How To Know You Are In A Unhappy Relationship

By William Drake|Updated April 20, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Audrey Kelly, LMFT

You're in a relationship and it isn't going as well as you'd like, and you no longer feel the relationship's joy, or you are constantly noticing a lot of unhappiness with your partner. 

 

ReGain is a great way to find a therapist or licensed professional that you and your partner can feel at ease talking to, and you may access the platform from the comfort and privacy of your own home. Just make sure you find someone that both of you are comfortable with (you can switch counselors easily, with no hassle). Below are some reviews of ReGain counselors from couples experiencing similar issues.

Unhappy In Your Relationship?
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Maybe you feel like you're just no longer meant to be together and that you can't relate to your partner anymore. The first step is to relate to your inner self. What are you truly thinking and feeling about your unhappy relationship? Would you feel relieved if the partnership were to end? Then, you'll be able to decide what to do when you're with someone but unhappy.

What To Do In An Unhappy Relationship And You're Feeling Unappreciated

So, maybe, you're feeling a little unappreciated in your relationship, like your partner is taking you for granted, and your relationship is unhappy. They seem to always rely on you when they need something, but they don't seem think of you when you're unhappy. If that's the case, then the first thing you need to do is talk with your partner about anything relationship related.

Maybe they don't realize that you're feeling that way, and talking to them can help you relay to them what they need to do for the relationship to make you feel less unhappy. Talking to your partner about your needs in the relationship may seem daunting.

That is okay; many people are frightened by expressing what their needs are in the moment clearly and honestly with vulnerability, especially about things relationship related, but you may find it provides some relief. If this is something you struggle with in general, you may consider talking to a licensed relationship counselor. The licensed counselors from ReGain have extensive experience with helping people with communication and relatability.

What To Do When Feeling Unsure About Your Partner

If you aren't completely sure that this relationship is for you, then the first thing you need to do is sit down by yourself and really think about everything relationship related. Relay to yourself what you like and love about your partner, and think specifically about what you like and love in your relationship, if you're in a joyful relationship, and if you would consider your relationship to be one of those healthy or unhealthy. You can love someone and not be suited as a relatable couple. If that seems like it's the case, then the best thing you can do is relieve yourself and get out of the relationship.

Being Content Matters

Both you and your partner deserve to be content and feel relieved in your partnership. If you're not content in the relationship, you both should get out as quickly as you can to find your happiness and relief. If you realize that you love your partner and your relationship and want to stay, then relating to your partner what's happening in your relationship and why you've been unhappy, is the first step. By relaying how you've been unhappy, you can both work through the problems and build a stronger relationship. From this article, the importance of communication and relating to your partner should stand out. That is because communication is one of the most successful aspects in a successful relationship.
What To Do When You're Feeling Done And No Longer Happy
If you feel like you're in a relationship that's completely done, then it's time to get out and find relief. Don't stay in an unhappy relationship, especially if the relationship is one-sided and you don't even want to try to relate to your partner. Feeling done is difficult, but the tough choice to leave can provide much-needed relief. Maybe you can't make things better. Maybe something is happening in the unhealthy or unhappy relationship that can't be fixed. Maybe you do not want to try to relate to your partner anymore. Once you work through your feelings and know the relationship is done, it is time to move on and relieve yourself. We know it is tough, but getting out of the unhappy relationship is what's best for both of you if you truly are done. You will have the opportunity to be content and feel relief, and your partner will have the opportunity to move on to other relationships as well.

It's important to get started on the process right away, so you can each start healing and moving on.

When you are in a relationship for a long time, there will be times when you or your partner will not be happy in it, but that does not mean you do not have a happy relationship. There could be many reasons for your unhappy relationship: arguing over little things, feeling unappreciated, bringing up history, raising children, finding each other unhelpful, and other issues that can occur in any relationship.

Perhaps none of the reasons for relationship discontent are apparent, and usually, the relationship issues are resolved. However, if some relationship issues are just tucked away and not resolved in a compatible way, they can fester and cause deep-seated relationship unhappiness.

Struggling relationship and an unhappy relationship. Anyone can find faults in their partner if they look for them. The balance revolves around how you look because there is no need to be overly critical. Ask yourself the following questions:  Do you still love your partner? Do you think they love you? Would you prefer to live alone? Are there times when you are not unhappy and you truly enjoy one another?

