Is My Relationship Salvageable? 17 Tips To Save Your Marriage
If the strength of your marriage seems to have faded, you might be wondering if the relationship is over or if it is still salvageable. While each person, relationship, and situation is different, there are some positive signs that the partnership may still be salvageable, so long as both individuals are interested and committed to making it work. If you’re trying to determine whether your marriage can be saved, read on for 17 positive signs to consider.
When The Marriage Can't Be Salvaged
Before jumping into the positive signs that the marriage may be salvageable, it is important to note the situations in which a relationship generally cannot be fixed and in which ending it may be the best option. If the marriage is fraught with abuse of any kind, that can outweigh any of these positive signs. You deserve to feel safe and loved in your relationship.
If you are experiencing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available to help you with information and resources. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the NDVH online chat system.
Positive Signs To Consider That Your Relationship May Be Salvageable
Your thoughts and feelings about the relationship, how you and your partner treat each other, and what might be contributing to the issues can offer useful insight into whether or not the relationship can be rescued. Here are some positive signs to consider that may indicate that your relationship could be salvaged:
You Can't Bear The Thought Of Leaving
If the thought of leaving makes you incredibly sad and heartbroken, it could be a sign that you don't want to give up. These are different feelings than being nervous about leaving or feeling disappointed that the relationship might not work out, which can both be common feelings even if you really want to leave. Rather, if the thought of leaving breaks your heart, and you feel like you can’t bear to be apart from your current partner, it may be a sign that you still have enough in the relationship to try to salvage it.
You Always Feel Respected By Your Partner
A couple may have disagreements and argue occasionally, but they can still respect one another and each other's feelings. It is a good sign that your partnership is salvageable when there is still respect on both sides. If you still feel respected in your coupling, it can indicate that your spouse is still committed to making sure that you are getting the respect you deserve.
You Can’t Picture Your Life Without Them
The problems that can come up in a partnership might make it feel like throwing in the towel is easiest, but that doesn't mean you're ready to do so. If you really can't picture your life without your spouse, that could be a sign you want to salvage the relationship.
You Are Both Able To Admit Your Faults
When trying to salvage the relationship, it can be crucial to see the situation from both sides and both admit your own shortcomings. If you are both able to recognize and admit that you are not the perfect spouse, this can be a positive sign that you are both willing and capable of making changes to improve the relationship. Admitting that no one is perfect and striving to make positive changes can help your relationship.
You Feel Safe With Your Spouse
If being with your spouse still makes you feel comfortable, safe, and at-ease, this can be a very positive sign for your relationship. If you feel comfortable opening up and talking about your thoughts and feelings with them, this may indicate that you two still have love and care for each other and are able to communicate well, which can bode well for improving things.
You Enjoy Thinking About Your Memories Together
If you find yourself frequently daydreaming about happy memories together and remembering the good times of the past, this may be a positive sign that you want to fix your partnership. Every partnership may have its rough patches, but if you are able to remember the good times and still have those feelings come flooding back, there may be a chance of getting that back again.
The Thought Of Your Spouse Moving On Is Very Hard
If the thought of your spouse with anyone else makes you feel very sad and hurt, this may indicate that you still have strong feelings for them. Feeling sad about the possibility of your spouse moving on may be a sign that there's still love with your spouse, and where there is love, there may be hope.
You Can’t Picture Yourself With Someone Else
If you really can't see yourself moving on with a new partner, it can be a sign that you want to stay and work on your partnership. If you try to imagine your future, and you can’t—and don’t want to—picture it with anyone else besides your current partner, it may indicate that the relationship can be saved.
The Strain Can Be Attributed To A Recent Change, Like Children
Children can change a relationship in a lot of ways. You suddenly have this tiny human dependent on you for their care, and it might be a considerable strain on a relationship. It might be hard to feel romantic if you're both spending most of the time worrying about and caring for the child, getting little sleep, and adjusting to your new roles. Having children might also bring up new concerns about how to raise them and how to divide responsibilities. If you and your partner have recently experienced a big life change like children and think it could be the source of the strain, this can be a positive sign that the relationship can be mended. You and your partner may be able to navigate this new stage together and find ways to move forward.
