When Can My Boyfriend Tell If I Slept with Someone Else? Why Hiding Infidelity Might Not Be a Good Idea

By: Robert Porter

Updated December 31, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Natalie Feinblatt

If you have been cheating on your boyfriend, then there is a good chance that you feel horrible about it. You know how much of a cultural stigma there is about cheating. Cheating on your lover is something that has the potential to hurt them deeply. You might not want to hurt your boyfriend, but you could be having a hard time breaking it off with another lover. This can lead to you worrying about getting caught, too. You might even ask yourself "can my boyfriend tell if I slept with someone else?" He might be able to, but lying about infidelity is wrong even if he is none the wiser.

Lying is Morally Wrong

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Hiding infidelity is not a good idea because lying is morally wrong. You're in a relationship with this guy and you're supposed to love him. People who love each other shouldn't lie about things that are this important. This is something that could seriously hurt your boyfriend and it isn't right to keep him in the dark. You might be nervous about admitting what you have been doing, but that is no excuse for continuing to cheat on him. You must stop cheating on your boyfriend and address the issue.

If you can't trust someone's word, then you can't say that they're a reliable person. Do you want to be known as someone untrustworthy or shifty? You more than likely do not want people to think of you as someone who would do this to another human being. It might feel harmless to you since your boyfriend doesn't know about it. Cheating is not a victimless crime and the truth is likely to come out eventually.

Your Boyfriend Might Be Able to Tell

Your boyfriend might not be as oblivious as you think he is. It's pretty hard to keep hiding such a big secret from someone. If you're wondering whether your boyfriend can tell if you slept with another man, then you should know that he might be able to. Depending on how you are acting around him, he might realize that something is off. Your behavior could become erratic and he could notice that you aren't being the same loving girlfriend that he remembered.

Even if you are a very good actress/actor, it's going to be possible for you to slip up at some point. Your boyfriend could even recognize that you have been with another man. When you're having sex with someone, it's very easy to leave physical evidence behind, so to speak. Even if you clean up thoroughly, your boyfriend might catch subtle hints that you have been with someone else. This could mean that your lover left a mark on your body or your boyfriend might smell another man's cologne or scent on you.

The thing that you need to understand is that you're likely to get caught. Getting caught in your lie is going to be far worse than being honest about what has been occurring. Your boyfriend deserves to know the truth about what has been going on. If he learns from someone else or if he finds out on his own, then it's going to be worse for your relationship. If you want to stay with this guy, then you need to stop cheating on him and admit to the mistakes that you have made.

STDs and Health Concerns of Sleeping With Other People

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Another reason why lying about infidelity is a bad idea is that there are STDs and health concerns. Sex is a somewhat risky activity. When you have sex with someone, there is always the potential that you could contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD). If your lover wound up giving you an STD, then you could pass it on to your boyfriend unwittingly. This would be incredibly unfortunate and it's also horrible to do to someone who is being loyal to you.

Getting an STD would be a terrible outcome, but you need to know that it is a real possibility. You can't guarantee that the person you're sleeping with is not sleeping with other girls as well. It's hard to say what could happen and using condoms or other protective measures won't always keep you completely safe. You could even get pregnant and that would open up a completely different can of worms. It's easy to see that this could all go horribly wrong if you aren't careful.

You Should Break Up with Him If You Know Don't Want Him

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If you don't want to be with your current boyfriend any longer, then you should break up with him. This isn't always easy to do, and it can be very emotional. Even so, this is going to be better than continuing to cheat on this man who is being loyal to you. He deserves better than that and you should think more highly of yourself. Keeping him in a relationship with you that you aren't happy with serves no purpose. If you're cheating on him, then something isn't right.

You might love this guy and you could want to stay with him. That's a possibility, but you're never going to have a happy future together if you just keep cheating on him. It might sound harsh, but you've done something very hurtful to him. Telling him the truth about things is the best thing that you can do. Even if you want to break up with him, it's going to be good to find the courage to own up to your actions. He might get mad and he might never speak to you again. But the alternative is that you keep living a lie until one day the truth comes out.