Anyone can find faults or unhelpful traits in their partner if they look for them. The balance relates to how you look because there is no need to be overly critical. Ask yourself the following questions:

Do you still love your partner?

Do you think they love you?

Would you prefer to live alone?

Are there times when you are not unhappy and you truly enjoy one another?

Here are some tips for concentrating on nothing but the positives to improve the state of your relationship.

  1. Be grateful for what you have.

    Look at the positive things that you and your partner contribute to the relationship. Everyone has faults - even you. Are there positive things you can say about your partner? Is sex with your partner satisfying? Do you embarrass each other? Are you content you married each other? Focus on what is working in your relationship and not the problems.
  2. Don't try to change your partner.

    You chose this relationship. No one forced you to be in a couple. There obviously was something that attracted you to your partner in the beginning. Your partner had some faults that you didn't object to then - so why now? Have you had civil discussions about the faults you now find objectionable? Have you given your partner equal opportunity to tell you about your faults he finds annoying? Look at the things you love about your partner instead of their unhelpful traits.
  3. Look at yourself.

    You are the only person in the relationship that can make yourself content. What are you doing that contributes to your unhappiness? Not relating the little grievances and letting go of little things that mean very little in the long run. Do you feel you need excitement? Is life boring? If so, do something about it: get a job, change jobs, get a hobby, or join a group. Have you changed over the years? Are you expecting too much from your partner? Are you not giving credit where credit is due? Are you a loving partner?
  4. Don't be a 'right-fighter.'

    Do you prolong unhappy arguments until your partner gives up and relays to you that you're right? Are you convinced you are the only unhappy one who knows what is right and relay it constantly to your partner? This is a trait in a controller, and it is unhealthy. Look at issues from the other person's perspective; try to relate to their situation. Most likely, they have a point that you can relate to and should be given consideration. Your partner may see things differently, and that is not always wrong. Not everything should be done according to one person's idea of what is right.
  5. Expect respect & give it too.

    Do you give more respect to your co-workers and friends than you do to your partner? This is a two-way street. In any relationship, you have to demand respect, but you also have to show respect. Don't resort to name-calling, don't curse, don't belittle, don't act superior, and don't ever resort to physical attacks. Be kind and understanding, and expect your partner to reciprocate. If you're not treating your partner the way you want to be treated, it can lead to an unhealthy situation.
  6. No deceit.

    Look at your own behavior. Do you sometimes color the truth to put yourself in a better light? If you do, you really can't expect better from your partner. Make a pact with yourself that you will always tell the truth, and then you can expect the same from your partner. There's always a way of speaking the truth about issues you have with your partner without being mean about it. This will go a long way to making you feel content about yourself.
  7. Devote time to communicate.

    This is not an opportunity to find fault and make complaints about how unhelpful your partner is. It is an opportunity to make sure you are both on the same page. Talk about finances, goals for the immediate, and goals you both agree to work toward in the future. Discuss the children's accomplishments and discuss solutions for their problems. If you share ideas regularly and are aware of what each of you wants, you will not be blind-sided by something that could get out of hand and not rectify. Be honest with each other, and nothing will ever become a surprise.
  8. Be romantic.

    Nothing keeps couples together more than romance. Plan a surprise for your partner once in a while. Make sure that the surprise you choose is something that your partner will want to do. It makes no sense to buy concert tickets when you know your partner hates concerts. Choose a time to be together without the children, without relatives, and without friends.

This could be a date night with no one else involved except the two of you. Make a point not to talk about the children, the household finances, arguments with relatives or neighbors. This is a time to talk to each other, find out if your partner is content, and find out what you can do to add to their happiness.

You could take this opportunity to plan a trip, take up a new hobby you can do together, and remind each other what makes you laugh. This is a time for you to express love to your partner and to tell your partner what they mean to you. If you hear the same from your partner, you will be reminded of the things about your partner that make you happy to be together in your relationship.

Feeling happy. Staying in a relationship where you're constantly feeling unhappy is not ideal, especially if it's going to stay that way. If you feel unhappy in your current situation, especially if you're constantly feeling unhappy, you are likely facing a situation where you know that it's time to either work on the partnership or leave if there is no longer happiness. If you and your partner are both invested in the process and want things to improve in it, it's possible to fix a partnership, and it is possible to be happy in a partnership again after facing hard times

Unhappy In Your Relationship?

