How Well Do You Know Your Partner? 17 Questions To Spur Deeper Conversations

Updated April 3, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Forming an intimate relationship with someone means learning more about who they are as a person. Even if you have already spent a significant amount of time with someone, there may be information about them that you can still uncover, or there may be things you believe about them that aren't true. Taking the time to learn more can improve your bond with your significant other and make things more interesting.

Engage in deeper conversations with your partner

How well do you know your partner? 17 questions to ask

So, how well do you know your significant other? Look at the 17 questions below to find out and spur deeper conversations.

1. What are some of your goals and ambitions?

We all have things that we want to accomplish, even if we are not actively working on them. While you may know what your partner is currently doing, ask them what they would like to be doing. What are some of their goals and ambitions? Where do they want to be, and how do they plan on getting there? This can help remind them of some things they may have wanted to do but have forgotten along the way. It can also help you learn how to be a better partner as you guide them closer to their hopes and dreams. After all, helping your partner grow is the point of a relationship!

2. What are some of your biggest fears in life?

From physical fears to non-tangible fears, there are most likely many things that your partner is afraid of. On the surface, some fears affect them physically, such as a fear of heights or clowns. Although these fears may not seem like a big deal, asking more about the things that scare them can help you better understand your partner and may help them understand themselves better. Beyond these fears, you can ask about some of the bigger things. Are they afraid of failure? Are they terrified of being alone? Follow up by asking them, what are some underlying causes behind these fears? What can you do to help them work through these fears from them?

3. What are some of your biggest fears in our relationship?

Even if you have been in a relationship with your partner for years, they undoubtedly have fears or concerns about your relationship. Some may fear their partner will get bored and leave them or be unfaithful. Others may be scared that their partner will fall out of love. Does your partner have any fears regarding your relationship? If so, how can you alleviate these fears and make your partner feel more comfortable with you?


4. What are your values and beliefs?

Values and beliefs determine our behavior and how we live our lives. Imagine that your partner is more family-oriented. These values will show in their lives when they take actions such as spending a lot of time around their own family or expressing a desire to have children. Even if you think that you know some of your partner's values, ask them to see if there are some values you may not know about. Ask about some of their beliefs, whether they are rooted in spirituality or truths about life that they may hold. These beliefs and values will tell you a lot about what kind of person your partner is and what they are looking for out of life.

5. If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?

Our circumstances don't always allow us to pursue the careers and other life paths we want. We may feel confined by our current situations, and although there are other things we would rather be doing, we do the things we do now because we have to. Ask your partner if they could do anything with their lives, what would it be? You may be surprised.

6. What lights your soul on fire?

There are things we like doing, and then there are things we are genuinely passionate about. Whether these are creative activities or serve to help others, we all have passions that we wish to pursue further. What lights your partner's soul on fire? What would they want to do more of in life? Are they someone who wants to sing and dance? Do they want to travel the world? Asking this question will allow you both to explore some of the things that matter most and how you can incorporate more of this into your life.

7. Is there anything in your past that you would have changed?

The past is usually filled with both good and bad. Despite teaching us important lessons and molding us into who we are today, we may have regrets about the past that we wish to go back and fix. Give your partner a chance to examine some of these situations by seeing what they would have changed in their past. No matter whether it is a big change or a small change, this will tell you more about what has had an impact on them and why. This may also remind you both that there is always time to change certain things or learn to forgive yourself and others.

8. What is your happiest memory?

When we look back on the past, moments often stand out to us and make us feel happy when we think about them. Examining these moments closer can help us learn more about what we need more of in our lives and what makes us feel great. What was your partner's happiest memory? Who was involved? What were they doing in that memory? Is it something that you could recreate? Take them back to some of their happiest places and learn what brings them joy.

9. Who is your biggest role model, and why?

From the people in our social circle to the famous people in our society, certain individuals serve as role models we seek to emulate as we go about our lives. They often align with our values and desires. Talking to your partner about their role models allows you to discover who your partner wants to be and what qualities they may value, even if they don't necessarily show this in their day-to-day life. Find out their biggest role models, and you may find out who they want to be.

