In relationships, fights are commonplace, and you shouldn't be too concerned if you have one here or there. However, some fights can leave both partners feeling less at ease and may make them nervous that more serious complications from within the relationship. Couples will also need to consider what the fights are about, what these fights mean, and the outcome of these fights.
For example, let's imagine that you are a couple who fights on occasion or may have minor arguments regarding certain things within your relationship. However, you and your partner generally don't have any issues stemming from your fights because you are properly able to take care of whatever the issues may be; the argument itself isn't truly an issue on its own but is just part of the healing process as you and your partner work through any issues that do come up and figure out a solution. An argument doesn't necessarily indicate a problem or cause a problem unless nothing comes after the argument. Still, they may have you worried, and there are things that you can do to limit their appearances.
On the other hand, some are fighting and constantly doing so but never actually care about the underlying problems lying behind these conflicts. When this happens, the argument does become the issue because nothing is being solved, and the anger and other motions that are igniting the fight become the common emotions that the couple feels as they continue to fight about the same thing and never get to the root of the issue of the problem that is starting the fight. When this happens, couples may not know what to do and will view this constant fighting as a major problem within their relationship. In this case, (when compared to the previous situation), this can be an issue that needs attention immediately and will require a little bit of extra work from both you and your partner.
Either way, you have managed to come to this article, which means you and your partner just have fought. Perhaps it was a little one that came up randomly. Perhaps it was a big one that was rather new to you. Perhaps it was the first fight you've really had as a couple. Perhaps you seem to do nothing but fight nowadays. Whichever situation may be the case for you and your partner, you will want to know how to repair a relationship after a fight because it's not always easy. The truth is that if you follow the right steps, you can get started on fixing things a whole lot faster than you might think, and that can improve your relationship. Let's look at some helpful tips that will guide you through this process post-argument.
How to Fix a Relationship After a Fight
#1 Blow Off Steam
The first thing you need to do is make sure that you can calmly discuss whatever you were fighting about. If you come into a conversation with your partner with negative emotions and that strong urge to continue where you left off, it is almost guaranteed that you are going to start another fight rather than engage in a helpful conversation, which can produce negative results that will only build upon the existing problems. To properly prepare for such a conversation, this may mean that you need to walk away for a minute to calm down and get to a state where you can be rational and relaxed. Let your partner know that you need some time to collect yourself before discussing the issue, and allow your partner to do the same. Please take a few breaths, compose yourself, think about some things that relax you, and come back when you're ready to speak with your partner about the argument and the problem behind it. You will be able to communicate much more effectively if you are not angry or defensive.
#2 Tell Your Partner How You Feel
Although there is communication going on when you are arguing with your partner, the problem is that this communication doesn't actually solve any problems as we are often fighting with the intent to place blame on the other person, to upset them, or hurt them. Instead, sit them down and tell your partner what you're thinking and how you feel when they do whatever they did to make you angry. Tell them why this bothers you and what you would rather they do instead, and make sure to position each of your statements around your feelings rather than around their actions. After all, it tends to be the reaction to issues causing the problem rather than the issue itself. (This is not always the case, and you can feel free to address major problems as well.) It's important to be honest, and open with your partner regarding your relationship and the things that you're experiencing at this point.
#3 Listen to Your Partner
Once you've had a chance to explain what you think and feel, it's time to let your partner do the same. Let them talk about why they do whatever they do and what they think or feel about it, and your potential solution for the problem. Often we tend to think that we're right in each fight we're having, and that's why arguments only lead to more issues. There are no winners or losers in a fight, and we must realize that a relationship is a group effort that requires both partners to be in harmony and understand and care about each other's feelings. Don't take this approach if you are seeking a long, healthy relationship. Instead, realize that your partner may feel negative about the situation and understand that there are things that you can do as well to make sure that the problem is solved. Compromise is necessary, and when you and your partner work together, it is possible to fix whatever issues have managed to come up in the relationship.
#4 Stay Focused
If you and your partner have a history of fighting, the likelihood that there are plenty of issues lying at the source of these arguments. When this happens, and you choose to talk about them, you experience the added difficulty of avoiding bringing other arguments into the conversation. However, this can do more harm than good, and you want to make sure that you are only tackling the issues at the heart of your argument now. Make sure that you and your partner stay focused on only one issue at a time. If you start jumping around to several different issues all at once, it can result in another fight, and that's not something either of you wants. By staying focused and sticking to one thing, you can resolve the issue and then move on to the next problem when you need to. Sticking to this model will make it easier to problem solve both now and in the future.
#5 Discuss the Solution
As we stated in the introduction, some couples argue and continue to experience their increased arguments' snowball effects. Then some couples solve their problems and can recover from their fights each time. Conflict always has a solution. If you want to maintain your relationship and keep it healthy, it is necessary to find that solution and resolve your arguments as quickly as you can. Sit down with your partner and take a look at your current issue. What can you do to make you and your partner happy? What is the main problem behind the argument, and what can you or your partner do to change this behavior or actions? How can you make this happen as soon as possible and ensure that this behavior is kept up? You want to make sure that you discuss these options and actively consider any other alternatives and list them down so that you can move onto those if some of your initial plans don't work. Work out a compromise or a choice on how you're going to resolve the issue this time and how you're going to keep it from becoming an issue in the future. After all, continuous arguments will only lead to added tension that could burst and ruin a relationship.
#6 Agree on a Result
One issue that may come up for some couples is finding a resolution, but both partners may not necessarily be happy with the outcome. However, one partner will stay quiet to keep the other partner happy. Although this may seem like a kind thing for your partner to do, it only makes it easier for them to become resentful and angry and start more arguments in the future or create additional issues that alter the state of your relationship. Ensure that you both agree to whatever result is when you finally conclude what you can do for your relationship. If you can't be happy with that result, then it's not going to be good for you and your partner, and you need to consider a solution that works for both of you. The same goes for your partner, and if either of you isn't going to be happy, it will result in more arguments in the future. Keep discussing until you conclude.
