Why Am I Single? The Reasons Why

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated June 23, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Elizabeth Strong, LMHC

If you've had trouble keeping a relationship or finding one in the first place, you may wonder what you're doing wrong. Is it you? Is it your dating pool? While we can't look at you individually and figure out why you're still single, what we can do is tell you some general reasons why you may still be single. Read on to find some common reasons why people may find themselves single for a considerable period of time.

No Confidence

Confused About Why You're Still Single?
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This is a big one, and it can apply to any person. If you don't feel like you're relationship material and are insecure about your appearance or mindset, you may have trouble finding a relationship. Few people want a person who is overly critical of themselves, and when you don't have confidence, it turns off some people. It tends to project a picture of negativity, and negativity does not tend to draw people in.

This isn't to say that you can't have insecurities; everyone has something about themselves they wish to improve. However, if you're always bringing yourself down and complaining about your life, it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Have some more faith in yourself! Try to determine some aspects of yourself that you are proud of and bring into a successful relationship. Confidence has to start somewhere, and if you can cultivate it and let it grow, you will likely be happily surprised by what you find in regards to your connections with other people.

You Have Unrealistic Expectations

On the other hand, there's such a thing as too confident and having unrealistic criteria for a partner. We all know the stereotypes. A woman wants a tall, handsome man who makes a lot of money and will treat her perfectly. A man may want a woman with a perfect body and a personality that fits his needs. However, few people like that, and if they are, they usually aren't attracted to you.

Having standards is good, but there is such a thing as having too much of them, especially if you don't offer anything in return. Look at yourself and realistically figure out what is in your range. Your date doesn't have to be perfect; in fact, many of these traits are changeable. If you want someone who makes money, help them reach their goal!

You Need To Improve Yourself

Some people may not realize how much they need to work on themselves before dating. We would like to believe that a long-term relationship will fix everything about your life. While it can improve some aspects of your life, there are other aspects that you may want to fix yourself before you move into a relationship.

You're Limiting Yourself To One Place

There is a lot of fish in the sea, but you won't be able to catch them if you're fishing in some tiny pond. Some people may stick to one dating site or look locally for a potential partner, missing out on the world. Try a new dating site or app. Try dating in another town. While long-distance dating can be inconvenient at first, it does increase your chances of finding the person who's the right one.

You Give Up Too Easily

When you do have a date, and you're the one to end it, why? Was there a good reason? Some people end relationships for reasons that are a little petty when you look at them. A good relationship will have arguments, bumps in the road, and kinks to work out at first. Try not to look for reasons to call off a date because they might be trivial matters that will improve or not bother you in the future.

You're Attracted To People Who Are Bad For You

If you go on many dates, have critically analyzed yourself, and found nothing wrong on your end, then it may be the kind of people you attract. Some people have traits you're attracted to but whose personalities are not a good fit for you. This causes you to believe that all people are bad and that you shouldn't date.

Look at the people you've dated. What do they have in common that attracted you to them? Is there a way to be attracted to someone else? It's worth exploring many different kinds of people.

You Try Too Hard

Being single creates a loop that's hard to break. If you really want to be in a relationship, you could become desperate. Because of this, your attitude might turn people away, making it harder for you to date. By coming on too strong, you may scare others away. Instead, try to set realistic expectations, and things will come about more naturally.

You Need To Beef Up Your Dating Site

It can be hard to fill out a dating site profile. You know yourself, but it might be difficult to explain yourself in words. As such, you may not be listing your best qualities on the site, and instead, you're listing qualities that people don't care about or turn off people from talking to you. Sometimes, your profile is too short, or it's too long, and no one wants to read it.

Talk to a second party and ask for a second opinion on your dating site. There may be plenty of improvements you need to make.

You're Socially Awkward

If you're socially awkward around new people, it can make breaking the ice and starting a conversation hard. Practice conversation skills, or turn to online dating, as it requires less face-to-face interaction at first. Being awkward can be an acute personality trait, but too much awkwardness can turn people away.

You Make Excuses

Some single people are making excuses as to why they haven't dated yet. For example, you may feel like you have to reach a certain weight goal before you're worthy of dating, or you may feel like you need to get so far in your job. Accomplishing your goals before you get serious is fine, and as we said, important in some cases, but some people use it as an excuse never to find a date.

It's An Attitude Problem With You

Some people think that every other person is at fault for a failed relationship, but they may not be looking inwardly. We are creatures who sometimes find it hard to self-criticize and improve on our faults. Instead, we blame it on the society around us. Talk to some people and ask them for their brutally honest opinion. There may be changes you need to make, and they may be quite easy to implement. Self-awareness is key.

You're Still Hung Up On Your Last Relationship

If you just got out of a long relationship, you may still be hung up on it and not even realize it. After a tough breakup, some people are just not ready for a relationship yet, even if they feel like they are. If you find yourself trying to find a person like your previous partner, you may need some time to heal from your last relationship.

You Have Attachment Issues

If you crave a relationship badly and then find yourself dating someone, you may fear that they'll let you go. This leads to you talking to them more, obsessing over them, and becoming clingier than usual, which are behaviors that can be huge turn-offs for some. Self-fulfilling prophecies can happen, and they are no fun when they do. However, there are ways you can avoid them. One way is not to be so clingy. You should communicate with your date regularly, but don't freak out if they disappear for a bit. Everyone needs space now and again.

You're Better Off Single

Confused About Why You're Still Single?

The world tells us that the single life is bad and that you should seek a partner as soon as possible. However, some people live a better life when they're single. They may be casual daters or just loners altogether, and they try to force themselves to be committed when they can't do it. Or, they may be people who are open to being in a long-term relationship but not at this stage.

If you feel like you should be in a relationship due to some obligation, take a step back a re-evaluate your wants and needs. There is no shame in being single. Instead, you should try to figure out what kind of dating works best for you.

There's A Hidden Issue

Sometimes, you don't know why you're single, and the reason may be more complex than you think or so simple you don't even bother to think about it. If you've looked at your love life and don't know why you're not in a relationship, perhaps you should look for professional help. Talking to a relationship counselor can help. You can tell them all about your life, and they can suggest ways to make changes that will help you meet your life goals.

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