What To Do In A Relationship When You’re Not Feeling Happy
Updated February 11, 2020
Reviewer Audrey Kelly, LMFT
Your relationship isn't going as well as you'd like, and you're not feeling completely happy. Maybe you're feeling a little tired or you're feeling like your partner isn't trying anymore. Maybe you feel like you're just not meant to be together anymore. The first step is to feel through your inner self. What are you truly thinking? What are you really feeling? Then, you'll be able to decide what to do in a relationship where you're not happy.
What To Do In A Relationship Where You're Feeling Unappreciated
So, maybe, you're feeling a little unappreciated, like your partner is taking you for granted. They seem to always count on you when they need something but they don't seem to think of you when you need something. If that's the case, then the first thing you need to do is talk with your partner. Maybe they don't realize that you're feeling that way and talking to them can help them understand what they need to do to make you feel more important to them. Talking is going to be the first step.
Talking to your partner about your needs may seem daunting. That is okay; many people are frightened by expressing themselves clearly and honestly with vulnerability. If this is something you struggle with, consider talking to a licensed counselor. The licensed counselors from ReGain have extensive experience with helping people with communication.
What To Do In A Relationship Where You're Feeling Unsure
If you aren't completely sure that this relationship is for you, then the first thing you need to do is sit down by yourself and really think about it. Think about what you like and love about your partner, and think specifically about what you like and love about your relationship.
You can love someone and not be suited as a couple. If that seems like it's the case, then the best thing you can do is get out of the relationship. Both you and your partner deserve to be happy. If you're not going to be happy in the relationship, you both should get out as quickly as you can to find your happiness.
If you realize that you do love your partner and your relationship and you want to stay in it, then communicating to your partner about what's happening and why you've been unhappy is the first step. By talking, you can both work through the problems and build a stronger relationship.
From this article, the importance of communication should stand out. That is because communication is one of the most successful aspects of a successful relationship.
What To Do In A Relationship Where You're Feeling Done
If you feel like you're just completely done with the relationship then it's time to get out. Don't stay in a relationship where you are unhappy and you don't even want to try to make things better. Feeling done is a difficult place to be in, but the tough choice to leave has excellent upsides.
Maybe you can't make things better. Maybe something is happening in the relationship that can't be fixed. Maybe you just don't want to try anymore. Once you work through your feeling and you know the relationship is done, it is time to move on. We know it is tough, but getting out of the relationship is what's best for both of you if you truly are done. You will have the opportunity to be happy and your partner will have the opportunity to move on as well. It's important to get started on the process right away, so you can each start healing and moving on.
When you are in a relationship for a long time, there will be times when you or your partner will not be happy. There could be many reasons for the unhappiness: arguing over little things, feeling unappreciated, bringing up past history, problems with raising children, finding fault and many other issues. Perhaps none of the reasons for discontent are apparent and usually the issues are resolved. However, if some issues are just tucked away and not discussed and resolved in a compatible way, they can fester and cause a deep-seated unhappiness.
Anyone can find faults in their partner if they look for them. The balance revolves around how you look because there is no need to be overly critical. Ask yourself if you really still love your partner. Do you think they love you and how do you know? Would you prefer to live alone? Are there times when you enjoy one another?
Here are some tips to remind yourself to concentrate on how to be happy in your relationship.
- Be grateful for what you have. Look at the positive things that you and your partner contribute to the relationship. Everyone has faults - even you. Are there positive things you can say about your partner? Is sex with your partner satisfying? Do you embarrass each other? Are you happy you married each other? Focus on what is working in your relationship and not the problems.
- Don't try to change your partner. You chose this relationship. No one forced you to become part of a couple. There obviously was something that attracted you to your partner in the beginning. Your partner had some faults that you didn't object to then - so why now? Have you had civil discussions about the faults you now find objectionable? Have you given your partner equal opportunity to tell you about your faults he finds annoying? Look at the things you love about your partner.
- Look at yourself. You are the only person in the relationship that can make yourself happy. What are you doing that contributes to your unhappiness? Ignore the little grievances and let go of little things that in the long run, mean very little. Do you feel you need excitement? Is life boring? If so, do something about it: get a job, change jobs, get a hobby, or join a group. Have you changed over the years? Are you expecting too much from your partner? Are you not giving credit where credit is due? Are you a loving partner?