Getting Your Help
If you and your partner seem to fight frequently or don't seem to have the skills to resolve the arguments after a fight, you might want to seek professional help to learn the skills necessary to follow through on the tips above. ReGain provides several high-quality, online therapists that you can call whenever you need them and who will be accessed through the internet rather than setting up an appointment in an office. Get started on working on repairing your relationship today and watch it thrive!
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How long does it take to heal after a fight?
The length of time it takes to heal from a fight depends on several factors. If you had a particularly nasty fight or a bad fight with your partner, it may take longer than it would cool off from a smaller fight or a short and mild argument or disagreement. The most crucial part is knowing how to heal a relationship after a fight or handle the aftermath of a fight. Recovering from a fight healthily is more important than pushing it down or letting the fight resurface on a later date due to being left unresolved.
How do you survive a fight in a relationship?
First, know that if you’re wondering how to heal a relationship after a fight, you are on the right track. Wondering how to heal a relationship after a fight shows that you care. How to heal after a fight depends on several factors such as the subject matter, if the fight was volatile or not, and so on. As most relationship advice would suggest, talking it out calmly is a great way to go about healing after a fight. This is most certainly true. You should communicate candidly, listen to one another, and make sure that both partnership members are heard. Anything that came up during the fight must be resolved to linger and turn into resentment or contempt. That said, if you and your partner have a bad fight or a terrible fight often, the right question might actually be how to heal a relationship and get your relationship back on track rather than just how to heal after a fight. No one wants to have a nasty fight or a big fight regularly, and in addition to taking a lot of energy, a nasty fight, a terrible fight, or a big fight can be scary. All couples fight, and it’s healthy that couples fight or disagree to some extent, but constant fighting or having a big, volatile fight is both another story. There are more effective ways of communicating, and when it comes to how to heal a relationship after a fight, understanding this is important. Conflict resolution and communication are common reasons that couples go to counseling, so if you notice a pattern where you frequently have a particularly bad fight with your partner or want to learn more about how to heal a relationship after a fight, see a couples counselor or therapist who can help you learn how to heal a relationship after a fight and get your relationship back on track. A bad fight might be what leads you to couples counseling, but you don’t have to wait for a bad fight to go to counseling. Start working on your relationship today to promote a healthy, happy, long-lasting future.
How do I reconnect with my boyfriend after a breakup?
If you have decided to get back together after a breakup, there was a reason. Now, you are likely wondering how to navigate the relationship more healthily and effectively so that you can promote a higher chance of staying together. Connection in a relationship depends on several different elements; you will want to emphasize affection and communication. If there were previous issues in the relationship that got in the way, you want to address them. If there’s a problem impacting the relationship and you’re not addressing it, it’s time to talk. If possible, do this before getting back together officially so that you can start on the right foot, avoid running into the same problem twice, and make sure that the relationship you’re re-entering will be a healthy one. No relationship is perfect, and like when healing after a fight or knowing how to heal a relationship after a fight, communication is vital. Other components such as quality time are also essential when it comes to connecting in a partnership. If you’re having trouble with connecting or reconnecting, seeing a professional such as a counselor or therapist can help.
How do I get my relationship back on track?
To get your relationship back on track, there are a number of things that you can do. Affection, communication, trust, honesty, and conflict resolution skills are essential in a romantic relationship. To improve closeness, increase your shows of affection toward one another and make sure that you are spending quality time with one another and that you are going on date nights regularly. To work on conflict resolution, which is what you might be seeking relationship advice on if you’re wondering how to heal a relationship after a fight, there are a variety of different things that you can do in conjunction to get your relationship back on track after a fight and in general. If one or both of you struggle with anger-related concerns, that is certainly something to address. If you seek relationship advice on conflict resolution and aren’t sure how to navigate a fight or disagreement healthily, couples counseling or therapy can make a world of difference. Couples counseling can help you work through a variety of concerns outside of conflict resolution as well, so no matter what you’re going through with your partner or in your relationship, don’t be afraid to seek the support of a licensed professional counselor and therapist.
How do you fix a relationship after cheating?
As relationship advice would commonly suggest, the best way to mend a relationship after cheating is to go to couples counseling. It can take some time to build trust again after cheating or infidelity, but it is possible. Research indicates that about 15.6% of couples survive after cheating. You must be both dedicated to working through the problem and sticking to the terms of your relationship moving forward, and seeing a provider such as a counselor or a therapist can help. To find a provider who is licensed in your area, you can ask your doctor for a referral, ask another provider such as a women’s health professional or a provider at a women’s health clinic if they have a recommendation, conduct a web search, contact your insurance company to see who they cover, or try an online counseling website like ReGain.
Should I give her space after a fight?
Many people benefit from a certain amount of space after a fight. It’s a common piece of relationship advice to take a breather yourself and allow the other person to take a breather after a fight or during a fight to prevent it from getting overly heated. This way, as relationship advice often suggests, you will be able to come back to the situation calmly when you have formulated your thoughts and are ready to talk. What you should not do is give the silent treatment or go days without talking. A breather is one thing, but the silent treatment is another. After couples fight, communication is necessary. Communication and other healthy relationship elements are vital not just after couples fight but all of the time. Learning how to communicate more effectively and prioritize other parts of a healthy relationship like quality time, appreciation, affection, and respect is vital. If couples fight regularly or struggle in any other area, counseling can be a game-changer, and it may even save a relationship, so don’t hesitate to reach out.