How To Tell If People Find You Attractive

It may seem confusing when attractive people don't realize their allure or recognize what draws others to them. However, many people can't see themselves the way others see them for various reasons. Read on to explore signs that can tell you when people find you attractive, tips to help you feel more appealing, and how therapy can help you build self-confidence and communication skills so you're emotionally equipped when you find a mutual attraction. 

What does it mean to be attractive?

In psychology, attraction involves the physical and personality characteristics that foster a positive attitude about you in another person's mind. Studies indicate that attraction tends to affect three areas of interpersonal relations. When you're drawn to someone, it may influence you behaviorally (leading you to approach them and initiate a conversation), cognitively (leading you to form positive beliefs about them), or affectively (leading you to develop positive feelings about them). Research shows that when attracted to someone, we often make assumptions or form positive expectations of their personality or characteristics.

Factors that can influence attraction

Some components that may affect attraction include:

• Studies show proximity can affect whom you’re attracted to and build the intensity of those feelings over time. 
• Research into human attraction shows that people are often attracted to others who are similar to them. 
• According to the available data, facial features and symmetry can determine attractiveness.
• Non-visual cues like scent and voice can affect your attractiveness, according to recent studies. An individual’s pheromones can activate parts of the brain associated with arousal. 

“Attraction, to a social psychologist, is any force that draws people together. Social psychologists have traditionally used the term attraction to refer to the affinity that draws together friends and romantic partners.” — Encyclopedia of Social Psychology

Types of attraction

It is important to note that not everyone experiences attraction. There are numerous orientations where sexual attraction doesn’t occur or happens rarely. A lack of sexual attraction doesn’t mean someone can’t engage in a meaningful, loving relationship.

Emotional

A more profound attraction begins to form after identifying similar values, beliefs, or another form of connection with someone involving your emotions. Physical attraction is often also present but not necessary. 

Intellectual

Feeling an attraction for someone’s intelligence or the way their mind works. You may feel pleasure from conversations with them, though the interest isn't necessarily emotional or physical. 

Romantic

Developing a layered attraction to someone as a romantic partner in a relationship 

Aesthetic

Feeling an attraction to certain aspects of someone’s appearance regardless of their gender or your orientation. There is no emotional connection, and the appeal isn't necessarily sexual in nature.

Physical

Being attracted to someone strictly because of their physical appearance 

Sexual

Physical attraction with the added component of sexual desire

— Discover the Different Types of Attraction

Recognizing signs people find you attractive

If you often have trouble recognizing when people find you attractive, explore the signs that you've caught someone's interest. 

You receive frequent compliments—or people seem afraid to approach

People may often compliment facets of your appearance, such as your hair or outfit, to show that they notice how you look and find it appealing. Some people don’t feel self-confident and don’t receive compliments well because they may not believe positive things about themselves. If you frequently receive compliments, it could indicate that people find you attractive and want to talk to you. By contrast, some attractive people may seem intimidating to approach. 

People often stare or make eye contact

You may notice that people stare at you often, which could make you feel self-conscious. Unless you’re doing something exciting at the time, people may watch you because they find you attractive. People tend to look at the things they find interesting. If you notice many people trying to make eye contact, it could indicate that they want to gauge your interest before approaching. 

Others seem to enjoy talking to you

You may notice that people seem to enjoy talking to you and often approach to start a conversation. 

People seem shocked when you admit faults

Studies show that the human brain is biased and erroneously believes "what is beautiful must be good.” Those attracted to you may seem surprised when you show faults like everyone else. 

Most people are excessively nice or mean

You may notice that people tend toward extremes when dealing with you. If they find you attractive and react favorably, they may be overly friendly and go out of their way to help you or make you happy, regardless of whether you've shown reciprocal behavior or indicated any interest. By contrast, someone who thinks you’re attractive and feels threatened may go out of their way to be mean to you and try to belittle you in front of others because they may be jealous. 

Signs indicating attraction

One or more of these signs may present when you are attracted to someone:

• Body language such as turning toward you, consistently finding reasons to be close to you or touch you, mirroring your behavior, and making eye contact
• Asking personal questions and paying attention to answers
• Sharing their thoughts and feelings
• Trying to make plans with you
• They seem nervous around you
• Their phone stays put away around you
• The conversation flows naturally
• You have a gut feeling
• They actively try to make you happy and laugh often

How to make yourself more feel attractive

If the signs indicate that people find you attractive, but you don't feel like you deserve the attention you receive, try some methods to help yourself feel more appealing. 

Practice self-love, care, and kindness

People are often attracted to others who love themselves. Work regular, rigorous self-care into your daily routine and care for yourself. Find ways to love yourself and express that love by safeguarding your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Be kind to yourself and recognize your value to help build self-confidence. 

Identify what you like about yourself

Many people have trouble with self-confidence, so try listing what you like about yourself and focusing on those characteristics. Positive thinking and unconditional kindness toward yourself can help you build up your confidence, which men and women consistently rate as attractive. 

What women find attractive

The things each woman finds attractive are unique to her, but researchers have compiled a list of physical and personality traits that women often rate as alluring. 

• Studies show that many women prefer heavy stubble as a desirable beard length, and some prefer men with facial hair over a clean-shaven appearance. 
• Wearing the color red
• Scent and personal grooming
• Body language, eye contact, and attention
• Confidence without arrogance
• A good sense of humor
• Self-awareness and emotional intelligence, awareness, and literacy
• Big muscles may attract women toward short-term relationships, but they often seek less-muscular men as long-term partners, according to a 2007 study. 

“Men and women experience sexual arousal very differently, not only physiologically but psychologically.” — The Science of Sexual Arousal

What men find attractive

Every man is an individual and will have particular things he finds attractive. However, through decades of study, psychologists have identified some common characteristics that men often find attractive. 

• Smiling frequently and making eye contact
• Self-confidence
• Physical characteristics like full lips, clear skin, and a 7:10 waist-to-hip ratio
• Wearing the color red and not wearing too much makeup
• A healthy sense of humor
• Making feelings and needs clear so he doesn’t have to guess
• Self-care and personal grooming with attention to appearance
• Dressing to showcase body curves

How therapy can help you build self-confidence

Many people have trouble believing they’re attractive or accepting compliments and praise from others. If that sounds like you, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a virtual therapy platform centered on relationship matters like Regain. Therapy can help you build confidence, recognize positive qualities, and strengthen communication skills to respond confidently when you connect with someone. Parents or guardians seeking online treatment for kids from 12 to 19 can contact TeenCounseling for assistance in helping their children feel more confident and understand their worth.

Recent studies show that online and in-person therapy offer similar results, though virtual treatments are usually more cost-effective and involve shorter wait times to speak with a therapist. Additionally, online therapy platforms provide access to a vast network of therapists, making it simple to find the support and guidance of a mental health professional who fits well with your situation and personality. Many patients have also said the physical separation of teletherapy makes sharing personal details with their therapists easier. 

Takeaway 

You may not feel attractive, so stepping out of your self-view and seeing yourself as others do can be challenging. Many people don't recognize the clues when others find them attractive. The information in this article offers insight into the signs that someone finds you attractive, what you can do to feel more alluring, and how therapy can help you build self-confidence and communication skills so you're prepared when you get into a relationship.