When you first met your partner, you may have been convinced that they were “the One” based on your instant attraction to each other. You likely behaved in a loving way toward each other and were both on your best behavior. You probably didn't seek the advice of your friends, or maybe you ignored their advice. Perhaps you didn't focus on negative traits, or maybe you simply didn't notice them. You likely made excuses for some of their behavior because you had already decided that you would rather be with that person rather than being alone.
Maybe you were under the delusion that you could change your partner. However, over the years, it has become apparent that your relationship is not where you anticipated, and perhaps the relationship has even become toxic. Now you realize that your love is deteriorating, and you are contemplating ending the relationship.
Relationships can be complicated, but there should be understanding, support, and intimacy at the heart of all of them. Relationships that lack one or all of these basic aspects can quickly come to an end.
So, when do you know a relationship has ended? Many signs can lead one to believe that their relationship with their partner is over, and the signs outlined below may help you accept that your relationship is either in danger or on its way to being over.
Intimacy: Physical, Mental and Spiritual
Physical intimacy can involve sex, kissing, hugging, or even holding hands. Physical contact is imperative to a loving and lasting relationship. When the physical aspect is all but extinct, this could cause the strength of your relationship to dwindle. Touching and being physically close to your partner offers various emotional benefits, and the lack thereof can cause anxiety, confusion, and feelings of rejection. If you have to fight for your partner to show you any form of physical admiration, your relationship could be in danger.
Intimacy can also take the form of a conversation with your partner. At the start of your relationship, you couldn't keep yourself from sharing the most private details with your partner. Whether about your past, present, or future, no topic seemed off-limits. The closeness of sharing intimate details with one another is a vital part of a relationship. If conversing is like pulling teeth, then your relationship might very well be on the rocks. Interest from both sides about the inner workings of each other's minds is essential when it comes to sharing your life with a dedicated partner.
Separate Lives, Separate People
Struggling to engage with your partner could be another key sign that your relationship could be over. Calling or texting at first was thrilling. There wasn't a moment when you couldn't look at your phone and see a text or call from your partner. Now, if you have to constantly try to contact your partner with little to no effort from them, the relationship is likely changing for the worse. Nagging is never a good idea, but you shouldn't have to tell your partner to pick up their phone or text you back.
Another sign of a relationship that’s waning is when there seems to be no more fun. "Fun" can seem like a basic side effect of a strong relationship. However, when that exhilaration is all but dead, chances are your relationship is dying. Having fun with your spouse should be effortless and enjoyable at least the majority of the time. When the fun is nonexistent, relationships often follow right behind.
When a Relationship Has Ended, Moving on is Best
The end of a relationship is never fun and oftentimes difficult, though there are strategies that can help. The death of anything is hard to cope with, especially when you shared something incredible and special with a partner. When that bond ceases to produce both physical and emotional happiness, your relationship might be on its way out.
At the end of the day, your satisfaction and fulfillment are the most important factors, and if you have a partner that no longer offers this type of support, it’s in your best interest to move on to find a partner that gives you the intimacy you crave and deserve.
Have you done all you can to repair the relationship? There are several questions to ask yourself before you make the final decision to call the relationship over.
The most important action that determines whether the relationship has ended is physical abuse. There is no excuse for physical violence unless one partner is acting in self-defense. Physical violence should never be tolerated. The person who is receiving physical violence should immediately remove themselves from the relationship in whatever way possible. If a person resorts to physical violence the first time, you can be sure it will happen again, and it will escalate to more severe violence.
Mental abuse is insidious and demoralizes the person who is abused over time. Usually, physical violence occurs after this person has already been mentally abused to the point that they are convinced they deserve to be treated badly or afraid to leave because they have been threatened with more violence or death.
Physical abuse is an indication of contempt for the other person. It is an act of hatred. Some abusers make the excuse that they were provoked or they couldn't help themselves. No one can provoke another to violence. They resort to violence because they see that as a way of solving problems. They are devoid of empathy, compassion, and self-control.
