15 Marriage Puns And Quotes That Actually Get Marriage Right

Updated April 17, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

Most people love a good joke – and even a bad one. Puns are one of the oldest forms of humor globally and can apply to almost any situation or scenario. Although marriage is a serious commitment, it is often the subject of puns, jokes, and funny quotes. The puns and funny quotes about marriage in this article can make almost anyone in a long-term commitment shout, “That’s us!” While all marriages are different, many share some type of common ground that puns and quotes tend to capture near perfectly.

Looking For Insight Into What Marriage Is Really Like?

Pun Humor: The History Of Puns And Jokes

Humans are naturally social creatures and many of us go through life searching for that special someone. Relationships take daily nurturing and commitment to succeed. Even when we find our partner, the unique experience of doing life with another person can be quite funny. Marriages have often been at the center of jokes, puns, and quote, perhaps to allow people to laugh a little at something as serious as committing to another person for life. 

The first puns – or sentences and phrases based on wordplay – appeared in Sanskrit in the seventh century, proving that the desire to make others laugh has been a long-standing trend. The history of puns may have more to do with language, though, rather than subject matter. As humans evolved, we developed language to communicate – to express our inner thoughts, hopes, and fears. With so many options for discussion, the evolution of language lagged people’s ability to describe what they were feeling. Many words and phrases have multiple meanings and definitions, making many puns relatively easy to develop.

Research has long suggested that laughter has several health benefits. A good laugh can improve blood flow, lower blood sugar, and boost your immune system. It can also improve your quality of life – especially if you have someone to laugh with.

Marriage Puns That Describe What Marriage Is Like

While all puns are jokes, not all jokes are puns. A well-executed pun uses one word or phrase to make multiple points, jabbing at the state of marriage, usually by poking fun at one or both partners. Some puns can be cheesy, but most of them are clever; below are different marriage puns that may describe the ups and downs of life with your spouse. 

“Too many little digs send a marriage to an early grave.” – Unknown

  • This marriage pun gets to the heart of maintaining a successful union. All couples argue, but constant criticism and insults can breed resentment in your relationship. Open, healthy, and constructive communication with your partner can be key to a healthy marriage. Keeping your fights clean can help ensure you and your spouse are in it for the long haul.

“Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.” – Unknown.

  • Few things may prepare people adequately for marriage. Even if you and your partner were in a relationship for a long time before tying the knot, there is still usually a period of adjustment that follows marriage. You learn how to live your lives, communicate, and exist in a completely new way. This play on words involving vision may be a spot-on observation on how marriage completely changes your outlook on life and your partner.

“I’m a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too – for being married so many times.” – Elizabeth Taylor.

  • Not everyone gets married just once. Hollywood icon Elizabeth Taylor’s checkered love life made her just as famous as her acting talent. Married eight times – twice to fellow actor and Cleopatra co-star Richard Burton – Taylor was no stranger to marriage and its ups and downs. A successful marriage relies on finding the right person, which may take more than one marriage for some. 

“I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes – about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.” – Unknown.

  • This slightly risqué marriage pun will probably garner a chuckle from any couple who fights over chores. Considering sexual fantasies and turning it on its ear, how many spouses haven’t wished they could come home to a clean house without having to ask – demand or beg – their partner?

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.” – Henry Youngman

  • Although newly married couples may want to spend every waking moment together, many of the healthiest relationships last when each spouse has their own independent lives and interests. This quote by the “King of the One-Liners,” comedian Henry Youngman, starts out describing what sounds like a perfect date, but he quips that he and his wife enjoy the experience separately. Time apart could actually help the marriage more than time together.

Marriage Quotes: Funny Takes On Spouses

Of course, puns aren’t the only way to poke at the intricacies of marriage. Some well-known public figures have their takes on how they keep their relationship strong – with some hilarious results! Consider these:

“You know you are in love when the two of you can go grocery shopping together.” – Woody Harrelson

  • Actor Woody Harrelson nails one of the many nuances of a long-term relationship. Most couples divvy up household chores, avoiding partaking in those activities together that lead to conflict – such as the weekly trip to the grocery store. Maybe your shopping styles are different: you are the compulsive meal planner who likes to stick to a list while your spouse grabs everything in sight. Sometimes partners argue specifically about what to buy, such as store-brand vs. name-brand items. Either way, according to Harrelson, if you can find common ground over something as mundane as what to keep in your home, then surely you can tackle life’s more complicated problems.

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Anne Bancroft

  • Anne Bancroft was already a multiple Academy Award and Tony Award winner when her infamous turn as Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate defined her career. When she married writer and director Mel Brooks in 1964, each had an unsuccessful marriage under their belts. Most people who have grown old with their partner will understand what Bancroft means. Bancroft and Brooks’ second marriages to each other were more successful. The Hollywood couple were married for over four decades until her death in 2005. Her quote captures how sometimes, teasingly challenging your spouse can get them to put more effort into the marriage.  

“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” – Dolly Parton

  • Sometimes the healthiest relationships are built by two people who support each other through thick and thin. Although she has been married to the same man for over 50 years, even country singer Dolly Parton’s most die-hard fans don’t know what he looks like. Letting his wife shine in the spotlight, Parton’s husband remains the supportive spouse while she regularly attends music events and performs concerts alone. According to Parton, that hasn’t placed a damper on their relationship: their relationship is as harmonious as ever, and they renewed their wedding vows in 2016 in honor of their 50th anniversary.

Looking For Insight Into What Marriage Is Really Like?

Online Counseling With Regain

Marriage puns, jokes, and one-liners may make fun of married couples’ reality everywhere, but it can still be important to not take the state of committed relationships lightly. At Regain, an online counseling platform, therapists understand that both spouses need to put in hard work and dedication to make their marriage work. If your marriage needs some maintenance or a tune-up, Regain’s qualified therapists could help you get your relationship back on track. It’s understandable if you don’t want to run into people that you know when pursuing therapy with your spouse. Online counseling makes it easier to get the support you need since you and your partner can chat with your therapist right from your couch. Each of you deserves a healthy marriage and Regain can help you get there. 

The Efficacy Of Online Counseling 

Couples who need to add enjoyment and laughter back into their marriage could benefit from online couples counseling. In one study, an online couples counseling intervention was found to be effective in improving relationship satisfaction and reducing distress. Couples who were participating also experienced reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression.

The Takeaway

Marriage is a significant commitment. Although it can come with tough conversations and difficult moments, it can also be comforting to be bound to your closest companion for life. Many marriages experience ups and downs, and it can be crucial to know how to work through these moments as a team. Sometimes, a bit of laughter is all it takes to get through life’s most challenging times. While puns, quotes, and jokes can be helpful, they aren’t a replacement for professional help. Regain is an online counseling platform that has assisted couples with numerous issues. Regardless of what you and your spouse may be facing, couples counseling could help strengthen your marriage and increase satisfaction within the relationship for both of you.

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