Is It My Fault That My Boyfriend Cheated On Me?

Updated September 21, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

People who experience infidelity often spend countless hours wondering what they may have done to cause their significant other to cheat. However, cheating is rarely about the other person. In many cases, someone can be loving, kind, and gentle in every way, and their boyfriend might cheat regardless. Infidelity impacts areas of a person's life that can cause serious internal pain and self-doubt. Cheating can lead to hurt feelings, divorce, and sometimes even aggressive and dangerous acts of revenge. With consequences such as these, what leads people to take the risk and cheat anyway?

Learning To Understand And Move On From Cheating Can Be Hard

Cheating Is Not Always A Sign That Your Partner Is Unhappy

Although being in an unhappy relationship may motivate someone to cheat, it's not the only answer that some may assume it to be. It can be common for couples to hit a rough patch in relationships. In some ways, it may bring them closer. They might try to find ways to rekindle the spark and find the happiness they once knew.

Unhappiness can lead to unexplainable feelings, but it doesn't always send your partner running into the arms of someone else. Some cheating instances might indicate that a person is attempting to escape something deeper than unhappiness in the relationship. They may be on a mission to discover something more about themselves or fill a void in their life. 

Appearance Or Personality Is Not Always The Deciding Factor

A large group of people says that the person they cheated with is less attractive than their partner. Based on the results of a survey given to over 4,000 individuals, several males considered their partners to be more appealing in ways other than appearance. Approximately just 25% of the males surveyed indicated that the people they cheated with were more intriguing than their partners.

Opportunity Is A Major Player When It Comes To Cheating

People who cheat are not characterized by age, gender, or relationship status. Old, young, dating, and married individuals of all genders can cheat. While there are several differences in people who cheat, many admit to at least one common factor: the opportunity to cheat presented itself, and they responded. Research conducted on a small group of just over 400 people revealed that people may cheat for equally opportunistic causes. A person may be vulnerable to being hit on by someone else, or someone may be showing them more attention than their partner does, and eventually, a little wink or hug can turn into a full-blown affair.

What's Causing My Boyfriend To Cheat On Me?

Although it might be comforting to know that it's not your fault, many people may still want to know what caused their partner to cheat. 

The amount of distress brought on by cheating can be extreme. This emphasizes the need for one to understand why their partner would be unfaithful. Unless your partner reveals his reason to you directly, you may never know exactly why your significant other participated in affairs outside your relationship.

Here are a few common reasons that may attribute to cheating on a partner. Before reading these reasons, it’s important to note that absolutely none of these reasons are valid reasons for cheating.

1. The Thrill Is Gone

Communication may be lacking, and there could be feelings of inadequacy going unaddressed. It's also common for a person to feel that their love for others is misunderstood, and they fail to communicate it properly. A person who doesn't feel loved or uncertain about the love within a relationship may be motivated to cheat.

2. Sexual Exploration

Once the romance begins to dwindle, it can cause a person to feel unfulfilled. In contrast, there may be interests that your partner wants to explore sexually, and you have no desire to do so. It may help to find common ground, or it could cause them to seek satisfaction elsewhere. Sexual interests also pertain to interests your partner may have about their own sexual identity or orientation. The desire to learn more about themselves sexually could cause them to explore outside the relationship.

Getty/Vadym Pastukh

3. Abandonment

Nearly everyone likes attention, especially in relationships. Once a person feels that their partner isn't paying them any attention or neglecting the relationship, they may feel the urge to seek it elsewhere. It can also be easy for a person who isn't receiving attention within their relationship to accept it from nearly anyone who shows it.

4. Other Circumstances

Some people wish to explore a variety of sexual experiences. This is sometimes the case for couples who start dating at a young age. At some point, one partner may feel that they've missed out on something or settled down with one person too soon. They cheat in an attempt to recover the time lost from being committed at such a young age.

5. Confidence Booster

A person with low self-esteem may seek validation from outside sources. Unfortunately, sometimes, these sources are outside the relationship. For some people, cheating is a confidence booster. It might prove to them that they are wanted or needed by other people. They may not feel this at home or in their current relationship, and rather than addressing it, they may decide to take the less confrontational route and simply look for it in someone else.

6. Revenge

This is among perhaps the most common reasons that people cheat on their partners. If a person feels or knows that they've been cheated on, it may be easier for them to do the same as an act of revenge. Revenge affairs are common but can be the most difficult to work through. 

7. Curiosity

Online dating apps make it easy to browse and swipe until you find the perfect match. But what happens when the person browsing is in an existing relationship? Because it's online, many feel that it's harmless. Recent studies show that more than 30% of heterosexual couples and more than 60% of same-sex couples met online. Virtual dating has created a safe place for people to engage and interact before pursuing an actual date. This is appealing to a person who lacks affection, attention, or otherwise feels unfulfilled. They may think that this is a harmless way to interact with someone other than their significant other. However, emotions can easily develop online and morph into something romantic/sexual.

Learning To Move On

No matter what might have caused your boyfriend or partner to cheat on you, you are not responsible for the actions of someone else. Even if there are stressors or concerns within your relationship that involve both you and your partner(s), cheating is never a fair reaction. Instead, it can be far healthier to work through issues that arise and be open about things like low self-esteem, a lack of attention, or a desire to date new people. 

If you’ve been on the receiving end of infidelity, you may find it beneficial to speak to a professional who understands what you’re experiencing. This can be true regardless of whether you decide to stay with your partner or move on. A relationship counselor can help you process cheating and work to find solutions, including fixing or ending the relationship if necessary. 

Working with a therapist online can make it even easier to get connection to consistent, reliable support. Online counseling allows you to join sessions from home, work, or wherever else makes sense for your schedule. 

Plus, research shows that online therapy may be an ideal choice for couples and individuals who need to communicate openly and break down internal barriers. Several studies indicate that people who participate in online couples counseling feel they can divulge more over digital mediums, which means it might be more likely that you can get to the heart of why infidelity has occurred and what you can do to process it.

Learning To Understand And Move On From Cheating Can Be Hard


If you feel that you're to blame for your partner cheating on you, you're not alone. Countless people experience this sensation themselves, even though cheating is not your fault no matter why it may occur. These feelings can present serious problems within a relationship. More importantly, it can lead to unresolved issues of sadness, loneliness, or anger. Individual or couples counseling can provide quality support to help work through infidelity and establish a solid foundation for a healthier relationship moving forward.

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