Are You Feeling Unappreciated? What To Do

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated July 29, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Karen Devlin, LPC
Feeling unappreciated? We all know that unappreciated feeling, and it doesn't feel good. When you're in a partnership, you might feel unappreciated, which can be very hurtful. When your partner takes you for granted, it feels bad. If you feel a lack of appreciation from your partner, it can feel like they might not even love you. Feeling unloved in relationships makes us feel bad about ourselves and can impact our own mental health. But it's important to remember that you can find your own worth through looking in and thinking about what steps you can take to lead a fulfilling life, where you feel valued and feel grateful. Don't lose confidence. 

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You Deserve To Feel Appreciated In Your Relationship
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Although self-appreciation is important, no one wants to be feeling unappreciated in their partnership. It is admittedly unfair to look for your partner to fill an individual vacancy.

Yet, it is not unrealistic to feel like you need some sense of graciousness. Knowing what your good characteristics are enables you to realize how you positively impact the lives of other people.

It also enables you to recognize when those qualities are not being acknowledged or appreciated by others.

Expectations For Appreciation

During a partnership, you want to feel that your partner is supportive. Not only do you want to be told that you are loved, but you also want to feel it. You look for a sense of security and safety within the confines of your partnership. 

One aspect of this is knowing that your partner appreciates the genuine you and the things that you do. It's common knowledge that partners don't always love everything about one another. Don't let negative thoughts get in the way because they can make you feel worse. Practicing positive affirmations can actually help you feel more confident and secure in your relationship. 

It isn't realistic to expect your partner to view you as perfect. However, it isn't unreasonable to expect them to appreciate the positive characteristics that make you who you are. Know your own worth and express what you are feeling. A partner should know whether or not their significant other feels unappreciated so that they can both work on their own goals and show more appreciation for one another. Showing appreciation makes people feel good and makes people feel loved. 

Isn't it why they fell in love with you in the first place? Keep in mind that the same appreciation that you want to receive has to be given. So, how do you know when this emotion is valid?

Signs That You Feeling Unappreciated Is Valid

What does feeling unappreciated mean?  Feeling unappreciated means that you're feeling like you're not being valued by others
 
A lot of the time, people who are experiencing this aren't sure if they have a reason or the right to feel that way. The first thing to understand is that an emotion is usually a reaction. If you are feeling a certain way, something happened to cause that feeling. 
 
The right to feel how you feel should never be questioned; you should never feel like you're being unreasonable for having a particular emotion, even when you're feeling unappreciated. Determining the reason behind your feeling is a different ball game. Many things can feel like red flags.
 
These things not only make you feel unheard, but they may also cause you to feel as though you are being taken for granted. Here is a shortlist of some common behaviors that may cause you to feel undervalued:

feeling unappreciated? How do you react to being undervalued?

  • You Have To Point Out Your Good Qualities

    • You should not have to sell yourself to your partner for them to see your value. If this is something that you feel like you have to do, you may want to re-evaluate the sincerity of your bond and whether or not the partnership is a healthy one.
  • You Always Initiate Contact

    • If you don't reach out to your partner, you will more than likely not hear from them unless they need you to do something for them. There are times when you wonder if you are becoming a bother because you feel like you're nagging them. A person that doesn't take the initiative, from time to time, isn't interested. It doesn't require a lot of time to say hello or let someone know that you are thinking of them, even if you're busy.
  • You're The Only One Bothered By The Time

    • A sure give away that a person does not appreciate you is that they aren't bothered by not speaking to or spending time with you. For you, it has an impact on how you feel. However, they are indifferent. This is a clear sign that you are more invested in the situation than they are.
  • The Words And Actions Don't Coincide

    • You're often left disheartened when the actions they do, don't support how they say they feel about you. Although the words are beautiful to hear, everyone wants to feel loved through actions and behaviors. At the end of the day, words are just words, and actions can be the most important thing to make a partnership feel successful.

How Much Of This List Can You Relate To Or Recognize In Your Relationship?

When your partner truly values and appreciates your presence, there is no such thing as "too busy." They want to talk to you, spend time with you, and show you that they care.

You would never have to question if you didn't pick up the phone, how many days would pass before you hear from them.

Remember, some of the busiest people in the world make time for their romantic partners, so a busy schedule is likely a poor excuse from your partner.

How Being Recognized Affects Us

You may be wondering if you making such a big deal out of this is worth it. Is it that serious? The fact that you are feeling unappreciated to this degree makes it serious enough to be addressed. Any negative feeling or emotion that is the product of a situation should never be ignored.

Being appreciated makes you feel that your person values you, your presence and how you feel about them. You're being recognized and liked for the qualities that make you who you are. Additionally, feeling appreciated adds a sense of comfort to your life. You feel important through your connections to other people.