Decide whether you want to be with this man or if you would rather move on with your life. Once you have made your decision, it's time to take action. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, then you need to break it off with the person that you've been cheating with. You will then need to tell your boyfriend everything and ask him if he can forgive you. Getting over infidelity is possible, but it's not going to be simple. You might want to enlist the help of skilled professionals who can work with you to help you address the problems in your relationship.

Should You Consider Asking for an Open Relationship?

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Some people might not be cut out for having a monogamous relationship with someone. If you find that monogamy is constrictive and that it doesn't feel like a natural fit for you, then you might be interested in an open relationship. Keep in mind that this isn't necessarily a guaranteed fix for your current relationship. If you slept with someone else without agreeing to an open relationship first, then you cheated on your boyfriend. This is a betrayal and your boyfriend has every right to feel upset and hurt by your actions.

Keeping that in mind, it's also possible that your boyfriend might be willing to forgive you. If he is willing to forgive your infidelity, then you can consider bringing up the open relationship idea. He might shoot you down right away and decide to be done with you. Many people consider these types of relationships to be taboo or morally objectionable. It might not be compatible with your boyfriend's belief system, but if it is what you want, then you have to be honest with yourself.

An open relationship allows two people to remain in a committed relationship while seeking sexual partners outside of that relationship. This can lead to a more satisfying sex life for some people. Some feel that having multiple lovers is more satisfying than being loyal to one person. Just remember that a lot of people in America are not going to be keen on this idea. This doesn't mean that it can't work, but it does mean that you'd have to be dating a very open-minded guy to get him to agree to this. Consider your options and search your feelings to determine what you want to do.

Why Should You Enlist the Help of Online Couples Counselors?

You can enlist the help of online couples' counselors if you want to save your relationship. These professionals work with couples all the time and they help them to get through trying times. If you have been cheating and you still don't want to lose your boyfriend, then you need to learn how to change your behavior. The counselors can work with you to address problems in your life and they can also work to fix problems in your relationship. If your boyfriend is willing to forgive you and move forward, then you will be able to make progress with the help of dedicated therapists.

Online counseling is fantastic for several reasons. This is the most discreet type of counseling that you can make use of. You'll be able to get therapy from the comfort of your own home and it's easy to reach out at any time. If you want to work on your relationship problems together, then you need experts who can help. These counselors are ready to assist you today. Don't hesitate to call on them if you are in need.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How to Tell if Your Girlfriend Has Slept with Someone Else

  • How do I know if she slept with someone else?

If you want to know if your girlfriend has slept with someone else, the easiest way is to ask her outright. Lots of people might scoff at this simple solution, but communicating with your partner doesn’t have to be a covert operation. Most importantly, when you’re trying to find out if she’s slept with someone else, you shouldn’t compromise your own ethical and moral standards. This means that you shouldn’t go sneaking around in her social media or text messages without her permission, because that could easily land you in trouble. You also shouldn’t talk behind his back to her best friend, because that behavior will hurt the relationship in the long run. The bottom line is that you should talk to her openly before you try anything else. You can’t control if she tells the truth or not, but at least you won’t be violating your own ethical and moral standards for the sake of your love life.

How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Has Slept With Someone Else 

  • How can you tell if your boyfriend has slept with someone else or that your partner has cheated?

When it comes to figuring out whether or not your partner has cheated, or how to tell if your boyfriend has slept with someone else, whether on you or in relationships in the past, it’s best to just ask them plainly. If you’re in an honest relationship, they’ll likely come clean if they have. According to the texting bible, this is not a great question to ask via text message or on social media. Instead, approach your partner when you’re both feeling okay, and when you know that you have the right emotional support in place to deal with their answer. Calmly raise the question, and listen attentively to their answer. It might not be the answer you want to hear, but it will definitely bring clarity to your life and to the relationship.

If you don’t think that this conversation can happen in a healthy or productive way, you might consider a no contact rule leading up to the conversation. This no contact rule limits the contact that you have with your partner leading up to or coming out of a difficult conversation, such as confront them with their alleged cheating. The no contact rule can be pretty strict, as it amounts to no face to face talking, no phone calls, no social media, and no contact with their partner’s family or best friend. While it may seem a bit extreme at first, the no contact rule is actually a great way to prep for and decompress from the difficult conversations around cheating in a relationship.

