How To Fix A Broken Marriage Without Counseling At The Office
By: Dylan Buckley
Updated December 16, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Audrey Kelly, LMFT
With the advancement of technology and the flourishing of career opportunities, we truly live in a day and age where we have access to almost anything that we could ever need or want, both information-wise and service-wise. This holds especially true for those who need services that might have once been relatively difficult to manage or gain access to, such as therapy or marriage counseling, which can both provide essential mental health support or marriage saving advice.
Unfortunately, marriage counseling and other types of therapy were once (and sometimes still are, for certain couples) rather difficult to access, and couples who had an interest in making sure that their marriage stayed together were hard pressed to find the resources they needed. Now, you can find help in the form of online marriage counselors, counselors in your area, or even resources on counseling who can provide you with marriage advice that you can use to solve your own marriage issues.
However, for many people whose marriage is struggling, it can feel like there's absolutely nothing you can do to save your marriage, and you may not know about all the opportunities that lie in wait. It may feel like your marriage is completely broken beyond repair, but it doesn't have to be that way. The good news is that there are things that they can do to fix their failing marriage without ever stepping outside their home. This can be great for a lot of couples who prioritize their privacy; if they don't want anyone to know what's happening in their relationship or just what they're going through to try to save it, nobody has to know.
If you are one of these couples who is grappling with some serious problems and may be reluctant or unable to visit a counselor in office and are looking for other opportunities, or if you’ve ever found yourself wondering, how can I save my marriage from the comfort of my home? or how can I save my marriage at a lower price? here are some tips on how to fix a broken marriage without counseling in-person.
Why You Need Help
If you and your partner are struggling to get along, it can feel like you're drowning. Lots of things can make a marriage feel broken, but the bottom line is that your marriage is no longer the happy union that you used to enjoy; the bond that originally brought you and your partner so close together is now a damaged or unhealthy relationship. Pre marriage, you might have felt like the two of you were meant to last a lifetime, but now, you feel like it’s totally broken, or as though you and your partner are uncomfortably close to the finish line. In fact, you might even regret married life altogether -- how can you ever hope to rekindle your relationship and fall in love again when sometimes you wish you hadn’t had it in the first place? When you've reached this point in a marriage, that's when you need help as soon as you can get access to it, or else you might lose all motivation (or hope) to save your marriage.
By just continuing to go about things in the way you already are, you can sink yourselves even further into that pit and before you know it, you're going to be feeling trapped, with no way to save your marriage. When this occurs, couples will often turn to divorce as their final solution and this may have been something that could've been completely avoided if the two individuals were willing to seek out assistance long before the small troubles turned into one large mountain of issues. Ultimately, most issues in relationships are the result of a lack of communication, which can leave you and your partner feeling mutually hurt and can even lead to a lack of care and affection. Even though you may already be at or close to this point in your relationship, taking the first step now and choosing to start working on your relationship will give you the opportunity to be able to actually work your way out of that pit and get back to the happy, healthy relationship you had before.
Even better, the desire for you and your partner to want to save your marriage is a great indication that it can still happen as two willing and motivated partners are the only two people who are going to be able to rekindle that love and bring life back into the failing marriage. After all, you want to enjoy your married life together. No one wants to be unhappy and no one goes into a relationship wanting or expecting a divorce.
However, as we already clarified above, if you can't work things out together, that's exactly what can happen and you may end up feeling lost and alone as you attempt to recover from the separation and move on with your life. You need help to keep yourself from feeling that way and to make sure that you and your partner can enjoy a full life together. A therapist will help you work through the problems you're having, whether they seem big or small, and decide what's going to be best for each of you as individuals and the two of you as a couple.
But, as the title of this article suggests, you are not currently considering visiting a live therapist and are looking for alternatives. So, where does that leave you? Let's take a closer look...
How to Fix a Broken Marriage Without Counseling in the Office
When you do realize that you need help, you will probably think of a therapist as just another type of doctor -- or, more distressingly, as a doctor who only focuses on mental health problems. You may envision having to go and visit that therapist in an office with people there, judging you as you walk in. This can especially be an issue if you are seeking to avoid recognition from people you know if you are visiting a therapist in your area, as the office may be quite visible, or there may be other couples attending therapy as well. Perhaps you imagine the receptionist who must be wondering what's wrong with you and the other couples thinking about whether your relationship is in worse shape than theirs, which can be another stomach-churning potentiality that's something that most people seek to avoid.
