When Love Fades Away: Renewing The Romantic Attraction In Relationships

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated July 26, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Dawn Brown, LPC

Love doesn’t always remain in relationships. Over time, the spark could fade, leading to decreased romantic attraction. When you are in a relationship for several years, the ins and outs of everyday life can cause us to forget what’s truly important. When we aren’t paying attention to our partners, the level of attraction or love we feel will often dissipate.

Even though the romantic attraction fades, often, the love is still there. This poses a problem in relationships because you will want to stay with the person you love but may struggle with intimacy and sex fading. Since these two factors are of the utmost importance in a relationship, something must be done. The good news is there are many ways you can renew the attraction after it initially fades, especially understanding how men fall in love in the first place.

Signs You Might Need to Take Action

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There are many signs that you will need to take action to renew the romantic attraction in your relationship. Some can be spotted with ease, while others are more subtle. You may need to take some extra steps if you or your partner are:
  • Fighting or arguing more than normal
  • Not having sex
  • Not talking to one another
  • Not spending as much time together
  • Have general feelings of distance
  • Initiating sex only to be frequently rejected
  • Feeling undervalued or ignored
  • Expressing feelings of frustration or anger
  • Spending more time away from home
  • Taking one another for granted

First Things First: Understanding the Science of Romance

Most people don’t realize that love is linked to science. In fact, there have been many studies on how love fades. What scientists have found is that there is an actual cycle that most relationships go through. Anthropologist Helen Fisher classifies these stages as:
  1. Lust
  2. Attraction
  3. Attachment
The first is when you first begin to feel attracted to your partner. Hormones are at work here (testosterone and estrogen), and you’ll want your object of affection to be just as physically attracted to you as you are him or her. Many lust-based connections never make it past this phase. Many times things fizzle out before they ever begin. Other lust-based lovers get straight to the physical part and remain ‘friends with benefits.’

During the romantic attraction phase, you begin to fall head over heels in love. You think about him or her all the time. You sweat, your heart races, you obsess over the next time you’ll see the person you love again. You talk on the phone all night long. You fantasize about a future with the person you love. Three chemicals: serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, pump through your body. Because of this:

  • You’re more motivated and goal-driven
  • Things seem more unique and exciting
  • You’ll have a lot more energy
  • Sleep and food won’t seem as important
  • Your body may feel like it’s in an ‘alert state.’

This stage of the relationship feels so good. It’s the stuff that fairytales are made of, the love we have dreamed of since childhood. We want that love to last forever. But it won’t because, most times, romantic love fades. Read that again. Biologically speaking, our brains are wired for romantic attraction of this kind to fade. But by the time it does, we have usually moved on to stage three of love: attachment.

Attachment involves a commitment that isn’t required in phase one or two. At this point, you may get engaged, get married, and move in together. You may even start a family. Things will seem great for a while, but scientists have found that something starts to happen around year four.

Remember the chemicals mentioned before? They start to lower. As they decrease, feelings of attraction go away and are replaced by other hormones that make you attach to your partner on a deeper level. Of course, this can happen sooner or later, depending on the circumstance.

Although this change is significant for a long-term commitment, it can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. So, what is the solution? Keep dopamine and other romantic attraction hormones flowing. Here are some ways you can do so.

Bring Back Date Night

If you want to get back the romantic attraction or love in your relationship, date night is a good first step.

Making time for one another is going to be instrumental in your journey to fight how love fades in a relationship. Date night is a great opportunity to tune into one another and tune out from the rest of the world.

You are setting aside time to spend solely with your partner who you love. This shows them that you are serious about keeping the love in your relationship on the right track. It also does wonders to prove your dedication and loyalty in the relationship.

Another benefit to date night is making new, positive memories with the person you love. If harsh words or disagreements have damaged your relationship, this is a good place to start. You can rewrite your future as long as you are willing to put some effort into the present. Once you are reminded why you love each other first, it will be much easier to bridge the gap of your romantic relationship.

Start a Hobby Together

Hobbies are a great way to do something constructive while working on your relationship. If you choose the right thing, it can also foster working together as a common goal.