How to Tell if Cheating and Love Can Coexist

  • Can you love someone and sleep with someone else?

Being in love with someone then sleeping with a new guy, even if you’re in a committed relationship with the love of your life, is certainly possible. You might feel that you can’t control yourself when it comes to sleeping with someone else. This doesn’t mean that you don’t love your boyfriend, but it is likely the indicator that there are problems in your relationship. You might feel that you can’t control certain aspects of the relationship that you wish you could, but you can find that control with a new partner. Or, you may be feeling bored or burnt out in the relationship. Again, this doesn’t mean that you’ve stopped loving your boyfriend, but you should focus on solving those problems in the relationship if you’re really in love with him.

Or maybe your love life isn’t going as planned, and you’re not in a committed relationship with the person that you’re in love with. If this is the case, if you’re in love with someone but not committed to them in any way, then it’s totally reasonable to sleep with someone else. It gets hairy when there’s a committed relationship involved.

  • Can you cheat on someone you truly love?

If you truly love someone, you’re likely to put their own feelings, desires, and needs before your own. This means that you’ll consider them and their feelings and reactions to your actions before you take those actions. A quick think will likely show you that cheating on them would really hurt their feelings and in many cases, upend their whole lives. So, if you want to show good love to your partner, don’t cheat on them!

If you’ve cheated on your partner, though, that doesn’t automatically mean that you don’t love them. However, if you want to act lovingly towards your partner, you should definitely come clean to them before they find out on their own. While this may ruin the relationship, even if only for a while, it will show them more love than if you’d tried to cover it up and maintain the lie.

How to Tell if Your Partner Is Wandering

  • How do you know if your partner is talking to someone else?

It’s usually pretty easy to tell if your partner is talking to someone else, especially if it is just talking. The first thing you should consider, though, is why them talking to someone else is such a big deal to you. You might say, “I’m just a naturally jealous person,” but even if that’s not the case, you should think about why you’re so interested in them talking to other people.

If you find that you’re genuinely upset that your partner has other friendships outside of your relationship, then this is likely an indicator that there are some issues in your relationship. For example, you might not trust your partner as much as you’d like to. Or, you might feel that your partner is excluding you from certain areas of their life while they’re allowed (or demand) access to all areas of your life. Whatever the case, you should think long and hard about the issues that are making you feel touchy when your partner talks to or hangs out with other people. Then, approach your partner in a calm way and raise these feelings and issues. This is the first step to improving the relationship with your partner, even if you think that they’re talking to other people.

Additional Frequently Asked Questions

  • Should you know who your partner has slept with?

While it isn’t necessary to know every person that your partner has slept with, there are some reasons why it might be good to know specific people that your partner has slept with. For example, if they’ve slept with your best friend, this would be great to know ahead of time because it could cause problems that need to be mitigated down the road. Or, if they have an STD, which should also be made known.

Demanding to know your entire sexual history is one of the signs that your boyfriend might be cheating on you, as this could be projection. That means that he is blaming you for a long sexual history in order to justify his own cheating or lying.

If a person isn’t interested in your sexual past, that doesn’t meant that they aren’t interested in you. It’s not something that often does (or should) come up at the beginning of the relationship. Talking about your sexual past is something that comes up after some time in the relationship. So, someone who rushes to that conversation might not have the best intentions for asking.

  • Can my partner and I go to couples counseling separately?

In a word, yes. In fact, many therapists and counselors advise the no contact rule for some couples who are working through couples therapy or counseling. The no contact rule means that two people in a relationship have literally no contact. This means no face to face talking, no phone calls, no social media, and no contact with their partner’s family or best friend. The no contact rule looks a lot like leaving someone that you love, but it can be a healthy way to step back and take stock of the relationship while you’re working towards mending it.

Therapy Is Personal

Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of what your specific goals are.

If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at contact@regain.us. ReGain specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you’re interested in individual therapy, please reach out to contact@regain.us. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on 
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Futher Reading:
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