There are two other alternatives that will allow you to get the help you need to repair your failing marriage, without ever stepping foot in an office:
Doing The Work On Your Own
The first is to seek out resources that will essentially act as tools for you to fix the marriage on your own, without expert advice. The problem here, however, is that most couples who are almost ready to give up on their marriage are unlikely to be able to resolve their conflicts on their own; fixing a broken marriage is not the type of DIY project that, say, fixing a broken bike is, and regardless, if they had the tools to work things out, you would have already. There is so much resentment, anger, and pain hidden under the surface of their relationship that any small step that is taken towards trying to convey their feelings and find a solution may cause an eruption of blame and judgment that will only propel their progress backward, which can be extremely dangerous and disheartening if a married couple is already having severe issues in their marriage and is trying to avoid any further damage that could prove to be the final straw.
However, that is not to say that this solution is impossible. There may be married couples out there who are having issues and simply never learned how to productively problem-solve as a team. They may also be two individuals who are more than capable of applying the right tools and knowledge to these issues to eliminate them from their marriage and go on to lead a happy life and have a healthy relationship, but they might never have been provided the tools.
If you believe you may be one of these couples, marriage counseling that is conducted at home and without a therapist or marriage counselor as a guide generally entails personally conducting research about marriage issues and methods that are used to ensure success. Once you have conducted your research and have managed to obtain a wide variety of resources such as books, workbooks, worksheets, planners, and other relationship-based tools that are designed to make the process easier, you will need to sit down and do the work. This is easier said than done -- saving a marriage is a huge undertaking, doing this kind of marriage work can often feel exhausting -- but it is more than possible for some of the right couples. You just need to make sure that you are ready, willing, and able to handle the challenge. Otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for failure immediately.
Consider Seeking Online Therapy Or Marriage Counseling
If the method described above does not seem appropriate for you or your spouse, the second solution is to skip the office altogether and to seek a therapist who can help you over the internet. The quest to find a therapist can be quite daunting, but there are a ton of types of therapy offered online at a variety of price points, whether you’re looking for help with your own mental health, or if you’re seeking step by step instructions or marriage advice on how to save your failing marriage.
With ReGain, you can actually find a therapist or marriage counselor online, and you can talk to them that way, too. ReGain has a network of highly trained therapists and counselors that are available on the website, whenever you need them. You can set up an appointment and talk to your therapist right from your house, instead of having to go to an office, which may help you feel more comfortable and confident in the program.
With ReGain, the process of connecting with a therapist couldn’t be simpler -- when you set up an appointment, you simply have to make sure you're available when the time comes. Your therapist will be right there on the screen, waiting to talk to you at your appointed time! You'll be able to get started on your session right then and you get to skip the stares and interactions that would come with having to visit a therapist in a physical location. Your sessions will be more comfortable because you'll be sitting on your own chairs or couch and it will create an environment that makes it easier for you and your partner to open up.
If you’ve ever found yourself Googling, how do I save my marriage?, you don't need to have a broken marriage anymore. There's plenty that you can do to improve your lives together with a little bit of help outside the office. Marriage counseling sees tons of success stories of people who have managed to learn how to communicate, work through their problems (both their individual mental health problems, as well as their issues as a couple), and even fall in love again.
There you have it! If you are seeking to fix your broken marriage, you now have two solid solutions that can help you to do so while avoiding the many perils that come with visiting a nearby therapist's office. Make sure to take the advantages and disadvantages into consideration when you are deciding on these two solutions and work with the one that is best for you. Whether you have decided to take on your marriage problems on your own or you have decided that an online counselor will be a better choice, start your healing journey today and set yourself on the path towards a happy, healthy marriage!
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Can a broken marriage be repaired?
Yes, a broken marriage can absolutely be repaired. The task can be a daunting one, however, as it can require a mutual commitment to making changes to oneself and how the two of you interact that might seem excessive. On the flip side, progress might feel like it’s happening too slowly, or the advice that you receive from self-help guides and marriage articles about how to save your marriage might feel totally inscrutable.
In fact, all marriages will go through rough spots, and often when you come back from the fights, the relationship is even stronger. This is because when our relationship is in the pits, we see the most vulnerable and flawed sides of one another. Then, when we come back together, we are showing that person with our actions that we accept them despite those flawed parts of them and love them as a whole human. Reconciling after damage is done in a relationship can be a very powerful act of love.
Not knowing where to start can be one of the biggest deterrents in repairing these relationships, but that’s why seeking outside help from a neutral party like a therapist or marriage counselor can be so helpful -- they should be able to point out to you what you’re doing wrong, and give you advice on how to save your marriage.
How do you strengthen a broken marriage?