You’re Both Willing To Try
If you're both willing to try to save the relationship and put in the work to do so, then the chances of success may be high. If you are both interested in putting in the effort to make positive changes in the relationship, this can be a very positive sign that your relationship can be saved.
You Believe You Can Reignite The Spark In Your Relationship
If you no longer feel that special spark you perhaps first had when you see your spouse, that doesn't necessarily mean your partnership is over. If you think that you can get the spark back, it may be worth the effort to try. You can try to get that spark back by courting your spouse as though you were dating all over again.
Your Problems Aren't About The Relationship
Many things can put stress on a relationship that has nothing to do with the people involved. Financial matters, career matters, family matters, and other life stressors can severely strain a partnership. If the problems in your relationship seem to be about these outside factors and not really about the feelings towards each other or how the relationship works, then you may be able to rescue the relationship. For instance, counseling may help you learn how to cope with these stressors.
You Still Enjoy Your Time Together
If you still enjoy spending time together and going out on dates, there may be a good chance of recovering the relationship. There is likely something worth fighting for if a couple still enjoys spending time together.
You Think Of Yourselves As A Team
When couples begin to think of themselves as individuals and worry only about their own needs, it may not bode well for the relationship. But if you and your partner still think of each other as a team, this can be a positive sign for your chances of salvaging the relationship.
There Is Still Intimacy In Your Relationship
If you and your spouse are still being intimate with each other, this can be a positive sign for the future of your relationship. For instance, if sex is an important part of your relationship with your spouse and you two are still sexually intimate, that may bode well for your connection. That said, there can be a variety of reasons for a change in a couple’s sex life, and there are also other forms of intimacy beside sex. Sex is not an important part of a relationship for every couple or person, and some people have no interest in sex at all.
You Don't Let Fights Escalate
One of the strong signs that a marriage may be over is when fights escalate into hateful words and actions. If you and your spouse argue but generally keep arguments from reaching that point, you may have a much better chance of recovering your partnership.
You Still Make Each Other Smile
When you continue to make each other smile frequently, it can be a good sign that your marriage is salvageable. If you look across the room and seeing your spouse makes you smile, or if they do something so unique to them that it makes you smile, then this can be a positive sign that you still have love and affection for them, which can be very promising.
Rebuilding a relationship can take work, commitment, and patience, and it can often be very difficult to do on your own. If you would like additional support in strengthening your marriage, an online therapist can help.
Research has found online therapy to be an effective option for couples experiencing relationship distress. For example, one such study concluded that an online couples therapy program “was effective in significantly improving both relationship and individual functioning.”
Discussing relationship concerns and conflicts can feel very personal and vulnerable, and some couples may feel more relaxed discussing these topics in a space where they already feel comfortable and at-ease. With online therapy, you and your partner can meet with a therapist from wherever you have internet, including the comfort of home.
Meet Our Therapists
Lindsay Burke - Board-Certified MFT, Lifecoach
Lynn Salsbury - LCSW,MSW
Sam Jenkins - MSW,MFA,LCSW
Gina Found - MA, Board-Certified MFT
Eric Anderson - LMFT,CSAT
Carla Noto-Vencill - MA,LMFT
Cynthia Wiedemann - LMFT
Terry Brewer - LCSW
Catherine Wilson - LMHC
Every relationship is different, but there are some positive signs that the partnership may still be salvageable. If you’re trying to determine whether your marriage can be saved, consider some of the positive signs detailed above. For additional support in navigating relationship concerns, you can meet with a licensed therapist online.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you know when a marriage can't be saved?
When should you stop trying in a marriage?
How do you know when your marriage is really over?
How do you tell if your spouse has given up?
What is miserable husband syndrome?
When should you give up on a separation?
What things destroy a marriage?
What is stonewalling in a marriage?
How do you know if your marriage is worth fighting for?
How long do most marriage separations last?
What are common signs that your relationship will not end in marriage?
What makes a marriage unsuccessful?
Does your marriage have a chance if both of you still value each other?
What are grounds to nullify your marriage?
What is the biggest problem in marriage?
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