Is She Cheating Or Am I Just Anxious? 10 Signs To Tell Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

By Toni Hoy|Updated April 22, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Alexanderial Jones, LMFT

Introduction

Any signs that you can tell your girlfriend is cheating or could be cheating can cause pangs of jealousy and suspicion. Cheating or the potential that your girlfriend is cheating can raise strong emotions that put you on high alert. Suspecting cheating without having a foundation to base your suspicions of on, it's easy to fall prey to ruminating on the issue, tossing it around and around in your head with no clear resolution.

Worried your girlfriend is cheating on you? Quick tips to tell

Suspecting Your Partner of Cheating Can Be Difficult
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Occasional feelings of jealousy are completely normal. Jealous feelings can even strengthen romantic relationships in some circumstances.

However, a continual questioning of whether your girl is unfaithful doesn't do either of you any good.

If thoughts of "Is she cheating or am I paranoid" are keeping you up at night and preventing you from normal functioning, it's time to get to the bottom of it. Let's dive into the potential signs your girlfriend is cheating on you.

Looking For The Signs Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

A good way to start is to look at the red flags that your lady may be cheating. If you're convinced that she's cheating, you'll need to address it in a way that produces honest answers.

Girlfriend Cheating? The First Step Is Forgiveness

This is an important step so that you can get to the heart of her possible infidelity and decide to work on forgiving her and rebuilding the relationship or ending it.

If you find that all signs point to her being faithful, the problem rests with you. You may need help from a licensed counselor to resolve your feelings of jealousy and suspicion so that you can have a healthier relationship moving forward.

View Jealousy As A Wake-Up Call

Jealousy stirs up a host of painful feelings: fear, humiliation, sadness, mistrust, and various other hurtful emotions. Jealousy doesn't discriminate by age, race, gender, or anything else. It hits all people with equal force.

Consequences Of Jealousy

Jealousy rears its ugly head when someone perceives a threat to their relationship. It can be a real or imagined threat, and that's where the confusion comes in.

One popular site says that jealousy should be a wake-up call because a valued relationship could be dangerous. Jealousy has some redeeming qualities. It motivates people to protect relationships they value and has the potential to preserve social bonds.

Jealousy To Paranoia

When left unchecked, jealousy can lead to damaging behavior. If you feel like jealousy is causing you to become paranoid, acknowledge it now and in the future. Take some time to explore the emotions that led to it.

Noticing signs that your girlfriend might be cheating on you? Tips for how to tell what your girlfriend has been up to

Red Flags To Tell

Are there red flags and signs of infidelity? The following list will help you to decide if you have anything to worry about. If nothing strikes a chord, the problem could lie with you, and it's time to seek help so you can develop some coping skills.

10 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

She's suddenly working all the time over time.

Unless she has a special project she's working on or received a promotion, a sudden dedication to her job may mean that she's using it as an excuse to be with someone else. That someone else may suddenly be putting in a lot of overtime at work as well.

She's busy all the time: one way to tell

When you first got together, she probably dropped other things to be with you. Now, it seems like the only thing she's dropping is you. The girl that always has to be somewhere except with you could be a cheater.

She keeps her phone private.

If her phone indicates that she's receiving a text or call, and she springs for her phone to shield it from you, she may be hiding messages from someone else that she's seeing or hiding her online behaviors. Send up two red flags if she leaves the room when she gets a call or text.

She brushes you off because a friend needs her.

If she cancels a date at the last minute or suddenly bolts during a date because a friend needs her, but she won't tell you which friend needs her or why she might be favoring another lover over you. If you know the friend, be on the lookout for signs that the friend may be covering for her to be with another guy.

She has a whole new set of friends and leaves you out of the loop.

If you know, her friends and she suddenly has a new group of friends that she's spending time with, but you're never invited to meet them, they could be in the friend group of her new beau.

She's stopped saying, "I love you."

If she has said those three words in the past and she's suddenly stopped saying it to you, it could be a red flag that she's distancing herself from you. If you express your love and she avoids saying it back, her feelings may have dwindled.

