20 Signs Of Disrespect In Marriage: When To Draw The Line
By Ashley Brown
Updated April 27, 2020
It is a fact of life that no marriage is perfect, but where do you draw the line? A successful marriage is built on love, respect, and communication. When you take away any one of the three, you will have strife in your marriage. A marriage may be doomed if you cannot correct the problem. However, it is important to know what all of these things mean. We probably all know what love is, as well as the importance of effective communication.
But do you know what it means to respect your spouse, and to be respected in return? There might be some surprising ways that your spouse disrespects you and your marriage that you have not considered. If you are having problems in your marriage, a lack of respect could be the ultimate root cause. Here are some signs of disrespect in marriage that could alert you that changes need to be made in your relationship.
Signs Of Disrespect In Marriage
There are many signs of disrespect in marriage. When your marriage lacks mutual respect, it is typically doomed unless something changes. Some psychologists say that respect is more important than love when it comes to factors that affect the success of a marriage. Here are some signs that your spouse is not respectful.
#1 They Don't Make Time For You
Whether your spouse is always playing on their phone, they are spending all of their time on hobbies and activities, or they spend their time with their friends exclusively without you, if your spouse does not make time for you, they do not respect you. Your spouse should take the time to spend with you in conversation and activity alike.
#2 They Don't Tell You Things
If you frequently find out things about your spouse or their day from other people, it is a sign of disrespect in marriage. When this happens, it means that your spouse doesn't respect you enough to keep you informed on their own.
#3 They Don't Introduce You
It is natural for two people in a relationship to have their friends that do not necessarily interact with your spouse, but when you run into these friends and acquaintances, you should be introducing your spouse to them and including them in the conversation. Failing to introduce your spouse and carrying on a conversation as if they weren't there is very disrespectful.
#4 They Only Take Care Of Themselves
A good spouse that shows respect for their partner will be concerned about the needs of their partner, their family, and their household. Only having care for your own needs and desires without regard to your spouse or the household is extremely disrespectful, not just in your marriage but to your children as well.
#5 They Don't Acknowledge Your Accomplishments
When your spouse respects you, they will acknowledge and compliment you on your accomplishments, both big and small. Not acknowledging what you have accomplished in your career, your household, or in some other way, is a sign that your spouse does not respect you.
#6 They Make You Feel Less Than
A spouse that makes you feel less than desired or needed is not respecting you. While no one is perfect, you spend your time trying to make your spouse and family feel loved and cared for. When your spouse is quick to make you feel as though you are less than you should be, it is a serious sign of disrespect.
#7 They Are Derogatory
Derogatory comments either to your face or behind your back are both very disrespectful. You should never tolerate anyone talking badly about you or to you for any reason. This sign of disrespect can often cross the line into emotional abuse and gaslighting.
#8 Nothing Is Out Of Bounds
Does your spouse frequently push the boundaries of what is funny at your expense? Do they tell other people intimate details of your lives without your permission or without thought for how it will make you feel? These are clear signs of disrespect in marriage.
#9 They Hide Things from You
When you respect someone that you are in a relationship with, you must be open and honest with them at all times. If your spouse is hiding things from you, even if they don't seem to be major issues, it is a sign of disrespect. Saying that they didn't tell you because they didn't want to worry you is no less disrespectful or condescending.
#10 They Treat You As Though You Don't Matter
Does your spouse make you feel as though they wouldn't care one way or the other if you were still around tomorrow? When your spouse treats you as though they could live with or without you, and they would be happier without you, it is a sign of disrespect.
#11 They Never Take Your Side
Part of being respectful in a marriage is standing by your spouse. If your spouse never takes your side in anything involving friends, family, career, or other situations, it is a serious sign of disrespect. This can be even worse if they openly agree with the person opposing you.
#12 Inappropriate Social Media
The boundaries you and your spouse have about what is and is not acceptable in the world of social media is between the two of you and no one else. Some lines should be drawn as to what is acceptable and appropriate. When your spouse is having conversations with social media contacts that are flirty or sexual, it is a serious sign of disrespect.
#13 They Comment Negatively On Your Appearance
Does your spouse constantly make negative remarks about your appearance? Do they make fun of your clothing choices, your hair, your weight, or some other aspect of your appearance? Not only is this very disrespectful in a marriage, but it is also plain hurtful.