Online Therapy

If you're not sure what you want for your partnership or even what's wrong with it, or if you and your partner are trying to relate to each other and find happiness again, you may want to find a relatable therapist who can help you with the process and provide relationship relief. They'll be able to work with you on discovering the unhealthy problems and then building your relationship back up. However, not everyone has the time to drive to an appointment, and not everyone wants to sit in a waiting room with other people. This is where online counseling services like ReGain offer solutions for unhappy relationships.
ReGain

ReGain is a great way to find a therapist that you and your partner can feel at ease talking to, and you may access the platform from the comfort and privacy of your own home. Just make sure you find someone that both of you are comfortable with (you can switch counselors easily, with no hassle). Below are some reviews of ReGain counselors from couples experiencing similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

"Mark got the job done. He helped my partner and me simultaneously approach the task of removing barriers to our communication by first understanding each of our unique perspectives, Then immediately providing insight and tasks to help us develop new skills to avoid obstacles. I feel that I got an incredible return on my investment that will last the rest of my life with my partner. My new skills are already proving useful in business dealings and friendships as well! Highly recommend!"

The important part is to take action in every difficult situation to see how we can improve our role.

"Cindy has been a breath of fresh air when we most needed it as a couple. Her compassionate and clear communication and understanding have made us both feel heard. The way she bridges our lack of communication has helped us the trust and a deeper connection with each other. Her tools are useful and easy to understand and implement."

Unhappy In Your Relationship?

 

Meet Some of Our Other Therapists

Lindsay Burke - LMFT, Lifecoach

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Stephen Robinson - MA, LCMHCS, LCAS

Darcy Dobb - LCSW, MHPP

Cheryl Williams - MA

Shannon Caraway - LCSW

Dr. Patrick Casthely - LMHC, MCAP, PHD

Dennis Doke - M.S., LMFT-S, LPC-S

Debra Jenkins - MSW, LCSW-C

Conclusion

It is totally normal not to feel your best at all times in a relationship. It is normal to feel unhappy from time to time. The important part is to take action in every difficult situation to see how we can improve our role. You may not know how you feel, what you are thinking, or what your role is. Licensed counselors at ReGain can help you with this. By clarifying problems, developing solutions, and enacting those plans with the help of a counselor, you will soon be on your way to a stronger bond. Take the first step.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can you fix a relationship?

Staying in a relationship where you're constantly feeling unhappy is not ideal, especially if it's going to stay that way. If you feel unhappy in your current relationship, especially if you're constantly feeling unhappy, you are likely facing a situation where you know that it's time to either work on the partnership or leave if there is no longer happiness. If you and your partner are both invested in the process and want things to improve in it, it's possible to fix a partnership, and it is possible to be happy in a partnership again after facing hard times.

When You Still Don't Know What to Do

It may be that you feel misunderstood, that you and your partner want to increase affection in the partnership, or something else. There are many potential reasons why someone might find that they're no longer content in the partnership. Whether or not you know exactly what those reasons are for you, a professional may be able to help you feel content in your partnership again.

How do I know my relationship is over?

If your partner breaks up with you or says they want a divorce, the relationship may be over. If you're unhappy and know that you want out of the partnership, it's also a sign that the partnership is over. Additionally, if someone refuses to go in for counseling or work on a partnership, it is a possible sign that a relationship is over. If you feel unhappy in a partnership, that there is no longer happiness, it is a sign that something needs to be worked on, and you must address it. If left unaddressed, it is likely to lead to an ended partnership because no one wants to feel unhappy or constantly feel unhappy in a relationship.

Repairing

If it's healthy for you and your partner to continue the partnership and you're both interested in potentially repairing the partnership, going to counseling or therapy is strongly encouraged. It is possible to feel content and happiness again, whether that means that you will feel better in the partnership after working on it together with your partner, or if it means that you will end a partnership and feel better afterward in time.

Each Situation Is Different

In every situation it's unique, but the consistent truth is that you deserve to feel happy in a partnership regardless of what happens. Going in for individual counseling can also be very beneficial after a breakup, so it is something to consider, especially if you leave a partnership and find that you are struggling in any way afterward.

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