She's always picking fights with you.

She suddenly hates the way you talk, walk, and dress. However, if your partner is picking fights with you constantly, it could be a sign of another issue; she may be feeling unhappy in the relationship or experiencing something difficult in her personal life.

She doesn't make eye contact with you.

Eye contact is an intimate gesture that brings people closer together. If she doesn't look you in the eye when you're serious, she may have lost interest in you, or she may be feeling guilty that her heart is somewhere else.

She withholds kissing and affection.

If your relationship was filled with lots of hugs and kisses and suddenly, she's hesitant or cold, her feelings have shifted for some reason. However, it is important to note that this kind of behavior from a partner could also stem from other issues; have a conversation with each other first without jumping to any conclusions.

How To Address Your Girlfriend Cheating On You

The red flags listed here should give you a pretty good idea of whether your girlfriend is faithful to you. If all things point to infidelity, you'll be hurt and lose trust in your partner.

You may go through a period of grief and have trouble functioning for a while. As soon as you're able, take some steps to protect yourself and address the situation in the healthiest way possible.

Coping With The Signs She Might Cheat or Is Unfaithful

You may find yourself asking yourself why what happened; this Healthline article explains some of the reasons and ways to cope with infidelity.

Necessary Screenings

If you find that your girlfriend has been sexually active with another partner, the first thing you should do is to see your doctor and ask for a full STD screen to ensure that you haven't contracted any diseases.

Cheating partners often act in the heat of the moment and maybe careless with physical protection. Ask your girlfriend to have a full STD screen and don't have unprotected sex unless you're sure she hasn't been exposed to anything harmful or contagious.

Don't Attempt To Get Revenge

You might be tempted to have revenge sex or pay her back by seeking out a relationship of your own. Such actions will leave you with more problems to fix if you stay together.

Don't use sex to try to fix your relationship with your girlfriend. If she cheated, there's a bigger problem, and you need to address that. Save physical intimacy for the rebuilding phase of the relationship.

It's too soon to tell if the relationship will end, but it doesn't hurt to investigate your legal rights, even if you hope to reconcile. Find out what your legal rights are regarding your property, financial assets, and children.

Think Before You Act

There are a lot of things you shouldn't do if you catch your girlfriend cheating. Don't threaten to end the relationship if it happens again.

Focus On You Instead Of The Signs

'Don't pretend the problem will resolve on its own, and don't take all the blame for the hurt. Don't make any major decisions to break up, divorce, or move out right away. Focus on the things you can do to move forward.

Trust Your Instincts

First and foremost, trust your instincts. It's important to recognize when you don't feel safe with your partner. Get support for yourself in every way you can. Rely on friends and family.

Go to a support group and get therapy for yourself. Start now by reaching out to ReGain and asking to be matched with a professional counselor. The counselor will create a safe environment where you can work together or separately on the relationship.

What are the signs of my girlfriend cheating on me?

Suspecting Your Partner of Cheating Can Be Difficult

Conclusion: Your Girlfriend Cheated On You

Cheating isn't a sign of a normal, healthy, long-term relationship. If you're experiencing one or more of the ten signs of infidelity listed here, you're probably not paranoid, and something is wrong in your relationship.

It's a sign that your girlfriend has lost faith and hope in your relationship. She's looking for a way out, and for whatever reason, she's not quite ready to tell you directly that it's over.

Recognizing the signs of infidelity gives you the chance to open up communication and either work it out or end it.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How do you know if he is being unfaithful? 

If catching him in the act doesn't give you the acknowledgment that your husband is cheating, you may hear from a friend that they saw him in town with another woman. He might start having credit card statements arrive with hotel room fees or start hiding bills so that you cannot see the charges. Your cheating husband may start working odd hours or spending more time on social media than he used to stay in touch with his new interest. Two people reconnecting with past interests on social media has decimated countless marriages. 

How do I stop being anxious about cheating?

