Unspoken Attraction Between Two People: How To Let Go
Attraction is a funny thing. Although it seems as though attraction is the precursor to a legitimate connection, this isn’t always the case. Attraction can sometimes be wholly physical without an emotional component, or entirely emotional without a physical interest. Attraction may also never materialize into anything other than a strong physical reaction to the presence of another human being. While the attraction between two people can often signal the start of something beautiful and new, it can just as often signal the presence of nothing more than that: simple physical attraction.
Attraction versus connection
Attraction is the process by which one person is drawn toward another person. There are many different kinds of attraction, including physical attraction, emotional attraction, and mental attraction. In some scenarios, all three types of attraction are present, but it is just as common to see only one of the three types involved in two people attracted to one another, or for it to be unspoken attraction.
Conversely, connection is typically used to denote a deeper, more personal connection between two people. While attraction can happen with people of any background, belief system, or level of attractiveness, the connection is usually reserved for people who have some things in common, such as interests, belief systems, likes, or wants. Connection is usually the meat that keeps a relationship going, while attraction is typically the whisper of possibility that gives a new relationship its legs.
Connection is not commonly experienced at first sight or even necessarily on the first interaction. At the same time, attraction usually comes from a first-time interaction or at least soon after an initial interaction. Attraction does not have to be long-lasting, while connection usually is. When assessing flirtations and whether or not they are likely to develop into anything else, differentiating between connection and attraction is important and can help you avoid heartaches.
Signs of unspoken mutual attraction
The signs of physical attraction between two people are usually easy to identify, both by the two people involved and those in the immediate vicinity. The most common indication of mutual attraction is chemistry. Two people with physical chemistry might almost seem to be drawn to one another and seem to be physically near one another constantly. In friendly settings, these people might regularly be seen sitting together, eating together, or congregating in similar social circles.
These people might also tease one another and seem to be at ease in one another’s company.
When two people experience intense mutual attraction, it is usually visible to both them and the world around them. Your friends might comment on the two of you when they see you together, or co-workers might comment on the chemistry you have. You might be mistaken for a couple.. If this regularly happens to you and the person you are with, it is likely a clear-cut indication that the two of you have a mutual attraction. If you are working together, these can be signs co-workers are attracted to each other.
You will also likely feel an intensity to your relationship, even if your interactions have been few and far between. You might notice heat spiking up along your pores and adrenaline flooding your limbs. You might find yourself almost giddy when you see them and notice a familiar eagerness in their appearance and interactions with you. You might also notice that the person with whom you share attraction seems to pay you special attention, whether that means dropping little gifts by for you, writing you quick notes, always seeming to show up when you are around, or creating inside jokes for the two of you. These little interactions typically indicate some interest, even if that interest is small or is not intended to go anywhere.
When attraction is just attraction
Despite all of the signs and symptoms of intense physical, emotional, or mental attraction, your relationship might have stalled there. You don’t ask the person for their number, they don’t ask you for yours, or the two of you exchange texts and calls without the promise – -or even the hint – of developing a romantic relationship. You might find yourself wondering about this person but not truly considering a relationship, or you might notice that the person you are attracted to never seems interested in exploring your interactions further despite your constant flirting and pleasant interactions.
In some cases, this can indicate that one or both of you are too scared to take the next step, but it can also indicate that you do not want more than what you already have. In these cases, the best thing to do is recognize and enjoy your friendship, realize that it is the extent of your relationship, and relieve yourself of the expectation or anticipation of anything further happening. The reasons for this can vary dramatically from person to person and situation to situation, so make sure you examine your motives, needs, and wants before you continue your flirtatious relationship.
When the attraction is just attraction, emotional attachment is unlikely to develop. This can happen when two people are otherwise attached, are too different to function well as a couple, or when two people only like one another for a few aspects of their personality, or in small doses. Not every instance of attraction warrants further exploration, just as not every pleasant interaction carries a multitude of meanings behind it. Sometimes, pleasant interactions are pleasant interactions, and attraction is little more than a concoction created by familiarity, proximity, and compatible personalities.
How to know when it is time to let go
The clearest sign that it is time to let go is when plenty of time has passed (weeks or months) without either of you pursuing something further. If you are usually the aggressor in your relationships but you find yourself hesitating or making excuses for not taking your flirtation further, this is a clear indication that you have some misgivings about the situation and you may need to let go of the (non)relationship.
