How To Tell A Girl She's Beautiful: Giving Sincere Compliments
Updated March 02, 2020
Reviewer Laura Angers
Telling a girl she's beautiful can require some amount of finesse. Simply blurting out, "You're beautiful" can certainly have its charm, but it can also suggest that the person in question is focused entirely on looks, and is failing to capture any of the essence of a person. Rather than telling a woman what you think she wants to hear, you will fare far better if you take some time to get to know her, then offer a compliment that is both sincere and involved.
Why Compliment Sincerely?
It is tempting to consider compliments a one-size-fits-all endeavor; surely every woman wants to hear that she is beautiful, right? Although most people do appreciate being told that they are physically attractive, these types of compliments can also feel insincere, generic, and grasping, as they do not require you to get to know someone at all before they are delivered. After all, you can just as easily tell the commuter on the train next to you, "You're beautiful" as you can the woman you've been dating for eight years. Therein lies the importance of giving sincere compliments. A compliment should indicate some amount of consideration, recognition, and kindness, rather than reinforcing the notion of a shallow, uninterested individual.
Sincere compliments are also important because they can help forge intimacy between two people. Telling a woman, "You look so beautiful when you smile," is far more intimate and personal than simply saying, "You're a beautiful woman." One could be said of a billboard, while the other implies some amount of familiarity and affection. Sincere compliments bond people together, while generic or insincere compliments will do far more to push someone away.
How to Tell a Girl She's Beautiful
Telling a girl she is beautiful is much the same as telling a man he is beautiful: your goal is to be considerate, sincere, and thoughtful, creating a compliment that places emphasis on someone's unique habits, traits, ideals, and beliefs.
1) Find Something Unique About Her
Identify something unique about the girl you want to compliment, and let that be how you say she is beautiful. She might have a single freckle right on the bridge of her nose, or she might seem to almost dance with her hands when she speaks. Identifying something about her that is unique allows you to tell her she is beautiful in a way that you cannot tell anyone else. If her hair turns auburn in sunlight, for instance, you are unlikely to have used that line on a previous fling, and you are unlikely to recycle it in the future; it is a unique and focused physical trait that is not easy to simply transfer to someone else.
2) Identify Beautiful Traits
Rather than just acknowledging that a woman has a full head of hair, full lips, or an appealing figure, find the personality traits that make a woman beautiful. Traits can include intelligence, wit, compassion, creativity, passion, and conviction, all of which are powerful, beautiful traits in a human being. If you see any of these traits in the woman you are trying to woo, hone in on them, rather than focusing purely on physical attributes.
3) Focus on Actions
You can tell a woman she is beautiful based on her behavior. If you notice that she volunteers at her local animal shelter, you can identify that as a beautiful part of her. If she makes a point to see her elderly grandparents at least twice per month, you can let her know that you find her compassion, love, and empathy wonderful, beautiful qualities. Focusing on her actions removes the pressure from her physical appearance, and encourages her to appreciate and cultivate traits and behaviors that she actually has control over.
4) Take Yourself Out of It
One of the worst ways to compliment someone is to compliment them according to what they do for you. "You make me so happy," "You make me a better person," etc might seem romantic at the outset, but they place all of the focus back on you, and put a lot of inaccurate and unnecessary weight on the person you are complimenting. After all, why should it be her job to make sure you are happy, or that you are a better human being? When complimenting a woman, make sure you are complimenting her for her, rather than complimenting her for what she is able to give you.
5) Aim to Help Her Feel Valued
Compliments are best when they encourage someone to feel heard, valued, or truly seen. These types of compliments are rare, but are usually the most impactful, and the most desirable. Showing her she is valued can be done through something seemingly small, such as, "I really love how much you seem to care for your animals," or something larger, such as, "I am so humbled and impressed by how much time and energy you devote to serving your community and your peers."
The Problem with Physical-Based Compliments
Focusing too much on a woman's physical traits is problematic largely because so many of these traits are not chosen. A woman cannot choose her skin color, the texture of her hair, or the shape of her nose-at least not without extensive and potentially dangerous surgical alteration. Focusing on traits that cannot be chosen or changed can place a lot of pressure onto her, and could make her feel as though your interest is primarily in her appearance-her appearance that will gradually change. When someone focuses on their partner's personality and behavior as sources of beauty, there is not as much pressure to be perfect or to appear a certain way all of the time, because these things are choices that she makes on a daily basis, rather than a set series of traits that are entirely dependent on genes and chance.
Telling a woman she is beautiful means far more than isolating an attractive physical quality, and making it known. Telling a woman she is beautiful should identify the aspects of a woman that are unique, powerful, compassionate, and intelligent-all qualities that are routinely ignored in women, despite often being present. Taking the time to tell a woman not only that you value her but that you value her for far more than just the physical pleasure she might be able to offer you, or the physical attraction she offers you is unusual, but extremely important in letting a woman know that you sincerely see her, value who she is, and want to offer her a genuine compliment.
Generic Compliments and Their Negative Effects
One of the worst possible things you can do is offer a woman a generic compliment-particularly if you are hoping to instigate some romance, or demonstrate the breadth of your care for her. Generic compliments often feel insulting at worst, and inconsiderate at best, as they can easily be transferred from woman to woman, without any real thought or effort. If all you have to offer is a generic or thoughtless, "You're beautiful," consider keeping it to yourself until you can come up with something a bit more personal, with greater depth and insight.
While it might seem as though any compliment is better than a generic one, this is not the case; people like to feel as though they are unique, and failing to notice the unique things about them might increase feelings of isolation and distance, rather than drawing the two of you closer, or forging a stronger bond. If you are still unsure of how to sincerely compliment a woman, consider taking some time to practice noticing the different traits you value in other people, write them down, and take note of any commonalities between the woman you are complimenting, and the traits you usually find attractive or appealing.
Offering a Sincere Compliment
Offering sincere compliments is a skill that must be learned. Most people believe that quick, simple compliments are suitable for all occasions, and will turn to these types of compliments in a pinch, whether they want to console a friend, impress a stranger, or give a loved one a boost. Although generic compliments might sometimes be appreciated, not offering direct, unique, and tailor-made compliments will eventually grow somewhat grating, and the woman you are attempting to compliment might feel as though you do not truly know her or value her unique identity.
Ultimately, complimenting someone is a matter of interpersonal communication, and if your interpersonal communication skills are rusty, compliments may be similarly frustrating and confusing. Communication skills can be honed and improved through practice, through researching how to better relate to and speak to people, and even through consulting a therapist or counselor, who can help you develop strong communication skills via practice and eradicating any unhealthy communication habits you might have developed over time.
Offering a sincere compliment, then, requires two things: communication skills and perception, both of which can be learned, and both of which require you to focus your energy on the person you are hoping to compliment, even if just for a few days. Turning your attention to the woman you are trying to compliment will help you uncover any unique traits she possesses that you find beautiful, which will in turn help her feel seen and valued by you. The art of offering a sincere compliment might not be commonplace, but it offers wonderful, powerful results.