How Men Fall In Love: Knowing How To Read Your Significant Other

Updated October 25, 2021

While it is not smart to generalize about people, you probably have certain ideas of how men and women are different. Men and women, on average, sometimes take different approaches to life that you could assign as partially due to their gender. Upbringing, societal influences, ideas on traditional gender roles, and personality traits all contribute to these patterns.

For a heterosexual couple, the way one falls in love could seem to be different for men and women. Women typically think that understanding men when it comes to love is difficult and that predicting how men fall in love is next to impossible. 

While it may be plausible that men and women could predictably fall in love in different ways and on different schedules, that doesn’t mean it is difficult to learn how to tell how a guy falls in love. If you’re a woman in a relationship who is wondering how to tell if a man is in love with you, read on to learn more about how men can fall in love so that you can be more comfortable reading your significant other.

How Do Men Fall In Love?

Not Sure If He's In Love With You?
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Both women and men can find it difficult to tell if their love life is just physical chemistry or an actual connection. And many women wonder what makes a man fall in love. Neither men nor women have some formula that leads to them falling in love every time. There are many different ways that guys fall in love, and we’ve put together a list of the most common ways that men fall for a woman. Remember that just because he isn’t showing all of these signs doesn’t mean that your man won’t fall in love with you. Falling in love rarely travels a straight line, and the ways that men fall in love with women aren’t always precisely the same. Many different things contribute to making a man fall in love and commit.

Here are some dating tips that can help you be able to tell if he’s in love:

  • Men Often Fall For What They See

Many studies have shown that men are more visually oriented than women, whereas women are more auditory oriented, which can certainly carry over into how men fall in love. It follows that men may be more visually driven when it comes to falling in love with women. “As a result, men fall in love with what they see, and women with what they hear,” says relationship coach Dr. Tracey M. Phillips. “Men need to constantly be visually drawn to the person to fall in love.” 

That doesn’t mean that women need to be impeccably dressed with perfect on-trend makeup applied 24/7 for a man to fall in love with them. The attraction is different for each person, where some guys fall in love with a woman who wears dresses and heels, while others don’t like fancy clothes and like you better in jeans and a tee-shirt. What is important is that men fall for what they initially see that appeals to them about you. This initial attraction can build over time as he finds more things about you that he likes, and at some point, he may fall in love with you.

  • Guys Frequently Fall In Love With Someone Who Appreciates Them

While your girlfriends might be telling you that guys fall in love faster when a woman plays hard to get, that isn’t always the case. Men fall for and pursue women in many different ways, for many different reasons. In the short run, that cute hard-to-get attitude may pique a man’s interest. Still, in the long run, men aren’t typically interested in continuing to play that game, and they won’t fall in love with you simply because of some game; if you need to trick them into loving you, in time, you may find that this isn’t real love. Pretending to stay aloof or distant can make a man feel like his efforts to get to know a woman and make her happy aren’t being appreciated, so this is extremely unlikely to make him fall in love. Stringing a guy along isn’t the way to build an affectionate, healthy relationship, and he will likely get bored and move on.

  • Men Who Fall In Love With Women That He Knows He Makes Happy

It’s no secret that happiness is an integral part of a healthy relationship, but making a woman happy is also a part of what helps men to fall in love. Happiness here isn’t superficial; men probably won’t fall in love just by doing their girlfriend favors or buying her presents. In this case, happiness means something more. Many men fall by spending time with a woman and feeling a connection with the person that makes them happy to be around her. 

Connections are what make many men fall in love. This feeling of happiness that stems from a person’s presence rather than what they do for you can help men feel safe, relaxed, and comfortable enough to fall in love.

  • When Men Fall, They Might Try Their Hardest To Be The Person They Can Be
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When guys fall in love, they often make an effort to be better about certain things that men don’t always care about, like trying to stop bad habits or keep their home tidier. As men fall in love, they tend to do this because they’re trying to be the best version of themselves for the woman they are in love with. They may subconsciously find this to be a way to show their love to their significant other in a way that doesn’t require words. 

It’s more than just wanting to impress you; it’s about making an effort to be the best person they can be and showing their commitment to you and your relationship. Many men don’t always express themselves with words as well as they would like to, so this show of his affection means less of a risk of saying the wrong thing for men who are shy, nervous, or not used to sharing their emotions.

