Should I Leave My Cheating Girlfriend?
Updated March 11, 2020
Reviewer Lisa Childers, LCSW
Being in love with someone who is cheating on you puts you in a tough position. On the one hand, you love this girl very much and you want your relationship to work out. On the other hand, she's been cheating on you and she seems to have a hard time giving you the loyalty that you deserve. You might feel as if you are at a crossroads in life due to what is going on. Should you leave your cheating girlfriend, or should you give her a second chance? Figuring out which way to go is going to be up to you.
Some couples can overcome infidelity and can move on to build a stronger relationship. Others might not be able to get over this betrayal and it could naturally lead to the relationship becoming a shell of what it once was. Whether or not infidelity should be forgiven is a personal question and someone else isn't going to be able to answer it for you. You're going to need to do some soul-searching so that you can figure out the best path forward. Keep reading to learn more about scenarios and essential things that you should be considering.
Was Her Cheating A One-Time Thing?
Before decided whether you should break up with a cheating GF, it's smart to consider the situation. Was her infidelity a one-time mistake or was it something that occurred multiple times? Some cheating girlfriends are going to be serial cheaters who will repeatedly cheat on the men that they're with. Some people are very sexually charged, and they sometimes seek out sex partners due to their desires. This doesn't excuse your girlfriend's actions, but you can recognize that some people are more prone to cheat than others.
If your girlfriend simply cheated on you one time and feels remorseful for it, then you might be more inclined to forgive her. The situation makes a big difference when you're figuring out how to react. If you were away from home for a long time and she made a mistake born out of loneliness, then perhaps you can move forward together. If she simply cheated on you because she was bored or because she thought another man was attractive, then that is less forgivable. It's up to you to decide whether any type of cheating is forgivable and breaking up with your girlfriend is acceptable if you feel it is the right call to make.
Why Did She Cheat On You?
Knowing why your girlfriend cheated on you can be helpful when you're trying to make up your mind, too. You need to be able to sit down and have an honest conversation about what occurred. Try to keep an open mind and try to keep yourself from getting too angry. Yelling at her or lashing out in some way isn't going to help anything right now. It won't always be easy to keep a cool head, but you should try your best.
Let her explain her actions and have her tell you why she decided to cheat. Ask her to tell you the truth and tell her not to say things that she thinks you want to hear. If she cheated on you because she feels love for someone else, then she needs to admit that. All of this information needs to be taken into account so that you can figure out if breaking up is for the best. You also deserve closure and you should be able to know what happened.
Your cheating girl might be nervous about admitting to everything that you did. If you can be calm about things, then she will be more likely to open up. Try not to scare her and understand that it is never fine to be abusive to someone even when they have done something wrong. You can leave her if you feel that you should. Just don't lash out in anger or try to get revenge. Attacking her lover will only cause you to be put in jail and it isn't worth the effort.
If she can convince you that she knows she was wrong and wants to make up for it, then you might be willing to give her another shot. Some relationships are strong enough to overcome infidelity. Do you think you could learn to trust her again? Are you willing to work on relationship problems? Ask yourself these questions and consider before deciding whether to stay with her or not.
Do You Love Her?
Whether you love the girl or not plays a vital role in deciding what to do. If you don't love her, then it probably isn't worth staying with her. When you only like someone, it's not going to be logical to go through all the effort of repairing a relationship after infidelity. If you don't see a future with this girl, then it's time to move on. This is the best decision for you and it's also better for her in the long run.
If you do love her quite a bit, then that love isn't something that will disappear. You won't suddenly stop loving her even if she cheated on you. You might feel mad at her and you may also feel hatred toward her actions. Even so, somewhere deep-down, you're going to be able to recognize that you love this girl. If that love still exists, then it might be worthwhile to try to save the relationship. This will take dedication, but it can be done.
Can You Work On Your Relationship Problems?
You're going to need to be able to commit to working on relationship issues if you're going to save your relationship. There might be things that you need to change in your relationship to get things to work. For example, your girlfriend might have strayed due to you not spending enough time with her. She should never blame you for her mistake, but it still might be necessary to adjust your behavior if you want the relationship to work out long-term.
Not everyone is going to have the strength to confront their relationship problems. If you can find it within yourself to make the necessary changes, then you might be able to grow a stronger bond as a couple. You might not be able to trust your cheating girlfriend for a while, but you can keep working on things. Eventually, you might find that your relationship has become healthy again. You should consider going to couples' therapy if you want to change things and you should also commit to having more honest communication in the future.
Is Considering An Open Relationship An Option?
You could also consider having an open relationship. This is a type of relationship that allows a couple to pursue other sexual partners outside of the relationship. For some couples, it's an excellent way to keep things exciting while still being able to commit to each other. Depending on your moral upbringing, it might not be an option that you would even consider. This type of relationship does run contrary to many religious views and it's also not something that many people are comfortable with.
To make an open relationship work, you have to keep a very open mind. It's going to be something that can make you jealous at times and you might not always be comfortable with certain things. Some couples keep their sexual exploits outside of the relationship a secret and they find it to be much easier. Others are so open with their sexuality that they're fine sharing intimate details. You might not find this idea to be appealing and that's perfectly fine.
This is merely being presented as an option due to being something that some couples have found success with. Many find that open relationships can be just as happy and healthy as monogamous ones. Some people think monogamy is too restrictive for their tastes. You should decide for yourself. This is not something that you need to entertain even if your girlfriend requests it. These relationships only work out when both parties are comfortable with the idea. Do some thinking and consider it if it seems like an option for your situation.
Let Online Couples Counselors Help Out
You can also consider having an online couples' counselor help you out. These professionals help many couples to overcome relationship problems that are holding them back. Infidelity is a grave issue, but it doesn't have to spell the end of your relationship. You can work on fixing the problems that have been causing you to grow apart as a couple. These online counselors can also help you to learn to trust each other again as you work on building a stronger connection.
This isn't going to be easy and you need to be committed to each other if you're going to get over infidelity. Your girlfriend must want to be with you and she needs to make up her mind. If you can join hands and walk toward the future together, an online couples' counselor can be there to guide you every step of the way. Reaching out to get therapy is simple and it's also going to be very discreet. You can start getting counseling today if you're ready to work on your relationship issues. You don't have to face things alone and your therapist will always be there to talk when you're having a tough time.