How Well Do You Know Your Significant Other? 20 Things To Ask Yourself (And Them)

The Gottman Institute, a research program designed to help couples overcome hardships in relationships, says that one of the most important things in a relationship is a good friendship. You can take a quiz that tests how well you know your partner, and the landing page states that a good friendship starts with knowing your partner's "likes, dislikes, needs, desires, beliefs, fears, and life dreams." Have you ever wondered just how well you know your partner? Take a look at these questions that can help you (and your partner) figure out how well you know each other.

Remember that this is just a starting point. If you can't answer all these questions, don't worry! Now is the perfect chance to ask your partner. If you can answer 16 or more of these questions, you probably know your partner pretty well. But if it's less, that doesn't mean that you don't know your partner at all. Use these questions to ask yourself and your partner as conversation starters; make it a game. It's okay to have fun with these questions. There is always time to get to know your partner better.

1. Who are my partner's best friends?

Who does he hang out with the most? Who has he known since childhood who is still a big part of his life? If you've been dating for a while, you probably know the answer to this one. If not, ask your partner who his very best friend is.

2. What is stressing my partner out lately?

If you see your partner often enough, you can probably answer this question. Does your partner trust you enough to talk about the things that are stressing them out? For new relationships, this may not be the case yet, which is okay! You can make it clear to your partner that they can talk with you whenever they need it.

3. What are my partner's dreams?

What are the big dreams of your partner's heart? When they talk about the future, what do they say they are going to do?  Sharing your dreams as partners is a great way to get to know each other. You can push each other towards your dreams and help each other fulfill them.

4. Who has been irritating my partner lately?

If your partner vents to you about who is irritating them, you know the answer to this question. This is another opportunity for you to invite your partner to open up about their day if they would like to. 

5. Which relatives does my partner like the least?

This may seem like an odd question, but you certainly know your partner well if you can answer it. Fairly early on, you'll hear about the relatives that your partner loves, but what about the ones they don't get along with? If they get along with everyone in their family or don’t like to talk negatively about others, you can skip this question.

6. What did my partner want to be when they grew up?

This goes along with your partner's dreams but could be different depending on what their dreams were as a kid. Did they want to be an astronaut? A scientist? A doctor? Has that dream changed, or are they still on the path toward fulfilling that dream? Asking your partner this question will show you how big they got to dream as kids and how that has affected them today.

7. Does my partner have any nicknames?

You may have nicknames for your partner, but do other people? Did they grow up with a childhood nickname? Did a sorority or fraternity in college give them one? Do they prefer to be called something other than their first name? This question you can probably figure out pretty early in the relationship.

8. What disappointment or rejection is still bothering my partner?

Has something happened in your partner's life that still bothers them? Maybe they didn't get into their dream school, or a parent left when they were young. The answer to this question will likely come with time and comfort, as your partner may not want to give that information early on in the relationship.

9. What is my partner most proud of?

Hopefully, your partner is proud of many things, but what are they most proud of? What's their biggest accomplishment or their best day? This would be a fun question to ask if you don't already know the answer.

10. What are my partner's grandparents' names?

This is an easy question for early in the relationship. Their grandparents may have passed, or they are still alive. Maybe you have even met them before. Can you name all their grandparents?

11. What is my partner's favorite smell?

This is a personal, quirky question that is just fun to think about. Maybe your partner has a favorite meal or associates a smell with a certain time of year. Maybe you wear a fragrance that is their favorite.

12. What is my partner's favorite ice cream flavor?

This might be one of the first things you learn about your partner. It's a question that's easy enough to ask on a first date. Maybe you've even gone out for ice cream together. If you don't already know it, you can suggest an ice cream date in the future.

13. What does my partner like most about work?

Has your partner ever talked with you about their job? Why did they choose that job? What is it that inspires them each day? This is a great question to ask, even if you think you know the answer. When the days get monotonous at work, it can be hard to remember why you started. This question can help them remember.

14. What does my partner like least about work?

It's possible you know the answer to this question but not the one above if they complain enough about work. Are they at their dream job or something temporary? Do they wish they were doing something else?

15. What's my partner's middle name?

This is a simple and straightforward question. Once you've been dating for a little while, you should know your partner's full name, including their middle name if they have one.

16. What does my partner think they are naturally talented at?

Here's a question that can give your partner an ego boost. What do they think they are good at, naturally? Have them think about it. You know what they are naturally good at, but does your partner agree with you?

17. In what way is my partner most afraid of dying?

Some people aren't afraid of dying, but they probably can think of how they don't want to go. Is this something your partner has expressed to you? It's a question for partners who have gone the distance, the ones who have been dating for years or are married. 

18. Does my partner think they are more like their mother or their father?

Who does your partner think they take after more? Do they have the same mannerisms as their mom? Do they save money like their dad? And depending on their answer, are they okay with these similarities?

19. What country does my partner want to visit?

If your partner could pick one place to go without any money or time restrictions, where would it be? Do they have a dream vacation spot? Have they been dying to travel somewhere but just haven't had the time? Is it somewhere that you want to go as well?

20. What household chores does my partner like the least?

If you are living together, you probably can spout out this answer without even thinking. But even if you are newly dating, what is a chore that your partner complains about a lot? Do they despise laundry? Do they leave a lot of dishes in the sink? This question you can probably find an answer for yourself, once you spend enough time with your partner.

Learn more about your partner in couples therapy

Some of these questions are fun, some are more serious, but in no way are these questions the only way you can know your partner. These questions are a mixture of questions from the Gottman Institute quiz and an article written by Alice Boyes, Ph.D. They are a great starting point or a new game that you can play with your partner. But don't let it stop there. Keep getting to know your partner in the ways that fit you both best.

If you have any questions about relationships or how to get to know someone, consider counseling for help. Regain is an online counseling platform that will connect you with a licensed counselor to communicate completely online. A quick questionnaire helps to match you with a therapist who best suits your needs and preferences, but you can switch therapists at any time if they’re not a good fit for you. For more information, click here to go to the Regain website.

Online therapy has been gaining steam in recent years, and for good reasons. The National Center for Health Research recently analyzed dozens of studies comparing in-person and online therapy. They found that online therapy is just as effective at treating and helping a variety of mental health concerns and conditions, including depression, anxiety, relationships, PTSD, trauma, and more.