If you think, 'Is he cheating or am I paranoid,' you need to either confront him or trust him. While it is easier to know the truth, you cannot track your husband's every move. So if you want the answer to if 'he is cheating or I am paranoid,' you need to think about how you will react knowing the truth and then decide if you want to approach your husband with your fears. If the state of your relationship is already on the rocks, then accusing him of cheating may drive a further wedge between the two of you; however, if your husband does get offended by the accusations, there is a good chance he is lying is in fact cheating. 

What are the symptoms of cheating? 

If you are thinking, is he cheating, or am I paranoid, there are signs that you can look for to see if he may be stepping out on you? Signs of cheating may include: 

  • Having new social media accounts
  • Suddenly working nights or weekends
  • Locking his phone when it previously didn't have a passcode
  • Acting differently around you
  • Suddenly wanting to try new sexual ideas or having no interest in having sex with you.

Do unfaithful partners worry about their partners being unfaithful? 

Yes, typically, cheaters start to think that their spouse is cheating on them, or they suddenly start making accusatory comments. Psychologists have well documented these behaviors as a sign that the accuser is the one who is cheating. If your cheating husband or cheating boyfriend starts asking you questions about your behaviors that he typically didn't question before, it could be that he is cheating on you. 

Will he be unfaithful again? 

Most likely, yes. The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" rings true. If you are thinking, is he cheating on me, or am I paranoid that it is happening again? You need to look at the details. If your significant other is cheating on you and trying to hide it well, he may start to overanalyze the situation. The same is true with cheating husbands; suddenly, they accuse you of cheating to not feel guilty about their indiscretions. 

While many love relationships exist where no one has cheated, statistically, the chances that your partner is cheating, or has cheated in the past, are good. If you are thinking to yourself, is he cheating, or am I paranoid, the stakes are high that he is cheating? When your significant other is cheating on you, their behaviors will usually send off red flags. If he has cheated on you in the past, then life went back to normal, and suddenly you are noticing patterns of behavior similar to the ones when he was unfaithful, there's a good chance that your partner is cheating again. 

How do you test a guy to see if he loves you?

If a guy loves you, you should not have to test him; that could drive him away. Communication is the best tool to see if love is there or it is not. 

What to do if she was unfaithful to me?

If you're in a monogamous relationship and you've confirmed that your girl has cheated, don't make any rash decisions. This is the time to step back and take care of yourself for a little bit until you become clear-headed enough to make intelligent decisions. Spend some time contemplating yourself and your relationship. You'll need a sounding board to bounce your feelings and thoughts off of. Now is the time to lean on your closest friends or family. Though, sharing this news with a broader circle of friends or acquaintances may be more harmful in the long run than the good it does for helping you feel better. You won't want to broadcast to the world that you have a cheating girlfriend if you both decide to stay together. Doing this can significantly damage your relationship with others in your wider circle and cause harmful judgment to your efforts to save the relationship. Choose friends you can trust and who care about you and are available to listen. Talk to a family member who is always there for you in the long term. Or, seek counseling to help you process all of the intense emotions you'll feel after discovering your girl is cheating.

Next, realize that "she cheated on me" means physical ramifications, too. A cheating girlfriend, maybe a girlfriend who is not thinking about you first. Get yourself tested for sexually transmitted diseases (S.T.D.). This is another valuable step in ensuring you're taking care of yourself first after discovering your partner has been unfaithful. Confirming that your girl has not passed any disease onto you can bring great peace of mind when processing the other painful feelings that come with infidelity.

Once you've taken these steps, it's time to talk about your girlfriend cheating with her in earnest and decide whether you want to continue her relationship, which may be particularly difficult to discuss if this is a new relationship. Sometimes sticking together and fixing things is the best option, but you both must be 100% invested in the repair process to turn your relationship around. Often, leaving a cheating girlfriend is the better decision. You don't deserve more pain if staying in a relationship means more of the same. Only you and your partner can spend some time considering all factors and decide what's best for your relationship. This is another point in which seeking professional counseling is ideal for helping you both make that decision.

What does it mean when a girl cheats on you?

