Getting Engaged: The Best Questions To Ask Married Couples

Updated April 9, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Getting engaged and planning a wedding is an exciting and special time for couples planning to spend the rest of their lives together. But marriage is a big commitment, and there are many things to consider beyond wedding planning.

One of the best ways to get marriage advice is to ask married people how they have handled challenges over the years. Read on to discover some of the best questions for a newly engaged couple to ask married couples and why they need to ask these important questions before potential problems arise.

Five of the best questions to ask married couples

Getting engaged can bring up overwhelming emotions

How do we keep the “love light” burning when the romance wanes?

Passion and affection seem nearly endless during the early days of a relationship, but how will couples show love and affection when there’s far less time for intimacy? Your love for your spouse and how you show that love will change over time. Married couples, especially those that have been together for several years, can vouch for these transition periods and even offer advice on how best to navigate them. Life happens, stress happens. Children can drastically change the dynamics of a household and a relationship, and people grow older. People in loving and committed relationships can either let the exhaustion of life fizzle them or seek the advice of those who have successfully found new and improved ways of showing love and affection for their partner.

What do we do when we can’t agree on something?

Those in a comfortable, supportive relationship may agree on most things, so it can come as a big surprise when a spouse learns that their partner feels completely different than they do about something. In the long run, this can lead to mistrust and even divorce if not discussed beforehand or if you cannot reach a compromise. Some people may feel that their spouse may have intentionally lied and hidden this from them, even if they didn’t, or that they will now question other things about their partner and feel unsure of who they initially thought that person was.

What if an issue arises that you can’t compromise on? Can you agree to disagree? Married couples who have been there can often give good advice about how they kept the peace without losing their sense of self.


How can we find a happy medium regarding our saving and spending habits?

Money can be a point of contention for many couples at some point in their relationship, especially when their financial assets are intertwined. Each expects the other to handle their money the same way as they do, which can be problematic when one partner has different spending and saving habits than the other. 

When newlywed couples try to focus on building their savings and investing in a home and future, and one spouse knowingly or unknowingly sabotages these goals with poor spending habits, it can cause stress. Couples must communicate their philosophies regarding money and their intentions and goals. 

Life has a way of throwing unexpected situations and expenses into the mix. Preparing for those circumstances is a huge priority for couples trying to get on their feet. Finances and managing different views about them are great conversation starters with a married couple to discover how they found the right balance to meet their needs and long-term goals.

Who should we turn to if we have problems we realize we can’t solve ourselves?

Marriage has numerous ups and downs throughout the years. It would be crazy to go into it expecting things to remain perfect. Many married couples will tell you that your life with another person has just as many stresses as the average dating relationship. 

Marriage requires work to maintain and nourish, but the rewards of your efforts and dedication will significantly pay off in a relationship with deep trust and commitment. For most people, it’s pretty easy to navigate the joyful periods of life but far tougher to handle any unexpected issues that may arise and threaten your relationship and overall happiness as an individual and a spouse.

What’s your backup plan if you can’t sort through those troubles on your own? You can get some ideas from married couples and discover what worked for them. Not every solution will work for every couple, but having a few good starting points and discovering where you may need to prepare for later on in your marriage is a great step in the right direction. 

Sitting down and creating a written plan together is also a great idea to help you navigate certain issues later in your marriage. With tensions running high, having a written game plan is an excellent method of focusing more on the process of problem-solving instead of fighting or feeling bad about the differences between you.

How do we balance working, managing household responsibilities, and spending time together?

One of the biggest challenges for married couples is finding a healthy balance between their work and home lives. It’s one thing to say that you’ll commit to having a date night every so often, but how will you respond, and what will you do if there never seems to be the time for it? A lack of dedication to prolonging lifelong romance and intimacy can cause many doubts in couples. It may lead to one or the other feeling neglected, unwanted, or possibly even unloved (depending upon their expectations of how they wish to receive love from their spouse). 

Happily married couples know the secrets to finding multiple ways to take advantage of smaller chunks of time to talk and enjoy being together, even if the rest of their schedule is hectic and time-consuming. However, every couple has different needs; some relationships require more one-on-one time than others. Changes may have to be made regarding work and other responsibilities if the affection and passion wane. It can signify that the relationship has shifted as it is no longer a priority to one or both spouses.

Asking married couples for tips about date nights, improving togetherness, and setting aside time for each other is a great way to get ideas on keeping the fire burning and maintaining a deep, loving, and lasting relationship for many years.

Getting engaged can bring up overwhelming emotions

Need more guidance? Online therapy can help

If you’re engaged and want to build your marriage on as solid a foundation as possible, pre-marriage counseling is a great way to explore questions about the uncertain and unfamiliar areas ahead. 

Having a licensed professional provide clarity, perspective, and guidance can help you maintain the relationship and commit to a loving and lifelong marriage. In addition, there must be clear expectations, an understanding of each other’s beliefs and boundaries, and how to accommodate those immovable matters.

Online therapy can help you connect with your partner on new levels and determine how to navigate the road ahead. With online treatment, you can attend sessions from anywhere you have an internet connection, making it easier for you and your partner to fit therapy into your busy schedules. Research shows that online therapy is effective, too. In one study, couples consistently described feeling able to connect to the therapist in online sessions, and most couples found the experience positive and beneficial. If you want to learn more, reach out to Regain to get started.


Getting engaged and planning a wedding is exciting, but thinking beyond your special day to the marriage ahead of you is important. Talking to married couples to see how they met life’s challenges together can help you and your partner figure out how to put your marriage first and support one another. Need more guidance? Online therapy can help.

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