If you have made some overtures about possibly taking your flirtation further and they have been continually rebuffed, this is another indication that it is time to let go. Your flirtatious friend might enjoy the flattery of your attention and might get a small ego boost each time you interact, but may not see the two of you with the potential for anything more than the occasional enjoyable interaction. It could also be that the person you are flirting with is already involved with someone else and enjoys their interactions with you too much to give them up altogether. In either case, while you can continue to enjoy your mutual attraction, you would do well to let go of the idea of it being anything other than a casual series of interactions rather than the beginning of a legitimate relationship.
Unspoken attraction and letting go
Unspoken attraction can be a beautiful thing. Two people who feel plenty of physical attraction and even sexual tension toward one another can provide an enormous boost to self-esteem and offer a sense of purpose or hope. In many situations, a case of mutual physical attraction never materializes into anything more and remains at the initial attraction stage.
Letting go of the expectations that often accompany attraction can be difficult, particularly if you are going through a trying time or are experiencing a period of intense loneliness. Feeling attraction toward someone, and feeling someone else’s attraction for you, can seem like a beacon of hope during an otherwise difficult time. However, letting go of the expectation of further development can leave you both open to enjoying one another’s attention and interest without the accompanying feelings of anger, frustration, or inadequacy.
Get help with letting go from an online therapist
Learning how to better handle loneliness and create healthy self-esteem, personal boundaries, and ideas regarding relationships and romance are far more effectively done with a mental health professional than with the person you might be interested in seeing. The professional relationship counselors at Regain can help you work through feelings of loneliness, along with other mental health concerns you may have.
The most used type of therapy for loneliness and many other mental health concerns is cognitive behavior therapy, which works by helping identify false thinking and beliefs, and then reframing how patients think about and respond to certain situations. With the social distancing measures put in place during 2020, several studies were conducted to determine the efficacy of internet-based CBT (iCBT). Research has found that online-based CBT can be effective in helping with loneliness, as well as many other mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety. For example, one study found that iCBT interventions helped reduce loneliness, and the treatment benefits were sustained up to two years after the intervention ended.
Takeaway
For some, the feeling of just knowing that you are attractive and seen by someone else is enough. For some, anything less than an all-out attachment is seen as little more than a failure or a character flaw. There is a reasonable, pleasant middle ground, though, wherein the both of you are free to enjoy the attention, attraction, and flattery of one another, without the promise, lure, or guarantee of anything more. And that, though ambiguous, can be a wonderful place to be. If you need help navigating attraction or other relationship issues, reach out to Regain and let us help.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What are the signs of mutual attraction?
There are various signs of attraction, and they differ from person to person. Some signs of physical attraction include making eye contact, remembering details about your life, reciprocity of words and actions, and being curious about your life. These are some ways you can tell if there is a mutual attraction between you and someone else. Often, they would tell you if they felt some level of attraction towards you. On the off chance, you feel there is unspoken mutual attraction, these will help you understand how much they are attracted to you.
It is always best for you to notice one or more of these traits before you conclude if they have any attraction for you or not. Physical chemistry can sometimes be hard to hide, although some individuals prefer to hide their attraction until they are sure it is reciprocated.
Can other people see the chemistry between two people?
There are various signs of unspoken attraction that usually occur when there is chemistry between two people. Some of the manifestations of this chemistry are visible by outsiders viewing the interactions between the people with the chemistry. However, it is also largely dependent on the person viewing both parties, as some individuals are more adept at spotting chemistry than others. Unspoken mutual attraction can be seen in how each person talks to each other, how they relate, and how they treat each other.
In some cases, other individuals are the first to notice this chemistry among individuals before realizing it themselves. This is because people do not always realize their behavior has changed, and often they are the last to realize the change in behavior towards the person they have a bond with. Sometimes your friends may be the first to tell you they think you might have an attraction to someone because they see that you treat them differently.
How do you know if there is a spark between you?
Signs of physical attraction or signs of unspoken attraction are usually called sparks. These sparks show themselves in the behavior you begin to display around the person you have a spark for. One sign of unspoken attraction is the body language you begin to display towards them. You may begin to hold hands, smile more, lean towards them, and want to spend more time with them. Another way you can tell if you have an unspoken mutual attraction with another individual is if you find yourself thinking about them a great deal. Often, you may find yourself flirting with them and trying to create a deeper connection.
There are various ways you can notice if you have an attraction for someone. To determine if there’s a spark between you and someone else, you will both exhibit one or more of the traits listed above if the feeling is mutual. You should also note that some individuals are better at hiding their feelings while others are more open about their feelings. The traits shown will also vary among individuals.
