Are You Feeling Unappreciated? What To Do And How To Speak Up

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What does feeling unappreciated mean?

Simply put, feeling unappreciated means that in one situation or another, you feel that your value or contribution isn’t appreciated enough. This feeling manifests in different ways and can spring up from several different contexts. So, the first step to knowing if you’re feeling unappreciated is assessing the context where you’re feeling it.

For example, you may be feeling unappreciated at work. In this case, you’ll probably feel like you’re doing more work than your colleagues, even though you receive the same pay or praise as you. Or, you may feel that you’re always expected to step up and do extra work, even if it’s outside your job description and you’re not getting paid for your extra efforts.

In a relationship, feeling unappreciated can look like your partner always prioritizing other people or tasks above you. For example, instead of spending time with you, they may always be spending time with other friends. Or, you may feel that in terms of work around the house or in the relationship, they don’t pull their own weight. You might feel that you do all – or the vast majority of – the hard work and heavy lifting in the relationship. This can also be a sign of feeling unappreciated in your family or home dynamic.

How do you deal with unappreciated feelings?

If you’re feeling underappreciated, you should start by examining yourself. Remember, feeling unappreciated doesn’t mean that the people around you don’t appreciate you. They may not see the patterns in their behavior and they might not understand how their actions are hurting you. So, the first step to dealing with unappreciated feelings is talking to the person who makes you feel unappreciated.

This could mean asking to talk to your boss and explaining how the extra work that you feel expected to do is outside the purview of your contract. Or, you can explain to your partner or friend how you feel that you’re doing most of the work in the relationship. In a family setting, bring it up with everyone all at once; you may find that others in the family feel the same way. Talking through the unappreciated feelings is the first step, because in many cases, the other person wouldn’t have guessed that you were feeling so unappreciated.

Then, you should talk through and settle on a plan for real behavior change. This means that, in whichever context you’re feeling unappreciated in, you should have some ideas to propose how changing the dynamic could make everyone appreciate each other more. Of course, this plan will vary drastically based on the context that you plan to apply it in. Also, it’s important to keep in mind that even though you can raise the issue, you cannot force anyone to change their behavior. Such changes take time and effort from everyone involved.

What do you say to someone who feels unappreciated?

Before you find the right words to say to someone who’s feeling unappreciated, there are definitely a few things that you shouldn’t say and do. Most importantly, you shouldn’t discount their feelings or tell them that they’re feeling incorrectly.

In terms of what to tell someone who’s feeling unappreciated, you can start with two simple expressions: “I’m sorry” and “thank you.” Both of these are straightforward ways to address their feelings of being unappreciated. They say that you acknowledge how you contributed to their feeling unappreciated, and how you want to show more appreciation towards them.

You can also start bringing attention to the little things that they do for you on a daily basis. While this may seem excessive at first, it’s a great way to make yourself aware of all the small but significant ways that they contribute to your life, all while making them feel valued.

The most direct way, though, if you want to help someone stop feeling unappreciated, is to simply ask them what makes them feel appreciated. They may not have an answer immediately, and they may need some time to think about it. But, when you’re both open and honest about what makes you feel valued in a relationship, both of you can help the other feel appreciated and loved.

How do you know if you are being taken for granted?

In any relationship, whether it’s at work or home, there’s the chance that you’ll be taken for granted. There are a few key indicators that show up when someone is feeling like they’re being taken for granted, or feeling unappreciated. Some of the top ones are:

• Feeling like no one can see (or chooses not to see) you.
• Thinking, “If I weren’t here, no one would miss me.”
• Interpreting people’s “I’m too busy” as more than excuse, but as something personal.
• Feeling resentment towards the other person.
• Feeling that you are intruding on the other person’s time, skills, or energy.
• Feeling that you don’t add much value or contributions to the other person’s life.

All of these feelings and thoughts have been shown to contribute to depression, so it’s important to assess your feelings seriously and honestly when it comes to feeling unappreciated.

