Top Tips For How To Solve Relationship Problems Without Breaking Up
Updated January 09, 2020
Reviewer Karen Devlin, LPC
There are times in romantic relationships where it feels like everything is too much, and you can't get through these stressful challenges. If you think that way, you're not alone. It's hard to get through it, but there are ways to get through even the toughest times where you feel like there's no hope. Here are some ways to figure out how to get through those awful relationship obstacles. There is hope to get through even the scariest times in your relationship. If you are honest and open about your problems, you can do this.
Talk to your partner
It's easy to avoid things because sticking your head in the sand like an ostrich feels easier than confronting deep issues, but that's not the way to get through a challenging time in a relationship or otherwise. Even if it's hard, talk to your partner. You can start by saying, "hey, I love you, and there's something on my mind." it doesn't need to be so severe from the getgo. You can go to a coffee shop to talk or sit on the couch, but you do it, make sure that you get those words out. It's essential to make sure that you say what you need to say and don't censor yourself. Sometimes, we hide things because we worry about hurting each others' feelings, but the more honest you can be, the better. It's okay not to know where the conversation will go but speak your truth. Communication is vital in relationships, so it's essential that you talk to each other.
Don't expect a particular outcome
You might want things to be a certain way, and that's what's holding your relationship back. There's no right way for a relationship to be; what matters is that it's healthy for you and your partner, and that is subjective. There are things that you might need in a relationship that other people might not, and there are things that your partner might need in a connection that is exclusive to them as a person, but there's no "right" relationship." It's about letting go of what "should" be and embracing what is, staying in the present moment, and working with what your relationship has. If there are things that are missing that'll help your relationship get better, talk about those things.
Compare and despair
You might look at other couples on social media and think: "why can't I be happy like those people?" but you never know what happens behind closed doors. You don't know whether that couple is happy or not. Maybe, they're emotionally or physically abusive towards one another. You don't know, so don't compare yourself to other couples. Even if they are happy, you can be satisfied, too, but your happiness is not predicated on other people's joy. It's exclusive to you. Make sure that you understand that you don't need to compare yourself to others. Your relationship is beautiful, the way that it is, and everybody has problems. You and your partner can work those out, but don't compare yourself to other couples. Every relationship has its own set of unique challenges.
Validating your partner's feelings
Everyone deserves to have their feelings acknowledged and validated. That's important in friendships and romantic relationships. When you and your partner have an argument or disagree on something, it can get heated. There may be harsh words exchanged, but the crucial thing is to hear what your partner has to say, one of the reasons that relationships end is because people don't feel valued. You want your partner to care about your feelings, and it's essential that you state that aloud. Conversely, it's crucial for you to acknowledge their feelings. Try not to be defensive, and listen with judging them. You may feel the need to jump in when they something that hurts your feelings but be patient. Let them finish what they have to say before sharing your opinions. Everyone's feelings matter, and if you listen to how they feel, they should hear how you feel as well.
Don't underestimate the value of listening to your partner. If you've done something to hurt their feelings, you can hear them out and admit that. Say that you're sorry, but don't just say that you're sorry; think about solutions to make sure that these issues won't happen again. That's one of the things that is hard about relationships; everyone will make a mistake at some point in a romantic relationship, and you want to make sure that you honor your partner's feelings and make an attempt to solve the problems rather than merely apologizing because words can only do so much. It's important to admit when you're wrong, and hopefully, your partner will do the same, but the only thing that you can do is own your behavior.
In a romantic relationship, disagreements will happen. You might be confident that your stance on the issue is right. But, there are three stances in arguments, your position, your partner's opinion, and a compromise. When both of you listen to one another and make an effort to compromise, you will make a positive change in your relationship when you're willing to meet your partner halfway in a disagreement. It also comes back to acknowledging their feelings and caring about what they have to say. When you value your partner's viewpoint on something that matters, that builds trust. And trust is a crucial part of an intimate relationship. It only takes a moment to let your partner know that you care, and it makes all the difference in future disagreements. You have your emotions, and they have theirs. You may not get your way on everything, and they won't get all the things that they want either. That's the nature of compromise in a relationship. You care about the other person, and you prioritize what the most important things are to you, and let them have what the essential items on their emotional list are.
You don't have to come to your partner for everything. Your partner is someone that you love, and you want to be able to go to them for support and love, but they don't have to be your entire world. You can find ways to take care of yourself. If you're feeling anxious, for example, find ways to help yourself before turning to your partner before others. Support systems are valuable, but it's crucial that you try to help yourself before you ask for help from your support system because this will improve your independence. You don't want your relationship to be one-sided, and you don't want to stress each other out. So, when you're feeling stressed out, take a deep breath, and think, "what can I do right now to help myself?" It's vital to retain your hobbies and opinions as well; all of the things that make you who you are. The more independent you are, the better your relationship will be because you can come to your partner when you do need them, and you can bond and do things together. Being independent will make you feel good about you, and help you appreciate your time with your partner when you two get together.
Making your partner feel safe
In a romantic relationship, it's important to feel emotionally safe. If you can't express your feelings, that's not a healthy relationship. You deserve to be able to show your feelings and know that your partner is going to value them. If you feel unsafe sharing your feelings, there are problems in your relationship, and you need to address them. One of the safest places to talk about your issues is with a couples counselor in therapy. A couples therapist will hear both sides and translate what your partner needs to you, and what you need to your partner. It's beautiful to have an impartial party who cares about both of you. As much as you love one another, it's challenging to see things objectively. A couples counselor is a great person to mitigate problems and help you and your partner bond, which leads to staying together in the long-term.
When all else fails - or, even if these tips have helped you. And you have the right to search for help from a mental health professional, and couples counseling https://regain.us/advice/ can be the answer to saving a relationship. It's great to have a third party who is objective and can see things from an outside perspective. They can help you improve communication, and they can serve as a translator between you and your partner if there's a situation where you don't quite understand where the other is coming from. It's a place where you can say, "I don't know what to do, and I'm having trouble with this relationship." When you look for someone online or in your local area, know that couples counseling can help. Take a moment to search through the mental health professionals that help couples at Regain, and find a way to get the help that you and your partner need.