Relationships can be extremely challenging. There are so many variables, so many emotions, and most importantly, so much history. Romantic relationships go through their trials and tribulations, just like all relationships throughout life. One of the major issues facing relationships is trust. No one can realistically be with their partner 24 hours a day. There are times when each person will be out, living their own lives, which leaves some room for the imagination to run wild. Has the thought ever crossed your mind that your partner may be cheating on you? What if they aren’t, and you ruin your relationship with accusations? How do you know for sure before confronting your partner?
Let’s take a look at some red flags that may help you determine whether or not your girlfriend is sleeping with someone else. It never hurts to consult a mental health professional, including those here at ReGain, for guidance and advice when in doubt.
She’s Constantly On Her Phone Once She Gets Home
We urge you to be careful with this one, as there may be very clear reasons for your girlfriend to be on her phone. It is not a surefire indication of cheating. However, she started to notice a chance of her regular phone usage patterns and see her using her phone more often once she gets home. This may indicate a lack of investment in your relationship and not just her being a product of our “always plugged in” times. There may be a chance she’s talking to someone else, or she may be using technology as a means of avoiding having tough conversations.
She’s Not In The Mood For Sex
If you and your girlfriend were used to having a relatively healthy sex life and you notice a change in these habits, you may want to take notice. This isn’t to say that sex is the most important thing to consider or that you must have sex regularly to be in a healthy relationship. Still, changes in your partner’s behavior or routine may be indicative of something deeper.
Has your girlfriend been coming up with excuses not to have sex? Is she always suddenly tired or “not feeling up for it?” Sometimes, this may be the case, but if things seem off, you may want to dig a bit deeper to be sure.
We strongly discourage drawing immediate conclusions but take some time to discuss the issue once you start to see a pattern. It’s possible a shift away from intimacy has nothing to do with infidelity or relationship issues – life happens, and your partner is human. Communication is the best and only way to know what’s going on truly.
She’s Always Busy
If you’ve noticed that whenever you try to make last-minute plans with your girlfriend, she’s unable to alter her schedule to accommodate, this may be a reason for concern. If you notice your girlfriend’s social habits changing or becoming a bit more secretive, there may be a reason why (aside from just being preoccupied with important tasks).
Some couples even have a designated ‘day’ spent together without allowing other things to come up. Suppose your girlfriend has suddenly been blowing off your ‘day’ or can no longer do anything spontaneously because of pre-determined plans. In that case, these may indicate her waning interest in the relationship.
Have you noticed your girlfriend coming home with new clothing regularly? Has she been spending more time and care on her appearance than she had been previously? While this may be innocent, if this is out of the ordinary in terms of her character, you may want to consider the reason behind it.
Is she leaving home all dolled up when she’s just ‘going to the gym’ or ‘heading to the grocery store’? Is she showering and getting ‘pretty’ before leaving home to run simple errands?
Even if your partner isn’t shopping to impress anyone else, these sorts of behavioral changes often result from some emotional turmoil. It’s important to communicate your concerns openly with your partner; secrets and suspicion only further conflict and distrust.
She Comes Home And Immediately Showers And Changes
Changing habits are one of the biggest signs that there may be some cheating going on. If your girlfriend comes home and immediately wants to shower, change, and head to bed, there may be a reason for concern. Instead of coming home to your loving embrace and a chance for you guys to talk about your days, she’s running to shower and clean up.
Is this a new habit? Again, this may not be completely indicative that your girlfriend has just slept with someone, but it should be a reason to start looking deeper into things.
She’s Concerned With Your Whereabouts
Has your girlfriend recently started caring too much about where you are and when you’ll be back home? Has she been a little more overbearing, checking in on you more often than usual? While this may be a sign of true love and care for some couples, if this is not the norm, this may be indicative that she has something to hide and is either concerned that you’ll find out if you come home early or she’s worried that you’re engaging in deceptive acts like she is.
She’s Unhappy When She Gets Home
Do you remember the days where your partner would come home and be so excited to see you and spend time with you? You two couldn’t get enough of one another and be seemingly inseparable. You would both tailor your days in such ways that you would be able to spend the most time together. Weren’t those the golden days? Have you noticed a change in this behavior?
These days, if you’re worried about when your girlfriend gets home, you might sense that she’s irritable, short-tempered, and disinterested. Instead of greeting you with a smile, she seems to move right into her world and do her own thing, almost completely neglectful of your presence, if not completely neglectful.
If she’s constantly upset with you or nagging you, she may be displaying signs of resentment and disinterest in both you and your relationship. She no longer has the patience to work things out, nor does she care to. This may be a sign that she has just slept with someone who actually made her happy and is now coming home to a situation she no longer cares to be involved in.
When you start to feel like you can do absolutely no right in your relationship, there’s a chance there may be someone else that is making her happy, and she’s just riding things out with you until they fall apart.
She’s Unreachable For Extended Periods
Was there ever a point in time where both you and your girlfriend had to be in contact all the time? Were you ever texting or on the phone from morning until night? That must have been such a blissful time where both of you were so happy and excited to share each other’s company.
When this changes and you start to notice that your girlfriend is falling off the grid for extended periods, it may be more than just a busy day at work’ or her ‘falling asleep.’ When you notice that she’s starting to go missing for hours at a time and then show up home like nothing’s ever happened, we highly recommend looking into things a bit deeper. Her excuses may be just that, excuses. It is always better to get to the root cause sooner rather than later.
Two people in a committed relationship would actively make an effort to keep each other informed about their whereabouts throughout the day. When one starts to fall short on this commitment, it’s completely natural to wonder why this is happening, and of course, there is a reason. She may have been spending this time with someone else.