Finding out your girlfriend cheated can be quite a surprise. Infidelity occurs for a wide variety of reasons; there's no one magical answer as each relationship is different and unique. Here are some of the myriad of reasons why your girlfriend cheated, or anyone else cheats, for that matter: insecurity, poor communication, a trauma in childhood, a weakening relationship, narcissism, taking each other for granted, stress, mid-life crisis, need for attention, low self-esteem, unhappiness. These are just some reasons people cheat. Most of the reasons can be traced back to personal issues or issues with the relationship. If your girlfriend cheated, it is not necessarily the end-all of a relationship, but it can be highly damaging. It's up to you and your partner to uncover the reasons for cheating and whether those reasons point to a failing relationship or personal weaknesses. You both may decide that you want to save your relationship. Or, one or both of you may choose to walk away.

Should I stay with my partner if they were unfaithful to me?

The answer to the question, "should I stay if my girlfriend is cheating" is entirely dependent on you, your partner, and your relationship. You both have to decide whether the relationship is valuable enough to persevere and move past the fact your girlfriend cheated. Often, cheating is a way for your partner to say they are done with the relationship without going through the pain of ending things before the cheating occurs. Being the one who steps up and says they're done knowing they are about to inflict tremendous pain on their partner is more than they can stand. Cheating becomes a destructive alternative to ending the relationship the right way.

Your girlfriend cheating is a cry for help — a way to highlight severe fissures in the relationship that must find repaired. You both will need to figure out why she has cheated and whether you can continue with this knowledge. If you continue your relationship, you'll need to practice positive habits, avoid calling her names, labeling her as the cheating girlfriend, or throwing her infidelity in her face whenever you have conflict. This tendency can be tough to avoid, so keep this in mind and seek professional help if needed.

Do you love someone if you cheat on them?

People cheat for a variety of reasons. Often the reasons are the same whether you're doing the cheating or your girlfriend cheated on you. You can cheat on someone even if you love them. Often, the motivators behind cheating have nothing to do with love. There is a value judgment occurring when cheating happens. Sometimes people cheat because they value themselves more than the relationship. Sometimes they cheat because they don't respect themselves or their partner enough. Cheating is less about love and more about value. How you feel about yourself, your partner, and your relationship greatly affects your likelihood or decision to cheat.

If you've heard your friends say in the past, "she cheated on me" and wondered why they stayed, you may now find yourself in the unique position to understand precisely why. People cheat for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it has to do with love, and many times it does not. Only you can decide whether your girlfriend cheated reflects the love in your relationship and whether or not to save your relationship. If you're in a new relationship, the love may not have been there in the first place before the cheating began. In this case, deciding to save your relationship occurs far less often.

Is it true once a cheater always?

Once a cheater, always a cheater is a popular saying, but not necessarily true. If your girlfriend cheated, it might have been the first time she ever has done something like this. For some, cheating once can serve as a giant wake-up call, shedding light on fundamental problems in the relationship or the individual previously traveled under the radar. For others, cheating is habitual. Every person is unique; thus, their reasons for cheating are unique as well. Though, common themes occur based upon the personality traits of the individual and the relationship.

Do cheaters feel guilty?

Your cheating girlfriend may feel tremendously guilty. Or, your cheating girlfriend may feel very little guilt. The presence of guilt depends entirely upon the person and the value of the relationship. Sometimes, cheating occurs because of different perspectives on the relationship's status, particularly if it's a new relationship. Other times, a cheating girlfriend means there is a pattern that will be incredibly hard to break. In this case, yes, once a cheating girlfriend, always a cheating girlfriend. Again, if your girlfriend cheated, you must understand the reason behind the infidelity before you can repair things or decide to end it.

My girlfriend consistently cheats on me; what should I do?

If your girlfriend cheated on you several times, this indicates a personal issue that may not necessarily reflect the relationship. Staying with a habitually cheating girlfriend who is not seeking help to stop her behavior can be highly damaging to your mental health. If you find yourself saying "she cheated on me again," only to be saying again a year later, then it may be time to move on to a healthier relationship.

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