Basically, if you constantly feel that your presence or contribution in any relationship is going unnoticed by the people around you, then you might be being taken for granted. But remember, just because it feels this way doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s true. Of course, the feelings are real. But, the others around you – your colleagues, your partner, your family – might also be having a hard time expressing their appreciation. If this is the case, this imbalance in the relationship can often be solved by talking through their feelings and listening intently and intentionally to their responses. From there, you can build better intentions and better actions towards each other into the relationship.

How do you know if you are valued in a relationship?

If you’re feeling unappreciated, you may want a sign from your partner that they actually appreciate you. It’s easy to immediately jump to grand romantic gestures, expensive gifts, and outstanding proclamations of love. And while these things may make you feel more valued in a relationship, they are only temporary fixes to feeling unappreciated.

For a long-term and sustainable model of feeling appreciated and valued, you should look to the day to day life of the relationship. While an expensive gift is great every now and then, having your partner help with the dishes every day or tell you that they love and appreciate you is actually a much better way to find value in the relationship. Maybe your partner isn’t outspoken, and this leaves you feeling unappreciated. However, talking to your partner about how this makes you feel can often prompt them to be more open and expressive when it comes to showing you how valuable you are to the relationship.

If broaching the subject seems scary or uncomfortable to you, you could consider getting help from a couples’ counsellor. They act as an objective and trained third party so that you and your partner can work through your feelings together in a safe and productive space.

What do you do when no one appreciates you?

If you’re feeling that no one appreciates you, the first thing to do is to look at the contexts where you feel this way the most often. Then, you should ask yourself, “What would need to change in each of these contexts to make me feel appreciated?” In some instances, it may be something that you need to change about yourself. In other cases, it might require an honest conversation with your boss, housemates, or partner.

It really helps to make a list of these changes that you’d like to see in yourself and others. Then, consider which items on the list are immediately actionable. If there are behavior changes that you need to make, like stepping back from tasks at work that aren’t part of your job description or having a serious talk with your housemates about mutual respect, then start those right away. In many cases, talking out your feelings with your colleagues, partner, or family is the first step to solving that feeling of being unappreciated.

How do you make people appreciate you?

If you want people to appreciate you more, there are a couple ways that you can go about that. For example, if you’re feeling unappreciated at work, you can start refusing to do jobs that are outside your exact job description. Or, you can demand pay for the extra hours and tasks that you do. This way, people will really notice how much extra time and effort you’re contributing to the job.

In a relationship, it’s best to talk about the subject directly. You should explain to your partner that you feel unappreciated, and give them the reasons why. Now, this doesn’t have to be a session of dredging up every single time that they’ve hurt your feelings. Instead, pick specific and recurring behavior to mention. For instance, if your partner is constantly putting off a date but still has time to hang out with their other friends, you can explain how this leaves you feeling unappreciated.

In many cases, talking out the problems and feelings can lead to real change in the relationship. Often, until you express explicitly that you’re feeling unappreciated, the people around you don’t know. Upon learning how you feel, however, they’re often keen to change their behavior and make you feel more valued, no matter the context.

How do you make him not take you for granted?

If your partner seems to be taking you for granted, or if you’re feeling underappreciated by your partner, there are a few things you can try. First, talk to him. He might not know how you feel; he might be surprised to know that you feel like you’re being taken for granted. When you talk to him, though, be sure to use calm and neutral language, “I feel” statements, and be totally honest. This isn’t a blame game: it’s an attempt to make your relationship better.

You can also have an honest look at the division of labor in the relationship. This includes everything from the tasks around the home, to the emotional labor of maintaining the relationship. You may find that you were overestimating the percentage of the work that you’ve been doing in the relationship. While it may be jarring to learn that, it shows a great way for both you and him to change your behavior and grow in the relationship together.

If his behavior continues, or if he’s prone to ignoring your needs most of the time and then making huge grand romantic gestures as a way to “make up” for all the time he’s spent taking you for granted, then you might need to move on. Remember, it’s not these once-in-a-while actions that will make you feel appreciated. You’re looking for consistent actions. In the end, you aren’t able to change his behavior; only he can do that. Of course, these changes will take time, but he will have to put forth the effort.