11 Signs You Might Be Attracted To Intelligence

Updated March 14, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Being attracted to intelligence means you're attracted to someone beyond their looks. The attraction comes from being intrigued by a person's thoughts, perceptions, and how they use their mind. You're likely to get into interesting conversations where you establish similar views and gain fulfilling insight. 

A person may or may not be physically attractive (in your opinion), but through one’s knowledge of things and level of introspection, the mind can stand out beyond looks. Some view being knowledgeable, smart, or witty as sexy, even if it doesn't lead to a relationship. Continue reading if you want to know to what extent you're attracted to intelligence.

Are you more attracted to a rocket scientist or a rock star?

What does it mean to be attracted to intelligence?

One quality many agree with when asking what they look for in a partner is intelligence. This is one of the types of attraction that not everyone considers, but it doesn't mean it's not important. A person may say they like someone smart, witty, or amusing. Such attributes make a person attractive for many reasons. It shows personal interests, knowledge, and skills a person possesses. It is likely you can carry on an in-depth conversation about something significant to both of your interests. 

Intelligence is a valued aspect of a person, but it can be expressed in ways that naturally make an individual unique. It's a form of attraction that can stand out more than someone's looks or physical appearance.

There is a term for this kind of attraction called sapiosexuality, when a person is stimulated by how someone uses their mind. The element of being attracted to someone's mind may lead to sexual arousal or a physical desire. Studies continue to explore this concept. It affects men and women, while some use it to their advantage, either for seduction or personal gain. 

An attraction to someone's mind may bring the unexpected or intriguing into a relationship. A downside is sometimes a person may be attracted to intelligence if they have low self-esteem or admire someone for intelligence; as in, they feel they don't have it due to insecurities.

Signs you’re attracted to intelligence

There are certain thoughts we might have or behaviors we might engage in that indicate an attraction toward someone’s intelligence. A person's intellect stands out more than their physical features. It helps understand what it means to be attracted to someone's intelligence because it shows how you value what others have to offer. Learning details may also help see if other people see you in the same way. As a sapiosexual or a person with an attraction to intelligence, you may notice the following signs:

  1. You find deep conversations as a turn on. You are beyond intrigued at their thoughts and perceptions about life or subjects you the same interest. You may feel a different level of attraction to them than anyone else.

  2. You prefer someone intelligent, and they do not need credentials to prove it. You are more interested in their intelligence instead of what they do for a living. You find it hard to imagine how to live life with them, but the aspect of their thoughts is exciting to you.

  3. You like when someone challenges your thoughts. Exchanging your ideas and opinions via a dialogue allows for a deeper connection, and you gravitate toward how they expand their mind instead of shying away from their resolve. They show eagerness to impart their knowledge while testing or enticing you, and you appreciate and enjoy that.

  4. You want more than just a physical attraction. You would like to be physically attracted to someone, but you feel a good conversation is more stimulating. You want more than someone who is good looking. They may look good, but if they can't engage in exciting conversation, your time is better spent elsewhere.

  5. Your attraction to someone increases as you learn more about them. You take your time learning about someone, which helps you ease into the relationship. You may catch on to little details about them that say much more about their character and how they view the world around them. How they resolve problems, use their words, display their emotional intelligence, and employ their wit helps you appreciate them for who they are.

  6. If someone isn't able to engage in a deep conversation, you're turned off. You find small talk unimportant or dull and would rather sit with your mouth shut. You like conversations that take ideas to another level while leading to questions that prompt new discussion points.

  7. You admire someone when they can keep their cool in stressful situations. You like someone who uses their intellect to solve problems. You want them to possess the emotional maturity to rationalize their feelings and control their emotions when things don't go their way.

  1. You think it's more interesting to meet someone at a bookstore. People often meet someone at a club or bar, but you don't visit either. A bar's atmosphere doesn't seem as appealing, such as being at a museum or at a docuseries screening. You prefer to meet to connect with someone in an environment that encourages meaningful discussion among inquiring minds.

  2. Listening is one of your best qualities. You value listening because you enjoy learning from others. You like when someone imparts their knowledge about something they find intriguing. You admire what they know and feel you could keep listening for ages.

