Why Are Men Not Marrying These Days?
By: Jon Jaehnig
Updated October 08, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC
If you’ve been on the hunt for a committed male partner – or more commitment from your male partner – you may have asked yourself, “Why are men not getting married these days?”
For better or worse, it’s not just you. Men aren’t getting married as frequently as they used to.
No, they aren’t. Marriage rates are drastically down from previous generations, according to recent U.S. Census data.
Only around fifty percent of marriage-age men are married.
For the rest of this article, we’ll talk about some of the varied and complex reasons why men aren’t getting married these days and why the ones that are getting married older.
The good news is that it’s not your fault. However, if you want commitment, you might need to look harder, wait longer, and change what commitment means to you.
Reason 1: Socioeconomics
Most people want to be stable when they get married. Unfortunately, many young adults are having a hard time finding their footing.
With college becoming less and less affordable and the job market becoming more and more competitive, many are waiting longer to get married and have kids because they’re taking longer to achieve financial security than their parents did.
Reason 2: Their Parents
The good news about the marriage rate is that the divorce rate is even lower, driven by stronger marriages between younger people. This could well be because people are waiting longer to get married, resulting in both increased financial security and increased maturity.
However, divorce rates continue to rise among older people, suggesting that younger people are putting off marriage to avoid ending up like their parents.
Reason 3: Changing Attitudes Toward Marriage
This reason for why men are not getting married has to do with the idea of commitment, which we briefly mentioned above.
For many people – probably including you, good reader – commitment means marriage. Marriage, as discussed, is an action that many are electing to forego. Does that mean that they aren’t signing up for committed relationships?
As the marriage rates decline, cohabitation rates are going up. Cohabitation, of course, is defined as living with a partner without being married. While this is still seen as taboo in most religious communities, it’s how more and more people are choosing to commit without committing. After all, you can’t get a divorce if you never get married.
Reason 4: Changing Attitudes
Of course, not all men who don’t get married are making that choice because they are content being committed in other ways. Some men are making that choice because they don’t feel the need to commit at all.
These days, more and more people seem to be comfortable having more casual relationships with more casual sex which, for some men, reduces the incentive to get married. We’ll talk more about solutions later, but if you’re in this kind of relationship right now, it might be worth questioning whether you want to be committed to it yourself.
What to Do?
So, you want to marry a man, but men aren’t marrying. What do you do?
Fortunately, just like there are many reasons men aren’t marrying, there are many things that you can do to get by.
Solution 1: Focus On Yourself
With all those statistics cited above, it seems like waiting to get married leads to happier marriages. Maybe you should play along.
It doesn’t mean that you should stop looking for a man or stop dating, follow the trends by putting it on a back burner and focusing on things like your education, your career, and yourself.
Solution 2: If You Can’t Marry Them, Live With them
As we’ve seen, the end of a marriage isn’t the end of commitment. If you’re already in a committed relationship and you’re waiting for a ring, maybe you should go with the flow and realize that commitment doesn’t have to start in the courthouse.
Of course, depending on your faith, it may have to start at the altar, which brings us to the next solution.
Solution 3: Search In Your Religious Community
If you’re looking for commitment and commitment means marriage, chances are you’re a religious person. If that’s the case, you’re probably best off looking for a partner within your religious community.
The statistics show that inter-religious marriages are becoming more common. However, courting within your religious community will increase your chances of finding someone who shares similar values.
To be clear, most religions don’t necessarily emphasize marrying young. However, considering marriage is prerequisite for so many activities within religious communities, it makes sense that people marrying in a religious context would marry sooner.
Solution 4: Get To Know Your Partner
So far, I’ve been siding with the men who don’t want to get married – ironic for a happily married man. While there are some systemic reasons fewer men are choosing to get married, it might be that your current partner is putting it off out of good old-fashioned fear of commitment.
If your partner doesn’t want to get married and you think that this might be why to talk to him about it. Fear of commitment is common insecurity, and if you want to get past it, your partner will have to confront it. As his partner, you can help him do this.
Sit down with him, let him know that there’s no pressure, and ask him why he doesn’t want to get married. When you understand his reasoning, at least you’ll have that, but you might also be able to use that information to help him solve the problems that are holding him back. Even this can take time, however.
Solution 5: Move On
Some men aren’t the marrying kind. If you’re ready for a commitment and you’re not sure that your partner ever will be, it might be time for you to consider finding a partner who’s a little more your speed.
It might sound vicious, but it might be best for everyone. Think about it. You’d be happier with a man who’s prepared to commit and, even if the two of you haven’t talked about it this way, your partner might be happier with someone who’s a little more casual.
If you feel like you’re at a stage in your life where you should be looking at marriage, leaving your current relationship might seem like a step back. However, if the relationship that you’re in now is never going to go any further than it already has, looking for a relationship that has more potential might be your best move.
Solution 6: Talk To A Relationship Counselor
Most people think about relationship counselors when their relationship is having problems. However, relationship counselors can help if you’re relationship isn’t having problems or even if you aren’t in a relationship right now.
If you are in a relationship, talking to a relationship counselor with your partner can help you better communicate with one another. This can help your partner understand why you’re ready for more commitment, and it can help you understand why your partner is dragging his feet. As mentioned above, it’s not always a sprint from identifying the problem to saying, “I Do.” However, it can start things moving in the right direction.
