How To Tell If You Are Attractive: Nine Ways You’re More Attractive Than You Think

Medically reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
Updated April 10, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Attraction does not have to be about your physical appearance. A large part of your appeal plays into your behaviors and the way you interact with others. Although it is common to wonder how others perceive your physical appearance, remember that you do not need their approval to be happy with your appearance or your general self-confidence. In fact, you may possess qualities you do not even personally notice that contribute to your overall attractiveness for some others.

There are so many parts of what makes you a good person that many people can’t see by just observing how you look, so try not to put too much pressure purely on your physical features. 

If you find yourself becoming too preoccupied with appearances or how others perceive you, it may be smart to speak with an online therapist.

Getty/Vadym Pastukh
You are allowed to believe you are attractive

Getting to know your attractiveness

On a personal level, it is common to be curious about what others think of your appearance. Many societies tend to place a lot of value on physical appearance. This is theorized to be because, from an early age, physical beauty is heavily associated with attraction, which is a large part of successful relationships. 

Physical aesthetic is not the only component of attraction, however. Physical attraction is one of the many types of attraction, so when considering if you are attractive, you’ll need to be honest about yourself, including not only your physical features but also your personality and social interactions.

In being honest, you can discover how you find yourself attractive, and most importantly, who you would like to be in a relationship with. Assessing your attractiveness is a great way to achieve self-awareness while learning the type of people you’re attracting and the type of person you are attracted to.

Nine ways to notice your attractiveness

When considering signs you’re attractive, here is what you might notice.

You get compliments about your smile

A genuine smile shows self-confidence, and it is a natural way to make your face glow. Smiles help you feel grateful for those who have helped you get to where you are right now.

You don’t get many compliments

People assume getting compliments is an automatic sign of being attractive, but this is not always true. Counterintuitive as it may seem, people may not bother to compliment you if they think you already know you look good, or others might feel they are giving you too much attention. So, if you don’t get complimented, you shouldn’t necessarily assume you’re not attractive.

You grab people’s attention and make them stare

You may be wearing something bringing attention to your body or physical characteristics others find pleasing to the eye.

A person’s behavior seems strange or over-attentive

A person who is attracted to you may seem flustered when speaking to you or may be overtly nice and pleasant. As a note, some people have no shame letting someone else know they find them attractive by hitting on them. If you find it annoying, be sure to tell that person you feel uncomfortable. Your boundaries are more important than someone thinking you look attractive and being disrespectful.

People gravitate toward you

Attraction by definition means that other people will feel the need to be near you. If you are attractive, you may find that you naturally become the center of conversation or of a large group of friends.

People send you messages or contact you out of the blue

You may get messages from people on social media whether you are in a committed relationship or not.

People may display intensely negative attitudes toward you

Intense negative attitudes toward you, especially when related to romantic relationships or physical appearance, may signal jealousy, insecurities, resentment, or, alternatively, deep attraction with an inability to properly address it. Resist internalizing negative feedback but do not hesitate to report or feel that such behavior borders on harassment or discrimination.

People will start a conversation about anything to talk to you

They may bring up any subject from the weather to what you are wearing, and it may not be anything related to their interests as it could be an excuse to talk to you.

People are caught off guard when they hear you talk down about yourself

Others may see you as this self-confident individual with everything going for them. As such, people may be irritated you sound as if you have low self-esteem, but what you think is a problem that could be imagined in your head.

Why you should believe you’re attractive

Getty/Halfpoint Images

The psychology of attraction practically has few if any boundaries. People who are comfortable in their skin doing what they want in life is something many find attractive, but the concept itself may not be something you think about when considering what makes you beautiful.

Because we underestimate our abilities or put ourselves down, humans have a poor record of self-assessment. According to a Harvard study, although 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only around 15% undergo self-assessment. Although Harvard’s study is done within the context of the workforce, their results can also be compared with people’s everyday lives.

Without understanding yourself as a person, you may be overlooking certain qualities that should have a bigger impact, such as respecting the other person’s time. However, suppose you can acknowledge which fields you need to improve and believe that you can be a better person. In that case, you are already on your way to becoming both physically and mentally attractive.

How to feel and accept your unique attractiveness

Feeling attractive and understanding how to accept yourself as beauty comes from within. It requires self-reflection by assessing yourself and where you are in your life. It may also require what you want to achieve when it comes to relationships. 

A few of our suggestions on assessing yourself include the following.

  • Avoid comparing yourself to what society says is beautiful. Understand that uniqueness and personality are a large component of attraction.
  • Try not to focus so much on yourself. You’ll be more self-critical. Encourage yourself to approach others to improve your social skills. It will help reduce feelings of insecurity while encouraging you to be comfortable with yourself.
  • Think about what your body has accomplished. Viewing your body as a vehicle for these accomplishments can help you retain a positive attitude toward your physical appearance. Consider your accomplishments and what you want to achieve.
  • Replace overly critical thoughts with highlights of your self-image. Give attention to other areas of yourself you may have unnoticed. What makes you desirable and exciting, and what are things you want others to know about you?
  • Wear clothes that make you feel good. If you have a favorite color or particular style you feel good in, it makes you approachable with a natural glow. You’re more likely to be at ease with yourself while standing out.
You are allowed to believe you are attractive

Get support with online therapy

Understanding the ways you are attractive involves learning more about yourself and what others value in you. To help yourself do this, you might want to talk with someone you can trust, such as a close friend or a counselor, to get to the bottom of your thoughts so you can see and feel the natural beauty you possess. Professional therapy in this regard can help you recognize and redirect negative thought patterns to establish a healthier sense of self-esteem in regard to your attractiveness. 

If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of in-person therapy, you may consider online therapy. This method of treatment is just as effective as its traditional counterpart for a range of conditions including issues with self-esteem and socialization. 


Knowing your attractiveness includes believing you are and assessing what makes you appealing to others. Be proactive in building your self-image to be happy and accepting of who you are from the inside out.

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