How To Get Over An Ex-Girlfriend In 3 Simple Steps

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated June 20, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Audrey Kelly, LMFT

Do you want to know how to get over an ex-girlfriend? It can behard to move on with your own life when your ex is constantly on your mind. There can be reminders all around you of your relationship together. If you both are from the same area, you may even keep running into her, running into her friends, or unintentionally coming across her family when going out in public.

Now that your relationship with her is officially over, you may not be too sure of what to do with your time or how you can ease the pain of your breakup. Getting over an ex-girlfriend can be a difficult process, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. It may take some time, but with these three simple steps, you can get on the right track to move on.

How to Get Over an Ex-Girlfriend In 3 Simple Steps:

  1. Seek Closure

Having Trouble Getting Over An Ex Girlfriend?
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One of the first things you should do post-breakup is seeking closure. It’s hard to get over a relationship if it ended suddenly or without a reason. You deserve to know why your relationship ended. Some ways to get closure are:

  • Arranging to have an honest conversation with your ex-girlfriend about why the breakup took place. Not every ex will be open to interacting with you after you’ve split up and gone your separate ways, but it doesn’t hurt to at least respectfully ask for one final moment of their time so you can try to get closure and move on with your life, especially if you were together for a long period of time. When seeking out the reasons why you’re no longer together, be aware that you may receive some answers that aren’t exactly what you want to hear. Though knowing the reason (or reasons) why may alleviate some of your confusion and the lingering attachment for the most part, sometimes the answers can be painful to hear from the mouth of someone you cared (and likely still care) deeply for. Go into this discussion, if it takes place, expecting to hear something that may not be an easy pill to swallow. If you need your closure in the form of clarity though, the painful truth may be exactly what you need to hear to cut your ties and move on with your life.

If you try to contact your ex for an explanation and they express no longer wanting to see or even speak to you, regardless of your need for closure, do not pressure someone unwilling to communicate into trying to do something against their will. It may not seem fair to you, and you may feel as if you are owed an explanation of some sort, but it is not at all appropriate or acceptable to trespass on someone else’s boundaries and expect them to treat you with any form of respect in return.

  • Returning her belongings and getting your belongings back from her. Some people may choose to keep a few belongings as reminders, but to properly move on, it’s best to leave no ties lingering and return what is hers and reclaim what is yours. Sometimes a particularly sentimental item can be beneficial in helping remind you of the good times but also remind you of what went wrong and what to avoid in any future relationships, but generally it’s a good idea to remove any sign of your ex’s existence from your life to avoid having to think about them very often. There may be a bit of a “grieving” period where you are unable to part with the items, but once you can promptly return them and receive any of your borrowed belongings back as well, you’re taking one more step further in the right direction for healing and moving forward with your life.
  • Telling friends and family, so they don’t keep asking about your relationship. This part can be difficult due to potentially being bombarded with questions or even being forced to deal with some of your feelings of shame or inadequacy or feeling completely blindsided, as well as not knowing what reactions you’ll receive about the news, but it’s best just to go ahead and put it out there for those close to you that knew of the relationship and express that you wouldn’t be comfortable hearing anything further about your ex or the time you were together so you can simply move on to greener pastures.

In most cases, telling your close friends and family can also relieve you of the burden of carrying the news and the pain of the breakup all by yourself. If the people you surround yourself with genuinely care about you, they’ll do all they can to help get your mind off things and get back to your normal, healthy, and independent self.

  1. Release and Replace

The next step to getting over your girlfriend is “releasing and replacing.” After a breakup, there’s always typically what feels like a bit of a hole in your life. You’ve likely grown used to having your girlfriend around you a lot, talking to her whenever you felt like it and texting her regularly. Losing that constant communication and having it replaced with silence makes the breakup just that much more at the forefront of your mind when sharing your day and your thoughts with her had become part of a routine for you. Sometimes you may even find yourself reaching for your phone out of habit, only to realize that hitting her up for a quick chat is no longer an option. Having this occur consistently can only drag out the pain of loss and make you feel even sadder and lonely. If you want to get over her now, you need to release her from your life as quickly as possible and try to put those habits behind you.

A key part of this release is making sure that you fill up the time that was once hers with something else; otherwise, you’re going to find yourself missing your exfast. Once you’ve released the areas in which she took up space in your life, try to fill your newfound free time with things to make you feel content, productive, and positive about your life. Immerse yourself in new or old hobbies. Take time to work out or start a new exercise regimen, and this will greatly benefit your mental health and boost your self-esteem in the process! It’s also a great idea to make plans to visit with your friends and your family, strengthening those bonds with the people that love and care about you and willing to support you during your time of heartache.

Basically, you need to try to keep yourself busy (and via positive means) until your ex-girlfriend doesn’t even cross your mind as often. Pursuing new activities as a form of distraction can help you move on, better yourself, and possibly even meet someone new along the way!

  1. Talk to A Counselor

Having Trouble Getting Over An Ex Girlfriend?

If you’re having a hard time putting your relationship with your ex-girlfriend in the past, or you’re suffering from significant emotional issues after your breakup, seeking the help of professional counseling can be an option you may want to be open to looking into. A licensed and professional counselor can help you work through your emotions after your breakup and give you advice on how to move on healthily. If parts of the relationship have caused a bit more damage than the average dating experience generally does, they can also provide help in these areas as well to get you back on your feet and ready to move forward with your life.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Talking about your feelings rather than holding them in is one of the best ways to move on. Holding on to negative feelings will only make the situation worse and negatively impact your mental health and even your physical health and quality of life. Seeking help before a short period of heartache turns into a long stretch of depression or something else substantial is an important part of taking care of yourself and providing yourself with the means to still enjoy your life and make the most of it. You shouldn’t be left behind “damaged” for anyone’s sake. You can choose to see a counselor in-person or online via a service like ReGain if that’s what you prefer.

There are several benefits to online counseling, by comparison to having to seek out an on-site professional somewhere and drive, sit, and wait multiple times a week or month to speak to somebody. Online counseling services are generally more affordable, and they’re very convenient to use compared to booking expensive in-person appointments that only provide a brief window of support, along with the other inconveniences and frustrations of having to go to an actual office. With online counseling, you can send an unlimited number of messages to a qualified counselor using a computer or mobile device and receive helpful replies and counselling in a timely manner, on your own schedule, and from the comfort of your own home.

Counselor Reviews

“Nadja was very supportive and listened to my concerns in a non-judgmental way while offering helpful advice to get me through a very rough time in my relationship. Ultimately she helped me see that that the relationship hadn't been working for me, and she helped give me confidence to break out of the cycle and believe in myself in order to leave the situation. I would recommend her as a counselor to anyone going through personal or relationship issues!”

“He’s amazing - he’s gotten me through some tough times and reminds me I’m not made of super human strength - that I’m human with normal emotions and it is in fact okay to cry. He has been an amazing support through a horrible breakup.”

Conclusion

It can be hard to imagine a future without your ex-girlfriend that’s been such a prominent star in the show of your life, but you are fully capable of moving on and finding someone new to love again. In the meantime, trying to apply these three simple steps to your life can help you get over your girlfriend quickly (in most cases) and with as little pain as possible.

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