How Well Do You Know Your Spouse? 20 Questions To Deepen Your Connection
By Hailey Neu
Updated March 16, 2020
Reviewer Laura Angers
How well do you think you know your spouse? How well do you think your spouse knows you? Many married couples love to take quizzes and questionnaires to test how well they know each other. This is because it is fun to see if your spouse is paying attention to you and what you like and dislike. Although these games and questions make for a fun date activity, they also draw attention to something very important. They help you understand how well you know each other and if you two are spending enough time together. They can deepen your connection and make you two realize how much you have in common. These questions can bring some joyful memories, which are always very important to have in a marriage. With that being said, let's talk about why knowing each other well matters.
Why Does Knowing Each Other Matter?
Knowing your spouse well means you two likely have a great connection. Having a great understanding of their likes and dislikes is very good to know. If you get a great score on most spouse quizzes, that means you probably pay a lot of attention to your spouse. It also means you two likely prioritize spending time together. According to Dr. John Gottman, having a deep and meaningful friendship with your spouse is one of the keys to having a successful marriage. So, when you are constantly trying to better your relationship, you are on the right path for a lifelong and happy marriage together.
If you are surprised by how little you know your spouse, don't worry! It does not mean you are a bad spouse who doesn't pay attention to their partner.You can always set up some dates and spend more intentional time together so you two can learn more about each other. People are always changing and evolving, and keeping up with knowing your spouse has to be done on purpose. Even if you get a perfect score, continue being a part of your spouse's daily routine and try to learn about them, almost as if you have just started dating. Getting to know your spouse and constantly trying to improve your connection will help grow your bond and will lead to higher marital satisfaction.
Questions To Deepen Your Connection
- What is your spouse's favorite place in the world?
Your spouse's favorite place in the entire world can give you a lot of insight into their mind. If they love Las Vegas, they likely enjoy loud and busy places with a lot of activity. If they love a quiet beach town, they probably love to relax and spend time one on one.
- What is your spouse's best childhood memory?
This is something that many married couples don't remember about their spouse. However, there is a good chance your spouse has brought up a great memory from their childhood. Whether it be their whole family supporting them at high school graduation or the day they made their junior high basketball team. No matter what it is, think back to memories your spouse always looks back on.
- Does your spouse have any pet peeves?
Smacking gum, being rude to waiters and waitresses, littering, not putting the dishes away. Everyone has at least one pet peeve. Although pet peeves are joked about, they can be very important. If you are trying to make your spouse happy, keep in mind their pet peeves. Of course, you don't want to walk on eggshells trying not to annoy your spouse, but you should put in some effort to avoid doing one of their pet peeves. This may seem insignificant, but your spouse will thank you later.
- Who is your spouse's best friend beside you?
Your spouse should be your very best friend. As mentioned above, Dr. John Gottman recommends putting your spouse as a high priority and being intentional about knowing them. So, other than you, who is your spouse's best friend? Their other best friend means a lot to them, and they are a big part of your spouse's life.
- What is your spouse's dream?
Knowing your spouse's dream and overall goal can help you encourage them to achieve it. Whether it is starting their own business, writing a book, or visiting a specific country, do your best to encourage them. No matter how independent your spouse is, they need and want your support.
- What is your spouse's biggest fear?
Understanding your spouse's biggest fear can help you get an understanding of what worries them and what causes them anxiety. You can also learn how to help them conquer their fears!
- If your spouse could have one superpower, what would it be?
Every person has dreamed of having a superpower at one point. This is a fun question to ask your spouse because everyone seems to have a different superpower preference.
- What is one thing your spouse hides from the rest of the world?
As their spouse, you likely know about all of the little quirks and random likings your spouse has. They could be one of the rare people who love brussels sprouts, or they could have a secret fascination for bird watching. What is one thing you know about yourself that they don't want anyone else to know?
- What is something that stresses out your partner?
Knowing what causes your partner stress can benefit you greatly. Learning what situations will stress your partner out can help you know when to alleviate some of the pressure they have. You can know when to comfort them and take over cooking dinner or cleaning up after the kids. If you don't already know this, make sure you start paying attention to when your spouse is under stress.
- What is your spouse's love language?
Gary Chapman has a book called The 5 Love Languages. Within, he theorizes that there are five ways to show and receive love, and each person has their preferences. The love languages are quality time, physical touch, giving gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Your spouse likely has a love language in which they like to show they love you, and a preference of how you show you love them. Knowing this information can be incredibly helpful for your emotional connection.
- Where is your spouse's favorite place to have a date night?
Do they love going to the movies? What about the restaurant around the corner? Your spouse's favorite place to have dates with you likely holds a special place in their heart.
- Which relative is your spouse closest to?
Whoever your spouse is closest to is probably very important to them. Who is the family member they love being with?
- Which relative is your spouse furthest from?
In terms of emotional bond, which relative is your spouse furthest from? Is there someone who gets on their last nerve every time they see them?
- What is your spouse's greatest achievement?
Other than marrying you or having the kids, what accomplishment is your spouse most proud of? Think of ways you can help your spouse continue achieving their goals.
- What is their favorite moment of you together?
Your spouse's favorite moment of you two will shed light on what causes them the most joy. You should try to recreate these amazing moments in the future. No matter how long you two have been together, it is always important to intentionally create happy memories together.
- What is their order at their favorite coffee shop?
Coffee is the way to most people's hearts. This question can be difficult if your spouse has one of those long and specific coffee orders. If you ever want to make your spouse as happy as can be, surprise them with their coffee order and get it perfect. This will not only amaze them with your attention to detail, but it will also be a very kind gesture.
- Who is the most frugal person in the relationship?
It is very rare two people come together who are equally as frugal or have the same spending habits at all. The longer a couple is married, the more they "lock" into their money spending habits. So, if one person likes to save money as a single individual, they will likely be a supersaver in their marriage. On the other hand, if someone spends too much money when they are single, they will likely continue spending too much money in the future.
- What do you and your spouse fight about the most?
Every couple argues about something. In fact, 69% of conflict in relationships is about unresolvable problems. What is the thing you and your spouse argue about most frequently? If you and your spouse have difficulty managing your conflict, couples counseling may be of your best interest. Even if you are not in a place where you argue very frequently, couples counseling can help you two to improve your communication skills and learn how to get over an argument in less amount of time.
- What is your spouse's favorite quality of yours?
From your perspective, what do you think your spouse's favorite thing about you is? You can get a bonus point if you can tell them why they love that quality of yours.
- Who is most likely to be running late?
It is very common for one partner to have to keep the other on track to be on time. Which person is the one who would be late for everything without the other?
How Did You Do?
If each question was worth a point, how did you do? Did someone get more questions right than the other? If you did get some of the answers wrong, do your best to remember the right answer. Remember, you always have to be trying to get to know your partner better. Don't lose the level of attention you used to pay to them when you first started dating. This can greatly help your connection and improve your marital satisfaction.