While the ways in which you might solve your relationships’ individual problems may vary, you can begin to reduce the damage done and strengthen your bond by making an effort to seek outside assistance early, keeping a positive outlook, and making a strong effort to speak in a way that is clear and assertive but still gentle, which can help to avoid arguments while still giving issues their full due. Taking these sorts of steps early on -- honestly, taking them at the first sign of trouble -- can prevent problems from festering, and can help to save your marriage before it even breaks down.
How do you fix a broken marriage alone?
While it may be worthwhile to work on your individual issues by pursuing therapy or otherwise attempting to improve your behavior, it is not really possible to fix an entire relationship on your own. In a relationship or marriage, all change is precipitated on mutual support, agreement and compromise -- similarly, it’s unlikely that any significant breakdown in the relationship is solely 100% on one party, so why would it make sense for only one partner to try and save your marriage alone?
If you’re interested in saving your marriage, it’s worth it to at the very least sit down with your partner and talk through their options. If they have no interest in the project of fixing or saving your marriage, well, that might be a good sign that it’s time to call it quits.
When to call it quits in a marriage?
Deciding when to call it quits with a marriage is an incredibly difficult decision that can only be made personally. No online article can say for certain whether or not a relationship has totally run out of steam, or if parts of it are still salvageable.
However, it’s certainly a bad sign if your reasons for staying in a marriage involve things that have nothing to do with the quality of your bond, but rather with the peripheral comforts attached to it -- for instance, if your only reason to avoid getting a divorce are that the process would be too lengthy, if you fear the sadness and the fighting that come with is, or if you would miss your current lifestyle, chances are that you’re less attached to the person you’re married to than you are to married life.
Additionally, if your partner has begun to engage in domestic abuse, is constantly cheating, or if your interactions with them are exclusively negative, it may simply not be worthwhile to try to save your marriage.
How do you know when a relationship is really over?
The signs of when a marriage or pre marriage relationship is over “for good” can be totally ineffable and difficult (if not impossible) to pin down as an outsider. Afterall, one person’s non-negotiable harbinger of relationship doom is another person’s we’ll get through this, together. Don’t let distractions like relationship articles get in your way -- the only person who can know when you’re through is you.
However, speaking generally, some bad omens in a relationship can include checking out emotionally, feeling uncomfortable, sad, or lonely when their company once made you happy, no longer missing them when they’re gone, losing interest in what they have to say, or beginning to even feel disgust or disdain for them. These are the types of things that can make a relationship or marriage feel broken beyond repair, and they can indicate a loss of love that might be too hard to come back from.
Can you fix a broken relationship?
Yes, you can fix a broken relationship, as long as both you and your partner are willing to put in the groundwork to save your marriage or relationship, and as long as the two of you are savvy enough to either seek professional help or to conduct research into the matter on your own.
How do you fix a dead relationship?
You can save your failing marriage or broken relationship by making a concerted effort towards change and mutual support, and by seeking professional help for your issues. However, a relationship that you might describe as “dead” might have a harder time getting back on its feet -- the term seems to imply that the relationship is completely devoid of life or love.
While miracles do happen in these instances, and while one couple’s definition of a dead relationship might be more lax than others, it might not be a worthwhile endeavor to try and save your marriage or pre marriage relationship if you think that it is lacking all love or life, and it might instead to be better to call it quits.
Is it ever too late to save a marriage?
As long as there is still some degree of love and a strong enough determination to seek help and really see things through, it is possible that there is never a “final” end point or threshold at which things cannot get better in a broken relationship. Certainly, couples have their breaking points, but hypothetically, you can always save a marriage as long as both of you are willing and able to make changes.
However, you can’t save your marriage on will alone, which is also why the desire to find someone who can guide you through the process plays an important role in the success of a marriage that might have otherwise been bound for destruction.
How do you fix a broken marriage after cheating?
While some couples might consider cheating an absolute dealbreaker, it is not impossible to save your marriage if a partner has cheated.
However, it is impossible to save it from failure if there is no accountability. Moving forward after cheating can only occur if it is clear that the cheater genuinely regrets what they did, takes the necessary steps to prevent it from happening again (don’t let distractions like keeping the affair’s phone number around remain), and is totally transparent about what happened. Trust can become seriously eroded by something like that, but it can be rebuilt under the right circumstances.
Can a marriage be saved if only one person wants it?
Unfortunately, no. Saving a marriage is not simply a matter of will -- saving a marriage does not just thrive on compromise, it requires it. Married life is, after all, a partnership, and if one person is not involved it breaks down. There is also the obvious question of why you would want to save your marriage if your partner is completely uninterested. Regardless of the fact that the journey to save your marriage will always be determined by a willingness to save it, someone who does not care about the fate of a marriage is not the type of person you should stay married to if you are still invested.
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