How To Get Over An Ex-Girlfriend: A Three-Step Process

Updated April 3, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Do you want to know how to get over an ex-girlfriend? Even if you basically did it to yourself by breaking things off, it can still be hard to move on when your ex is constantly on your mind. There may be reminders all around you of your relationship together, for example. If you live in the same area, you may even keep running into her, running into her friends, or unintentionally coming across her family when going out in public.

Now that your relationship with her is officially over, you may not be too sure of what to do with your time or how you can ease the pain of your breakup. Getting past an ex can be a difficult process, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. It may take some time, but with these three simple steps, you can get on the right track to move on.

Seek closure

Healing from a breakup is hard

One of the first things you can do post-breakup is to seek closure. It can be hard to get over a relationship if it ended suddenly or without a clear reason. It may be helpful to know why your relationship ended. Some ways to get closure are:

  • Arranging to have an honest conversation with your ex-girlfriend about why the breakup took place. Not every ex will be open to interacting with you after you’ve split up and gone your separate ways. Still, it doesn’t hurt to respectfully ask for one final moment of their time so you can try to get closure and move on with your life, especially if you were together for a long period of time. When seeking out the reasons why you’re no longer together, be aware that you may receive some answers that aren’t exactly what you want to hear. Though knowing the reason (or reasons) why may alleviate some of your confusion, sometimes the answers can be painful to hear. It may be helpful to go into this discussion expecting to hear something that may not be an easy pill to swallow. If you need your closure in the form of clarity, the painful truth may be exactly what you need to hear to cut your ties and move on with your life.

If you try to contact your ex for an explanation, there’s a chance they may not want to see or even speak to you. Regardless of your need for closure, it’s never a good idea to pressure someone to do something against their will. It may not seem fair to you, and you may feel as if you are owed an explanation of some sort, but it is not at all appropriate or acceptable to trespass on someone else’s boundaries.

  • Returning her belongings and getting your belongings back from her. Some people may choose to keep a few belongings as reminders, but to properly get over a breakup, it’s best to leave no ties lingering. Consider returning what is hers and reclaiming what is yours. There may be a bit of a “grieving” period when you are unable to part with the items. That’s okay. Once you can promptly return them and receive any of your borrowed belongings back, you’ll be taking one step further in the right direction for healing and moving forward with your life. 
  • Telling friends and family, so they don’t keep asking about your relationship. This part can be difficult due to potentially being bombarded with questions. When announcing your breakup, you may  be forced to deal with some of your feelings of shame or inadequacy. You could feel unsure of what reactions you’ll receive about the news. Still, it may be best just to go ahead and put it out there. It’s okay to tell those close to you that you’re not comfortable discussing it further.  

In many cases, telling your close friends and family can also relieve you of the burden of carrying the news and the pain of the breakup all by yourself. People who care about you will likely do all they can to help get your mind off things and get back to your normal, healthy, and independent self.

Release and replace


The next step to getting over your girlfriend is “releasing and replacing”.  After a breakup, you may feel like there’s a bit of a hole in your life. Letting an ex go this way can be painful and frustrating. You’ve likely grown used to having your girlfriend around you a lot, talking to her whenever you felt like it and texting her regularly.  You may even find yourself reaching for your phone out of habit, only to realize that hitting her up for a quick chat is no longer an option. When this happens regularly, it may only drag out the pain of loss and make you feel even sadder and lonelier. If you want to get over her now, you might need to release her from your life as quickly as possible and try to put those habits behind you.

A key part of this release could be filling up the time that was once hers with something else. Otherwise, you might find yourself missing your ex fast. Once you’ve identified the ways she took up space in your life, you may want to try to fill your newfound free time with things that make you feel content, productive, and positive about your life. Consider immersing yourself in new or old hobbies. Or, take time to work out or start a new exercise regimen. This could significantly benefit your mental health and boost your self-esteem in the process. It could also be a good idea to make plans to visit with your friends and your family, strengthening those bonds with the people who love and care about you and willing to support you during your time of heartache.

Pursuing new activities as a form of distraction can help you move on, better yourself, and possibly even meet someone new along the way.

Talk to a counselor

Healing from a breakup is hard

If you’re having a hard time putting your relationship with your ex-girlfriend in the past, or you’re suffering from significant emotional issues after your breakup, seeking the help of professional counseling can be an option you may want to look into. A licensed and professional counselor can help you work through your emotions after your breakup and give you advice on how to move on in a healthy way. If parts of the relationship have caused a bit more damage than the average dating experience generally does, they can also provide help in these areas as well to get you back on your feet and ready to move forward with your life.

Talking about your feelings rather than holding them in is one of the best ways to move on. Seeking help before a short period of heartache turns into a long stretch of depression is important. You can choose to see a counselor in-person or online via a service like Regain if that’s what you prefer.

There are several benefits to online counseling compared to traditional therapy. For example, online counseling services are generally more affordable. They can also be more convenient to use compared to having to go to a traditional office. With online counseling, you can send messages to a qualified counselor using a computer or mobile device and receive helpful replies and counselling in a timely manner. Sessions can be held on your own schedule and from the comfort of your own home.

Online therapy, including internet-based counseling for couples has been researched extensively with positive results. One recent study found that couples undergoing internet-based counseling found themselves more engaged in the process and felt a greater sense of therapeutic alliance as a result of the remote sessions. 

Counselor reviews

“Nadja was very supportive and listened to my concerns in a non-judgmental way while offering helpful advice to get me through a very rough time in my relationship. Ultimately, she helped me see that that the relationship hadn't been working for me, and she helped give me confidence to break out of the cycle and believe in myself in order to leave the situation. I would recommend her as a counselor to anyone going through personal or relationship issues!”

“He’s amazing - he’s gotten me through some tough times and reminds me I’m not made of super human strength - that I’m human with normal emotions and it is in fact okay to cry. He has been an amazing support through a horrible breakup.”


It can be hard to imagine a future without your ex-girlfriend, especially if she’s been a prominent star in the show of your life. Still, you are capable of moving on and finding someone new to love again. In the meantime, trying to apply this three-step process to your life can help you get over your girlfriend quicker and with as little pain as possible.

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