If you’re in a relationship, you can talk to a relationship counselor even if your partner isn’t involved. However, this is more limited. If your counselor doesn’t know your partner, it is harder for your counselor to give you insights into where your partner is coming from. However, it’s not always the reluctant partner who has the baggage – sometimes it’s the one in a hurry. If you want to get married because of your insecurities, a relationship counselor can help you work on that instead.
Finally, if you aren’t currently in a relationship, you can still work with a relationship counselor. Your relationship counselor isn’t there to help you get dates, but your relationship counselor can help you understand what you want from a relationship so that the next relationship that you find is more likely to go in the direction that you want it to.
Finding A Relationship Counselor
Of course, to benefit from a relationship counselor, you must find one. Picking up the phone book or conducting a quick web search can help you find relationship counselors in your area. That is, provided there are relationship counselors in your area. Further, what if you have access to a relationship counselor but don’t want to talk to one that you might run into at the grocery store?
One potential solution is online relationship counseling. In this format, you – and possibly your partner – “meet” with a qualified and licensed relationship counselor over your internet connection. Depending on your preferences, you can conduct your communications in chatroom like forums or with conference or even video calling. You can even text your relationship counselor if you have problems between scheduled sessions.
To learn more about how relationship counseling can help you, visit https://www.regain.us/start/.
It’s not you – men just aren’t marrying as often or as young as they used to. However, that doesn’t mean that you must live your life outside of a committed relationship.
Do Single Women Want to Get Married More Than Single Men?
Every person is different. Single women’s advocates today do not make marriage as much of a priority as it was in the past. In the 1950s, marriage was a common occurrence. Americans were married at a young age, and they stayed together. The divorce rate was low, as it was taboo to seek a divorce from your partner, especially married women.
American women knew their purpose. They raised the children and took care of their marriageable men. Married women had a place in society, just as married men did. The man was the bread-winner, and the woman was the bread-maker.
While not all had a good marriage, they made the best of the situation. Some couples were very happily married, while others only stayed together for religion or familial reasons.
Seventy years later, single men and single women do not feel the need to marry young. Being educated women who could support themselves is an important attribute. Single men also tend to be focused on getting an education and finding a stable job.
How Has the Acceptance of Same-Sex Marriages Changed Society?
Same-sex marriage does not necessarily change the marriage rate; in some ways, it increases it.
50, 20, and even ten years ago, same-sex marriage was not a topic of generalized discussion. Gay men and women would either find a companion in secrecy, join a convent or monastery, or spend their life single. Being gay in America was not as accepted as it is today.
In some countries, it is still illegal to be openly gay. While there are hate crimes all over the world against the LGBTQIA+ community, the worldwide views on same-sex marriage have changed for the better.
Why are So Many People Marrying at an Older Age?
Since more of a priority has been on being educated and self-sufficient, more single women and single men are marrying later in life. With marriage rates declining, and divorce rates increasing, women today are not as inclined to get married right out of high school. Sure, high school sweethearts still exist, but many wait until after they complete college to tie the knot.
Furthermore, with the statistics of high school sweethearts marrying and divorcing being as high as 75%, people are getting married later in life and are in no hurry to walk down the aisle.
Single women’s parents are not in a hurry for marriage to take place either. Marriages ending in divorce is a costly gamble to take.
Men worth marrying women of similar status are willing to remain unmarried for the sake of saving money.
Does the Pool of Available Single Men and Single Women Get Stale as You Age?
No. Single men and single women are plentiful in society. With the marriage market unstable, since it is filled with divorcees of all ages and genders, there is no right or wrong time to get married. Married women do so because they want to, not because they need to get married.
The same is true regarding the pool of available men. Single men do not get married because they need someone to wash and iron their clothes. They can do that themselves or send them out to a cleaner to do it for them. Men marry because they want to, not because they need to be married.
Single women also marry because they want to and not because they need to be married. Most married women will tell you that they did not get because they did not have a choice. There are plenty of women who raise a child on their own. Some women even take motherhood to a different level by going to a sperm bank and picking the father of their child from a portfolio of men’s sperm. Gone are the days of having to find good men and hope they wanted to be fathers. It is not a necessity any longer with the advent of sperm banks.
People are getting married today purely by choice. They want to be married to the person they love. Good men are marrying highly educated women because they want to, and nothing more.
Single women’s motives are to find a stable man who can be a good companion; they do not necessarily just need a good provider.
Why Are So Many People Marrying People of Varying Ages?
Have you ever seen mismatches in the marriage of two people? Perhaps you saw an older man with a much younger wife. It is not that older women are unattractive; this is not the case.
People are getting married that are different in age because they are compatible. It is no surprise that women mature faster than men. Single women’s organizations back up these facts.
Younger single women are attracted to older men because they are more on an even keel maturity-wise. Whether minority women or not, single women still have the prime pick of the litter.
Single women enjoy the fact that older men are past their partying phases and want to settle down and get married. To some young, single women’s groups, older men are simply more attractive than risking marrying a man of the same age and witnessing a decline in marriage and familial stability.
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