How To Get Over An Ex-Girlfriend: A Three-Step Process
Do you want to know how to get over an ex-girlfriend? Even if you basically did it to yourself by breaking things off, it can still be hard to move on when your ex is constantly on your mind. There may be reminders all around you of your relationship together, for example. If you live in the same area, you may even keep running into her, running into her friends, or unintentionally coming across her family when going out in public.
Now that your relationship with her is officially over, you may not be too sure of what to do with your time or how you can ease the pain of your breakup. Getting past an ex can be a difficult process, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. It may take some time, but with these three simple steps, you can get on the right track to move on.
Seek closure
One of the first things you can do post-breakup is to seek closure. It can be hard to get over a relationship if it ended suddenly or without a clear reason. It may be helpful to know why your relationship ended. Some ways to get closure are:
Arranging to have an honest conversation with your ex-girlfriend about why the breakup took place. Not every ex will be open to interacting with you after you’ve split up and gone your separate ways. Still, it doesn’t hurt to respectfully ask for one final moment of their time so you can try to get closure and move on with your life, especially if you were together for a long period of time. When seeking out the reasons why you’re no longer together, be aware that you may receive some answers that aren’t exactly what you want to hear. Though knowing the reason (or reasons) why may alleviate some of your confusion, sometimes the answers can be painful to hear. It may be helpful to go into this discussion expecting to hear something that may not be an easy pill to swallow. If you need your closure in the form of clarity, the painful truth may be exactly what you need to hear to cut your ties and move on with your life.
If you try to contact your ex for an explanation, there’s a chance they may not want to see or even speak to you. Regardless of your need for closure, it’s never a good idea to pressure someone to do something against their will. It may not seem fair to you, and you may feel as if you are owed an explanation of some sort, but it is not at all appropriate or acceptable to trespass on someone else’s boundaries.
- Returning her belongings and getting your belongings back from her. Some people may choose to keep a few belongings as reminders, but to properly get over a breakup, it’s best to leave no ties lingering. Consider returning what is hers and reclaiming what is yours. There may be a bit of a “grieving” period when you are unable to part with the items. That’s okay. Once you can promptly return them and receive any of your borrowed belongings back, you’ll be taking one step further in the right direction for healing and moving forward with your life.
- Telling friends and family, so they don’t keep asking about your relationship. This part can be difficult due to potentially being bombarded with questions. When announcing your breakup, you may be forced to deal with some of your feelings of shame or inadequacy. You could feel unsure of what reactions you’ll receive about the news. Still, it may be best just to go ahead and put it out there. It’s okay to tell those close to you that you’re not comfortable discussing it further.
In many cases, telling your close friends and family can also relieve you of the burden of carrying the news and the pain of the breakup all by yourself. People who care about you will likely do all they can to help get your mind off things and get back to your normal, healthy, and independent self.
Release and replace
The next step to getting over your girlfriend is “releasing and replacing”. After a breakup, you may feel like there’s a bit of a hole in your life. Letting an ex go this way can be painful and frustrating. You’ve likely grown used to having your girlfriend around you a lot, talking to her whenever you felt like it and texting her regularly. You may even find yourself reaching for your phone out of habit, only to realize that hitting her up for a quick chat is no longer an option. When this happens regularly, it may only drag out the pain of loss and make you feel even sadder and lonelier. If you want to get over her now, you might need to release her from your life as quickly as possible and try to put those habits behind you.
A key part of this release could be filling up the time that was once hers with something else. Otherwise, you might find yourself missing your ex fast. Once you’ve identified the ways she took up space in your life, you may want to try to fill your newfound free time with things that make you feel content, productive, and positive about your life. Consider immersing yourself in new or old hobbies. Or, take time to work out or start a new exercise regimen. This could significantly benefit your mental health and boost your self-esteem in the process. It could also be a good idea to make plans to visit with your friends and your family, strengthening those bonds with the people who love and care about you and willing to support you during your time of heartache.
Pursuing new activities as a form of distraction can help you move on, better yourself, and possibly even meet someone new along the way.
Talk to a counselor
If you’re having a hard time putting your relationship with your ex-girlfriend in the past, or you’re suffering from significant emotional issues after your breakup, seeking the help of professional counseling can be an option you may want to look into. A licensed and professional counselor can help you work through your emotions after your breakup and give you advice on how to move on in a healthy way. If parts of the relationship have caused a bit more damage than the average dating experience generally does, they can also provide help in these areas as well to get you back on your feet and ready to move forward with your life.
Talking about your feelings rather than holding them in is one of the best ways to move on. Seeking help before a short period of heartache turns into a long stretch of depression is important. You can choose to see a counselor in-person or online via a service like Regain if that’s what you prefer.
There are several benefits to online counseling compared to traditional therapy. For example, online counseling services are generally more affordable. They can also be more convenient to use compared to having to go to a traditional office. With online counseling, you can send messages to a qualified counselor using a computer or mobile device and receive helpful replies and counselling in a timely manner. Sessions can be held on your own schedule and from the comfort of your own home.