You Deserve To Feel Appreciated In Your Relationship

Being appreciated helps nourish a positive sense of self-worth. This is why when people are feeling undervalued, their self-esteem is often lowered significantly.

Feeling like this can often feel like a threat to your emotional safety. You're left to wonder if you can count on your partner when you need them, the way that you are certain they can depend on you if they ever needed to.

Emotional Damage

A sense of worthlessness often leads to emotional withdrawal, resulting in more serious issues. Having a partner that openly acknowledges how much you mean to them gives you a sense of emotional security that allows you to open up and your bond.

What To Do To Increase Reliable Appreciation

So, what should you do when your partner is making you feel like this? Remaining in a partnership that you feel undervalued in, is not a healthy choice.

However, before just up and running, you should allow your partner to correct their behaviors. There are times when some people get so used to functioning as a solo unit, that they forget the fact that there is someone else who they need to take into consideration.

Other times, the complaints that you have may have never been brought to their attention. Don't be surprised if you hear, "I've been told that before." They may have never been allowed to make changes in their partnerships, so they don't know how. Here are some things you can do to help get your partner to appreciate you:

Give To Receive Appreciation

Before you point out the behaviors that are making you feel that you aren't appreciated, be sure that all of your ducks are in a row. Partnerships are give and take.

Showing appreciation works both ways. Try to express appreciation and express gratitude to your partner on a regular basis so that you can make your partner feel good, while also feeling good yourself. Quality time is a great way to show your partner that you enjoy their company and feel good around them. 

They don't last very long without reciprocity. Just as you want to be shown, allow your partner to feel and understand that you appreciate them for who they are. 

The Golden Rule

One of the first things we are taught in school is to treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the same concept here. Express to them that you desire to be treated like how you treat them. Show appreciation to recoeve appreciation. 

How do you react to your partner undervaluing contributions?

You were attracted to one another because you saw each other without obstruction and were both impressed with what you saw. Being with someone requires teamwork.

You have to be realistic about one another's imperfections and strong points while being willing to accept them and love them as a whole person. Not just the bits and pieces that you like.

This is what reciprocity is about - giving what you want in return. The lack of reciprocity causes the feeling of being ignored.

Be Open And Specific About How You're Feeling

Honesty and specificity are important in situations like this. You need to let your partner know what behaviors make you feel the way that you do. It is unfair to be vague, for fear of hurting them and then expect them to be able to address the issue successfully.

Don't set yourself and your partner up for failure by sugar-coating the truth. Take time, before the conversation, to find the correct words to express about how you are feeling unappreciated. At times, the words you choose make all of the difference in what you're saying and how it is received.

Appreciation Through Self-Care

It is nice to feel appreciated, but you must continue to appreciate yourself. No matter what is taking place between you and your partner, self-care is vital to your overall health. Self-care can help you to get in the right mindset when dealing with feeling undervalued by your partner. Find intrinsic value in the word that you do because it will make you feel satisfied and happy about yourself. 

So, keep in mind that you are one entity, in a partnership. However, the partnership doesn't complete you, and your worth and value are not solely dependent upon it or whether or not your partner recognizes your worth.

Moreover, don't allow someone else's behaviors to dictate how you treat other people. Continue to put in the effort into your partnership that you want to receive in return.

Consider Couples Counseling For Unappreciated Emotions

To sum it all up, your happiness and self-worth are your responsibility. Still, it isn't unrealistic to expect your partner to enhance certain emotions throughout your partnership and address your feelings.

There has to be an understanding that you don't want to feel taken for granted, neglected, or as if you are not important to them. Feelings of resentment are unhealthy and it's important to take steps to connect the emotions with the behaviors that invoke them. 

Discuss the issue with your partner in an open, calm and honest manner. Then, work together to find a resolution. If you two cannot find a resolution by yourselves, consider going to couples counseling. There are many different types of family therapy and couples counseling that has proved to drastically improve situations within partnerships! If you need help discussing this issue with your partner, you could try talking to your parents, or other family members for advice. 

A licensed counselor can help your partner understand what they do that contributes to you feeling unappreciated. They can also help you to appreciate yourself and know if your concerns are valid

Conclusion On Appreciation And Value

Final thoughts: Partnerships have ups and downs, highs, and lows.

Feeling unappreciated in your relationship can stress an already delicate situation. There will be challenges and hurdles, and, sometimes, you may feel like you're not valuable to your partner. However, if you are committed to making it work, you will be amazed at how much you can overcome, together.

Commonly Asked Questions Below:

What does it mean when you feel unappreciated?
What should I do if I feel unappreciated?
How do you know if you're unappreciated?
What happens when a woman feels unappreciated?
What do you call a person who doesn't appreciate?
How do you know if you are valued in a relationship?
How can I feel more valued?
How do I talk to my boyfriend about feeling unappreciated?
What do you do when your boyfriend doesn't appreciate you?

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