#14 If They Don't Help You
Everyone struggles from time to time. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend and the one person that you can count on when things get tough. If you hit one of those struggles and your spouse is not willing to help you, it is a serious sign of disrespect.
#15 They Aren't Polite To Your Friends And Family
While it is true that not everyone will get along with everyone else, there is a certain level of civility and politeness that is expected. If your spouse cannot be bothered to be polite to your friends and family, it is a sign that they do not respect you enough to be respectful to those you care about.
#16 They Are Unwilling To Share
Marriage is supposed to be 50/50, and that means with everything. If your spouse is always unwilling to share their things, this can be a sign of disrespect in marriage. If they have the attitude that what is theirs is theirs and that's that, you should not expect respect.
#17 They Don't Listen To You
When you have something to say to your spouse, they should be willing to listen. If your spouse will never listen to anything you have to say, or if they flat our refuse to let you speak, this is a serious sign of disrespect that you should not tolerate, and it borders on emotional abuse.
#18 They Give You The Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a tactic used by many narcissists, and it is a clear sign of disrespect. The silent treatment is designed to make you feel abandoned, uncared for, and disposable. It is also designed to make you feel completely cut off, and when done frequently, can be a form of emotional abuse.
#19 They Ignore Your Boundaries
Everyone has boundaries. Everyone should have boundaries. Even with your spouse, you should have boundaries that you have communicated with each other for all aspects of your life. If your spouse refuses to respect your boundaries, this means that they also have no respect for you.
#20 Your Partner Refuses To Compromise Or Negotiate
Marriage is all about compromise. You have to be able to negotiate with your spouse to resolve conflicts and problems that come up in your lives and the household. If your spouse has my way or the highway attitude and refuses to discuss things with you or negotiate, this is a sign of disrespect.
When To Draw The Line
You mustn't allow yourself to be disrespected in any way, especially the ways described above. If many of these signs are present in your marriage, it could be an indicator of an abusive relationship. Remember that abuse does not necessarily mean physical violence. You must address these issues as soon as they arise, set healthy boundaries, and expect your spouse to stick to them. Remember that you should never tolerate abuse of any kind.
Setting healthy boundaries with your spouse should be a simple matter if you can communicate with each other well and respect each other's thoughts and feelings. There are five important steps to setting healthy boundaries in a marriage. You must look at your individual needs, compare lists with your spouse, set priorities, define success, and put it in writing. If you need help communicating with your partner and need help setting boundaries with your partner, a licensed therapist can help.
When you speak to a licensed counselor, it may help you both get more fulfillment in your relationship, as well as be able to communicate better. Moreover, certain types of therapy can help you learn how to change your behaviors when interacting with each other. This can assist you in beginning to repair your relationship with your spouse.
If you aren't able to find or afford a marriage counselor in your area, there are other options. You can easily take advantage of online counseling options. Online counseling allows you to speak to a licensed therapist from the comfort and privacy of your own home. ReGain is one such online counseling platform that focuses on relationship counseling. The licensed therapists with Regain are experts in relationships and marriage, and they are available at convenient times. Here are reviews of ReGain counselors to read, from people going through similar issues.
"Cori is very insightful, thoughtful and fair. It seems like she get both sides of our couples therapy. I would highly recommend her to anyone, especially couples. She has helped my wife and I improve communication, mutual respect and get through some hard times."
"Dr Diai is insightful, professional and very compassionate. She is capable of turning arguments and conflicts around and bring light to the conversation, always respecting the different points of view. My husband and I are so grateful to be assigned to her to help us through this challenging period in our lives."
There is no reason to put up with disrespect in your marriage. Once you notice the signs, you should get help from a professional counselor to fix the issues that are plaguing you. With the right tools, you can start to repair your marriage, regain respect, and learn how to move forward together.
Why is a Toxic Relationship Bad?
Every marriage or relationship is going to have its share of problems, but a toxic relationship is one that needs more repair than your average relationship. Sometimes, there's only one toxic person in the relationship. This person can be abusive, and no matter what you do, the relationship doesn't get any better. However, there are some times where both parties are toxic for each other.
With a toxic relationship, both needs aren't being met, which is vital in any relationship. A relationship should be about meeting each other's needs and pushing each other up. Signs of disrespect in a relationship is something you should be mindful of, and leaving the relationship should those signs show up isn't a bad move.