Online therapy, including internet-based counseling for couples has been researched extensively with positive results. One recent study found that couples undergoing internet-based counseling found themselves more engaged in the process and felt a greater sense of therapeutic alliance as a result of the remote sessions.
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Takeaway
It can be hard to imagine a future without your ex-girlfriend, especially if she’s been a prominent star in the show of your life. Still, you are capable of moving on and finding someone new to love again. In the meantime, trying to apply this three-step process to your life can help you get over your girlfriend quicker and with as little pain as possible.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do you get over an ex you still love?
To get over an ex you still love, you must get them out of your peripheral. What does that mean? It means that they’re not in your life on a daily basis. You don’t see what’s going on with them or spend time engaging in conversation outside of necessary discourse. It’s helpful to unfollow or mute your ex on social media so that your focus is never on them throughout the day. If someone that you still love is in your life daily, even if it is through social media, it can make it much harder to get over them. Disengaging from an ex doesn’t mean that you don’t like them or wish them ill will by any means. Even if you want to make a friendship out of a lost love connection eventually, spend time distancing for now during the process of getting over them. When you don’t come face-to-face with information about your ex or their life throughout the day, you focus on your own life. This allows you to move forward. It also doesn’t mean that you should isolate yourself. In fact, now more than ever, it’s crucial to spend time talking to loved ones such as friends and family. As austere as it may sound to cut an ex out of your life entirely, it is necessary for many people when they go their separate ways. If you have children together, communicate with them only about the kids. If you find yourself dealing with mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression, it’s important to reach out to a mental health provider who can help you with those concerns as well as the general separation recovery process.
How long does it take to get over an ex-girlfriend?
The time that it takes to get over an ex varies so substantially from person to person that it’s hard to gauge what will happen for you. Partially, it has to do with the length of the relationship. For example, if you were married for ten years or more, there’s probably a lot more to work through legally in terms of belongings, paperwork, and child custody, than there would be otherwise. Additionally, it might take you a little bit longer to process emotions related to a long-term relationship than it would if you’d only been together for a few months. Even for short connections, working through a breakup can take time, so know that there is no “normal” here, nor is there anything to be ashamed of. Sometimes, emotions take the backseat when you have legal issues to work through, such as those related to child custody, so it’s essential to give yourself time when those feelings do come up – even if it happens far into the future and seems to hit you out of nowhere. If you had an emotional fallout, you might need a good deal of time to heal from it. Even if you don’t miss the relationship itself, such an emotional fallout can leave you with some wounding. What you don’t want to do is bring the product of the emotional fall out into your next relationship. You don’t want to project your pain on to a future partner, so it’s important to learn from your experiences and to work through things. Statistically speaking, studies have found multiple answers to this question. One study found that divorcees take around 17 months to start to get over lost love, whereas studies featuring other demographic groups said that it takes about 11 weeks to start getting over someone.
Why is it so hard to get over my ex-girlfriend?
When you fall in love, you develop a strong connection with a person, which is a big part of what makes this process so hard. You may have even grown to feel as though she is an essential part of your life. Likely, you had good times that you’ll always remember, but you can maintain memories of those good times while still moving forward. It can be especially difficult to get over your ex-girlfriend if you’re still in love with her, if you were together for a long time, or if you were in a particularly difficult situation such as one where you still live together. If you still live together, spend your time getting your ducks in a row to get your own space. Not only is the distance likely to defuse any conflict, but it will also help you get over your ex because you won’t be around them all day every day anymore. Although difficult, it’s both plausible and possible that you’ll get through the pain of your breakup. Allow yourself to move at your own pace, and don’t rush even if there seems to be a lot of ups and downs. It’s normal for this to be a hard time.
How do you know if your ex is still in love with you?
If your ex is still in love with you and still wants to be with you, it’s likely that they will communicate that to you directly. They will tell you, “I’m still in love with you.” If an ex says that they’re still in love with you and want to work things out, it’s your call. Maybe, you want to talk things out or go to couples counseling to improve the relationship and work through the issues that led you to break up in the past. If so, that’s great! It’s absolutely possible to rekindle if you both want to and are in a healthy place. On the other hand, it may be the case that this really is a circumstance of lost love. Perhaps, neither of you want to be together and you’re simply hurting rather than actually wanting to be with her, or perhaps she doesn’t want to be together and you still want to be with her. If either of those scenarios are true for you, you’ve got to move on. Don’t rush it; feel your feelings, and allow yourself to sit with your thoughts. After a breakup, you might face a lot of unanswered questions and wonder what true love is. Maybe, this person was your true love, or maybe, you’ve discovered that they weren’t after all. It’s normal to experience confusion and pain during this process, but don’t let it scare you away from letting love in later on. You deserve healthy relationships moving forward where are you both want to be in the connection.