Don't keep the abusive relationship a secret. Tell someone you trust and get help if you need it to leave the relationship. Resist listening to promises to change, and try to avoid making excuses for their behavior. It is hard for true love to exist where there is violence. One sure way to be safe is to leave. Make arrangements for a safe place to go and see to your finances.
If the abuser is willing to seek professional help, there may be a chance of reconciliation, but only if the individual who was experiencing the abuse does not agree to continue or return to living together in the meantime. Trust has been broken, and the abuser will have difficulty regaining that trust. It’s possible that trust may never be fully regained. Leaving the relationship is even more important if there are children involved, as their safety should be paramount.
There is no shame in calling a relationship over. The shame and guilt are only in your mind. No one is going to think poorly of you if they know the truth. Safety should be the one thing that you need to concentrate on when you are experiencing violence.
Not all relationships are meant to last forever. You deserve to be respected, and you deserve to be safe. If you need to talk to someone, whether individually or as a couple, there are licensed counselors available through ReGain who are ready to help.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What Are The Signs When A Relationship Is Over?
Here are some signs your relationship is either over or struggling:
If you notice these signs that your relationship is over or signs that your relationship is in a bad place and want to work things out, you may reach out to a relationship expert such as a counselor or therapist for support. If your partner refuses to get help, it is another sign that your relationship is coming to an end; for obvious reasons, refusing to put in effort hollows out a relationship. It doesn't help you heal the relationship, and a lack of effort signifies that a person may be emotionally unaware, afraid of the emotional vulnerability required to save a partnership, or that they do not want to put in the effort to save it for whatever reason. Know that this is not your fault.
When Should You End Your Relationship?
Although it is not an extensive list, here are some reasons you might decide to end your relationship:
How Do You Truly Accept Your Relationship Is Over?
It's hard to say goodbye to romantic relationships. Often, when you're in a committed relationship, you envision that person as your partner for a long time, so when you know it's time to say goodbye to a committed relationship, it's hard. It may take time to accept that your relationship is over, and you may mourn at first. Once you allow yourself to go through the initial mourning stage, spend time focusing on yourself. Think about your aspirations. What do you want in life? Is there an activity that you enjoy that you haven't spent time on in a while? What makes you happy? Are there people that you care about but haven't talked to in a while?
These are all questions that can help you focus on yourself. If you are still looking at your ex's social media or are engaging with them in other unessential ways, you must stop. Even if you don't have any ill will, you may block them so that you can have the space you need to heal, especially if you find it tough to stop looking otherwise. This may be what's part of keeping them on your mind.
If you are struggling to accept that your relationship is over after some time has passed, seeing an individual counselor or therapist is a beneficial option. A counselor or therapist can help you work through your emotions and move forward. The end of a relationship is difficult, and it's not your fault if you are spending more time struggling than not, but you will heal.
Is It Normal To Love Someone But Not Want To Be With Them?
In some cases, it is very normal to love someone but not want to be with them. If you love someone but don't want to be with them, there are a number of potential reasons why this might be. For example, if you know that the relationship is not good for you or signs your relationship is not a healthy relationship, you may choose to leave despite loving someone. Additionally, you may leave due to disparities incompatibility that can't be solved.
For example, if one of you wants kids but the other does not, you may not be able to compromise and may decide to leave despite your love. When it comes to relationships, sex, and life in general, it is essential to be honest with yourself about what you want. If you are struggling with concerns related to relationships, sex life, or anything else, you may reach out to a counselor who can help. Be proud of yourself for being truthful about your wants and needs, and know that although things may hurt right now, it is possible to heal.
What Are The Reasons To End A Relationship?
Whether it's the beginning of a relationship or you're in a committed relationship, there are some consistent signs that your relationship may be coming to a close. Reasons to end a relationship include but aren't limited to the following:
You deserve a loving relationship. Whether or not this is the one, it is possible to have a healthy, happy, affectionate relationship that lasts. If you're struggling with relationships or any other concerns in life, again, do not be afraid to reach out for the help of a counselors therapist. Whether you see someone online using an online therapy website like ReGain or see a provider in your local area, you deserve to get the support you need.