What Does It Mean To Be Falling In And Out Of Love?
Updated September 04, 2018
Love is a complex emotion, and it can be contradicting at times, or just can't make up its mind. One example of this phenomenon is when you fall in and out of love. One second, you're in love with someone and will do anything with them, and the next, you no longer feel like you're in love with them. In this post, we will look at what happens when you fall in love, as well as out of love.
Why Do People Fall In Love?
It's hard to describe why some people fall in love, but we'll do the best we can. Love requires three components: intimacy, attraction, and commitment. This is the triangular theory of love, and it's perhaps the easiest way to explain the phenomenon.
First, there needs to be intimacy. The two of you have some kind of connection. You may share similar values; you may have similar goals, or the two of you just click. Friendships are intimate, and so are family. True love needs to have the same kind of connection, or else it can be in trouble. Many of the best couples also believe that they are best friends.
Second, there needs to be a romantic attraction. The two of you are physically attracted to each other or are just attracted to the person they are. Sexual attraction is prevalent at the beginning of a relationship, but true love will always have some form of sex regardless of the state of the relationship.
Third, there needs to be some form of commitment. Commitment to a relationship typically involves the couple wanting to build some kind of future together. For example, if you are committed, you want to move in with them, work on the same life goals, start a family, grow old together, and everything else.
Scientifically, love involves a release of hormones. We could do an entire article on how hormones are released in the body, but when you fall in love, your brain releases feel-good chemicals that are associated with reproduction, calming, and happiness.
If you ever looked at a past relationship and wondered, "how did I fall in love with that," this is harder to explain. There was something about that person that made you release a bunch of chemicals in your mind. The brain is complex and still not fully understood, so sometimes, you may not know why you fell in love with that person.
Falling Out Of Love
Falling out of love is quite interesting. Sometimes, it can be gradual. Little things about your partner bother you and break down the feelings you have. Arguments are another example of why you may fall out of love.
However, sometimes you fall out of love instantly, and sometimes you may feel like you fell out of love for no good reason. This is a terrifying thought. You don't want to break a good person's heart if you fall out of love for no reason, so what causes it?
Let's look at a few reasons you may fall out of love.
- The lack of communication. This is a big one, and one of the reasons why relationships fail. When you're first in love, you spend a lot of time talking to your partner. Naturally, as you settle in with them and know all there is to know, the communication may decrease. However, in a healthy relationship, there is still communication. In an unhealthy relationship, couples barely talk, and when they do, it's to argue. Miscommunication is also another reason why relationships fail, and it can be due to the lack of communication.
- Boredom. The brain requires stimulation, and if the relationship is the same events on a different day, then it may affect how in love you are with a person. A good couple will be trying different things and go on adventures to keep the love going strong. While it can be hard to escape the monotony of life, you should try your hardest to make it as entertaining as possible.
- Constant bickering. If you are always arguing, and there is no resolution, and you hold grudges, it can be a recipe for disaster.
- Attraction issues. Sometimes, your partner stops looking good. They may gain weight or have aged poorly. Other times, you just lose attraction. There are times where it's more than physical as well. If you're attracted because of the person they are, and they change, or you change, you may have trouble with the relationship.
- Infidelity. No one likes a cheater, but there are many reasons why people cheat. One example is that a new person can release some fresh chemicals in your brain, making you feel like you did at the beginning of a relationship. Another reason is that of a combination of the above. You are tired of your partner, so you want to find new love while maintaining the commitment you have.
- The person has changed. The person you date may have been nice at first, but they may become abusive or manipulative. This can cause you to fall out of love rather fast.
Why Do People Suddenly Fall Out Of Love?
One of the strangest questions you may have is why you fell out of love fast. It's odd to be attracted to someone, only to fall out quickly. There was no direct cause; the person was nice, the sex was good, and so on.
The reason you may have fallen out of love is that it wasn't loved. Instead, you were experiencing lust. Lust is when you are sexually attracted to someone, but there is no intimacy attached to it. You don't feel connected with a person, and you don't feel like you're committed to spending the rest of your life with them.
Lust can happen with young people, who still don't understand the difference between that and love, but it can also happen to anyone, too. Love blindness happens at any age, and it can affect even those who think they're experienced.
Sexual attraction is usually temporary, and once you get your fill, there needs to be something to keep the love afloat. Usually, it's because you have a connection to that person, and you feel like you can spend the rest of your life with them. If there's no connection, you may call things off suddenly.
This is what it means to fall in and out of love. The feelings you may experience when being in lust can be mistaken for love, and you fall in love suddenly because of the sexual attraction, but fall out of love once everything clears up. If you're experiencing this, know the difference and decide whether you want a relationship to be lust or love.
On Again, Off Again
Another phenomenon that is quite interesting is the couple who falls in love, is in a relationship for a while, ends the relationship, and then gets back together. This usually repeats in a cycle that is frustrating to watch for an observer, and it can be frustrating for the couple as well. This can happen with young couples, but may also happen at any age.
There are many reasons why a couple may break up, only to make up. First, there are outside factors. For example, they may be separated by college, the military, family, or any other factors.
When it's not external factors, it can be because of the couples' personalities. Some people may break up easily because of one fight, but find it easy to forgive and return. Other times, it may because they can't find anything better.
There are many reasons why this may happen, and if you're in a cycle of on again, off again, it may not be good for you. Try to figure out the reason, and end the cycle, be it keeping the relationship on again for good, or ending things forever.
If you're having relationship issues, you may think there is shame in seeking a relationship counselor. In truth, a counselor can help you understand why you're feeling this way and try to make sense of your love life, no matter how complex it seems.
If you wonder why you fell in love, it could be because of your personality, or because of something that happened in the past. A therapist can teach you what attracts you, and how you can change that if you're not satisfied.
Also, if you're still having trouble trying to make sense of your breakup, a counselor can tell you how to cope and why the relationship failed.
Finally, for those on again, off again couples, a therapist may be the key you need to figure out how you can stay together. They can identify the reason why you keep breaking up, and make changes to stay together for good, or figure out if you're meant for each other.