  3. You like someone with a taste for intellectual entertainment. They may prefer hiding in a cozy booth within a dimly-lit bistro as soft music plays on in the background, compared to engaging in activities with huge crowds, and you're okay with that. It is even better when you have the same tastes while gaining exposure to new things.

  4. You want someone that will listen to you and not just hear your voice. You want to be heard, and it's great when you can have a conversation with someone who is genuinely curious about your opinions and insights. They are not just sitting there waiting to take a turn to speak. They want to know your views, and you're able to pick up on their ability to listen easily.

Intelligence is an excellent characteristic to be attracted to, but it may have its challenges. It may take longer to find someone that's emotionally mature. Meaning, you may have to wait longer to find someone who fits this description if they are the type of person you want in a relationship. You likely will not settle for anything less, but you know it will be more rewarding, and you'll save yourself from feeling bored or unchallenged. When going out, you'll possibly spend more time with people you won’t connect with, but it is helpful when considering other ways to meet someone that fits your intellectual interests.

The benefit of intelligence in dating and relationships

When intelligence is at the top of the list of attractive qualities, it makes things interesting. You may be surprised to learn someone else enjoys your company and feel flattered they want to get to know you better. You may learn even more about what you want in a person and love the idea of having someone with such qualities as a life partner. 

People gain a new perspective on relationships, especially if they’ve had to wait a while to establish such a connection or realize such a relationship was a bittersweet journey that opened up another side to their reality.

Are you more attracted to a rocket scientist or a rock star?

People may have doubts about their abilities but know what they want in a relationship. Knowing whether you can handle what you've always wanted and gaining further insight into what is necessary to build or maintain it becomes a question. Connecting with someone through intelligence may help you cope with personal doubts and encourage a deeper connection with yourself. Many realize they are enough, and they can be comfortable in their skin. You can realize that you are a great person, and you deserve a wise partner capable of extending the qualities and values you have to offer.

Tips on living with sapiosexuality

Some may experience concerns about sapiosexuality that may affect how they understand their feelings and interact with others. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to intelligence, but it may require more patience when establishing a serious and steady relationship. You may end up talking to or dating people you don't connect on your quest to find someone more compatible. 

This journey can be frustrating, but you understand it is necessary so you can connect with someone on a deeper level to achieve a bond with meaning. You may feel like giving up, but you remain open to the challenge. Many find online dating sites useful when considering dating options. You can provide detailed insight into what kind of person you want and filter out what you’re not seeking.

Many people do not understand sapiosexuals, so be prepared to be clear and detailed about what you want while sticking to your expectations. Spending time understanding yourself ensures your standards aren't too high, but you'll make better choices of whom to spend time with to achieve the happiness you want. 

You may feel like you're alone, but others can relate. It might be worth reaching out to an online therapist to gain in-depth knowledge about yourself. Online therapy platforms like Regain connect licensed therapists with people all over the country – you don’t have to have a diagnosed mental health condition in order to benefit from therapy’s many uses. When you use Regain, you can schedule therapy sessions at convenient times and avoid commutes, as the platform enables you to attend a video session from any location with a secure internet connection.

In various studies assessing the efficacy of online therapy when compared to face-to-face interventions, researchers continuously find no significant differences. These studies often report that clients were predominantly satisfied with online therapy and experienced positive changes as a result of their participation. If you’re curious to learn about other’s experiences with online therapy, you can read some of the user reviews of Regain therapists below.

Counselor reviews

“I don’t know what I would have done without Harry. I was in a super low place and I was not sure what my problems were or how to solve them, but he was able to help me get to the bottom of my problems and work through them. Today I am happy and feeling like myself again. He was so easy to talk to and worked with me whenever I needed him. Even on vacation he took time to call me and talk through whatever I was going through. I would highly recommend him.”

“Sarah has been comforting to me through a very difficult transition. She has helped me to regain confidence and listen to my intuition. She is a great listener and has encouraged me to rediscover and use my voice.”


An intelligent attraction can lead to an exciting relationship. The concept of being attracted to someone's mind can be both tantalizing and frustrating. It may take time to find that special someone, but spending time getting to know yourself will increase your chance of happiness with the person you deserve. When you’re ready, a caring online therapist at Regain will be there to support you in your journey.

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