 10. Are there any secrets you want to share with me?

Trust is a major component of a great relationship. While you can't force vulnerability, receiving secrets from your partner is a great way to establish trust and learn more about some hidden parts of their life. Try seeing if your partner is comfortable sharing any secrets with you. You must make sure to create a safe space for your partner and that you remain non-judgmental. Otherwise, this question can create issues in your relationship where there were none before.

11. How do you feel about our relationship?

Asking your partner about your relationship can give you valuable insights into what works and what doesn’t. There may be some things your significant other doesn't like that you may not have noticed. This question also allows you to talk about some things that may not be working for you. You can follow up on this question by asking what a great relationship looks like to see if there are any areas you can build upon to reach those standards in the future.

12. What are some challenges you faced in your life, and how did you overcome them?

We all have challenges that we come across as we navigate life, and these challenges serve to teach us important lessons that we carry well into the future. While you may know who your partner is now, ask them who they used to be in the past and discover what situations they may have encountered to become the person standing before you. Learning more about what someone else has to deal with can teach you how well they handle conflict and stress, two very important qualities needed to handle relationship problems successfully.

Engage in deeper conversations with your partner

13. If you knew you were going to die soon, what would you do with your life?

When we are younger, we think we have all the time in the world to do things. This may result in putting certain dreams on the back burner as we pursue other things instead. When faced with the prospect of passing on, however, we may feel unsatisfied with the life we have led to this point. If your partner were to die soon, what would they want to do beforehand? Are there any dreams left unfulfilled? Do they have any business with other people they still need to take care of? These are all great questions that can turn the cogs and uncover essential life desires.

14. How would friends and family describe you?

Many people believe that their friends would describe them much differently than they would describe themselves. This is partly because some people may act differently around certain people, depending on their relationship dynamic with that person. Taking the time to figure out what friends and family think about your partner can help you discover some personality traits you may not have known. Perhaps your partner has a wild side. Maybe your significant other has interests that they do not pursue with you. The possibilities are endless!

15. What would you change about yourself or your life?

No matter how confident we are in our bodies or our lives, there are many things that we wish we could change to become better in a specific area. Whether that comes in doing something like losing weight or moving to a more fulfilling career, total satisfaction is often not something we have in our lives. What does your partner seek to change? Is this something that can or should be changed? If so, can you help them make this change in their life?

16. What are you most grateful for?

The things we are grateful for are rarely acknowledged because an attitude of gratitude can slip by when we become accustomed to things. Sit down with your partner and talk more about what they are most grateful for. Is it their family? Their friends? Their living situation? Make sure to direct the conversation towards diving deeper into each area of gratitude. There is usually a reason why we are grateful for certain things, and the explanations may surprise you.

17. What are your greatest accomplishments?

Like trophies on a shelf, you and your partner have things you achieved in this life that you like to display when you have the opportunity. These accomplishments prove that you have excelled in an area that truly matters to you. What has your partner accomplished over the years? How do these accomplishments tie into their values and interests? Is there anything your partner still wants to achieve down the road?

Therapy can help you get to know your partner better

Online therapy can help you and your partner get to know each other better. Many people think couples counseling is only for people having trouble in their relationships, but it can also help you build a solid foundation to maintain a healthy relationship in the future. 

With online therapy, you can attend sessions from anywhere you have an internet connection, so you don’t have to spend time commuting to an office. You never have to worry about being on a waiting list for an appointment. When you sign up, you’re matched with someone who can help you right away, and you can communicate with your therapist via text, chat, email, phone, and/or video chat. Research shows that online treatment is effective; one review of 14 studies found that it is just as effective as in-person treatment. If you’re ready to get to know your partner better, sign up with Regain.


The 17 questions above will help you learn more about your partner, which can bring you closer and make your relationship stronger. If you need guidance or if you need support in another area of your relationship, talking to a therapist online can help.

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