discuss a shared vision for your future as a couple.

12. What Was The Happiest You've Ever Been In Our Relationship?

If you understand a time when your partner felt the happiest and most loved, respected, and cared for, you may gain insight into what you can do to regain and sustain these positive feelings.

Tips For Asking And Listening

When you ask questions, respectfully listening to the answer is a best practice. Being a good listener can be a crucial part of healthy, effective communication. When your partner answers your questions, listening respectfully can help you understand them better and may help you build a stronger connection.

When you ask your partner questions, you might try these tips to be a good listener:

  1. Avoid interrupting.
  2. Try not to redirect the conversation to your needs or concerns until they have finished speaking and feel heard.
  3. Show interest in what they’re saying.
  4. Set aside your judgment. You may make more progress if your goal is to understand them, not to argue, even if you disagree with them. Once they have expressed their views and feel heard, you could find the right time—either that moment or later—to respectfully express your feelings about their responses.

Being both a respectful listener and a respectful speaker can help you and your partner understand each other more fully.This can be a much more peaceful, productive way of communicating than arguing or criticizing. Valuing each other’s feelings and needs (and being open to hearing about them) can help you develop a stronger, healthier relationship.

Where To Get Help

If you feel your relationship could benefit from therapy, or you would like ideas about helpful questions to ask your partner or ways to improve communication, a licensed mental health professional can offer you guidance.

At ReGain, you can connect with relationship therapists who know how to help you improve communication. You and your partner can connect virtually with a licensed mental health provider from the convenience of your home or any place where you feel comfortable (and have a good internet connection or phone service). ReGain offers affordable, accessible, convenient therapy services. Through therapy, you can enhance both your own well-being and that of your relationship.

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