She Becomes Paranoid
If your girlfriend has started to show signs of paranoia, blaming more and more things on you, take notice. She may be snapping at you over smaller and smaller things that are completely irrelevant, and this could be in a poor attempt to cover her tracks, trying to throw the blame on you so that you have no reason to throw any blame back towards her. By your girlfriend focusing on you and your ‘shortcomings,’ she’s taking your ability to pay attention to her away, which gives her more of a safety net. If your girlfriend comes home ready to pick a fight over something as small as you take a deep breath, it may be because she’s just slept with someone and wants to take any attention away from herself.
She No Longer Plans For The Future
It’s completely natural and expected that couples talk about the future of their relationship. This includes marriage, children, travel, and all other aspects of a shared life. Most women are very excited by the notion of having a man that would want to build a future together with them. However, once you start seeing her avoid these essential topics for creating a life together, these are indications that she’s no longer interested in your relationship or pursuing something on a higher level. If she’s actively avoiding all discussions on the topic, she may have been sleeping with someone else and is starting to lose the romantic feelings and connections she once had.
Finding out that your girlfriend has been unfaithful can be a truly traumatizing experience. Where you were once building your life with someone, you’re now faced with the possibility of having to start over. Once you start to think things over truly, you begin to notice there were so many signs along the way that you were blissfully ignoring. Of course, it’s expected that you would want to protect your good times and good memories with your girlfriend, not believing that she would ever hurt you this way.
However, if you have been experiencing any of the issues that we’ve encountered above, it’s highly recommended that you start considering the notion that your girlfriend may have just slept with someone; we understand this may be a very difficult time and will take a lot of self-work to overcome, but be sure to always take care of yourself, love yourself, and understand you did not deserve any of this.
For more information about cheating and what signs you should look for if you distrust your partner, visit https://www.regain.us/start/, where a specialist will work with you to understand your situation best help you learn how to best and most healthily handle it.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):
How can you tell if a woman is cheating?
People cheat for various reasons, such as feeling increasingly unsatisfied or trapped in their current relationship. There is no definite way to tell if someone may be cheating, though. Your best bet is to trust your gut and rely on your instincts. After all, you probably know your partner better than most people. If your girlfriend is cheating, she may change her behavior, become more suspicious or sneaky, or spend more time online. Of course, each of these behaviors could be contributed to something else entirely. For example, a sneaky partner may just be planning a surprise party for you. It’s important to stay calm and consider all possibilities without becoming accusatory. If you find out your girlfriend is cheating, have a conversation about it as soon as possible. Catching your girlfriend cheating is difficult, but avoiding the issue will only worsen in the long run.
What are the first signs of cheating?
While there isn’t a setlist of signs of cheating, cheaters tend to be highly distrustful. They may try to hide their texts, phone calls, or emails from you. They’re more closed off and may tell stories that don’t seem to add up. Another sign of cheating is disappearing for a night out and not explaining where they were at. If she’s suddenly working later and later, it may be a red flag worth paying extra attention to. Those who cheat tend to become more and more flaky, unreachable, and unlike their usual selves. When confronting someone about cheating, they may turn around and accuse you of cheating. Personal attacks are a form of projection and defensiveness but don’t fall for them. In many cases, the person is embarrassed or shocked they were caught cheating, so they react by blaming you instead.
What are the chances of a girl cheating?
It can be nearly impossible to try and figure out the chances of someone cheating. However, it is true that if someone has cheated before, they are much more likely to cheat again. While that is something to keep in mind, you should avoid becoming suspicious or paranoid without cause or evidence. Prematurely worrying about cheating will only push the other person away and erode trust early on in the relationship. If you suspect your partner is cheating, try talking to them first and getting their side of the story. Avoid being accusatory and let the conversation unfold naturally. Cheating is shown to be very closely related to separation or even divorce, but this isn’t always the case. Every relationship is unique and should be approached as such. It can be incredibly disheartening to catch your girlfriend cheating, but at least you will no longer be in the dark and can start working toward a solution or decision.
What is considered cheating?
The answer to this question will vary from person to person. Cheating could be emotional, physical, or a combination of the two. Emotional infidelity could look like chatting online or exchanging texts or emails with a coworker or friend. Even if it’s a kiss on the forehead, getting physically intimate with someone could be considered cheating by some. Cheating online has become more popular as technology has accelerated and has even made it easier to cheat. Realize that you and your partner may have different ideas about what qualifies as infidelity. What is cheating to one may be an innocent conversation for another. To avoid misunderstandings, keep the line of communication open and talk about these things before they turn into problems. Have boundaries set up to protect both of you from hurting the other?
How do you tell if she is sleeping with someone else?
One common sign of cheating is a sudden decrease in libido from your partner. If she’s cheating on you, she may not want to have sex as often as she once did. Of course, everyone goes through ups and downs in their sex drive, so a sudden decrease in sex doesn’t automatically mean she’s cheating. Be careful not to jump to conclusions so easily. Overall, there may be a decrease in the amount of intimacy between the two of you. Cheaters tend to pull away from the person they’re cheating on, especially if they feel guilty. The best way to handle this is to start a discussion with your partner and voice any concerns you have. Keep in mind that if she’s cheating and thinks you’re unaware, the conversation will likely catch her off-guard. Defensiveness, yelling, or shutting down could soon follow, but you should aim to have a productive conversation.
Finding out your girlfriend is cheating can be a huge hit to your self-esteem and mental health. A clinical psychologist can help you work through your feelings and start to trust again. If you would like to work through the issue with your cheating partner, a family therapist might also be able to assist if you’re both willing. Unfortunately, many people who end up cheating tend to avoid the issue as long as possible, especially when feeling ashamed of their actions, so they may need that extra push or encouragement to get help.