  • Men In Relationship Can Be More Impulsive

When a man falls in love, he’s probably going to want to do things to make you happy and keep your relationship stable. This means he’ll often be more impulsive, acting on instinct to keep a woman interested. This can show up as anything from booking a surprise weekend trip to texting you love quotes when you least expect it to show up to your work during your break to take you out for lunch. Men don’t often make these impulsive decisions for a woman they aren’t serious about; they typically do it after falling in love because they genuinely want to make you happy.

  • Some Men Want A Woman That Checks All The Boxes

When women gossip about love and relationships, they’ll often talk about wanting to find a man who has “the total package,” and some women may think that men don’t want that as well. But men aren’t any different; men want a woman who is, for him, the total package. Most men want to fall in love with a woman they are physically attracted to, who makes them happy, who they make happy, and who shares values and goals with them. Men don’t typically fall in love with women who don’t give them at least some, if not most, of the things that they are looking for. Men fall for women who are the “total package,” not necessarily in a stereotypical way, but for their unique, personal needs and desires.

Who Falls In Love First?

While popular beliefs about women being the more emotional sex may have you thinking that women fall in love faster than men, the opposite is true in many cases: men fall in love more quickly than women. 

This finding is the result of a recent study published in the Journal of Social Psychology. This study surveyed 172 college students and found that men reported falling in love faster than women and confessed their love earlier in relationships sooner than the women did. Co-author Marissa Harrison said that the participants were very surprised by the findings. “Women are assumed to be emotional, sometimes overly so, or rash,” she says. “Both men and women in our study presumed that women would fall in love and say, “I love you” faster than men.”

According to psychologist Neil Lamont, however, these study findings shouldn’t be surprising at all. “Meaningful relating is as important to men as it is to women. And while societal and cultural norms may have dictated that men should be strong and resilient, the reality is [that] a well-lived life for men will typically involve deep and meaningful, loving relationships.”

Chemicals And Evolution Play An Important Role

The chemistry of our brains plays a big part in why men fall in love and why women fall in love. When men fall in love, their brains are flooded with dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, oxytocin, and testosterone. These chemicals create a flood of positive emotions, often making men fall in love faster when the chemical signals are especially strong. These chemicals are frequently kicked off by a woman’s pheromones, which are chemical scents we give off that are undetectable by the nose, but irresistible to brains.

On the flip side of this coin, however, is the idea of falling out of love. While men fall in love faster than women, sometimes men don’t stay in love as easily as women. For some types of men who idolize the chase, to fall in love might not take much, but it also won’t be as lasting. Some people experience feelings of falling in love due to the rush of the experience, and their emotions may rapidly decrease when stability sets in. The high of perceiving falling in love as taking a risk can provide a rush that boosts his brain chemicals along with his ego. These men may be more likely to fall hard and quick, but they often fizzle out just as quickly as well.

The fact is that a man falls in love because he wants to, just like a woman.

Final Thoughts On How Men Fall In Love

If you think that your man doesn’t love you or worry that men don’t fall in love with you, you don’t have to deal with these emotions alone. Our licensed therapists here at ReGain can help you work through problems related to many relationship issues or mental health concerns, including love-related questions. We connect people with therapists who can help manage many types of mental health struggles, including those that can arise from dealing with thoughts that men don’t fall in love with you or that men fall for you for all the wrong reasons. Unlike in-person counseling, we offer convenient online sessions that can be done from your computer, tablet, or phone whenever it best suits your schedule. The important thing for your mental health is just that you seek help.

Not Sure If He's In Love With You?
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Many women worry about having a man fall in love with them, especially if their relationships tend to fail or fizzle out. You may find this at times affecting your mental health, but you should remember that just because men don’t fall in love with you in an instant doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love. Some men don’t fall in love as easily, and guys fall in love at different speeds for different reasons. Love doesn’t come out of thin air, it doesn’t always come easily for every person, so you can’t make a man fall in love with you. Sometimes you may wonder if you love to love or if you love your partner. Just as it is possible to fall deeply in love, it is also possible to fall out of love. The key to most happy relationships is to be open to love and accept that not every relationship is meant to be.

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