I Love Being Single – Is That Normal?
By Jon Jaehnig
Updated December 03, 2019
Reviewer Robin Brock
If you love being single, you might wonder if that's considered 'normal.' Statistically speaking, no, but those are just the numbers (which we'll get to later).
There's nothing wrong with being single or enjoying being single - provided that that's really what you want.
The Single Life
You're a lone wolf. You might have a pack of friends, but no one tells you what to do, and you like it that way. However, as you get older and more and more of your pack are hitching up, maybe you're wondering if there's something strange or even wrong about you.
If you really do enjoy being single, there's nothing wrong with being single just because most people choose to live with someone else. However, some people who say that they love being single are just telling themselves that because something is preventing them from being in a relationship that they don't want to deal with.
You're Not Alone
Before we get into reasons for being single, you should know that there is nothing wrong with being single. It's just not the most common option - depending on how you define single.
Worldwide, over ninety percent of people get married. The statistics for America are a little different. It's still over fifty percent, but you've probably heard that the number of people getting married is going down. That doesn't mean that more people are staying out of relationships, however. As the marriage rates are declining, cohabitation rates are going up, according to the Pew Research Center. That suggests that people are still choosing relationships; they just aren't choosing to formalize them as often as they used to.
What Kinds Of People Stay Single?
Some people live their whole lives without really taking an interest in spending their lives with other people. Having a social network is important to your emotional as well as your physical health. But if you maintain close ties with friends and family, you can satisfy those needs without romantic love.
Other people are open to the idea of love but wait for the right person - and the right person never comes. This may sound sad, but it's probably better than rushing into a relationship because society tells you that you're supposed to, only to have the relationship fall apart.
Some people, however, tell themselves that they don't need or want relationships because they are afraid of relationships or commitment. The problem here isn't that the people aren't in a relationship. The problem is that because they put the security of singleness over the risk and reward of a relationship, they deny themselves true happiness.
Why Not Be In A Relationship?
To be fair, being in a romantic relationship comes with pressures that don't come with being in platonic relationships. When was the last time that you were nervous about meeting your best friend's parents?
There are also unique relationship problems that come up in romantic relationships that don't plague people who don't get into relationships. For example, the politics around sex can be a nightmare, even in mature relationships. Things like jealousy are barely a problem outside of romantic relationships and you don't have to worry about your friends cheating on you. Not having sex is also a surefire way not to need to worry about kids.
Further, even healthy romantic relationships can feel draining. The demands for time and attention that friends and family members may place on us are seldom heavy compared to those that are placed on us in romantic relationships.
But What About…
Companionship? Some people don't seem to need it as much as others. You can also get it outside of a romantic relationship. However, some people find that the challenges of being in a relationship are much of the reward. Living with someone else often calls us to be better versions of ourselves, and this is a pressure that many people who choose to remain single never face. As we'll discuss later in the article, the lack of companionship and its pressures is an excuse that many single people use as a way to avoid addressing character flaws.
Support? It's true, being in a committed relationship is a great way to get support in your daily life, whether that means emotional support or even financial support. A relationship partner can also help you in other ways that are awkward or impractical for someone else to do. You may be able to meet some of these needs by maintaining close relationships with family members.
Sex? As strange as it may be to hear, people don't need this to live happy and healthy lives. Because sex promotes the continuation of the species, humans are hardwired to enjoy it. It releases feel-good hormones in the brain. However, those hormones aren't the only way to be happy and having sex isn't the only way to get them. Things like exercise and even some foods have a similar effect. Some people who choose to remain single argue that they are better off for not engaging in this act that takes up so much time and attention for the rest of us.
Meaning? It's true; some people see things like having kids as the only reason for living. However, not everyone feels this way. People who don't pursue these ends are simply more able to pursue the things that have meaning for them.
Do You Want A Relationship? What's Stopping You?
It's true; you can live a happy and healthy life without ever being in a committed relationship. However, that's only true if you don't care to be in a committed relationship.
Some people lie to themselves and others about their disinterest in romance because they are afraid to try to find love.
When you attempt to enter into a relationship, you open yourself up to rejection. Even if you begin a committed relationship, most of them don't end in happy ever after. Not trying protects you from that pain.
Further, no one knows you better than the partner in a relationship. Maybe there are things about you that you don't think anyone could like - or that you don't even like. Avoiding relationships can help you to avoid confronting those problems or the feelings that they invoke.
Remaining single is even promoted in some religious traditions if it means avoiding practices that these traditions frown upon, such as homosexuality. As a result, many people determine to spend their lives alone rather than do something that they have been raised to believe is wrong or sinful.
If this sounds like you, you're cheating yourself in two major ways. The first of these is that you are cheating yourself out of the joys that a relationship can bring. The second is that by letting these things stop you from forming relationships, you are also avoiding solving the underlying problems.
If you know what problems or fears are keeping you from pursuing a relationship, you can talk to a counselor or therapist about it. However, you'll have to be open with them just like you would with a partner. Lying to yourself might have prevented you from dealing with some baggage in the past, but lying to your therapist won't help you get rid of it.
You may not have thought about it, but you can also talk to a relationship counselor - even if you aren't in or have never been in a relationship. This is particularly helpful if it is the relationship itself that you are afraid of.
Relationship counselors are experts in relationships. They can help you understand how relationships work and how you can start one in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Once you start a relationship, you can continue working with the relationship counselor to make sure that your relationship stays healthy. If you and your partner want, you can even bring your partner into the sessions later on - even if your relationship isn't having problems.
Like regular therapists and counselors, relationship counselors can be expensive. You also might not have a lot of options for relationship counselors in your community, depending on where you live. Meeting with a relationship counselor over the internet is one way to overcome these and other obstacles.
Meeting with a relationship counselor online may seem strange, but it is more affordable and more flexible than meeting with a counselor in person. For more information about how meeting with an online relationship counselor can help you, visit https://www.regain.us/start/.
Is That Normal?
We started this article with the question, "Is that normal?" It's the wrong question. The question that you should be asking is "Is this really what I want?" Being single isn't for everyone, but it might be for you. If it isn't don't pretend that it is.
If you really don't feel like you need a relationship to be happy, don't let other people pressure you into something that you don't want. If you want a relationship, but you're letting fear stand in your way, don't let uncertainty and insecurity stand in the way of your happiness.