The type of activity you choose doesn’t make much of a difference. The only thing you need to worry about is that each of you will enjoy what you are doing. When you are choosing an activity to begin, consider teamwork. You might choose a puzzle with one thousand pieces or take a cooking class that emphasizes having a sous chef. Anything you can do to foster completing tasks together will work.

Ballroom dancing classes are another good suggestion for a new hobby to pick up. It is romantic and has levels that everyone can learn and master. When you complete the class, you can go out dancing and show off your new skills. The memories and bonds you make in class will last a lifetime.

Kiss More Often

Kissing more often can lead to a happier and more romantic relationship. This happens for several reasons.

When you kiss someone you love, it triggers the dopamine receptors in your brain. Dopamine is responsible for controlling the happy emotions we feel. When you take the time to focus on the little things, like kissing someone you love, you open up the possibility to feel better inside and out. This could be the difference between a boring relationship and an exciting ride in love.

Don’t be afraid to be Naughty.

When love fades away, it probably hits the hardest in the bedroom. Spicing up our sex lives isn’t something that many people are comfortable talking about, but it is a good solution to your problem.

Let’s face it: having the same sex over and over can be boring. After months or years of enduring the same routine in the bedroom, your sexual love fades. If this is the case, it is time to kick things up a notch in the bedroom. This doesn’t mean you have to go full-blown BDSM, but you can implement minor changes to make things more exciting and sexier.

This could be as simple as buying a new lingerie set and surprising your husband with it. You could also go to an adult store and buy a naughty game to play in the bedroom. No matter what you choose, the changes you make in the bedroom are likely to have a ripple effect throughout your entire relationship and reaffirm your love for each other.

When sex and intimacy are the cornerstones of a strong relationship, you can’t afford to neglect them. Don’t let something so simple be the demise of your relationship and love. There’s no need to rush here. Proceed as your comfort level allows.

Renew Your Vows

By now, you may realize that love fades once we are married for a long period. This is often nobody’s fault; it’s just the way things are.

Renewing your vows can give you the spark that you need to reignite your fading love. This is a celebration of the longevity of your relationship and a way that you can rededicate yourselves to one another, even after the initial attraction fades. If you choose to have a ceremony, it doesn’t have to be big or fancy. The most important thing is that you are choosing to love each other once again. You can be sure that your spouse is on the same page as you are and move forward to a happier future in love.

Consult a Professional

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Even with our best efforts, some relationship problems are too big to handle on our own. If you struggle to get that romantic attraction and love back, a professional can help.
 
A licensed couples counselor or therapist could be the difference between your relationship now and a renewed affection for one another. A professional can help you identify the problems in your relationship, and they can help you form a plan to solve them.

ReGain Can Help Rekindle the Love You Once Had

The counselors and therapists at ReGain are fully accredited professionals with thousands of hours of experience helping people just like you rekindle their love. They specialize in several areas, including couples, love, and relationship therapy. The platform at Regain is exclusively offered online, making it one of the most convenient and easily accessible ways to get the help and advice with love that you need. They also offer their services around the clock, meaning you can access a professional any time of the day or night, from anywhere there is an internet connection.
 
The stigma that surrounds reaching out to a couples’ counselor prevents many couples from taking these steps to support their love. Although it is commonly characterized as something only weak couples do, this couldn’t be more untrue. Taking the necessary steps to ensure you are doing everything you can to save your relationship and reignite your love is a mark of strength. It means that you love your partner, and you are willing to do what it takes to make them feel happy and secure with your love.
 
We all need help, especially with love, at one time or another. If you are a person that values privacy or wants to remain discreet, though, online counseling is a great option. Since you can access your therapist straight from your couch, there is no need to go to extra lengths to conceal your fading love. The counselors are bound to protect your information, so you can rest easy knowing the therapy you are getting is one hundred percent confidential.

Conclusion on Love Fades in A Relationship

Struggling with decreased romantic attraction or love that fades in a relationship can be challenging to handle. You may not know where to turn for love advice. Even if you have tried several things to improve your situation, you may still need an extra hand. A licensed counselor or therapist could help you find the answer to all your relationship problems. Romantic attraction and love fades, rekindle it today – reach out now!
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