Who hurts more after a breakup?
The answer to that question varies from relationship to relationship and person to person. If you are still in love when the relationship ends, you will undoubtedly hurt. Especially if it was abrupt or there were cruel words or actions on the other end. There are healthy ways to process the pain of a lost love connection. Let yourself grieve, but don’t do anything drastic even if your emotions feel inescapable or severe at the moment. Don’t be the person who shows up on someone’s front door or gets flowers sent to the front door of an ex to beg for them to come back when they don’t want to if they’ve made it clear that they don’t want to get back together or don’t want to be together right now, put in the work to let go. The first step to letting go is to acknowledge your feelings and the fact that you can’t control other people’s actions or feelings. You can only control yourself. Allow yourself to have time with your emotions and remind yourself that you need to be with someone who wants you as much as you want them.
Do you eventually forget your ex?
Many people get to a place where they don’t think about their ex on a daily basis. Of course, you have memories with them, so they may be involved in some of your thoughts and not regard, but you won’t think about them or their relationship so much after some time passes. To start moving on from your ex, focus on familial relationships and your social life, try new things such as new classes, social events, or hobbies, and engage in activities you’ve always loved. Your ex was important to you, and it’s beautiful that you have that love inside of you. Try to be the best person you can be and embrace the good that you have inside. Focus on self-confidence, and when you’re ready, start seeing new people. Even if you’re only branching out and meeting new friends at first, social relationships are excellent for your mental and physical health. You might start dating or using dating apps when you’re ready to see someone again. The process of rebuilding your life after a long term relationship will look different for everyone, but even if the relationship lasted for a long time, you will get to a place where you’re over your ex.
How do I stop thinking about my ex?
Again, it’s important to distance from them. Unfollow them or even block them on social media, depending on your current need for connection with your ex, and resist the urge to call or text them. Unless you have kids together, there’s no reason not to distance as much as you like. If you believe this person to be your true love, it’s going to take some time to stop thinking about your ex. You may think “she was the love of my life, how can I possibly get over her?” but while it may take time, it is possible. It’s likely that you learned a lot from the relationship and that you can take this knowledge and the affection you have for others and use it for the rest of your life. Loyalty and affection are excellent qualities, and even though the relationship ended, it doesn’t mean that life won’t get better. The best thing you can do is to spend time focusing on yourself and your personal development. It’s important that you don’t forget who you are fundamentally. It’s helpful to spend time with friends and family, engage in your hobbies, and make an effort to spend more time trying new things. If you don’t feel like yourself and some time has passed since the relationship ended or you can see yourself going to a difficult emotional space as a result of the lost love connection, seeing a mental health provider can help.
Why did my ex move on so fast?
First, understand that you don’t truly know what’s going on in the mind of your ex. They may appear to be doing well on the outside but struggle on the inside. They may appear to have moved on without actually having moved on. Right now, you need to focus on yourself regardless of how much your ex has or hasn’t moved on. Step aside from social media or anything that reminds you of your ex for a while. Focus on personal development and the things that are important to you in life. If you’re struggling to move on, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never heal. If there are obvious signs that you and your partner are no longer singing the same tune, it's a definite sign to stop figuring out how to win girlfriend back. Focus on healing and self-improvement. Grief is a real component of breakups, and it most certainly takes time to process endings in your love life. You may wonder if you’ll ever fall in love again, or you might ruminate over regrets or questions you have pertaining to the relationship. This can take a toll on someone, and it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. It’s a painful process, but it’s natural, and you don’t have to go through it alone. There are many things that influence our emotional well-being, including health wealth relationships work and life stressors. If you’re struggling to move past a relationship and feel stuck, a mental health provider can help. If you struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep, suffer from panic attacks, or have symptoms of depression, it’s important to contact a medical or mental health provider who can help. You will feel good again, even if it seems far away right now, and having support can make a world of difference.
Why do I still think about my ex-girlfriend?
There are numerous reasons you might still think about your ex-girlfriend. When a relationship ends, it takes time to heal. Peaceful breakups are hard enough, but a bad breakup may be even more painful. You might still think of your ex because you’re angry at them for something they did and it still affects you. For example, if your ex cheated on you, you may need mourning time and might struggle with mental health effects like depression or injured trust. You may also think about an ex because you aren’t over them or because they’re still a part of your daily life in some way. If you have the same friend group (and as a result, a combined social life), work together, or follow each other on social media, it’ll be hard to get them off your mind because they’re always in your sight. Long after you go your separate ways, you might still think of good times you had with your ex. That’s both perfectly normal and okay. It doesn’t mean that you still love them. Instead, it means that this person was a part of your life for a length of time. Remembering the good times is very different than still being in love with a person. If you are struggling with your love life, lost love, or any other concerns, don’t be afraid to reach out to a mental health provider.
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