Can you feel when someone is attracted to you?
Signs of physical attraction manifest in different ways, and some of these ways are in the manner the other person behaves towards you. This is the most prevalent way you can notice if there are signs of unspoken attraction. It is not common for the other person to tell you that they are attracted to you in the early stages, as most individuals are not sure of themselves when the first signs of unspoken mutual attraction begin to occur. This is why it is better to pick up on the cues they drop to understand the situation better.
Signs of unspoken attraction in the other person could include eye contact, wanting to hold your hand, leaning towards you, and being interested in your life and affairs. They could also want to speak with you frequently and spend quality time with you. You may also notice that they put extra effort into being with you, and they treat you differently from other people. These are some of the signs that show when someone is attracted to you. They are the cues you can use to sense or feel if they are attracted to you. Look for more than one of these traits before concluding that they are interested in you because sometimes, just one of these behaviors is not enough to tell if they are attracted to you. Sometimes, looking for non-verbal cues alone are not enough, especially if they're doing their best to hide it. It's possible that even the most unexpected person has an attraction towards you. There can be signs your boss likes you but is hiding it, you just have to be more observant when dealing with this kind of situations.
How do you tell if a man is attracted to you but hiding it?
Feelings are not easy to bottle up, and unknowingly, your true intentions will be revealed. Signs of physical attraction can be hidden with some effort, but the second-order effects will reveal their true feelings, especially when there are strong signs of unspoken attraction. When coming from a man, signs of male attraction slightly differ from that of a woman, although they many similarities. Whether coming from an unattractive man or not, signs of male attraction slightly differ from those of a woman, although they have many similarities.
- The individual will not tell you about any other women he may be attracted to or interested in.
- The individual will try to get closer to you.
- The individual will always try to be there for you even when it is not convenient for him.
- The individual will ask about your relationship status directly or indirectly.
- The individual will try to impress you.
These are some of the traits you should expect when they try to hide the unspoken mutual attraction from their end.
How do you tell if someone is attracted to you sexually?
Sexual attraction may manifest in the same way signs of physical attraction show in people. If someone is attracted to you sexually, they will occasionally check you out, and you may catch them once or twice ogling your body. The communication between you will have flirty undertones, and there might be some awkwardness between the both of you when you have conversations, as sexual tension sometimes breeds awkwardness. Physical contact and closeness may make you extra conscious because you may try to be cautious around them. They may tend to hug you more tightly than they hug others making physical contact last as much as possible. These are some of the various signs of sexual attraction displayed when a person is sexually attracted to you.
How do you know if there is a connection with someone?
A connection with another individual is one of the strong signs of unspoken attraction between two individuals. If you have a connection with another individual, it will show in many different ways. On the surface level, you will both care deeply about each other and the things that affect you. You will also find yourself talking for long hours, often into the wee hours of the night, because you will find the other person interesting.
A connection will also show in the signs of physical attraction you will begin to express, including holding hands and leaning into each other when you’re together. Often, the connection between two people may not show in the same way as there are many things at play, including the personality traits of the individuals involved. For example, uncomfortable hand-holding or physical contact may take a longer time before they begin holding hands with someone they a connection with.
How do you tell if a guy finds you attractive?
How a guy will behave when he finds you attractive may differ from person to person, but some overarching behavior types are typically exhibited. When signs of physical attraction begin to show, you can tell by watching the change of behavior The individual will exhibit towards you. They will sometimes go out of their way to talk and be with you. They will also try to establish physical contact with you when they are around you. They may try to cheer you up or make you laugh when you are around them and may go out of their way to ensure that you’re happy. The individual may also ask you out on a few dates so they can spend alone time with you away from others, such as family or friends.
In a gathering, they will find a way to be seated next to you, and you will sometimes catch them stealing glances at you. The individual will also take extra care to be in a good physical condition when they have to meet up with you because they want the attraction to become mutual. These are some of the few ways you can tell if the said individual finds you attractive. Although they may not display all of the traits we have listed above, they might display a combination of these attributes towards you, and when you notice this, you can affirm that they find you attractive.
Can you notice unspoken attraction?
Can you be unconsciously attracted to someone?
Is it really possible for two people to like each other but not say something?
What are common signs of mutual unspoken attraction?
What are ways to confirm that someone is attracted to you?
What are the chances of someone having an unspoken attraction successfully be in a relationship with the one he secretly likes?
Can you sense attraction through eye contact?
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