- Don't be a 'right-fighter.' Do you prolong arguments until your partner gives up and says you are right? Are you convinced you are the only one who knows what is right and insists on it? This is a trait of a controller, and it is not attractive. Look at issues from the other person's perspective. Most likely, they have a point too and should be given consideration. Your partner may see things differently and that is not always wrong. Not everything should be done according to one person's idea of what is right.
- Expect respect and give it too. Do you give more respect to your co-workers and friends than you do to your partner? This is a two-way street. In any relationship, you have to demand respect, but you also have to show respect. Don't resort to name-calling, don't curse, don't belittle, don't act superior, and don't ever resort to physical attacks. Be kind and understanding and expect your partner to reciprocate. Treat your partner the way you want to be treated.
- Don't be deceitful. Look at your own behavior. Do you sometimes color the truth in order to put yourself in a better light? If you do, you really can't expect better from your partner. Make a pact with yourself that you will always tell the truth and then you can expect the same from your partner. There's always a way of speaking the truth about issues you have with your partner without being mean about it. This will go a long way to making you feel happy about yourself.
- Take some time every week to devote to communicating with each other. This is not an opportunity to find fault and make complaints. It is an opportunity to make sure you are both on the same page. Talk about finances, goals for the immediate and goals you both agree to work toward in the future. Discuss the children's accomplishments and discuss solutions for their problems. If you share ideas regularly and you are aware of what each of you wants, you will not be blind-sided by something that could get out of hand and not be able to rectify. Be honest with each other, and nothing will ever become a surprise.
- Be romantic. Nothing keeps couples together more that romance. Plan a surprise for your partner once in a while. Make sure that the surprise you choose is something that your partner will want to do. It makes no sense to buy concert tickets when you know your partner hates concerts. Choose a time to be together without the children, without relatives and without friends. This could be a date night with no one else involved except the two of you. Make a point to not talk about the children, the household finances, arguments with relatives or neighbors. This is a time to talk to each other, to find out if your partner is happy, and to find out what you can do to add to their happiness. You could take this opportunity to plan a trip, to take up a new hobby you can do together and remind each other what makes you laugh. This is a time for you to express love to your partner and to tell your partner what they mean to you. If you hear the same from your partner, you will be reminded of the things about your partner that makes you happy to be together.
Online Therapy is an Option
If you're not sure what you want for your relationship or even what's wrong with it, or if you and your partner are trying to work things out, you may want to find a therapist who can help you with the process. They'll be able to work with you on discovering the problems and then building your relationship back up. However, not everyone has the time to drive to an appointment, and not everyone wants to sit in a waiting room with other people. This is where online counseling services like ReGain offer solutions. ReGain is a great way to find a therapist that you and your partner can feel at ease talking to, and you may access the platform from the comfort and privacy of your own home. Just make sure you find someone that both of you are comfortable with (you can switch counselors easily, with no hassle). Below are some reviews of ReGain counselors, from couples experiencing similar issues.
"Mark got the job done. He helped me and my partner simultaneously approach the task of removing barriers to our communication by first understanding each of our unique perspectives, Then immediately providing insight and tasks to help us develop new skills to avoid obstacles. I feel that I got an incredible return on my investment that will last the rest of my life with my partner. My new skills are already proving useful in business dealings and friendships as well! Highly recommend!"
"Cindy has been a breath of fresh air when we most needed it as a couple. Her compassionate and clear communication and understanding has made us both feel heard and the way in which she bridges our lack of communication with each other has helped us trust and a deeper connection with each other. Her tools are useful and easy to understand and implement."
It is totally normal to not feel your best at all times in a relationship. It is normal to feel unhappy from time to time. The important part is to take action in every difficult situation to see how we can improve our role. You may not know how you feel, what you are thinking, or what your role is. Licensed counselors at ReGain can help you with this. By clarifying problems, developing solutions, and enacting those plans with the help of a counselor, you will soon be on your way to a stronger bond. Take the first step.